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Yesterday was bad. I don't even want to get into it, but it was a day off and it sucked something awful. I'm hating my power company right now, it's really a shame they're the only ones around and I'd never survive without my electronic luxuries.
Speaking of suck, I did work Monday and Tuesday, and here is transcribed every harrowing detail of that little adventure:
SW = Sucky Woman
SM = Sucky Man
ME =
I just gave this post a quick once-over before submitting, and I'm a little shocked by how full of evil it is. Oh well, after yesterday (power outage + trying to keep the basement from flooding = maximum suck), I don't care.
I can almost see your point
SM: I can't pay this bill, so you need to give me a credit.
ME: I'm afraid that, although they are quite high, the charges are valid and there is no credit I'd be able to give you.
SM: Sigh, well, you know, I'll be filing bankruptcy next month, I'd sure hate to have to include you guys in that.
ME: But if you do, once your account is settled, it would still be possible to have service with us again.
SM: Okay, here's the deal. I work for Orkin pest control, so I know how these things work. I know that you can talk to a manager who can make things happen.
First of all, no. Secondly, I'm trying to connect the dots between Exterminators and Customer Care. You kill bugs, I destroy the hopes and dreams of people trying to get credits and/or free stuff for random reasons (note - keep this in mind for later on, it will be important and there will be a test). But although we do both deal in death, that still doesn't entitle you to any credit at all.
Um...Ok
ME: What's the problem you're having with the phone?
SW: Well, okay. Last night, I went to sleep.
ME: O..k...
SW: And this morning, I woke up.
ME: ...
SW: ...
So... you managed to not die in your sleep. While I can see how this has created a problem for me, I'm a little fuzzy on what this has to do with anything else.
"Hate" isn't strong enough
SM: I need a new phone. My last one got ran over.
ME: I'm sorry to hear that. I see here you just activated in November, and you had the Blackberry XXXX. It looks like you didn't enroll in insurance, but we can still look at our upgrade program to see what kind of discount you'd be eligible for.
SM: Okay, but I'm not paying for it.
ME: Well, I still have that model available, and it would be $249.99.
SM: I said I'm not paying for it.
ME: Unfortunately, I don't have that phone for free.
SM: Look you guys already made me pay you $500 in March. Now you expect me to PAY for a phone?
ME: ... I see here you did go over your minutes that month by-
SM: That's because I figured there was a cap and you wouldn't let me go over by very much.
ME: But you were aware of how to check the minutes?
ME: That's not the point. I wanted to find out what the limit was, and then I found out there isn't one, and that's just ridiculous. Then you wouldn't give me a credit, so I canceled. But after 1 day, I realized I can't live without by Blackberry, so I turned it back on and paid the bill.
Yeah, it was so crucial to your survival, you managed to somehow be so careless as to run it over. The actual memo I left on his account: "Cust ci b/c got bberry when activated in 11/2006 // alas, it lost a dispute with a vehicle and exists no more // cust wants another one, adv $249.99 w/2 year // cust wants free, adv not eligible for discount // cust threatened to cxl, adv ETF will apply // cust feels this is unfair b/c went over mins in 03/2007, though stated he was using mins to determine the "limit" of overage allowable only to find there is none, which he finds unacceptable // adv charges are valid // cust hung up without making any changes"
D'oh!
Yet another customer telling me all the reasons why she deserves a free phone because of whatever stupid reason she thinks will justify it. I hit my "Mute" button and said, "Oh boo-hoo." Then I realized I had already been muted, so I had unmuted myself before saying it. Luckily, the customer was too busy running her mouth to notice. I did remute in time to proclaim "Oh Sh*t!"
The Grudge
SM: I want to cancel because you overcharged me! And I want you to send me a hard copy showing you've canceled my account!
ME: I'm sorry to hear you're looking to cancel. When were you overcharged?
SM: Last September. I've been in service since 1989, and you wouldn't give me a credit!
ME: I'm definitely sorry to hear that. I could look at-
SM: I said I want to cancel! Are you deaf?
ME: ... Okay, sure.
SM: And I want you to send this conversation to me in writing.
ME: I'm afraid I can't do that.
SM: Why not? You can send me a bill.
ME: Yes, because I have a system that makes your bill every month. I don't have a system that allows me to send you anything in writing.
SM: Then get on a typewriter and do it yourself.
ME: I can't do that.
SM: Why not?
ME: Because it's a violation of privacy laws. I can't send you any documentation relating to your account other than your bill.
SM: Why is that?
ME: Because I don't know who will be there to receive it.
SM: Fine. Then I'll send a letter to your corporate office and they'll be smart enough to figure out how to type a damn letter.
Yeah, you do that. The department that handles written correspondence doesn't make any account changes and also can't break the law for you. But good luck with that.
We all float down here
CSR: Hi, I have a customer on the line who wants to add her daughter to her account.
ME: That's great. But I'm afraid this isn't the right department. We don't activate here. We do the opposite.
CSR: Oops, sorry.
You seek to create? Fie, leave this place. Only death and despair exist here.
China Go
SW: I cancel my service, I move to China.
ME: I'm definitely sorry to here we're going to be losing you. Do you know when you're moving?
SW: Uh... August... what? Oh, August 2nd.
ME: Wow. What an amazing coincidence. You couldn't have timed it any better. That just so happens to be the same day your contract ends.
We get so many dealers posing as customers, I just can't resist the temptation to mess with them at least a little.
King Asshat
SM: I demand compensation! You people screwed everything up and my son's birthday was ruined!
ME: I'm sorry to hear about that. How did we disrupt your son's birthday?
SM: I ordered him a new phone, and you idiots sent him a text message telling him he was getting it and how much it cost!
ME: Well, our system does send confirmation when you place an order to ensure accuracy. If you used his number for the upgrade, then it would have sent him the confirmation to his line.
SM: So what are you going to do to fix this?
ME: I'm truly sorry for the inconvenience, I'd be happy to offer you 200 temporary free minutes.
SM: I don't need minutes. What credit are you going to give me?
ME: Credit?
SM: That's right.
ME: So you ordered the phone for your son.
SM: Yeah.
ME: And you agreed to purchase it with a contract for $250?
SM: Yeah.
ME: And it arrived on time?
SM: Uh-huh.
ME: It works okay?
SM: Yes, it's fine!
ME: Then it appears there is no credit necessary for this issue.
SM: Can you imagine your child opening up his presents on his 9th birthday, and you hand him the one with the phone and his friend says "Wow, can you believe that?" And he says "Yeah, I got a text message about it." Just try to imagine your heart stopping in your chest!
ME: So he was upset by it?
SM: No, but I was!
ME: And what would you consider to be fair compensation?
SM: Well, I'd settle for 2 months of free service.
ME: I'm afraid that's not possible.
SM: But, a glitch in your system caused this!
ME: It's not a glitch. We want our customers to have peace of mind that their orders are placed correctly.
SM: That would have been okay, if someone had bothered to tell me that when I ordered it.
ME: So, you told us it was for your son as a gift?
SM: .... That's not the issue here! What are you going to do for me?
ME: I've already told you what I can do for you.
SM: You know what? If you can sit there and listen to a broken-hearted father's story and not feel any sympathy at all, then you shouldn't be in this department at all.
ME: You have my deepest sympathies. I've already stated that. I can definitely understand how frustrating this was for you. But that sympathy does not translate into 2 months of free service.
SM: Well, it's a shame they have someone like you supposedly trying to help people. You need to be retrained in what customer service is all about.
Okay, I can understand how frustrating this must have been, that wasn't bullcrap. But 2 months of free service? He didn't lose any money, his son was still ecstatic about getting the device. Which, by the way, who in their right mind buys a $250 phone for a nine year old? Hello,McFly, anybody home? Had he told us when he was ordering it that it was a present, we could have used a different line on his account so his son didn't get the confirmation. So yeah, there was a failure of communication on both parts. But it's worth exactly $0.
Speaking of suck, I did work Monday and Tuesday, and here is transcribed every harrowing detail of that little adventure:
SW = Sucky Woman
SM = Sucky Man
ME =
I just gave this post a quick once-over before submitting, and I'm a little shocked by how full of evil it is. Oh well, after yesterday (power outage + trying to keep the basement from flooding = maximum suck), I don't care.
I can almost see your point
SM: I can't pay this bill, so you need to give me a credit.
ME: I'm afraid that, although they are quite high, the charges are valid and there is no credit I'd be able to give you.
SM: Sigh, well, you know, I'll be filing bankruptcy next month, I'd sure hate to have to include you guys in that.
ME: But if you do, once your account is settled, it would still be possible to have service with us again.
SM: Okay, here's the deal. I work for Orkin pest control, so I know how these things work. I know that you can talk to a manager who can make things happen.
First of all, no. Secondly, I'm trying to connect the dots between Exterminators and Customer Care. You kill bugs, I destroy the hopes and dreams of people trying to get credits and/or free stuff for random reasons (note - keep this in mind for later on, it will be important and there will be a test). But although we do both deal in death, that still doesn't entitle you to any credit at all.
Um...Ok
ME: What's the problem you're having with the phone?
SW: Well, okay. Last night, I went to sleep.
ME: O..k...
SW: And this morning, I woke up.
ME: ...
SW: ...
So... you managed to not die in your sleep. While I can see how this has created a problem for me, I'm a little fuzzy on what this has to do with anything else.
"Hate" isn't strong enough
SM: I need a new phone. My last one got ran over.
ME: I'm sorry to hear that. I see here you just activated in November, and you had the Blackberry XXXX. It looks like you didn't enroll in insurance, but we can still look at our upgrade program to see what kind of discount you'd be eligible for.
SM: Okay, but I'm not paying for it.
ME: Well, I still have that model available, and it would be $249.99.
SM: I said I'm not paying for it.
ME: Unfortunately, I don't have that phone for free.
SM: Look you guys already made me pay you $500 in March. Now you expect me to PAY for a phone?
ME: ... I see here you did go over your minutes that month by-
SM: That's because I figured there was a cap and you wouldn't let me go over by very much.
ME: But you were aware of how to check the minutes?
ME: That's not the point. I wanted to find out what the limit was, and then I found out there isn't one, and that's just ridiculous. Then you wouldn't give me a credit, so I canceled. But after 1 day, I realized I can't live without by Blackberry, so I turned it back on and paid the bill.
Yeah, it was so crucial to your survival, you managed to somehow be so careless as to run it over. The actual memo I left on his account: "Cust ci b/c got bberry when activated in 11/2006 // alas, it lost a dispute with a vehicle and exists no more // cust wants another one, adv $249.99 w/2 year // cust wants free, adv not eligible for discount // cust threatened to cxl, adv ETF will apply // cust feels this is unfair b/c went over mins in 03/2007, though stated he was using mins to determine the "limit" of overage allowable only to find there is none, which he finds unacceptable // adv charges are valid // cust hung up without making any changes"
D'oh!
Yet another customer telling me all the reasons why she deserves a free phone because of whatever stupid reason she thinks will justify it. I hit my "Mute" button and said, "Oh boo-hoo." Then I realized I had already been muted, so I had unmuted myself before saying it. Luckily, the customer was too busy running her mouth to notice. I did remute in time to proclaim "Oh Sh*t!"
The Grudge
SM: I want to cancel because you overcharged me! And I want you to send me a hard copy showing you've canceled my account!
ME: I'm sorry to hear you're looking to cancel. When were you overcharged?
SM: Last September. I've been in service since 1989, and you wouldn't give me a credit!
ME: I'm definitely sorry to hear that. I could look at-
SM: I said I want to cancel! Are you deaf?
ME: ... Okay, sure.
SM: And I want you to send this conversation to me in writing.
ME: I'm afraid I can't do that.
SM: Why not? You can send me a bill.
ME: Yes, because I have a system that makes your bill every month. I don't have a system that allows me to send you anything in writing.
SM: Then get on a typewriter and do it yourself.
ME: I can't do that.
SM: Why not?
ME: Because it's a violation of privacy laws. I can't send you any documentation relating to your account other than your bill.
SM: Why is that?
ME: Because I don't know who will be there to receive it.
SM: Fine. Then I'll send a letter to your corporate office and they'll be smart enough to figure out how to type a damn letter.
Yeah, you do that. The department that handles written correspondence doesn't make any account changes and also can't break the law for you. But good luck with that.
We all float down here
CSR: Hi, I have a customer on the line who wants to add her daughter to her account.
ME: That's great. But I'm afraid this isn't the right department. We don't activate here. We do the opposite.
CSR: Oops, sorry.
You seek to create? Fie, leave this place. Only death and despair exist here.
China Go
SW: I cancel my service, I move to China.
ME: I'm definitely sorry to here we're going to be losing you. Do you know when you're moving?
SW: Uh... August... what? Oh, August 2nd.
ME: Wow. What an amazing coincidence. You couldn't have timed it any better. That just so happens to be the same day your contract ends.
We get so many dealers posing as customers, I just can't resist the temptation to mess with them at least a little.
King Asshat
SM: I demand compensation! You people screwed everything up and my son's birthday was ruined!
ME: I'm sorry to hear about that. How did we disrupt your son's birthday?
SM: I ordered him a new phone, and you idiots sent him a text message telling him he was getting it and how much it cost!
ME: Well, our system does send confirmation when you place an order to ensure accuracy. If you used his number for the upgrade, then it would have sent him the confirmation to his line.
SM: So what are you going to do to fix this?
ME: I'm truly sorry for the inconvenience, I'd be happy to offer you 200 temporary free minutes.
SM: I don't need minutes. What credit are you going to give me?
ME: Credit?
SM: That's right.
ME: So you ordered the phone for your son.
SM: Yeah.
ME: And you agreed to purchase it with a contract for $250?
SM: Yeah.
ME: And it arrived on time?
SM: Uh-huh.
ME: It works okay?
SM: Yes, it's fine!
ME: Then it appears there is no credit necessary for this issue.
SM: Can you imagine your child opening up his presents on his 9th birthday, and you hand him the one with the phone and his friend says "Wow, can you believe that?" And he says "Yeah, I got a text message about it." Just try to imagine your heart stopping in your chest!
ME: So he was upset by it?
SM: No, but I was!
ME: And what would you consider to be fair compensation?
SM: Well, I'd settle for 2 months of free service.
ME: I'm afraid that's not possible.
SM: But, a glitch in your system caused this!
ME: It's not a glitch. We want our customers to have peace of mind that their orders are placed correctly.
SM: That would have been okay, if someone had bothered to tell me that when I ordered it.
ME: So, you told us it was for your son as a gift?
SM: .... That's not the issue here! What are you going to do for me?
ME: I've already told you what I can do for you.
SM: You know what? If you can sit there and listen to a broken-hearted father's story and not feel any sympathy at all, then you shouldn't be in this department at all.
ME: You have my deepest sympathies. I've already stated that. I can definitely understand how frustrating this was for you. But that sympathy does not translate into 2 months of free service.
SM: Well, it's a shame they have someone like you supposedly trying to help people. You need to be retrained in what customer service is all about.
Okay, I can understand how frustrating this must have been, that wasn't bullcrap. But 2 months of free service? He didn't lose any money, his son was still ecstatic about getting the device. Which, by the way, who in their right mind buys a $250 phone for a nine year old? Hello,McFly, anybody home? Had he told us when he was ordering it that it was a present, we could have used a different line on his account so his son didn't get the confirmation. So yeah, there was a failure of communication on both parts. But it's worth exactly $0.
Thankfully, nothing got on the computer...
. Doesn't sound like his day was ruined in the least. Your day, on the other hand...
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