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I didn't even know there were people this stupid out there but I guess now I know better. This woman was upset at us because apparently she'd been paying insurance all these months and hadn't wanted that on her bill. Not our fault she missed it for so long, but no biggie, we can credit the last two months and cancel it right now.
Of course this wouldn't be that easy.
She wants a credit for ALL the months but not only that, she also wants us to LEAVE the insurance on for a day or two after we do so she can make a claim on a damaged device.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry...
Look lady, this is a binary problem. Either you have insurance or you don't. You can take the credit or you can file a claim, you can't have both and I don't care what kind of magical fairytale logic you throw at me to try and convince me otherwise.
He couldn't, he didn't...he did
This is more of a cursing out coworkers story but it has a healthy dose of SC too. Guy calls up because he added a line last month and there was a $450 deposit added on to it. He very smugly states that he should NOT have to pay the deposit because a previous rep told him he wouldn't have to.
Deposits are a credit risk thing. If you have a crappy credit, we take a deposit before we let you open a line. There's no flexibility on this policy. If there's a deposit, you HAVE TO PAY IT NO MATTER WHAT. <Red checkmark stores> can occasionally get a deposit waived, but we phone jockeys don't have that power.
So Captain Smugness continues on his tirade and, just to be thorough, I glance at the account notes and astonishingly, some numpty coworker of mine has noted that we are indeed to credit this guys $450 deposit.
*record scratch*
That's over my limit for credits so I need to bring in another manager who basically said "Hell no, we're not doing that!"
I then explain to the customer the previous rep made a mistake and despite the notes, that deposit ain't going anywhere. He chose to cancel the line and return the phone so at least the numpty rep got his commission torched in the process.
BUT IT SHOULD BE THERE!!
I seem to have encountered an epidemic of customers lately freaking out because their phone doesn't always show LTE.
Can you make calls? Yep.
Can you send text messages? Yep.
Do you notice a slowdown in your data speed? Nope.
THEN WHY ARE WE HAVING THIS CONVERSATION???? Okay, so the little LTE in the top corner of your screen disappears sometimes, welcome to the wonderful world of wireless. Now if you'll excuse me, I have people with actual problems I have to deal with.
One of these things is not like the other...
Lady says she wants to report us to the FCC because her neighbor, who also uses our network, has consistent LTE and she doesn't.
She's using a low end smartphone that retails for about $70 and her neighbor has a Samsung Galaxy S7.
Gee...I wonder what the problem could be???
This must be the same kind of person who thinks something is terribly wrong because her Ford Mustang can't go as fast as her friends Porsche.
So yeah, lady, you buy a phone that costs TEN PERCENT of what your neighbors does, you're not going to have as good an experience. No conspiracy, just a complete failure of logic and common sense.
How to get hung up on real fast
Call me a f**king ugly s**tpile with rotting teeth.
WE ARE NOT YAHOO!
So you might have heard awhile back that Yahoo suffered not one, but two major security breaches. Since that time, we have been inundated with calls from people wanting to reset their yahoo passwords or change settings on their yahoo accounts, etc.
For those who may not be aware, Yahoo has awful customer service. In fact, they barely have customer service at all. There's no phone support, the only way to reach them is by email and even then you have to sign in and jump through some hoops before you actually find the form.
As a result, people wind up calling us to try and deal with some of this crap and of course, we have no more access or ability to help than they do because - surprise! - we aren't Yahoo. Instead of wasting time with Yahoo why not get a Google account and be done with it?
Dr. Who you are not
Customer is upset that we apparently put them on the wrong plan...14 months ago.
And of course he wants a credit for ALL those months he was on the "wrong plan". Cue my usual spiel about how customers are responsible for checking to make sure the charges on the bill are correct and if you just go ahead and blindly pay it for months that is NOT our problem.
Then cue him cussing me out and saying he's going to go to Death Star wireless because we are "screwing" him.
I want it all and I want it now
This guy was a real piece of work. He calls me up and says he wants my company to meet the following demands:
1) A $1000 account credit
2) Brand new phones for every line on his account, at no charge of course.
3) A guarantee a new cell tower will be built in his area as soon as possible.
4) A check for $500 for the money he claims we are "overcharging" him on service fees
5) A phone call from the VP of Customer Service to discuss all of his frustations with our company.
Oh and he wants this all done in a week or he's going to the FCC, the BBB and his Attorney.
After I was done laughing hysterically and picked up myself up off the floor I told him he woudn't be getting any of those things. We could discuss an account credit, maybe ONE phone and I could see about a tower request for him but no way I could guarantee it.
Nope, not good enough for Mr. Big shot. He's going to go ahead and file his regulatory complaints and of course he's going to get me fired too, because that's just how this goes.
Good luck with that dude!
I know I have a Rocket Ship around here somewhere
You'd almost think people are going to shrivel up and die if they don't have their phones on them 24/7/365. Recently I've had a rash of customers where even our two business day or less priority shipping option is NOT ACCEPTABLE!.
I should also mention here that we do not charge customers for this lovely option. You'd think they'd be thrilled, but nope.
1) They want it overnighted
2) They want to go pick it up at a store
3) One numbskull actually demanded that I personally go pick up the phone and drive it to him (he was one state over from me) so he would have it that day.
I am so sorry folks, you're just going to have to wait. Surely you can find some way to keep yourself occupied without a cellphone. There's this wonderful place called "outside" that has so many possibilities!
And that ends another several weeks of madness. More to come I'm sure.
Of course this wouldn't be that easy.
She wants a credit for ALL the months but not only that, she also wants us to LEAVE the insurance on for a day or two after we do so she can make a claim on a damaged device.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry...
Look lady, this is a binary problem. Either you have insurance or you don't. You can take the credit or you can file a claim, you can't have both and I don't care what kind of magical fairytale logic you throw at me to try and convince me otherwise.
He couldn't, he didn't...he did
This is more of a cursing out coworkers story but it has a healthy dose of SC too. Guy calls up because he added a line last month and there was a $450 deposit added on to it. He very smugly states that he should NOT have to pay the deposit because a previous rep told him he wouldn't have to.
Deposits are a credit risk thing. If you have a crappy credit, we take a deposit before we let you open a line. There's no flexibility on this policy. If there's a deposit, you HAVE TO PAY IT NO MATTER WHAT. <Red checkmark stores> can occasionally get a deposit waived, but we phone jockeys don't have that power.
So Captain Smugness continues on his tirade and, just to be thorough, I glance at the account notes and astonishingly, some numpty coworker of mine has noted that we are indeed to credit this guys $450 deposit.
*record scratch*
That's over my limit for credits so I need to bring in another manager who basically said "Hell no, we're not doing that!"
I then explain to the customer the previous rep made a mistake and despite the notes, that deposit ain't going anywhere. He chose to cancel the line and return the phone so at least the numpty rep got his commission torched in the process.
BUT IT SHOULD BE THERE!!
I seem to have encountered an epidemic of customers lately freaking out because their phone doesn't always show LTE.
Can you make calls? Yep.
Can you send text messages? Yep.
Do you notice a slowdown in your data speed? Nope.
THEN WHY ARE WE HAVING THIS CONVERSATION???? Okay, so the little LTE in the top corner of your screen disappears sometimes, welcome to the wonderful world of wireless. Now if you'll excuse me, I have people with actual problems I have to deal with.
One of these things is not like the other...
Lady says she wants to report us to the FCC because her neighbor, who also uses our network, has consistent LTE and she doesn't.
She's using a low end smartphone that retails for about $70 and her neighbor has a Samsung Galaxy S7.
Gee...I wonder what the problem could be???
This must be the same kind of person who thinks something is terribly wrong because her Ford Mustang can't go as fast as her friends Porsche.
So yeah, lady, you buy a phone that costs TEN PERCENT of what your neighbors does, you're not going to have as good an experience. No conspiracy, just a complete failure of logic and common sense.
How to get hung up on real fast
Call me a f**king ugly s**tpile with rotting teeth.
WE ARE NOT YAHOO!
So you might have heard awhile back that Yahoo suffered not one, but two major security breaches. Since that time, we have been inundated with calls from people wanting to reset their yahoo passwords or change settings on their yahoo accounts, etc.
For those who may not be aware, Yahoo has awful customer service. In fact, they barely have customer service at all. There's no phone support, the only way to reach them is by email and even then you have to sign in and jump through some hoops before you actually find the form.
As a result, people wind up calling us to try and deal with some of this crap and of course, we have no more access or ability to help than they do because - surprise! - we aren't Yahoo. Instead of wasting time with Yahoo why not get a Google account and be done with it?
Dr. Who you are not
Customer is upset that we apparently put them on the wrong plan...14 months ago.
And of course he wants a credit for ALL those months he was on the "wrong plan". Cue my usual spiel about how customers are responsible for checking to make sure the charges on the bill are correct and if you just go ahead and blindly pay it for months that is NOT our problem.
Then cue him cussing me out and saying he's going to go to Death Star wireless because we are "screwing" him.
I want it all and I want it now
This guy was a real piece of work. He calls me up and says he wants my company to meet the following demands:
1) A $1000 account credit
2) Brand new phones for every line on his account, at no charge of course.
3) A guarantee a new cell tower will be built in his area as soon as possible.
4) A check for $500 for the money he claims we are "overcharging" him on service fees
5) A phone call from the VP of Customer Service to discuss all of his frustations with our company.
Oh and he wants this all done in a week or he's going to the FCC, the BBB and his Attorney.
After I was done laughing hysterically and picked up myself up off the floor I told him he woudn't be getting any of those things. We could discuss an account credit, maybe ONE phone and I could see about a tower request for him but no way I could guarantee it.
Nope, not good enough for Mr. Big shot. He's going to go ahead and file his regulatory complaints and of course he's going to get me fired too, because that's just how this goes.
Good luck with that dude!
I know I have a Rocket Ship around here somewhere
You'd almost think people are going to shrivel up and die if they don't have their phones on them 24/7/365. Recently I've had a rash of customers where even our two business day or less priority shipping option is NOT ACCEPTABLE!.
I should also mention here that we do not charge customers for this lovely option. You'd think they'd be thrilled, but nope.
1) They want it overnighted
2) They want to go pick it up at a store
3) One numbskull actually demanded that I personally go pick up the phone and drive it to him (he was one state over from me) so he would have it that day.
I am so sorry folks, you're just going to have to wait. Surely you can find some way to keep yourself occupied without a cellphone. There's this wonderful place called "outside" that has so many possibilities!
And that ends another several weeks of madness. More to come I'm sure.
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