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I'm out with one of my typical "stellar" crews, but since I'm at work, I can't take these lemons that life has given me and grab some salt and tequila to have a good time, so I've got to make some lemonade. Okay, let's evaluate.
Okay, we've got a stair carry and a small install portion.
1 guy, too weak and stupid for anything, utterly useless
1 guy, too weak for stair carry but smart enough to place items
2 guys, strong but too stupid, walls and furniture will be destroyed on the stairs
2 guys, strong and manageable if I work with them
Okay, and here - we - go
So I get the 2 weak guys to handle any small items, I put the 2 strong dumb guys on the install (considering I just trained them again 2 days ago, they should be acceptable), and me and the 2 other guys take the truck and stair carry. Shortly into things, the client calls with an add on; typically I would tell her where to shove it, but since the 2 weak guys are essentially useless here, I send them. I figure my 2 guys installing upstairs can handle some simple placement.
Things actually go well out of the gate, but then I see that things are getting clogged up in the hallways. We have no floor plans, so they aren't sure of the layout. Okay guys, it's not that hard here's what we're going for, can you figure it out. Yeah, asking these guys to use some brain power, that's a hard no. Awesome, so now I have to stay upstairs to place things. But it's all good, I've got my 2 "installers" installing, I've got 2 guy bringing things up, my other 2 guys still aren't back from the "quick little thing" that they had to do, but that's fine because they have no use. So the job is still getting done.
Then the client decides to stick her nose into things. Okay, still good, since she is too incompetent to actually do her job and give us floor plans, I need to confirm that my proposed layout is acceptable. In spite of this kind of thing being her job, she can't make a decision or envision what she wants, so she needs things shifted and re-shifted. Whatever, just another day in paradise with MMM. I'm working with her and she starts giving me crap, telling me that I have to delegate these tasks. Okay, I have delegated, everyone has a responsibility and is working, I am the best one to be doing this right now. No, I need to delegate.
Okay, whom would m'lady wish to be working with at the moment? Would m'lady prefer the kid who won't stop playing with himself because "his balls itch"? Would m'lady prefer the kid who deliberately acts dumb because he's smart enough to realize that it gets him away from responsibility? Oh, sorry m'lady, they are 2 hours into your "quick 15 minute thing", so they aren't available. Would m'lady prefer Mr. Hanky who stands there with a stupid grin on his face doing nothing? Would m'lady prefer angry troll who is too stupid to know his left from right, but goes into a rage because you are talking to him like he's an idiot? Would m'lady prefer one of the guys that I've got on the stairs who have no design experience and if I pull one of them, then the only guy with design experience would have to take his place and be in the physically intensive stair carry?
I would have liked to have laid it out to her like that, but I just told her that I'm the best one for this task. Now please pull your head out of your ass and make a decision on this layout. But rather than making the decision that I need, she becomes obsessed with getting wiring laid out and under the furniture. Okay, that's no big deal, I can easily take care of that after the fact, what we need to do right now is figure out how these are getting laid out. Nope, this wiring must be done. HOW THE FUCK am I supposed to lay wiring out when you don't even know where it's supposed to go??? Fine, we lay the wiring out. And now the wiring is in the way and I can't move the furniture
But finally, after three re-configurations trying to find the "best" way to put things, she finally comes to the brilliant revelation that the way I originally laid it out is the best configuration, but of course won't admit that I was right all along, this was completely her idea. Whatever.
Okay, so building 1 is just about complete. Everything is up, install is complete, now it's just placement. I want to get the whole crew going so that we can peel this off in short order, but apparently, that's not the most efficient use of my crew. Allrightythen, what are your orders m'lady? She wants me to break the crew up, leave an idiot here to finish placement, have a crew go to building 2, and another crew take care of the items going to storage. c'mon c'mon c'mon, you have to know how to delegate.
Okay, seems reasonable enough, not how I want this done, certainly not the most efficient, but fine, "the customer is always right". But I'm not leaving an idiot for placement and the 2 with half a brain are my truck drivers, so I'm going to stay and finish placement. I hand out the assignments. But of course my stellar crew strikes again, they have blocked all the items for building 2 behind the disposal and storage items. Aye carumba! Okay fine, go dump the disposal items, that should only take 5 minutes and give you enough room to dig out the building 2 items. I ask him to work out the details with the client.
And I've finally got some peace and quiet so I can concentrate and get this job done right. The manager of the area showed up and threw a wrench in my gears by requesting an alternate configuration. That was no big deal but it did eat up some time. But hey, I haven't heard from anyone, I guess those guys are doing okay. And cue the phone. The client calls in a panic because the guys aren't at building 2 and people are going into meetings so we will lose access. Okay, what-the-fuckaddily-fuck? Those guys should have been there an hour ago. Oh, you see, when I told them to just clear enough space then rush to building 2, apparently what they heard was empty and clean up the whole truck, get all the storage items to the storage room. But par for the course with my stellar crew. I order them to stop what they are doing and get to building 2, but somehow this wasn't clear, so I had to clarify things a bit - "I DON'T GIVE A FUCK WHAT YOU ARE DOING, GET THE FUCK TO BUILDING FUCKING 2 FUCKING NOW!!!" This actually managed to get the message through their heads.
Building 2 wasn't that big of a deal. Just deliver a cabinet, remove a cabinet, install some locks, repair a desk, fix some bookshelves, and install some covers. I try to do a walkthrough with the client to find the items but once again I'm told that I need to delegate. Yes, thank you miss expert on the abilities and use of my staff, I will delegate once you tell me what the fuck I'm doing. Well where should we start? How about anywhere but this hallway doing nothing, what is closest? Well the bookshelves, but it's really complicated. Thanks, I'll be the judge of that. The complication? Some shelves don't have pins. Wow, that was confusing, I delegate that task. Now we move on to the locks and desk repair. Okay, this is actually complicated, I want to handle this, can you take one of these guys and show them the other items? No, I need to delegate this task because the cabinet is very complicated, it must be me that handles it. Fine miss expert, I give a quick lesson and hope for the best, and move on. So this complicated cabinet? Yeah, take the existing one out and put the new one in. You needed ME for this? Yep. You are a fucking moron. So I give this task to a couple of guys and head back to check on the desk repair. And catch it just in time before the guy had it collapse on his face and completely destroy it. But this is just another day in paradise with Mickey Mouse Moving, so it's par for the course. And somehow the job is actually getting done. I get the repair done, start to check on other things, and the phone rings again. Oh, now the client needs me back at building 1 to do a final walkthrough. Okay, it's placed exactly how we spoke about except for the one that the manager asked me to change, he was happy with everything, just check it yourself and let me know if there's an issue. Nope, she needs me there. Fine.
So off I go. And I'm given crap because (even though she specifically told me to come over), I was supposed to delegate this task to someone else. Now I lost my cool a bit here and went over the line. I let her know that I have been delegating all day based on their abilities, the only time I left them to their own devices, they spent 2 hours on a 5 minute task. I shouldn't bad mouth my crew in front of the client but I reached a breaking point. We complete our inspection and move on.
I head back to building 2 and in spite of the extreme simplicity and obviousness of the tasks, they found a way to botch things, so I had to clean up that mess.
But in spite of it all, we still finished an hour ahead of schedule. Everything was done right, no casualties. But this wasn't good enough for the client, as I'm getting my sign off, she needs to throw in one more shot about how I need to delegate tasks better. I see where this is going so I give my MiM a heads up email that they will be getting a complaint. And sure enough they do, she was extremely dissatisfied with my use of staff and the inefficiency that it created. Fortunately, they had my back. They reminded her that in spite of her adding work that took away 2 staff for over 2 hours, in spite of her not being properly prepared with an approved layout and plans, we still finished an hour ahead of schedule; oh and here's an email from the manager at building 1, praising us for our efficiency, professionalism and courtesy. At least that seemed to put her in her place.
Okay, we've got a stair carry and a small install portion.
1 guy, too weak and stupid for anything, utterly useless
1 guy, too weak for stair carry but smart enough to place items
2 guys, strong but too stupid, walls and furniture will be destroyed on the stairs
2 guys, strong and manageable if I work with them
Okay, and here - we - go
So I get the 2 weak guys to handle any small items, I put the 2 strong dumb guys on the install (considering I just trained them again 2 days ago, they should be acceptable), and me and the 2 other guys take the truck and stair carry. Shortly into things, the client calls with an add on; typically I would tell her where to shove it, but since the 2 weak guys are essentially useless here, I send them. I figure my 2 guys installing upstairs can handle some simple placement.
Things actually go well out of the gate, but then I see that things are getting clogged up in the hallways. We have no floor plans, so they aren't sure of the layout. Okay guys, it's not that hard here's what we're going for, can you figure it out. Yeah, asking these guys to use some brain power, that's a hard no. Awesome, so now I have to stay upstairs to place things. But it's all good, I've got my 2 "installers" installing, I've got 2 guy bringing things up, my other 2 guys still aren't back from the "quick little thing" that they had to do, but that's fine because they have no use. So the job is still getting done.
Then the client decides to stick her nose into things. Okay, still good, since she is too incompetent to actually do her job and give us floor plans, I need to confirm that my proposed layout is acceptable. In spite of this kind of thing being her job, she can't make a decision or envision what she wants, so she needs things shifted and re-shifted. Whatever, just another day in paradise with MMM. I'm working with her and she starts giving me crap, telling me that I have to delegate these tasks. Okay, I have delegated, everyone has a responsibility and is working, I am the best one to be doing this right now. No, I need to delegate.
Okay, whom would m'lady wish to be working with at the moment? Would m'lady prefer the kid who won't stop playing with himself because "his balls itch"? Would m'lady prefer the kid who deliberately acts dumb because he's smart enough to realize that it gets him away from responsibility? Oh, sorry m'lady, they are 2 hours into your "quick 15 minute thing", so they aren't available. Would m'lady prefer Mr. Hanky who stands there with a stupid grin on his face doing nothing? Would m'lady prefer angry troll who is too stupid to know his left from right, but goes into a rage because you are talking to him like he's an idiot? Would m'lady prefer one of the guys that I've got on the stairs who have no design experience and if I pull one of them, then the only guy with design experience would have to take his place and be in the physically intensive stair carry?
I would have liked to have laid it out to her like that, but I just told her that I'm the best one for this task. Now please pull your head out of your ass and make a decision on this layout. But rather than making the decision that I need, she becomes obsessed with getting wiring laid out and under the furniture. Okay, that's no big deal, I can easily take care of that after the fact, what we need to do right now is figure out how these are getting laid out. Nope, this wiring must be done. HOW THE FUCK am I supposed to lay wiring out when you don't even know where it's supposed to go??? Fine, we lay the wiring out. And now the wiring is in the way and I can't move the furniture
But finally, after three re-configurations trying to find the "best" way to put things, she finally comes to the brilliant revelation that the way I originally laid it out is the best configuration, but of course won't admit that I was right all along, this was completely her idea. Whatever.Okay, so building 1 is just about complete. Everything is up, install is complete, now it's just placement. I want to get the whole crew going so that we can peel this off in short order, but apparently, that's not the most efficient use of my crew. Allrightythen, what are your orders m'lady? She wants me to break the crew up, leave an idiot here to finish placement, have a crew go to building 2, and another crew take care of the items going to storage. c'mon c'mon c'mon, you have to know how to delegate.
Okay, seems reasonable enough, not how I want this done, certainly not the most efficient, but fine, "the customer is always right". But I'm not leaving an idiot for placement and the 2 with half a brain are my truck drivers, so I'm going to stay and finish placement. I hand out the assignments. But of course my stellar crew strikes again, they have blocked all the items for building 2 behind the disposal and storage items. Aye carumba! Okay fine, go dump the disposal items, that should only take 5 minutes and give you enough room to dig out the building 2 items. I ask him to work out the details with the client.
And I've finally got some peace and quiet so I can concentrate and get this job done right. The manager of the area showed up and threw a wrench in my gears by requesting an alternate configuration. That was no big deal but it did eat up some time. But hey, I haven't heard from anyone, I guess those guys are doing okay. And cue the phone. The client calls in a panic because the guys aren't at building 2 and people are going into meetings so we will lose access. Okay, what-the-fuckaddily-fuck? Those guys should have been there an hour ago. Oh, you see, when I told them to just clear enough space then rush to building 2, apparently what they heard was empty and clean up the whole truck, get all the storage items to the storage room.
But par for the course with my stellar crew. I order them to stop what they are doing and get to building 2, but somehow this wasn't clear, so I had to clarify things a bit - "I DON'T GIVE A FUCK WHAT YOU ARE DOING, GET THE FUCK TO BUILDING FUCKING 2 FUCKING NOW!!!" This actually managed to get the message through their heads.Building 2 wasn't that big of a deal. Just deliver a cabinet, remove a cabinet, install some locks, repair a desk, fix some bookshelves, and install some covers. I try to do a walkthrough with the client to find the items but once again I'm told that I need to delegate. Yes, thank you miss expert on the abilities and use of my staff, I will delegate once you tell me what the fuck I'm doing. Well where should we start? How about anywhere but this hallway doing nothing, what is closest? Well the bookshelves, but it's really complicated. Thanks, I'll be the judge of that. The complication? Some shelves don't have pins. Wow, that was confusing, I delegate that task. Now we move on to the locks and desk repair. Okay, this is actually complicated, I want to handle this, can you take one of these guys and show them the other items? No, I need to delegate this task because the cabinet is very complicated, it must be me that handles it. Fine miss expert, I give a quick lesson and hope for the best, and move on. So this complicated cabinet? Yeah, take the existing one out and put the new one in. You needed ME for this? Yep. You are a fucking moron. So I give this task to a couple of guys and head back to check on the desk repair. And catch it just in time before the guy had it collapse on his face and completely destroy it. But this is just another day in paradise with Mickey Mouse Moving, so it's par for the course. And somehow the job is actually getting done. I get the repair done, start to check on other things, and the phone rings again. Oh, now the client needs me back at building 1 to do a final walkthrough. Okay, it's placed exactly how we spoke about except for the one that the manager asked me to change, he was happy with everything, just check it yourself and let me know if there's an issue. Nope, she needs me there. Fine.
So off I go. And I'm given crap because (even though she specifically told me to come over), I was supposed to delegate this task to someone else. Now I lost my cool a bit here and went over the line. I let her know that I have been delegating all day based on their abilities, the only time I left them to their own devices, they spent 2 hours on a 5 minute task. I shouldn't bad mouth my crew in front of the client but I reached a breaking point. We complete our inspection and move on.
I head back to building 2 and in spite of the extreme simplicity and obviousness of the tasks, they found a way to botch things, so I had to clean up that mess.
But in spite of it all, we still finished an hour ahead of schedule. Everything was done right, no casualties. But this wasn't good enough for the client, as I'm getting my sign off, she needs to throw in one more shot about how I need to delegate tasks better. I see where this is going so I give my MiM a heads up email that they will be getting a complaint. And sure enough they do, she was extremely dissatisfied with my use of staff and the inefficiency that it created. Fortunately, they had my back. They reminded her that in spite of her adding work that took away 2 staff for over 2 hours, in spite of her not being properly prepared with an approved layout and plans, we still finished an hour ahead of schedule; oh and here's an email from the manager at building 1, praising us for our efficiency, professionalism and courtesy. At least that seemed to put her in her place.
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