Don't You Know Who I Am??

[SwanJun]

Warning: Long

Ever had those customers who think that, because of who they think they are, they deserve special treatment?

I get that daily.

I was chatting with another of my coworkers about calls that shit me off. One of the things that truly shits me is people using rank/profession as a tool to get what they want. I recalled to her one that I got just after I returned from Mat-leave in February.

I get one call from a guy out in BC. The way he introduced himself to me was : “Hi. This is Sergeant such-n-such from the Royal Canadian Mounted Police.”

My first thought is “ahhh, shit, someone’s in trouble.” Perhaps there is a fraudulent credit card transaction or some shit. So I politely ask how I can help him.

He goes on about who the RCMP are in Canada. He said “We’re like your Scotland Yard back home.”

I sigh and decide not to correct his misassumption as to my origin [Aussie, not Brit] as I realize this is probably just a call asking for a donation or something.

Then he goes into a schpiel about how much authority the RCMP has and how..blah blah, get everyone in trouble … blah blah…More than just cops…blah blah…I’ve been a mountie for x-amount of years … blah blah.

I get worried again that there must be trouble a-hoof <snicker > and ask, again, how I can help.

Well.

It seems that he was calling on behalf of his son who wanted to know when he will be getting his T-4 slip. [For non-Canadians – Income information for tax-time]

That’s it? I got that whole bullshit introduction and had to ignore 20 other phone calls, and he only wants a T-4 that is not due for another month?

I roll my eyes and ask him to hold so I can get someone from payroll – only to get interrupted so he could remind me who he was and that he had better get hold of someone “Live – not a voicemail”.

Yah…okay….

So, I put him through to payroll. Lo and behold, the payroll person decided not to answer the phone (they are disgustingly good at that – as I am sure most of you dealing with Corp office can atest). I get the bounce-back call…it went something like this.

Me [me] SA [Sgt. Asshole]

Me: Good morn…

SA: [interrupting] You put me through to voicemail.

Me: Oh, they weren’t at their desk? [I stand and eyeball Payroll who are actually at their desks]

SA: Do I need to remind you who I am?

Me: Excuse me?

SA: I am RCMP, young lady.

So right now I pause. The pulling of irrelevant rank immediately irks me. I take a breath and speak again.

Me: So you’ve indicated. Let me see…

SA: [interrupts again] So if I were you, I would find someone in that department to speak to me.

Me: But if they’re unavailable…

SA: [interrupts AGAIN!] Do you want trouble?

I’ve had about enough – Time to call him on his shit

Me: Is this an RCMP related issue, sir?

SA: What?

Me: Is this a call directly related to an RCMP investigation, or something the RCMP have specifically asked you to look into?

SA: Uh, no.

Me: Then me putting you through to a voicemail because the payroll personnel are unavailable will not be hampering any active investigation. I cannot be arrested for switching your call through to voicemail.

SA: Well, there is no need to be like that, young …

Me: [My turn to interrupt] So Sergeant xxx of the RCMP, phone number 555-555-5555 unless you want me to phone your superiors and inform them of your inappropriate use of rank and power, I would suggest that you stop making any further threats.

SA: Uh … That is unnecessary …

Me: That said, please have your son phone in to the office on his own behalf if he wishes to make any changes to his contact information so that we may re-route his T-4. If this is just a call regarding the timing of T-4 issuance, please note that the official cut-off date for T-4 issuance, as imposed by revenue Canada, is a month away.
Please leave a message, if you desire, with payroll, and one of them will get back to you as soon as possible.
Now, if there is nothing further, I have a very busy switchboard and must get back to answering my calls.
Thank you, and have a great day…

Then I promptly sent him, deliberately this time, to voicemail.

Needless to say I heard nothing further. But what cheek! How dare he threaten to get me in trouble because – ooh bad me – I put him through to voicemail.

I hate dealing with Govt. agencies, too. I have some ripper stories from dealing with them. The Labour Board, Finance Minister’s office, Revenue Canada, et al are ASSHOLES to deal with.

But I won’t bore you with those …

So anyone else had law enforcement pull rank on them for no reason to get what they want??

SJ

[Barefootgirl]

Ugh, entitled cops. You did a lovely smack-down job on him, well done.

SA: Well, there is no need to be like that, young …

Me: [My turn to interrupt] So Sergeant xxx of the RCMP, phone number 555-555-5555 unless you want me to phone your superiors and inform them of your inappropriate use of rank and power, I would suggest that you stop making any further threats.

SA: Uh … That is unnecessary …

Fantastic !!!!

[Plaidman]

You know I remember a time when someone was attempting to turn in cans that we don't take. He claims we have too, and he is the husband of the distract manager so I better watch out.

My reply? "SIr, then you are one uugggggggggly woman, so back off, I aint taking the cans"

My area and distract manager are both lesbians. (Not with each other, but nonetheless!)

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Had a cop do that one day as I was driving. He was in an unmarked car, probably on his own time, and was driving like an asshole, tailgating, slamming on breaks. I guess trying to (unsuccessfully) intimidate the little woman all along got him all excited. He actually got out of his car to try to pull that crap. What a jerk!

Politicians used to do it all the time at Kinko's. We were walking distance from the state house complex, so they used to come in all the time, usually acting like children and wanting stuff for free (big shocker there, I know.)

At the time (this was the first time I worked there, not recently) my husband worked there, too. A senator or some such mucky muck came in wanting us to make a flyer or something. He wanted me to make color copies of money (not only illegal, but impossible. The machine has sensors that will shut it down if its sees anything it thinks is money.) for said flyer. After going round and round with me (because, you know, I should make an exception to the law for HIM...that's how they think) he tried to get my husband to do free typesetting for him.

Hubby was in a bad mood to start with.

Politician: C'mon, buddy, don't you want to help me out? I am a senator, you should help out your public servants.

Hubby: (long, hard pause, where he collected himself. ) YOU want a handout from ME????? (this was actually late in the evening, not a lot of folks in the store. Hubby got away with murder on a regular basis, frankly.) Lemme get this straight, you tax the hell out of MY paycheck, I'm in here working for peanuts, theres' no way you're ever giving ME a break, and now you are in here asking for a handout from ME???

Guy kind of freaked out a little and fairly fled the store, H following along behind him, saying "I can't believe you are asking a handout from ME!"

Back in the bad old days, we got away with a lot more than now. Store was on a profit-sharing system, so free stuff meant less money in our pockets. Had a good store and a manager who was content to let things run themselves.

What a maroon that guy was.

[dragonflygrrl]

I've never had a huge problem with law enforcement officers, but when I worked at Budget I had a few "do you know who I am" doozies with other "important" people.

Once a Bishop of the Roman Catholic Church threw a temper tantrum because we wouldn't give him a free upgrade to a Sebring convertible. That was interesting and slightly surreal. You just don't expect a man in full-on priest garb to freak out and scream at you, you know?

A certain lead actor from a certain classic sci-fi tv show rented a car from us once, and didn't want to sign his contract because he "wasn't here to sign autographs." On the other hand, a certain Asian character actor who got his start on that same show came in once, and was one of the nicest guys I've ever met, and signed autographs for all of us!

Then there were the PGA people. When the tour made its stop in our city, Budget was lucky enough to rent to a good many of them. Of course the really really famous ones, like Tiger, had limo service, so we just got the boring ones that no one had ever heard of. This didn't stop them from demanding free upgrades and then asking superciliously if we knew who they were. I could honestly answer no 100% of the time, which made them even madder!

The worst were the retired athletes that would "casually" wave their Super Bowl or World Series or what-have-you championship rings around in your face like a girl that just got engaged. I care about sports almost as much as I care about, say, the average air speed of an African swallow, and so when we got to the "do you know who I am" phase of the process, I would generally look earnestly at their driver's license and read the name. This did not make me a favorite among the has-been athlete crowd.

Beautiful job handling the jerk Mountie, btw!

[protege]

The worst were the retired athletes that would "casually" wave their Super Bowl or World Series or what-have-you championship rings around in your face like a girl that just got engaged. I care about sports almost as much as I care about, say, the average air speed of an African swallow, and so when we got to the "do you know who I am" phase of the process, I would generally look earnestly at their driver's license and read the name. This did not make me a favorite among the has-been athlete crowd.

Look at it this way, that's probably the only thing they have going for them. They probably weren't lucky enough to land a sports-talk gig, and probably pass the time doing commercials. Rather pathetic if you ask me.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Here's a favorite story of mine.

Let me preface this with the fact that I am fairly clueless when it comes to pop culture.

Guy came in. Older guy, flannel shirt. Nondescript. Dropping off some flyers for a dance troupe here in town. When I asked which name he wanted it under, he smiled strangely a little, and said "just put it under Blank City Ballet."

Fast forward to the next night. Hubby and I watching Speed on TV.(talk about your synchronicity) Mad Bomber comes on and I say, "I waited on that guy yesterday."

Hubby goes "You didn't wait on that guy, that's Dennis Hopper."

I said, I don't know anything about that, but I'm telling you he was in the store yesterday."

Turns out, he was. His wife had affiliations with that dance troupe and he happened to be in town and got sent on an errand. Nice guy!

[alphaboi]

Ontime our "Honorable" mayor was in shopping. He forgot his check book and only had enought cash for maybe 3/4 of his order.

Me: Sir, your total is 129.99 (I don't remember the exact amount)
HH: I'm paying by check. (fumbles around for his check book) Damn, I forgot my check book; I'll pay in cash.
Me: Okay that'll be 129.99.
HH: Here (hands me a bunch of bills).
Me: Sir, you only gave 100 dollars.
HH: Fine, what do I have to fill out to get credit?
Me: Do you want to pay the whole amount on your card or just the balance?
HH: What?
Me: Your credit card, do you...
HH: I don't have my credit cards with me, I want to open a credit account!
Me: Um sir, we don't have credit accounts (well we do for some local charities.
HH: What do you mean? So I'll just come back later with the money.
Me: You can't do that, would you like me to void some items?
HH Son (I f_cking hate it when people do that!), I'm the Mayor!
Me: You still can't take merchandise without paying for it, would you like to hold your order for you while go home and get more money?
HH: I'm not making two trips, I'll take my order home and come back tomorrow, Son!
Me: (I snapped) Please stop calling me son.
HH: Don't take that tone of voice with me, I'm the mayor!
Me: And I didn't vote for you (17 at the time). You can either have me void items or your order or come back later.
HH: Fine, I'm not shopping in this damn store anymore and your superior will hear from me!


PS: I never hear anything about it from managment about it, but he was relected 2 yours later.

[Tria]

Then there were the PGA people. When the tour made its stop in our city, Budget was lucky enough to rent to a good many of them. Of course the really really famous ones, like Tiger, had limo service, so we just got the boring ones that no one had ever heard of. This didn't stop them from demanding free upgrades and then asking superciliously if we knew who they were. I could honestly answer no 100% of the time, which made them even madder!

When they ask, just say. "Yes, and I know you could buy this building in cash right now. So pay for your shit."

[MystyGlyttyr]

Hmm. I don't know what to add...the two "famous" people I've served were Jeff Hardy and who I suspect was Terry Funk, and neither one made any mention of their identities (in fact the one who I think was Terry Funk was so quiet and so good at keeping his face slightly turned away that I couldn't get a good look at him)...but the Funker is REALLY distinctive to look at so I'm 95% sure it was him.

I have spoken to Ross Perot on the phone, but he just wanted to shoot the breeze for thirty seconds before he asked to be transferred to one of the reporters. Nice guy, weird voice.

[Cia]

I get worried again that there must be trouble a-hoof <snicker >
SJ

I don't know about anybody else but I found that completely giggleishous.

What is the Aussie equivalent to the RCMP?

[SwanJun]

The Australian equivalent is the Australian Federal Police (AFP)

SJ

[alphaboi]

Not quite, AFP only works on a federal level and in ACT. The RCMP in addition to it's federal duties is the provincial police in 8 provinces and 3 territories as well and the municipal police in Ottawa and many small towns.

[bars.of.a.rhyme]

I think the best answer to "don't you know who I am" is "of course I do, you're a valued customer!" This has to be accompanied by an alarmingly earnest sh*t-eating grin for the full effect.

I've never had to use it.

The closest I've come to this is when government employees come in. I live just outside of Washington DC, so we have a lot of military and government folks, in my store, and in general. Some of them seem to have a real attitude...no offense to anyone involved in political circles, I realize that the idiots are but a fraction of the population. Anyway, one of them was very displeased with me because our system wouldn't accept his government credit card.

I don't believe you're supposed to use government credit cards to rent irritating movies for your equally irritating children.

Me: I'm sorry, I can't accept this.
Him: ...
Me: ...
Him: That's a government credit card.
Me: I realize that, Sir, but -
Him: a government credit card.
Me: Our system won't -
Him: A government...credit card.
Me: *pausing to make sure he's done* It's just that -
Him: A...government...credit...card.

I hate people who wait for you to start talking and then interrupt you. Luckily for him, this was my first or second week on the job (my first job), and I wasn't a shift manager yet. I would have been much less friendly if I'd had the confidence in my job security that I do now. In fact, I might have taken down his name and informed his superiors that he was using his government...credit...card to rent movies.

[karma_gypsy]

Hmm. I don't know what to add...the two "famous" people I've served were Jeff Hardy and who I suspect was Terry Funk, and neither one made any mention of their identities (in fact the one who I think was Terry Funk was so quiet and so good at keeping his face slightly turned away that I couldn't get a good look at him)...but the Funker is REALLY distinctive to look at so I'm 95% sure it was him.

I have spoken to Ross Perot on the phone, but he just wanted to shoot the breeze for thirty seconds before he asked to be transferred to one of the reporters. Nice guy, weird voice.

I've met Jason Schmidt of the SF Giants before. He lives in the general area, pretty nice guy, his wife was pretty rude with me on the phone though . . .