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I am officially on vacation. Sort of. We're having new windows put in, so I'm off today, took tomorrow and Tuesday off, then have my regular days off Wednesday and Thursday. So yeah, lots of sitting around the house in my underwear (after the window guys are done, anyway) and no voices screaming in my ear. Hooray!
SW= Sucky Woman
SM = Sucky Man
ME = Empress of Evil
And guest starring, CSR.
Please hold, I'm not done griping at you yet
SW: There's a problem with my bill.
ME: And what would that be?
SW: It's too high. Hold on. (Company), how can I direct your call? She's not in the office now, can I take a message? Okay, thanks, bye. Still there?
ME: Yeah.
SW: You guys charged me for overage and I want it taken off.
ME: Yeah, I see you had 346 minutes over last month.
SW: Hold on. (Company), how can I direct your call? He's in a meeting right now, can I take a message? Uh huh. Okay. Alright, I'll have him call you back. Okay, thanks, bye.
ME: Did you check your minutes and see you were over?
SW: Yeah, but I've been a customer for 4 years, so I assumed you guys would take care of me. Hold on. (Company), how can I direct your call. Sure, just one moment. Bob? So and so is on line 4. Yeah, I know. Tell me about it. Really? Oh, I know! What? Tonight? Well, yeah, I'd love to! Okay, I'll see you then. Okay, thanks, bye.
ME: ...
SW: So yeah, anyway, just take those charges off and we'll be okay.
ME: I'm afraid the charges are valid. Now, you've been going over a little more every month, I would recommned-
SW: I don't care if they're valid. I pay my bills and I've been with you guys for 4 years! Doesn't that mean anything?
ME: Of course it does. But-
SW: Hold on. (Company), how can I direct your call? Uh huh. Yeah. Okay. Mm-hmm. Okay, thanks, bye. Look, I can't believe you guys would do this to a good customer! I've been with you for 4 years and I don't ever call in to complain or ask for anything at all, and you're just going to treat me like any customer off the street? This is ridiculous! I'll just have to find a company that knows how to take care of people.
ME: Ma'am, I'm trying to take care of you. But I can't just-
SW: Hold on. (Company), how can I direct your call?
*Interjection - This was like five minutes of "Yeah, uh huh, okay"
SW: Okay, thanks bye. So are you going to take these charges off or do I have to look for another carrier?
ME: The charges will remain on the account.
SW: Fine! Then I guess we're done here. I'll call you back when I've found another service to let you know to cancel me! Good bye!
ME: Okay, thanks, bye.
Sorry to bother you at work. Oh yeah, you called me. I was hoping she'd get mixed up and yell at her caller and be nice to me. Then maybe Bob would toss her out on the street instead of trying to jump in her pants.
Sigh
ME: I'm going to bring up our automated system to get your acceptance of the contract. Put in your mobile number when it asks you to, then follow the instructions. After that, I'll be back to go over shipping for you.
SM: Ok.
HAL 2000: Please enter your mobile phone number, starting with the area code.
SM: Uh... you want me to do this, or are you going to do it?
ME: No, it's waiting for you.
HAL 2000: Blah blah blah
SM: Excuse me! Is it talking to you or me?
Forget the contract. You don't get to be my customer anymore. Okay, thanks, bye.
Fun and Games
SW: I didn't get no bill! You send me my bill right now!
ME: I'm sorry to hear you didn't get your bill. Could I have the password for your account so I can make sure your address is correct and see if there was a problem with the billing system?
SW: I don't remember no password!
ME: I'm afraid I'd have to get the password before I can access the account. If you don't remember it, you can-
SW: I don't have time to play games! You send me my damn bill right now!
ME: Without the password, I'll be unable to-
SW: *click*
Trust me, I'm not playing games. Games are fun.
Que?
SM: I want to get phone she want a camera phone and last time we got upgrade it was a downgraded but they said upgrade so now I want upgrade don't want no downgrade.
Uh.......
It's not nice to make the customer service girl cry
ME: So that new phone will ship out first thing in the morning.
SM: Thanks, Steve.
W-w-w-w-WHAT? Did you just....? You son of a..... Thanks, buddy. Now I'm going to go home and drown myself in a vat of Ben & Jerry's. I hope you're happy! 
Free phone
SM: I want free phone or I cancel. (Competitor) give me free phone.
ME: The device you're looking for is not a free phone. I can get it for you for $149.99.
SM: Forget it. I cancel.
ME: Okay, you do understand that you have 2 lines under contract so if you cancel them, activate a new service with them and pay their activation fees, plus pay them $20 more a year for the same amount of minutes, you're going to be out over $800 in the first year? You're going to be paying for that phone several times over.
SM: No, it free. I get free. I want free. You no give me free, they give me free.
Okay, thanks, bye.
Contract doofus
SM: I don't want a 2 year contract. If I want a 2 year contract, I'll go to (Competitor).
ME: But you're already been with us 5 years. So to avoid a 2 year contract with a company you know and trust, a service where you know what to expect and where there is and is not coverage when you need it, you're going to a random company you know nothing about for a 2 year contract?
SM: I might as well go with someone else for a 2 year contract.
ME: What's wrong with a 2 year contract?
SM: It's the principle.
Okay, that's it. You just said the magic word. Go. No, I'm done talking to you now. Just go, and take your principle with you.
Psycho Hose Beast
CSR: I'm transferring this customer over because she needs an exchange of her phone. We already did all the troubleshooting, some of her keys aren't working. But now she wants to cancel because the replacement phone isn't going to come with a battery cover.
ME: Great. Did she lose the old one?
CSR: No. But she thinks it's defective and is causing her phone's problems.
ME: The battery cover?
CSR: Yeah.
ME: Oh joy. Okay, transfer her over.
*transfer*
ME: Hi, this is Kara, I understand you were having some problems with your phone?
SW: Yes, it don't work. And he said I need to have it replaced, but he won't give me a new battery cover.
ME: The manufacturer sends us the phones to use as replacements. Since you will be using the same battery and charger, they don't send any accessories.
SW: But if I get another phone, I should get a new battery cover too.
ME: Unfortunately, the manufacturer doesn't send battery covers. They only send us the phones. Battery covers aren't even sold separately in stores. The only way to get one is to go through the manufacturer direct.
SW: He already explain all dat. Now, either you get me a new battery cover or I'll cancel and pay the fee. I don't care, I'll go to another service!
ME: No provider is able to get a battery cover if you need an exchange. We use the same manufacturers, they don't send them.
SW: I'll take that chance!
ME: What makes you think you need a new battery cover anyway? The old one will still work.
SW: No it don't! It's defected too!
ME: Why do you think the battery cover is defective?
SW: Because I just know it is. If I put this same battery cover on my new phone, it will have the same problem!
ME: The battery cover has absolutely nothing to do with the operation of the phone in any way. It holds the battery in place.
SW: YOU GIVE ME A NEW BATTERY COVER OR I'M THROUGH WIT YOU!
Ever feel like every time you hit bottom, someone hands you a shovel? Ever wish you could just take that shovel and beat them to death with it?
Conspiracy Jr
SM: Yeah, uh, my voicemail is in spanish, and I don't speak spanish.
ME: That's definitely inconvenient. Could I have the last for digits of the social security number for the account?
SM: It's my dad's account. I don't know it.
ME: I'd have to have the account verified so I can access it and change the voicemail settings.
SM: I'm 16. I don't know my own SSN, how am I supposed to know my dad's?
ME: I understand. I'd be happy to hold for you if you can get that information from him.
SM: I can give you the birthdate.
ME: The only verification we can use is the last 4 digits of the SSN or the account password if one has been set.
SM: Hold on.......... Yeah, okay, I don't feel comfortable giving out the SSN over the phone. You're going to have to let me use the birthdate. I can give you the address, I can give you phone numbers, anything you want.
ME: But what I need is the SSN.
SM: I already told you I'm not giving you that information. You need to tell your managers to let people access the account with other things.
ME: We do this for the protection of the account holder. You're offering to give me information that can be easily found. An old bill, a driver's license, anyone could get general information. I can't see who's on the other end of the phone, so I don't know who I could really be talking to. That's why we use more secure information.
SM: Well, how do I know people in your company aren't taking people's social security numbers? Identity theft is a big problem in the country today.
ME: Exactly. That's why we use information that is not so easily found. We only ask for the last 4 numbers, our system doesn't even show us the full number.
SM: Well, there's a lot you can do with the last 4 numbers.
ME
: Okay, as much as I would like to help you with your voicemail, I simply cannot access the account without the SSN. And if you or the accountholder do not feel comfortable providing that information, your father can show photo ID at a store to gain access to the account and then he can request a password, which can be anything he wants.
SM: Yeah, but....Let me talk to a supervisor.
ME: You still won't be able to access the account.
SM: I don't care! I want to talk to a manager!
Transferred him. My SUP also wouldn't let him in daddy's account and offered to call his parents and see if they would verify for him and flip the voicemail switch from Spanish to English. He refused and hung up. And so young, too. The Sucky Wan Kenobi has trained him well. The Suck is strong with this one.
SW= Sucky Woman
SM = Sucky Man
ME = Empress of Evil
And guest starring, CSR.
Please hold, I'm not done griping at you yet
SW: There's a problem with my bill.
ME: And what would that be?
SW: It's too high. Hold on. (Company), how can I direct your call? She's not in the office now, can I take a message? Okay, thanks, bye. Still there?
ME: Yeah.
SW: You guys charged me for overage and I want it taken off.
ME: Yeah, I see you had 346 minutes over last month.
SW: Hold on. (Company), how can I direct your call? He's in a meeting right now, can I take a message? Uh huh. Okay. Alright, I'll have him call you back. Okay, thanks, bye.
ME: Did you check your minutes and see you were over?
SW: Yeah, but I've been a customer for 4 years, so I assumed you guys would take care of me. Hold on. (Company), how can I direct your call. Sure, just one moment. Bob? So and so is on line 4. Yeah, I know. Tell me about it. Really? Oh, I know! What? Tonight? Well, yeah, I'd love to! Okay, I'll see you then. Okay, thanks, bye.
ME: ...
SW: So yeah, anyway, just take those charges off and we'll be okay.
ME: I'm afraid the charges are valid. Now, you've been going over a little more every month, I would recommned-
SW: I don't care if they're valid. I pay my bills and I've been with you guys for 4 years! Doesn't that mean anything?
ME: Of course it does. But-
SW: Hold on. (Company), how can I direct your call? Uh huh. Yeah. Okay. Mm-hmm. Okay, thanks, bye. Look, I can't believe you guys would do this to a good customer! I've been with you for 4 years and I don't ever call in to complain or ask for anything at all, and you're just going to treat me like any customer off the street? This is ridiculous! I'll just have to find a company that knows how to take care of people.
ME: Ma'am, I'm trying to take care of you. But I can't just-
SW: Hold on. (Company), how can I direct your call?
*Interjection - This was like five minutes of "Yeah, uh huh, okay"
SW: Okay, thanks bye. So are you going to take these charges off or do I have to look for another carrier?
ME: The charges will remain on the account.
SW: Fine! Then I guess we're done here. I'll call you back when I've found another service to let you know to cancel me! Good bye!
ME: Okay, thanks, bye.
Sorry to bother you at work. Oh yeah, you called me. I was hoping she'd get mixed up and yell at her caller and be nice to me. Then maybe Bob would toss her out on the street instead of trying to jump in her pants.
Sigh
ME: I'm going to bring up our automated system to get your acceptance of the contract. Put in your mobile number when it asks you to, then follow the instructions. After that, I'll be back to go over shipping for you.
SM: Ok.
HAL 2000: Please enter your mobile phone number, starting with the area code.
SM: Uh... you want me to do this, or are you going to do it?
ME: No, it's waiting for you.
HAL 2000: Blah blah blah
SM: Excuse me! Is it talking to you or me?
Forget the contract. You don't get to be my customer anymore. Okay, thanks, bye.
Fun and Games
SW: I didn't get no bill! You send me my bill right now!
ME: I'm sorry to hear you didn't get your bill. Could I have the password for your account so I can make sure your address is correct and see if there was a problem with the billing system?
SW: I don't remember no password!
ME: I'm afraid I'd have to get the password before I can access the account. If you don't remember it, you can-
SW: I don't have time to play games! You send me my damn bill right now!
ME: Without the password, I'll be unable to-
SW: *click*
Trust me, I'm not playing games. Games are fun.
Que?
SM: I want to get phone she want a camera phone and last time we got upgrade it was a downgraded but they said upgrade so now I want upgrade don't want no downgrade.
Uh.......
It's not nice to make the customer service girl cry
ME: So that new phone will ship out first thing in the morning.
SM: Thanks, Steve.
W-w-w-w-WHAT? Did you just....? You son of a..... Thanks, buddy. Now I'm going to go home and drown myself in a vat of Ben & Jerry's. I hope you're happy! Free phone
SM: I want free phone or I cancel. (Competitor) give me free phone.
ME: The device you're looking for is not a free phone. I can get it for you for $149.99.
SM: Forget it. I cancel.
ME: Okay, you do understand that you have 2 lines under contract so if you cancel them, activate a new service with them and pay their activation fees, plus pay them $20 more a year for the same amount of minutes, you're going to be out over $800 in the first year? You're going to be paying for that phone several times over.
SM: No, it free. I get free. I want free. You no give me free, they give me free.
Okay, thanks, bye.
Contract doofus
SM: I don't want a 2 year contract. If I want a 2 year contract, I'll go to (Competitor).
ME: But you're already been with us 5 years. So to avoid a 2 year contract with a company you know and trust, a service where you know what to expect and where there is and is not coverage when you need it, you're going to a random company you know nothing about for a 2 year contract?
SM: I might as well go with someone else for a 2 year contract.
ME: What's wrong with a 2 year contract?
SM: It's the principle.
Okay, that's it. You just said the magic word. Go. No, I'm done talking to you now. Just go, and take your principle with you.
Psycho Hose Beast
CSR: I'm transferring this customer over because she needs an exchange of her phone. We already did all the troubleshooting, some of her keys aren't working. But now she wants to cancel because the replacement phone isn't going to come with a battery cover.
ME: Great. Did she lose the old one?
CSR: No. But she thinks it's defective and is causing her phone's problems.
ME: The battery cover?
CSR: Yeah.
ME: Oh joy. Okay, transfer her over.
*transfer*
ME: Hi, this is Kara, I understand you were having some problems with your phone?
SW: Yes, it don't work. And he said I need to have it replaced, but he won't give me a new battery cover.
ME: The manufacturer sends us the phones to use as replacements. Since you will be using the same battery and charger, they don't send any accessories.
SW: But if I get another phone, I should get a new battery cover too.
ME: Unfortunately, the manufacturer doesn't send battery covers. They only send us the phones. Battery covers aren't even sold separately in stores. The only way to get one is to go through the manufacturer direct.
SW: He already explain all dat. Now, either you get me a new battery cover or I'll cancel and pay the fee. I don't care, I'll go to another service!
ME: No provider is able to get a battery cover if you need an exchange. We use the same manufacturers, they don't send them.
SW: I'll take that chance!
ME: What makes you think you need a new battery cover anyway? The old one will still work.
SW: No it don't! It's defected too!
ME: Why do you think the battery cover is defective?
SW: Because I just know it is. If I put this same battery cover on my new phone, it will have the same problem!
ME: The battery cover has absolutely nothing to do with the operation of the phone in any way. It holds the battery in place.
SW: YOU GIVE ME A NEW BATTERY COVER OR I'M THROUGH WIT YOU!
Ever feel like every time you hit bottom, someone hands you a shovel? Ever wish you could just take that shovel and beat them to death with it?
Conspiracy Jr
SM: Yeah, uh, my voicemail is in spanish, and I don't speak spanish.
ME: That's definitely inconvenient. Could I have the last for digits of the social security number for the account?
SM: It's my dad's account. I don't know it.
ME: I'd have to have the account verified so I can access it and change the voicemail settings.
SM: I'm 16. I don't know my own SSN, how am I supposed to know my dad's?
ME: I understand. I'd be happy to hold for you if you can get that information from him.
SM: I can give you the birthdate.
ME: The only verification we can use is the last 4 digits of the SSN or the account password if one has been set.
SM: Hold on.......... Yeah, okay, I don't feel comfortable giving out the SSN over the phone. You're going to have to let me use the birthdate. I can give you the address, I can give you phone numbers, anything you want.
ME: But what I need is the SSN.
SM: I already told you I'm not giving you that information. You need to tell your managers to let people access the account with other things.
ME: We do this for the protection of the account holder. You're offering to give me information that can be easily found. An old bill, a driver's license, anyone could get general information. I can't see who's on the other end of the phone, so I don't know who I could really be talking to. That's why we use more secure information.
SM: Well, how do I know people in your company aren't taking people's social security numbers? Identity theft is a big problem in the country today.
ME: Exactly. That's why we use information that is not so easily found. We only ask for the last 4 numbers, our system doesn't even show us the full number.
SM: Well, there's a lot you can do with the last 4 numbers.
ME
: Okay, as much as I would like to help you with your voicemail, I simply cannot access the account without the SSN. And if you or the accountholder do not feel comfortable providing that information, your father can show photo ID at a store to gain access to the account and then he can request a password, which can be anything he wants.SM: Yeah, but....Let me talk to a supervisor.
ME: You still won't be able to access the account.
SM: I don't care! I want to talk to a manager!
Transferred him. My SUP also wouldn't let him in daddy's account and offered to call his parents and see if they would verify for him and flip the voicemail switch from Spanish to English. He refused and hung up. And so young, too. The Sucky Wan Kenobi has trained him well. The Suck is strong with this one.
Sweetie you might want to pull out that school girl ooutfit for him.
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