I need a 2pm tee time at your hotel please...

[slick]

Well, not exactly worded that way, but definately one of the more interesting calls I have had in a while.

ME=ME
SC=golfing fool

ME: Thank you for calling the UnComfortable Inn, this is slick, how may I help you?
SC: *processing what I just said for a good 5 seconds* I need to schedule a tee time.
ME: A tea time?
SC: Yes, a tee time.
ME: You want tea?
SC: Huh?
ME: Sorry?
SC: What?
ME: Tea?
SC: Yea, tee!
ME: To drink?
SC: What?
ME: Sorry?
SC: Dammit, I want to schedule a damn tee time?
ME: Golf?
SC: YES!
ME: Why did you call a hotel then?
SC: What? Hotel?
ME: This is the UnComfortable Inn.
SC: Its not the Golf Club for Tards?
ME: No, it is not.
SC: You got there number?
ME: No, I do not.
SC: Okay bye.

Not even a minute after hanging up, he calls back. I give the same mother frickin greeting and he asks "to schedule a tee time". Do they seriously not listen to a single word of the greeting?

[myswtghst]

No, they do not.

For some reason, cops in some unknown locale are giving out my company's phone number to people on speeding tickets. They call in and are furious that we: a) Have no idea what they are talking about, and b) Cannot help them resolve their ticket.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

MOST COMMON QUESTION ASKED OVER THE PHONE AT KINKO'S:

Me: Kinko's, open 24 hours.
Idiot: What time ya'll open? (or What time ya'll close?" or any variation thereof.)

[MrSunshineState]

SC: Its not the Golf Club for Tards?

LOL!!!

That made my day!

[Kiwi]

SC: Its not the Golf Club for Tards?

I know its totally disrespectful but I have confess that was very funny.

[BookstoreEscapee]

-Barnes & Noble Mytown, Me speaking...

-Yes, is this the Mytown store?

(no)

[Boozy]

My all-time favourite from my days working at the cafe...

"I want to rent a canoe for the day, please."

[Naaman]

I was taught, by a proper pink-fluffy-unicorn-land never had to deal with a real customer ever trainer, that people will mostly tune out the first 3-5 seconds when you answer and I've found this to be pretty true. This is the only thing she said that I found useful over a two day training course (that ended in a written warning )

[Andara Bledin]

I know that the phone system at my work has a delay with the pick up, so I leave at least a full second of silence after I've picked up the line before speaking.

And people still completely and utterly ignore what I say when I answer, which is always just me saying the company name.

If they ask if it's such-and-such company, no matter what company they're after, I just repeat the same exact thing I said the first time.

It's like they're only equipped to detect sound during the greeting, and there's no use using actual words until after they've said something.

^-.-^

[Best Made Tacos]

That reminds me of a REEEEAALLY sucky customer who rang one day when I worked at BigBank.

I have a recorded 8 second greeting that gives my full name in a clear, understandable playback. This time when it beeped and after the recording has played, I hear this raspy angry old man voice:

SC: "My name is Robert Edwin (not real name) and I want you to tell me my account balance."

Me: "Certainly, may I ask for your account number?"

SC: (abrupt, aggressive tone) "Why can't you search under my name for it?"

Me: "I can do that, sir, but if you can give me a specific card or account number, that is a much faster way to help you."

SC: *grumble grumble* "card number is 1234 5678."

Me: "Thankyou, Mr Edwin. May I ask if you have an security phone PIN for the account?"

SC: No, I don't have a security PIN (mimicking me sarcastically).

Me: (mental groan) "No problem, then I will need to ask you a series of identification questions regarding your bank account before I can give you the information you need, if I may, for security purposes."

Looking at his account, I see he has a middle name as well, so I need to ask for his name again - I can't just ask for his middle name, because I'm not supposed to confirm if the answers he gives are correct until he's answered them all - prevents identity thieves from fishing for people's personal info with multiple calls. Yes, incredibly pedantic but new federal laws had come into effect that required that level of detail.

Customer grunts.

Me: "Could you please state your full name for me, Mr Edwin?"

SC: "Waah?! I already TOLD you my name!"

Me: "Yes, I do understand and thankyou, Mr Edwin but for the purposes of these questions, I do need you to tell me again, just once more please."

SC: "NO! Why should I?! I TOLD YOU ALREADY AT THE START OF THE CALL!!!! Just give me my damn bank balance!"

Me: "Mr Edwin, I appreciate this is a somewhat tedious process but it is necessary, to ensure the security of your account and to comply with the Privacy laws. So..."

SC: "Are you deaf and idiotic?! I TOLD YOU AT THE START OF THE CALL!"

He rants angrily at me, I try to hint as clearly as possible to just give me his FULL name and we can move on. He finally relents, and condescends to tell me his middle name as well.

Me: (thinking, hoo boy, I've still got 4 questions to go...)
"Could I please have your D.O.B, please?"

SC: "WHAT!?"

He goes off again. He sounds personally insulted, as if me wanting to know this is the greatest affront of all time.

Me: (losing patience): "Mr Edwin, I already have it here ON MY SCREEN. I just want you to CONFIRM it. "

SC snaps back - "Well, todays my birthday and I'm 82 and if you're too stupid to work that out, you shouldn't be working at a bank!"

Ugh...it goes on like this, worse than pulling teeth from an armed and recalcitrant donkey.

I give him the balance and then the old bugger, with venom dripping from every word, says "Now I want your first name and surname, and you better spell it out to me right now."

And it's all I can do to restrain myself from responding with "But I told you already, AT THE START OF THE CALL!"

[Boozy]

And it's all I can do to restrain myself from responding with "But I told you already, AT THE START OF THE CALL!"

A golden opportunity lost. Oh well. Better that you keep your job.

Elderly folks would call my bank all the time when I was a teller, wanting their balance. They didn't understand that times have changed, identity theft is a problem, and privacy laws are now in place. What they could get away with 30 years ago and what they can do now are two different things.

[Seshat]

Do they seriously not listen to a single word of the greeting?

For some reason, I have difficulty comprehending the first few words of most phone calls. And if I've had to hold a long time, this is especially the case.

I do try to confirm what I think I've heard, though. Which is better than starting in on my problem if I've called the wrong place, but does mean that I'm one of the people who does this:

Phone Answerer: Hello, this is the Blah Hotel in Boringland. PA speaking.
Me: I'm sorry, I missed that - is this the Boringland Blah Hotel?
PA: (probably thinks I'm an idiot)

[LadyAndreca]

I tend to ask for information again a lot at work, because the service counter can be VERY noisy when the store's busy. I always repeat back item numbers people give me over the phone, too. The few seconds it takes me to do this is worth it to make sure I don't make a mistake that I'll have to start over for.

Politely asking for a repeat of information you didn't hear isn't being a SC--it's ignoring the information you did.

[Starlord]

I fail to understand why the police would give your company's number to anyone for any reason. More likely is that either tehy have been given the wrong number (contact them and see if that is the case,) or like a problem I just had recently where I received hundreds of calls for a 'Brandi,' and even had one person argue with me that my number was my number, that I had better put 'Brandi' on right now. I told her that I had found out Brandi's number and that it was close to my cell phone's number. She flew off the handle and said I should come to her house and she would sho me where Brandi had written it down. After losing hundreds of units on my phone by these calls, I had my cell company change my number. Blessed peace.

[Andara Bledin]

Phone Answerer: Hello, this is the Blah Hotel in Boringland. PA speaking.
Me: I'm sorry, I missed that - is this the Boringland Blah Hotel?
PA: (probably thinks I'm an idiot)

Nope, I wouldn't think so. I would think you had some distraction on your end and just caught the sound but no the content. It's the people who don't acknowledge anything was said other than "hello" and then go on to ask if we're who we just said we were that are idiots.

After losing hundreds of units on my phone by these calls, I had my cell company change my number. Blessed peace.

No way would I let that happen. 5 wrong calls is the limit. I wouldn't look for Brandi's number. I would tell them, in no uncertain terms, that if they kept attempting to find Brandi at my number that I would turn them in for harrassment and go after them to the full extent of the law.

I don't put up with anything like that.

^-.-^