The Epic Saga of VL, 3 stories, each stupid.

[unholypet]

VL lives with her grandmother, and a varietal assortment of characters we've never had named. She will usually order for about 15minutes, and then call back to add more once it arrives at her house.

The earliest I've gotten one of her calls:

Me: Thank you for calling (company), this is UnholyPet, how may I help you?
VL: Um.. I want a pizza with the uh...
Me: Is this gonna be for delivery?
VL: YEAH.. yeah.
Me: Okay, your (information).
VL: Um.. GRANDMA... GRANDMA.... ((what)) ARE WE AT uh... What'd you say?
Me: (repeat of info)
VL: (REPEAT OF INFO) ....okay, that's me...we... us.. its us here.
Me: ... OKAY, and what can I get for you?
VL: I want a pizza.
Me: What size?
--long explanation of the large, medium, baby beast, and beast pizzas.
VL: I want a medium one, and some of those wings.
Me: What would you like on your pizza?
VL: The sauce and cheese and the bread and the befftttfff.
Me: I'm sorry?
VL: The beeeeeeeeeeeeeeff. BEEF. Like cow.
Me: Okay, and you wanted some wings?
VL: Yeah. What's that stuff they come with?
Me: ...dipping sauce or wing sauce?
VL: One of those.
Me: o_0'' BBQ, hot, or extra hot?
VL: Oh god.. I don't know... which one do I like?
Me: Umm.. BBQ is good.
VL: Okay.
Me: So, BBQ... and any dipping sauce for you?
VL: OH MY GOD.. Dipping sauce... which one... that one that's white?
Me: Ranch, bleu cheese, sour-ranch, sour cream, fat free ranch, caesar...
VL: The one that's good. And blue is not white. Its blue.
Me: =_= Howabout ranch?
VL: Is that good? I like good stuff.
Me: Yeah...
VL: Okay.
Me: So that's a medium beef pizza--
VL: AND THE CHEESE AND SAUCE AND BREAD--
Me: and an order of BBQ wings with ranch for dipping. Anything else?
VL: Are napkins free?
Me: Yes.
VL: How much are they?
Me: ... they're free.
VL: Even if I want 32 of them?
Me: Um. Sure.
VL: Okay.

So we sum up the order and send it. Delivery guy gets at her door, calls us with him in front while she counts the napkins to "Make sure I gots all I payed for."

...right.

NUMBA TWO!!

(usual spiel, name and number after we asked everyone in the house (total of six different voices) and then get to ordering)

VL: I want four cokes. One diet coke. One Dr. Pepper.
Me: Okay. Fountain, 20 oz., or 2 liter.
VL: What's the difference?
Me: One is from the fountain.. one in a little bottle for one person.. and one is enough for everyone.
VL: I want the one for every person one.
Me: So the 2 liter?
VL: Those are the big ones?
Me: Yes.
VL: I want one for everyone.
Me: Oh okay, fountain or 20 oz.?
VL: ...ONE FOR EVERYONE. GRANDMA ((what)) FOUNTAIN or or..
Me: 20 oz.
VL: TWEEEEENTY OUNCCCCCCCCCCCCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Grandma: You idiot! Get the 2 liter its cheaper!
--Enter those other voices telling her all at the same time what they want.
VL: Did you hear them?
Me: Yep.. I have it set here if you will just confirm.
(enter confirmation and set for delivery)

She calls back 5 minutes later.
VL: I want more drinks.
Me: I'm sorry but your deliver has left.

We then fight about how we cannot make the driver stop and come back, its against policy, she should have called earlier.. blah blah blah. Then i have to listen to Grandma yell at VL and then the chorus. Then VL yelled at me.


Third finale!

Blah, name and info, blah.

VL: I want the beast.
Me: The beast, as in the huge 24 slice pizza?
VL: Uh uh.. yeah.. well, yes that.
Me: And what would you like on it?
VL: Half pepperoni pepperonies, and half just the cheese and sauce and breads.
Me: Okay, half cheese and half pepperoni?
VL: TWO PEPPERONI.
Me: Two.. pepperoni on that half.
VL: Yes.
Me: Anything else for you?
VL: Hold on.. HOLD ON. (dropping of phone) ..... yelling nonsense, Grandma wants cookies from down the road.. yelling.. stomping..... OKAY thats that.
Me: One beast with half pepperoni pepperoni and half cheese.
VL: And bread and sauces.
Me: And bread and sauce.
VL: What is it?
Me: (price)

I go on to confirm THREE individual times what she wants.

She gets the food, and swears to my manager she wanted a beef pizza.
Manager says she can't order anymore.

Yay.

[Rappunzill]

Oh em gee. Even stoned people can order pizza, boys and girls. You should be able to manage the same. Please say you can. Please?

Brain hurt.

[unholypet]

Me likey pepperoni! Me likey pepperoni!

[JustADude]

Oh god... the horror.... she sounds about twelve! Wait... no... I take that back. I've had a 12-yo girl order before, and she knew the deal better than this chica. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?! For that matter, who the doesn't know that it's UNDERSTOOD that there's bread and sauce for the whole pizza? If there's no bread and sauce, the pizza isn't there! It's a semi-circular 12 slice pizza, not a full-size 24 slice pizza! AAAAARRRRRRUUUUUGGGGHHHH!

*pop*
*FIZZZZT*
*Beep-beep*Beeeeeeep*
*DING!*

Huh? Wha? What's going on? Woah... looks like something caused an overload in the Stupidity Dispersion Buffer and forced a reboot.

Trippy!

[Soulstealer]

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?!

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot will now be changed to Whiskey Tequilla Hardball (unless you can find a drink that starts with a 'f') because I am now adding my 2 bottle minimum has a stanard charge on your bill.

Woah... looks like something caused an overload in the Stupidity Dispersion Buffer and forced a reboot.

Just poor it some of the tequilla.

[JustADude]

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot will now be changed to Whiskey Tequilla Hardball (unless you can find a drink that starts with a 'f') because I am now adding my 2 bottle minimum has a stanard charge on your bill.

Bah, Tequilla and I don't do business. It's Mexcal or nothing in that department.

As for drinks that start with F TAKE YOUR PICK.

[Arghetlam]

Sounds a lot like "Kuh-ray-zee Carl". Always orders a Collossus (Huge 16 slice, 26" pizza), ice cream, plates and napkins, and never tips.
Never.
And his apartment smells like death itself.

[JustADude]

Sounds a lot like "Kuh-ray-zee Carl". Always orders a Collossus (Huge 16 slice, 26" pizza), ice cream, plates and napkins, and never tips.
Never.
And his apartment smells like death itself.

Hopefully he's nice enough not to put himself in your bad graces. Before I started, my place had a guy who would order two or three times a week, always the smallest one-topping pizza we carry, be bitchy, crabby, and nasty, and demand exact change back from the drivers. Wouldn't even tip the change on a dollar.

In retaliation, they pretty much made him a pizza that, while complying with health-code standards, was also as absolutely nasty as they could make it. Undercooked, malformed, sauce all pooled in the middle, cheese barely melted, and the cutting-wheel run over it JUST deep enough to make it look like it was sliced without actually breaking the dough.

[unholypet]

Hopefully he's nice enough not to put himself in your bad graces. Before I started, my place had a guy who would order two or three times a week, always the smallest one-topping pizza we carry, be bitchy, crabby, and nasty, and demand exact change back from the drivers. Wouldn't even tip the change on a dollar.

In retaliation, they pretty much made him a pizza that, while complying with health-code standards, was also as absolutely nasty as they could make it. Undercooked, malformed, sauce all pooled in the middle, cheese barely melted, and the cutting-wheel run over it JUST deep enough to make it look like it was sliced without actually breaking the dough.

Ma ha ha...

There are two snotty women down the road who order pasta marinana, (one no onions no mushroom, both no pepperoni) and the very first day thet ever ordered said, "Don't you dare burn my toast..."

Ever since, they get raw/half-cooked bread with jello butter on it, and the pastas are never labeled =p

[SnapAddict218]

OK seriously......was she an adult? Or just a confused child? And she called back 3 times in one day? And she made a separate order for drinks????????? AFTER the pizza was delivered?

Jebuz....I'm hurting now

[Sofar]

Always orders a Collossus (Huge 16 slice, 26" pizza), ice cream, plates and napkins, and never tips.
Never.

Wow, that's bigger than the rims on my bicycle.

[Crazyredhead]

Owwww, my head hurts now, thank you.

[Becks]

I think parts of my brain went comatose.


And yet, I still have the ability to type.


Weird.

[Jadedcarguy]

VL: Is that good? I like good stuff.

Anyone seen Idiocracy?

[Gabrielle Proctor]

That's all I have to say on that matter. And your manager banned her from ordering from you guys ever again?