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It's been a tough week at <red checkmark>, the SCs have been out in more force than usual...
And the award for Most Pettiest Crap ever goes to...
Remember how I said prepaid customers can sometimes be the worst of the worst? This guy had 80 manager calls over the past two years, averaging between 3 and 4 a month, all for stupid, stupid things.
What's his issue today you ask? Well it just so happens our man bought a brand spanking new 32GB SD card for his phone and - Horror of HORRORS - when he put it in his phone he only had 31.67 GB available!
Cue me explaining to him that the cards have some programming built into them to enbale to actually, you know, work with phones and other devices. He just didn't understand that if the full 32GB on the card was available the card would not, in fact, work at all.
He then promptly cussed me out and hung up.
How badly I want to launch him and his $40/month out the nearest available cannon.
Gridiron Goofball
This guy just...wow.
He demanded a manager because my rep refused to tell him EXACTLY where to go online to stream his beloved football game. Oh and did I mention he wasn't interesting in PAYING for said stream?
Me: There are a number of options available depending on which network is carrying the game. Typically you can find apps or online services for CBS, NBC or ESPN that will allow you to watch the game?
SC: Okay, how do I do that?
Me: Well you would find out which network is streaming the game and then search for that network in your app store to see if they have a streaming app. Some of those apps do require a cable subscription to access them.
SC: You mean I got to pay??
Me: Possibly.
SC: To hell with that, you're out of your mind if you think I'm going to pay to watch football!
Me: Well there are sometimes other ways to watch the game if you do some Google research, but I must--
SC: What ways?
Me: Uh, well I can't really go into any details but if you just do a Google search for "texas football streaming" you can see what's out there. But you need to be aware-
SC: Look, I'm not good with technology. I need you to help me do this. I don't have time to search Google. You search for me and just tell me where I need to go to watch the game...FOR FREE.
Me: I'm afraid I can't do that.
SC: Why the hell not? I'm the customer!
Me:
Me: Well for one, we're a wireless provider, not an internet or computer tech department. Two, what you are asking me to do has nothing to do with <red checkmark> products or services. Three, my doing such a search from a work computer on the clock puts me in a potentially ethical and legal gray area and I'm not going to risk it.
SC: Good god, I can't believe you people! What is the country coming to when a man can't watch his football anymore? *CLICK*
Vote Quimby!
Of course there's an election coming soon. Always makes for some interesting SCs. This guy, if you can believe it, asked for a manager because he only wanted to deal with someone who was planning to vote the same way he was. You can't make this stuff up folks!
Yes, he was apparently so paranoid he didn't want to deal with anyone who didn't support his candidate 100%. So I calmly took over the call and of course he immediately demanded to know who I was voting for. Fighting back every urge to repsond with "Pedro", I instead told him straight up that who I am voting for is none of his business and that <red checkmark> employs people of various political persuasions and I will be more than happy to assist him today.
He promptly accused me of being "one of them" and hung up.
Mary Poppins from hell
This one I still find a bit bizarre. The following monologue is reproduced as best I can remember it from the call. While reading, imagine hearing in the most sugary sweet female voice you possibly can:
"I just don't why I have to fight with you stupid people month after month after month. I just want to pay my bill and be happy but you always get it wrong. Overcharge for this, overcharge for that. I talk to reps and managers and everybody else and no one can fix it for me. No one! Now I know I'm just one person but I just can't be bothered to stay connected to a company of idiots like yourselves so I suppose I'll just have to take all my business and money to short run wireless. Goodbye!"
And that was about the point I wished someone would shove an umbrella up her ass...figuratively speaking of course.
She didn't give me any chance to speak, any chance to help her. Nothing. Just finished that monologue and hung up. However will I go on with my life?
The Amazing Tantrum lady
This was like the grown up version of the three year old that always goes: "Why?" "why?" "why?".
BG: This customer has filed a BBB complaint against us. When you do that your case is automatically forwarded to an executive customer service team, one of the highest level teams in the company. Once that happens, there is nothing anyone at my level can do to help you, you have to deal with the high level guys.
So this lady calls in at 10:30 PM upset that the Executive team hasn't finished with her case yet and why is it taking so long? , she shouldn't have to be treated this way, blah blah blah. The usual.
But what made this lady so agitating is that I would explain to her again and again and again that I could not do ANYTHING and she wouldn't believe me. She kept accusing <red checkmark> of spying on her and being out to get her and insinuating we had been deliberately slowing down her services for months now because...well, she didn't really have a good reason but we were doing it, oh yes we were!
Every time I would say she has to wait for the Executive team to get in contact with her she kept saying "I don't understand" in a very whiny tone of voice.
Eventually after the fifth go around with this (I know have shouldn't have let it go that far, I was having an off night ) I finally said: "I apologize for the troubles you've had but as I've already explained there is no one in this department or in this building that can do anything for you tonight. Our executive team will be contacting you soon. *CLICK*
"But who will feed my babies??
Working in customer service as long as I have, I'm generally not swayed by any guilt trip routine and this was no exception.
This lady had not paid us in almost two months, she'd maxed out her extensions and today was her final day to pay without getting cut off. Could she pay? Of course not! There was gas and doctors bills and light bills and so on and so on and could we please give her another week or two to the pay the bill?
Well, let me see...how about no! I am sorry ma'am but you have reached the End of the Line. Either pay up or we flip the switch at midnight tonight.
Then she went on a long rant about how the only money she had was needed to buy food for her kids and that my forcing her to use it pay her cell bill meant I was "stealing food out of their mouths". Did I mention that I am immune to guilt trips?
I again told her I understand difficult financial situations, I've been in many myself over the years, but we have already been very lenient with her and there's just no wiggle room left. Then she asks me: "If have to use this money to pay you people, then who will feed my babies?"
If that was meant to sway me, it failed. Epically. I responded "I do not know but there are often options for those in need." She asked me again if I could extend her due date. Nope, nope, nope.
Then she accused me of being heartless and hung up. Yeah, I'm just so mean and nasty, not letting anyone have a free ride.
And done! Here's hoping next week isn't as brutal.
And the award for Most Pettiest Crap ever goes to...
Remember how I said prepaid customers can sometimes be the worst of the worst? This guy had 80 manager calls over the past two years, averaging between 3 and 4 a month, all for stupid, stupid things.
What's his issue today you ask? Well it just so happens our man bought a brand spanking new 32GB SD card for his phone and - Horror of HORRORS - when he put it in his phone he only had 31.67 GB available!
Cue me explaining to him that the cards have some programming built into them to enbale to actually, you know, work with phones and other devices. He just didn't understand that if the full 32GB on the card was available the card would not, in fact, work at all.
He then promptly cussed me out and hung up.
How badly I want to launch him and his $40/month out the nearest available cannon.
Gridiron Goofball
This guy just...wow.
He demanded a manager because my rep refused to tell him EXACTLY where to go online to stream his beloved football game. Oh and did I mention he wasn't interesting in PAYING for said stream?
Me: There are a number of options available depending on which network is carrying the game. Typically you can find apps or online services for CBS, NBC or ESPN that will allow you to watch the game?
SC: Okay, how do I do that?
Me: Well you would find out which network is streaming the game and then search for that network in your app store to see if they have a streaming app. Some of those apps do require a cable subscription to access them.
SC: You mean I got to pay??
Me: Possibly.
SC: To hell with that, you're out of your mind if you think I'm going to pay to watch football!
Me: Well there are sometimes other ways to watch the game if you do some Google research, but I must--
SC: What ways?
Me: Uh, well I can't really go into any details but if you just do a Google search for "texas football streaming" you can see what's out there. But you need to be aware-
SC: Look, I'm not good with technology. I need you to help me do this. I don't have time to search Google. You search for me and just tell me where I need to go to watch the game...FOR FREE.
Me: I'm afraid I can't do that.
SC: Why the hell not? I'm the customer!
Me:
Me: Well for one, we're a wireless provider, not an internet or computer tech department. Two, what you are asking me to do has nothing to do with <red checkmark> products or services. Three, my doing such a search from a work computer on the clock puts me in a potentially ethical and legal gray area and I'm not going to risk it.
SC: Good god, I can't believe you people! What is the country coming to when a man can't watch his football anymore? *CLICK*
Vote Quimby!
Of course there's an election coming soon. Always makes for some interesting SCs. This guy, if you can believe it, asked for a manager because he only wanted to deal with someone who was planning to vote the same way he was. You can't make this stuff up folks!
Yes, he was apparently so paranoid he didn't want to deal with anyone who didn't support his candidate 100%. So I calmly took over the call and of course he immediately demanded to know who I was voting for. Fighting back every urge to repsond with "Pedro", I instead told him straight up that who I am voting for is none of his business and that <red checkmark> employs people of various political persuasions and I will be more than happy to assist him today.
He promptly accused me of being "one of them" and hung up.
Mary Poppins from hell
This one I still find a bit bizarre. The following monologue is reproduced as best I can remember it from the call. While reading, imagine hearing in the most sugary sweet female voice you possibly can:
"I just don't why I have to fight with you stupid people month after month after month. I just want to pay my bill and be happy but you always get it wrong. Overcharge for this, overcharge for that. I talk to reps and managers and everybody else and no one can fix it for me. No one! Now I know I'm just one person but I just can't be bothered to stay connected to a company of idiots like yourselves so I suppose I'll just have to take all my business and money to short run wireless. Goodbye!"
And that was about the point I wished someone would shove an umbrella up her ass...figuratively speaking of course.
She didn't give me any chance to speak, any chance to help her. Nothing. Just finished that monologue and hung up. However will I go on with my life?
The Amazing Tantrum lady
This was like the grown up version of the three year old that always goes: "Why?" "why?" "why?".
BG: This customer has filed a BBB complaint against us. When you do that your case is automatically forwarded to an executive customer service team, one of the highest level teams in the company. Once that happens, there is nothing anyone at my level can do to help you, you have to deal with the high level guys.
So this lady calls in at 10:30 PM upset that the Executive team hasn't finished with her case yet and why is it taking so long? , she shouldn't have to be treated this way, blah blah blah. The usual.
But what made this lady so agitating is that I would explain to her again and again and again that I could not do ANYTHING and she wouldn't believe me. She kept accusing <red checkmark> of spying on her and being out to get her and insinuating we had been deliberately slowing down her services for months now because...well, she didn't really have a good reason but we were doing it, oh yes we were!
Every time I would say she has to wait for the Executive team to get in contact with her she kept saying "I don't understand" in a very whiny tone of voice.
Eventually after the fifth go around with this (I know have shouldn't have let it go that far, I was having an off night
) I finally said: "I apologize for the troubles you've had but as I've already explained there is no one in this department or in this building that can do anything for you tonight. Our executive team will be contacting you soon. *CLICK*"But who will feed my babies??
Working in customer service as long as I have, I'm generally not swayed by any guilt trip routine and this was no exception.
This lady had not paid us in almost two months, she'd maxed out her extensions and today was her final day to pay without getting cut off. Could she pay? Of course not! There was gas and doctors bills and light bills and so on and so on and could we please give her another week or two to the pay the bill?
Well, let me see...how about no! I am sorry ma'am but you have reached the End of the Line. Either pay up or we flip the switch at midnight tonight.
Then she went on a long rant about how the only money she had was needed to buy food for her kids and that my forcing her to use it pay her cell bill meant I was "stealing food out of their mouths". Did I mention that I am immune to guilt trips?
I again told her I understand difficult financial situations, I've been in many myself over the years, but we have already been very lenient with her and there's just no wiggle room left. Then she asks me: "If have to use this money to pay you people, then who will feed my babies?"
If that was meant to sway me, it failed. Epically. I responded "I do not know but there are often options for those in need." She asked me again if I could extend her due date. Nope, nope, nope.
Then she accused me of being heartless and hung up. Yeah, I'm just so mean and nasty, not letting anyone have a free ride.
And done! Here's hoping next week isn't as brutal.
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