Tweet
In addition to my usual lines of work at <Red Checkmark>, my team has now also been added to the international queue so when customers are out of the country and having phone or billing issues, we get those calls. I'm sure you can probably guess how well this is working out...
Don't Cry For me, Argentina
SC: I'm on vacation and my damned phone doesn't work!
Me: I'm sorry to hear that. What seems to be the problem!
SC: I can't can get any signal, what the hell man??
Me: Okay and what country and city are you in right now? (sidenote: I've given up asking "Where are you?" because I'm tired of vague, non specific answers to the question)
SC: [Obscure place], Argentina
Me: Okay, one moment. (I pull up the coverage map and there IS coverage there, but it's one not so powerful tower and it can only push out 3G. I explain this to the customer and...)
SC: WHAT?!?! That's retarded. Why the hell isn't there faster service out here??
Me: I can't really speak to that sir, I don't work for an Argentine network.
SC: So is my service going to suck the whole time I'm here?
Me: If you remain in that location you can expect spotty signal. If you are traveling to somewhere more urban you will see improved performance.
SC: Ugh, this sucks. I think when I get back home I'll switch to T-mobile.
Me:
The truth hurts
Guy calls in complaining about coverage issues in Guatemala. I pull the maps and find there's a sporadic outage affecting service...
SC: So when will it be working again?
Me: I don't know sir, there's no ETA on the ticket.
SC: You don't know??? How can you not KNOW??
Me: I can only go by what our network team puts on the ticket, right now they haven't indicated how long it will take to fix, probably because they haven't found the cause yet.
SC: This is ridiculous! I did not come all the way to South America to be treated as though I am in a third world country!
Me: Well, actually sir, Guatemala IS considered a third world country and such places do tend to have infrastructure issues pretty regularly.
SC: Bunch of freaking morons...so what are you going to do for me?
Me: There's nothing I can do sir. We need to wait for the ticket to be worked.
SC: WRONG! There's plenty you can do. I want a full refund of my international plan.
Me: I can't do that either.
SC: WHY NOT???
Me: For one, we do not and can not guarantee service in every country under every circumstance. Two, you've been using the plan for 8 days now without issue so even if I did approve a refund, it wouldn't be a full one.
SC: Fine, whatever! I hope you're happy, you've ruined my trip! *CLICK*
Really?....Really?....REALLY?!?!?!
SC: Do I need an international plan to get coverage in Alaska?
The angry foreigner
Imagine a guy with a thick eastern european accent. That'd be the SC in this one.
SC: Get my your f---ing manager, now!
(well this is off to a grand start...)
Me: Certainly, may I ask what this is regarding?
SC: NO! I want manager. Now!
(I have no account information on this guy, he won't even give me his name. So I begrudingly call over a manager who - surprise - wants me to see if I can get this guys account up and figure out what the problem is)
Me: Okay, I have my manager here now sir but he wanted me to validate your account first so who I am speaking with?
SC: Why am I still talking to you? Bunch of a freaking monkeys. I said I want manager. Get me manager.
Me: Sorry sir, just trying to do my job!
SC: SHUT UP!! No good monkeys...get me manager!
So I transfer the call to my manager and the moron SC won't even give HIM any information because he's convinced we have caller ID and already have all his info in front of him. Sorry, sport, doesn't work like that. Manager hung up on him.
"It's all your fault!"
Let's review:
1. You ordered a phone from <Red Checkmark>
2. After several days you decided you didn't like the phone and would send it back.
3. You LOST the original return label we sent with it and instead of calling us and asking us for another one, you googled an address to one of our stores or offices and sent it there.
4. You then dropped the package off at a USPS dropbox, getting NO receipt and thus having no proof of dropoff.
5. You have now been charged nearly $700 because no one knows where the phone ended up.
6. You are currently screaming at me that this is all <Red Checkmark>'s fault and I better credit every penny of that charge back to you right now or you're going to Death Star wireless.
Unfortunately for you, I don't offer much in the way of first aid for self inflicted injuries. YOU messed up. YOU didn't follow the correct procedure. You don't even remember the address you sent it to and I'm not about to call every <Red Checkmark> location in the country trying to find it.
Sorry lady, it's game over. You LOSE. Have fun with our competition. You won't be missed.
Chinese checkers
SC: Yeah, I'm in Beijing and my phone keeps popping up this weird message in Chinese. I don't know what it says but it's annoying the crap out of me. I need you to get rid of it.
Me: Okay, is there a small bit of text at the bottom of the message that looks like an "OK" or "Cancel" button?
SC: Yeah, I tried that but it keeps coming back. I wish I knew what the hell it's saying.
(Just a wild guess, but I'm thinking there's some oh, I don't know, CHINESE people around you at the moment that might be able to help you with that. I know they don't all speak English, but I doubt it would take too much effort to find one who did)
Me: Unfortunately Chinese is not one of my strong suits. I can only guess it's something being put out by the Chinese wireless network you're on. Possibly a weather alert or a service alert of some kind.
SC: You don't sound that sure.
Me: Well, I'm not since I can't see the message and even if I could I can't read Chinese.
SC: Oh my god...can't you just like, send a signal to the phone and make it go away?
Me: The signals we can send aren't really designed for issues like this and even if I did do that, odds are it would just come back anyway because it's being generated by the Chinese network you're connected to.
SC: But I have <Red Checkmark>!
Me: Yes but you are currently IN CHINA. There are no <Red Checkmark> towers in China. We pay the Chinese carriers to provide service to our customers while we they are there. Unless you can figure out what the message means, there's no easy way to make it go away until you leave the country.
Me: This is so stupid. Why do people have to be so stupid?.... *CLICK*
Don't Cry For me, Argentina
SC: I'm on vacation and my damned phone doesn't work!
Me: I'm sorry to hear that. What seems to be the problem!
SC: I can't can get any signal, what the hell man??
Me: Okay and what country and city are you in right now? (sidenote: I've given up asking "Where are you?" because I'm tired of vague, non specific answers to the question)
SC: [Obscure place], Argentina
Me: Okay, one moment. (I pull up the coverage map and there IS coverage there, but it's one not so powerful tower and it can only push out 3G. I explain this to the customer and...)
SC: WHAT?!?! That's retarded. Why the hell isn't there faster service out here??
Me: I can't really speak to that sir, I don't work for an Argentine network.
SC: So is my service going to suck the whole time I'm here?
Me: If you remain in that location you can expect spotty signal. If you are traveling to somewhere more urban you will see improved performance.
SC: Ugh, this sucks. I think when I get back home I'll switch to T-mobile.
Me:
The truth hurts
Guy calls in complaining about coverage issues in Guatemala. I pull the maps and find there's a sporadic outage affecting service...
SC: So when will it be working again?
Me: I don't know sir, there's no ETA on the ticket.
SC: You don't know??? How can you not KNOW??
Me: I can only go by what our network team puts on the ticket, right now they haven't indicated how long it will take to fix, probably because they haven't found the cause yet.
SC: This is ridiculous! I did not come all the way to South America to be treated as though I am in a third world country!
Me: Well, actually sir, Guatemala IS considered a third world country and such places do tend to have infrastructure issues pretty regularly.
SC: Bunch of freaking morons...so what are you going to do for me?
Me: There's nothing I can do sir. We need to wait for the ticket to be worked.
SC: WRONG! There's plenty you can do. I want a full refund of my international plan.
Me: I can't do that either.
SC: WHY NOT???
Me: For one, we do not and can not guarantee service in every country under every circumstance. Two, you've been using the plan for 8 days now without issue so even if I did approve a refund, it wouldn't be a full one.
SC: Fine, whatever! I hope you're happy, you've ruined my trip! *CLICK*
Really?....Really?....REALLY?!?!?!
SC: Do I need an international plan to get coverage in Alaska?
The angry foreigner
Imagine a guy with a thick eastern european accent. That'd be the SC in this one.
SC: Get my your f---ing manager, now!
(well this is off to a grand start...)
Me: Certainly, may I ask what this is regarding?
SC: NO! I want manager. Now!
(I have no account information on this guy, he won't even give me his name. So I begrudingly call over a manager who - surprise - wants me to see if I can get this guys account up and figure out what the problem is)
Me: Okay, I have my manager here now sir but he wanted me to validate your account first so who I am speaking with?
SC: Why am I still talking to you? Bunch of a freaking monkeys. I said I want manager. Get me manager.
Me: Sorry sir, just trying to do my job!
SC: SHUT UP!! No good monkeys...get me manager!
So I transfer the call to my manager and the moron SC won't even give HIM any information because he's convinced we have caller ID and already have all his info in front of him. Sorry, sport, doesn't work like that. Manager hung up on him.
"It's all your fault!"
Let's review:
1. You ordered a phone from <Red Checkmark>
2. After several days you decided you didn't like the phone and would send it back.
3. You LOST the original return label we sent with it and instead of calling us and asking us for another one, you googled an address to one of our stores or offices and sent it there.
4. You then dropped the package off at a USPS dropbox, getting NO receipt and thus having no proof of dropoff.
5. You have now been charged nearly $700 because no one knows where the phone ended up.
6. You are currently screaming at me that this is all <Red Checkmark>'s fault and I better credit every penny of that charge back to you right now or you're going to Death Star wireless.
Unfortunately for you, I don't offer much in the way of first aid for self inflicted injuries. YOU messed up. YOU didn't follow the correct procedure. You don't even remember the address you sent it to and I'm not about to call every <Red Checkmark> location in the country trying to find it.
Sorry lady, it's game over. You LOSE. Have fun with our competition. You won't be missed.
Chinese checkers
SC: Yeah, I'm in Beijing and my phone keeps popping up this weird message in Chinese. I don't know what it says but it's annoying the crap out of me. I need you to get rid of it.
Me: Okay, is there a small bit of text at the bottom of the message that looks like an "OK" or "Cancel" button?
SC: Yeah, I tried that but it keeps coming back. I wish I knew what the hell it's saying.
(Just a wild guess, but I'm thinking there's some oh, I don't know, CHINESE people around you at the moment that might be able to help you with that. I know they don't all speak English, but I doubt it would take too much effort to find one who did)
Me: Unfortunately Chinese is not one of my strong suits. I can only guess it's something being put out by the Chinese wireless network you're on. Possibly a weather alert or a service alert of some kind.
SC: You don't sound that sure.
Me: Well, I'm not since I can't see the message and even if I could I can't read Chinese.
SC: Oh my god...can't you just like, send a signal to the phone and make it go away?
Me: The signals we can send aren't really designed for issues like this and even if I did do that, odds are it would just come back anyway because it's being generated by the Chinese network you're connected to.
SC: But I have <Red Checkmark>!
Me: Yes but you are currently IN CHINA. There are no <Red Checkmark> towers in China. We pay the Chinese carriers to provide service to our customers while we they are there. Unless you can figure out what the message means, there's no easy way to make it go away until you leave the country.
Me: This is so stupid. Why do people have to be so stupid?.... *CLICK*
Comment