Greetings from iPhone Hell

[Kara]

I think it'll be obvious which carrier I don't work for, but I think all of my other competitors except for them are sharing this pain right now...

So yeah. The iPhone is here. My company isn't selling it. And somehow, all these customers who whine and cry because they think $50 is "ridiculous" for a phone seriously think they're going to cancel me and go get one for $500. I didn't do as badly, I only had about 6 cancels over it today. One unlucky coworker said she had about 15. Most people don't even know what it does. If I asked you if you to pay $500 for an mp3 player with only a 4GB hard drive that also happens to be a phone, you'd slap me. But if we plant talking heads all over the media and they tell you it does everything from grant you wishes to form Voltron if you have 4 other iPhone users around you, you'd buy it without question.

At least I found this last night to make me smile when I think about all the people out there who jumped the gun and canceled, only to find themselves without one.

Anyway, down to the "real" post now. Not really that many to report today. One of our centers closed down for a few hours to have a company picnic, so we were busy like crazy but most customers pretended to be civilized at least.

SW =Sucky Woman
SM = Sucky Man
ME = Seriously, you don't need an iPhone. Not for what they're asking for it.
Special guest star, DLR = 3rd Party Dealer

Well, at least we've identified the problem

SW: I'm not getting any service! I need to know what is going on!
ME: I'm sorry to hear you're not getting service. Where are you right now?
SW: In my home! No service in the bedroom, nothing in the kitchen, nowhere in the house!
ME: Well, your service is active, and I assume you had signal in the home before?
SW: Yes, until a few hours ago.
ME: I'm not seeing any outages in your area. Are you getting signal on your phone?
SW: Of course I am! My wireless phone is working fine! It's the other phones that I'm calling about.
ME: I'm sorry, what?
SW: My home. My phones in my house aren't working.
ME: Your landline?
SW: Yes, that's what I've been trying to tell you.
ME: Ma'am we only provide wireless service for you. Unfortunately, I can't help you with your home phone service.
SW: Well, what am I supposed to do?
ME (must...resist...urge...for sarcastic....retort...): Perhaps you should contact your landline provider.
SW: But only this phone is working. That's why I called you!

I really have nothing to add here, except a paraphrased quote from Calvin & Hobbes: "Sometimes I think the surest sign of intelligent life in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us."

iPhone Jackass

SM: I want to cancel because I'm getting an iPhone today.

This guy didn't really say anything stupid, but I'd like to point out a few facts. He's under a contract and will pay a termination fee, then turn around and pay $500 for another phone with someone else. He admitted to not really knowing what it does, but that it "looks nice." The reason he's under contract is because he upgraded to a new phone a month ago. At that time, he would have been fully aware of the then forthcoming launch of the offending device, and yet he still agreed to a contract and understood fully that he'd not only have been out $250 for the phone he bought from us, but also the termination fee, $500 for the "other" phone, plus their activation fees/deposits/whathave you.

Mac Weenie

SM: I need to cancel. I'm getting the iPhone.
ME: Alas, we do not carry that device, but we have many phones with similar features for a much lower cost. I have (NOT iPHONE) available, which-
SM: *laugh* But it's not compatible with OS X! Do you have any idea how long I've been waiting for a phone like this to come out? DO YOU? So forget it!

I knew this would happen. Die-hard Mac enthusiasts cannot be swayed by a mere mortal like myself. Steve jobs could put an etch-a-sketch in a box with the Apple logo, call it the "iFark," sell it for hundreds of dollars, and these people would still buy it as long as it's compatible with OS X.

867?

ME: I'd be happy to help you today, could I just have your mobile number?
SW: Yeah. XXX-XXX-XXXX.
ME: Okay (no account found), it looks like-
SW: Oh, that's not my number. That's the store number. What the hell is my mobile number?

Not only is it bad form to answer a question with a question, but to answer a question with the same damn question is just being crappy.

Nickel-and-diming nickels and dimes

SW: What do you mean there's going to be a charge?
ME: Well, of course you won't be charged any activation or cancellation fees since you were only in service for 3 days, but there will be a prorated charge for those days that it was active.
SW: I didn't use any service! It didn't work! I'm not paying anything!
ME: Well, you did use 19 minutes, so I think it would be reasonable to charge for-
SW: Fine! Do whatever the Hell you want, then! *click*

Really? Are you like a genie or something? Do you have legitimate authority to allow that? Sweet! First item on the list, firing Uwe Boll into the sun. Then I'll fill your house with scorpions.

Still not 867, but probably originated there

ME: I'm afraid that card number you gave me for the payment on the customer's account is not valid. Let me make sure I got this right. It should be XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX?
DLR: Okay.
ME: I'm sorry, is that the correct card number?
DLR: Okay.
ME: Okay, that still didn't work. Does the customer have another card to make the payment?
DLR: So did the payment go through?
ME: ....
DLR: Hello?
ME: No, the card number you provided is not valid. Is there another card we can use?
DLR: Oh, let me get it for you. XXYYXYXXYYYXYYXY (note that some of the numbers were the same, but most were totally different)
ME: That card number is also not valid.
DLR: Okay. Can I get the confirmation number?
ME: No. There isn't one. I still need a valid card number to process the payment.
DLR: Okay, I just call back later. Okay bye.


You do realize that every time you open your mouth, an angel's wings burst into flames and they fall screaming to the ground, right? Just so we have that clear...

WTF

SW: You guys screwed up this account and I'm tired of fixing your mess! I want to cancel everything, I'm done!
ME: I'm sorry to hear that. What happened with your account?
SW: I wanted to have 2 lines on 1 account with Plan X, and the other two on Plan Y. But you put all three lines on Plan Y, and that 's not what I want!!! Because now I'm going to pay an extra #9.99 for the 2 extra lines, and I don't want that. That's ridiculous, asking me to pay and extra #20 a month! I didn't even want those nymbers. I went to the store to pay my bill, and walked out with 2 new phones. I got rid of the first one. The second one was getting pretty hot and I was afraid it might be dangerous so I sold it.
ME : So, you wanted 2 lines on 1 plan, and 2 lines on another? I can change that for you.
SW: You put me on the wrong plan! I need XXXX minutes and I only have XXX on this plan and you keep screwing up and my bills get higher and higher every month! I'm tired of it!
ME: But you know, it would be cheaper to have all the lines on the same plan than paying $XXX.XX for 1 plan and $XX.XX for the other.
SW: But I'm not paying the extra $20 for the two lines! That's crazy! You know what? I'm confused. You figure it out for me.

This woman was upset because she was on a plan that had lower minutes that what she wanted. But she didn't need the higher minutes. The reason her bill keeps going up is because she keeps raising her plan every couple of months. She called in 2 weeks ago, and the rep put her on a lower plan to save her money (and they did get her permission to do so). That'll teach us to do something for the customers' benefit.

[Catwoman2965]

Oh that video was just too funny! I just knew at the end that neither one of them would have any wires left to actually reach the iphone!

[Boozy]

ME: Let me make sure I got this right. It should be XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX?
DLR: Okay.

ME: I'm sorry, is that the correct card number?
DLR: Okay.

ME: That card number is also not valid.
DLR: Okay. Can I get the confirmation number?

ME: No. There isn't one. I still need a valid card number to process the payment.
DLR: Okay, I just call back later. Okay bye.

No! Bad dealer! NOT okay!

You do realize that every time you open your mouth, an angel's wings burst into flames and they fall screaming to the ground, right?

You could have actually asked him that, but I have the feeling he just would have said "Okay"

[Kara]

Yeah, for every customer that's canceling before they actually own one, and/or say they're standing in a mile-long line for one, or are getting one "online," or that a friend is getting one for them, I hear "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" and just grin.

[Gravekeeper]

iPhone = Apple's Playstation 3.

I seem to have traded callers with you, Kara. They're actually trying to SCAM me over a cell phone. I've never gotten that before. Ever. ><

[Fraggle]

iPhones are going to be retailing in europe for over 600 euro.
Yup, over 600 euro.

I actaully used to work for Apple when these were announced. You would have to be braindead to pay that much money for a phone/mp3 player. Seriously, just glue an ipod nano to the phone you have now, it will save you about 500 euro.

[lordlundar]

Mac Weenie

SM: I need to cancel. I'm getting the iPhone.
ME: Alas, we do not carry that device, but we have many phones with similar features for a much lower cost. I have (NOT iPHONE) available, which-
SM: *laugh* But it's not compatible with OS X! Do you have any idea how long I've been waiting for a phone like this to come out? DO YOU? So forget it!

I knew this would happen. Die-hard Mac enthusiasts cannot be swayed by a mere mortal like myself. Steve jobs could put an etch-a-sketch in a box with the Apple logo, call it the "iFark," sell it for hundreds of dollars, and these people would still buy it as long as it's compatible with OS X.

Or slap an Apple logo on a vacumn, call it the iSuck and do the same.

At least that way, when people refer to it, they'll be accurate in a self description.

[Kara]

I seem to have traded callers with you, Kara. They're actually trying to SCAM me over a cell phone. I've never gotten that before. Ever. ><

I wondered about that. Especially the customer and dealer who I swear were born in 867-land. I was half expecting someone to call me and tell me their car was locked in the lot and expect me to do something about it.

I'll take mine back if you take yours

[Sliceanddice]

... you know you can buy a nice cell with every thing but the 'real internet' for half the cost...

bad customers...

[myswtghst]

Yeah, my mom and I were getting pedicures for my birthday on Friday, and were watching on the tv at the salon, the news showing the HUGE line of idiots in line in downtown Chicago, who stood for over 5 hours in line to buy the stupid thing.

I'm an avid Mac person, I love my iBook and only replaced the first with the new one because of physical damage, and I adore my iPod--the thing has lived through so much. I would never buy the iPhone--I think it's a ridiculous waste of $$$.

[It's me]

I think this a good place to resurrect this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xcjLEwZqcQI

[BookstoreEscapee]

Did that first guy think that he couldn't call his landline provider from his cell phone?

When we had the fiberoptic cable whatever technical blah blah installed they accidentally cut our phone line. My dad called in from his cell phone to tell them and of course they wanted to send someone to fix it in a few days instead of right away. My dad was trying to explain to them that wasn't acceptable because the cell phone doesn't work in the house and if there was some kind of emergency or whatever (I have some family members with major health problems so this wasn't a totally hypothetical situation) no one would be able to reach us. The guy was confused about how my dad was calling them, then...didn't seem to understand that my dad had to actually leave the house with the cell phone and call them from out in the street (yes, my house resides in a cell phone black hole of some sort. If I find just the right spot in my bedroom and don't move a muscle I can usually get a few minutes of talk time out of it but for the most part we don't bother with the cells in the house). Upshot, finally he got the guy to understand that this was a semi-emergency issue for us and besides, it was THEIR fault!! So they fixed it the next morning.

[Kara]

...the news showing the HUGE line of idiots in line in downtown Chicago, who stood for over 5 hours in line to buy the stupid thing.

Yeah, one of my coworkers got a call on Friday morning from a guy who had been standing in line since Thursday morning who was canceling to get one. He said the line was 7 blocks long. He was in New York City.

Did that first guy think that he couldn't call his landline provider from his cell phone?

No, she really thought I could fix it. My company doesn't even offer a landline service, so it's not like she might have made any form of logical conclusion.

[Calud]

I may be getting one of them phones... but not unless they are 400€ or cheaper. I'm not spending 600 bucks on that thing.

[Catwoman2965]

Apparently there have been SERIOUS issues with activation of the iphones; waiting time of hours...found a blog re: the activiation and lack of servcice - blaming both apple and at&t - I just found it interesting; quite a few people who I suspect were gung ho about the phone, now saying it sucks, as does the service, and will be returning it. For me personally it wasn't worth leaving my old provider, and spending all that money - but I do think the concept is cool...

Oh yeah, and quite a few SC-like comments about how they are going to DEMAND the $36 activation fee be refunded. I can see their point, as AT&T promised "instant" activation through itunes, but the tone of some of them just says it all.