I was just reminded of this instance, what occured about a month ago. It's very simple, the credit card machine totally fucked up the batch submission, and then asploded. After calling the credit card company and confirming that they indeed didn't get any information from the machine before the asplosion, I concluded that I would have to submit everything by telephone. So, I gathered up the seventy receipts and got to work. Unfortunately, that day a record number of six paranoid, distrustful, idiots got it into their heads that I was a thieving sonnavabitch and scratched out their goddamned credit card numbers.
So the next morning I got in early and hauled out the telephone directory, and looked up the paranoid idiots whom I can only imagine were cowering in their closets in fear of identity theft when they heard the telephone ring. With much difficulty, I explained the situation to them, making sure to point out how much trouble they caused by scratching out their numbers. As I expected, they all had pretty much no idea how credit card transactions work, so the process I was describing was quite alien to them. Surprisingly, I managed to convince three of them to read to me their credit card numbers. Remember how paranoid and suspicious these people are. One didn't answer, and the other was unlisted as many people are nowadays. A lot of people don't have landlines anymore. Those two only bought eight bucks worth of food between them, so I didn't venture any further.
The sixth man, however, bought nearly ninety dollars worth of food, and I dealt with him personally when he made the transaction in the first place. I was hoping he'd recognize my strange voice and wouldn't think I was a "phisher" as he may have put it in his paranoid delusions. Unfortunately, he could not be convinced and the call ended after a long rant about the state of the world today, how unsafe his precious personal information is, accusations of theivery, threats to inform the authorities, threats to inform the media, and a lengthy commendation of his own wiles in outsmarting me. I cannot remember the precise exchange, but I'm positive you've heard it all before. Boss-man calls him too, gets nowhere. Police tell us there's nothing they can do. Boss-man goes to his house, guy calls the police, who seemed more than eager to do something that time. So, we eat the loss of $93.50.
And the guy has the nerve to come back a week later. I tell him to get out, he says he's never coming back again, a la "you can't fire me I quit."
Sigh, why are my stories always so anti-clamatic? I'm depressed now.
So the next morning I got in early and hauled out the telephone directory, and looked up the paranoid idiots whom I can only imagine were cowering in their closets in fear of identity theft when they heard the telephone ring. With much difficulty, I explained the situation to them, making sure to point out how much trouble they caused by scratching out their numbers. As I expected, they all had pretty much no idea how credit card transactions work, so the process I was describing was quite alien to them. Surprisingly, I managed to convince three of them to read to me their credit card numbers. Remember how paranoid and suspicious these people are. One didn't answer, and the other was unlisted as many people are nowadays. A lot of people don't have landlines anymore. Those two only bought eight bucks worth of food between them, so I didn't venture any further.
The sixth man, however, bought nearly ninety dollars worth of food, and I dealt with him personally when he made the transaction in the first place. I was hoping he'd recognize my strange voice and wouldn't think I was a "phisher" as he may have put it in his paranoid delusions. Unfortunately, he could not be convinced and the call ended after a long rant about the state of the world today, how unsafe his precious personal information is, accusations of theivery, threats to inform the authorities, threats to inform the media, and a lengthy commendation of his own wiles in outsmarting me. I cannot remember the precise exchange, but I'm positive you've heard it all before. Boss-man calls him too, gets nowhere. Police tell us there's nothing they can do. Boss-man goes to his house, guy calls the police, who seemed more than eager to do something that time. So, we eat the loss of $93.50.
And the guy has the nerve to come back a week later. I tell him to get out, he says he's never coming back again, a la "you can't fire me I quit."
Sigh, why are my stories always so anti-clamatic? I'm depressed now.
Comment