I feel guilty for feeling

[Food Lady]

feelings. Let me explain. Picture if you will that it's 1 minute to closing and a family is on the main aisle by the registers standing around. I don't know if they're buying stuff until they walk up to me in the somewhat darkened store. This happens all the time so no big deal except that the mom asks if it's OK if I wait because her purse is in the car and her husband has gone to get it. It's not really OK--if it were me I'd have put my stuff on hold and come back--but I kind of have to answer affirmatively. I feel if I don't the managers will consider it rude. So I answer yes but it slips out as "I guess we have to." So we are waiting awkwardly and I KNOW it's obvious by my face that I'm annoyed even though I agreed to this. I just can't help it; I have a headache, have to work tomorrow, and my eye hurts (a story for another thread).

So she is trying to make small talk to smooth it over: asking if I live in town, have to work tomorrow, etc. and I'm answering with the fake smile and have to walk around doing things because I can't stand there. I'm inventing tasks. I say, "Oh, well, I can scan it right now fakesmile" and do so and suspend it but it's awkward. The MOD comes to check on the situation and asks what we're waiting on and I half smile and say her purse. Then the supervisor offers to take over if I want to go home. That should've happened at the stroke of 9:00, really. I go to clock out.

I wasn't overtly rude, just didn't feel the way I would be expected to feel, and I feel bad about that and I resent that I should have to be guilty about it. That's all coming from the fact that many times at this job I've gotten in trouble for feelings.

Ironically, at the office my feelings are respected, I'm allowed to express them (not to customers), and I would never get in trouble for them. I have occasionally told off a customer there in a professional way and was supported fully. And yet at the retail there have been times when I didn't tell off a sucktomer--remained silent to preserve my job--and had my job threatened.

I think what this is all telling me is to quit. I asked tonight if there were any way I could be on a sort of sabbatical because they did that for a coworker a couple of years ago since she also had a full-time and this as a part-time and was burned out. I guess that was an option and no longer is. MOD said the only way to do it would be to quit and then come back as seasonal. Yeah, no. My other option is to pick up a second job at a retail that is coming to town next year and is competition for this company. It would not be attached to a mall so I feel it would be better. But I don't know how readily they would hire someone who's only available Saturdays and Sunday nights. At least at the current retail job I'm grandfathered in. And that is what keeps me there. I could live without the income, but it is helping me pay down some debts. I'm conflicted but when I look at tonight objectively I see that I was only 5 minutes late getting out and by the time we gathered all the employees to walk out the family was done anyway.

Did I overreact?

[notalwaysright]

What you're describing is kinda the way I was acting before I quit at the fabric store. Someone would do something quite mildly sucky and I could not hide the fact that I was irritated. To the point that I remember a couple people awkwardly trying to smooth things over, just like your customers did. Yet, in previous years I could have put on the smile and gotten through it. Do I think you overreacted? No, customers should be out of the store at closing time. Not in line (barring specific circumstances), but OUT OF the store. But the way you're talking, it seems like you wanted to fake nice but couldn't.

I don't know what, but there has to be something you can do that's not retail. Or not at a place that makes you feel bad for being human. This is far from the first post you've made on this subject. But whatever you choose to do, please try not to feel too guilty, you're human just like everyone else.

[EricKei]

It would not be attached to a mall so I feel it would be better. But I don't know how readily they would hire someone who's only available Saturdays and Sunday nights.

Ya never know; it might be a plus simply because of how many people DON'T wanna work weekends.

[RealUnimportant]

I can't help but wonder if that family wasn't trying something on if they had to wait until the minute before closing to even think about going back to the car for their payment methods... I don't know about you, but I'd never leave my wallet in my car unattended! A very weird situation all round.

I think this happens to a lot of us quite often, you just run out of f***s to give at an inopportune moment and end up reacting like a Real Person™. You never know, it might have made the family realise what idiots they were being... Hah, no sorry, can't keep a straight face saying that!

[Pixelated]

If you did overreact, it was very minimal (you were TRYING to be civil, even if you were having a hard time carrying it off) and seriously, it's one thing if they rush up to the tlll at the last moment, it's quite something else to ask you to stand around at closing time because their money is in their car! THEY could easily have done the right thing and said "Can we put this aside and we'll come back and get it tomorrow?" It's what I would have asked, assuming it wasn't something so generic (milk, bread, etc.) that I could just as easily come back the next day and pick it all up from the shelves.

Don't beat yourself up. You are working two jobs and that's a tough situation.

As to what to do about this job, it's hard to say ... you seem to have some seniority (I'm guessing that from your comment about "grandfathering") and that can be hard to give up. You are the only person who can decide whether it's worth the aggravation.

As far as looking for another retail job is concerned, Saturdays and Sundays seem to be the main time when people are wanted. So I'm not sure that would be a road bump for you.

Maybe, like somebody else suggested, you could look for something that isn't retail? Even if you like retail, it's a good idea to take a break now and again, if you can.

[Rosco the Iroc]

Did I overreact?

No. I think your just fine.

[bainsidhe]

I think what this is all telling me is to quit. I asked tonight if there were any way I could be on a sort of sabbatical because they did that for a coworker a couple of years ago since she also had a full-time and this as a part-time and was burned out. I guess that was an option and no longer is.

Depending on the size of the business, you may qualify for FMLA leave, regardless of whether the management likes it.

That said, your instincts are telling you you're burnt out and that it's time to quit. If you can afford to do so, I recommend listening to your instincts and quitting. I used to work a 2nd job doing retail and I stayed much longer than I should have before quitting. Recovering from burnout is not quick nor easy, at least it wasn't for me.

Good luck.

[MoonCat]

You did fine. Honestly, I'd have had more trouble keeping my face from showing my feelings.

And who the hell leaves their purse in the car when they're shopping? If it was unintentional, why didn't she go out to get it as soon as she realized she didn't have it?

[Food Lady]

I could survive without the income; it's only $160.00 a month after taxes. But it does help in that I'm trying to make huge chunk payments to get my credit levels down. I'm considering staying until the holiday season really hits. I can increase my net income at the office job by electing fewer benefits. I don't really need the vision plan nor the life insurance (I've ended up with two policies). I just don't like to burn bridges, especially since the office job can be garnished once they figure out I have it.

[Pixelated]

Would it help to set a deadline for when you are going to leave the retail job?

I was going to do that when I thought I had a permanent office job (yeah, haha on me ..) I planned to leave my retail job before Christmas, but early enough that they could easily replace me, because I thought one more holiday season at the mall would result in my running amok. I felt that a concrete deadline would help me deal with the negative parts of my retail job for the remaining time.

There's now a possibility that I might have a different job at the same mall ... oh well. "They" say that a change is as good as a rest.

[Rosco the Iroc]

I could survive without the income; it's only $160.00 a month after taxes.

how part time is that?

That hassle is not worth that little amt.

[Food Lady]

It's an average of 5 hours a weekend which is what I've been doing for a couple of months. I think it's on it's way up to my usual 12-13 hours a weekend, which would net me over $400. Still, I'm sick of working weekends.