The logic of SCs

[ShinyGreenApple]

1. When the store is slammed and there are ten people with full carts behind you, ask the cashier or bagger to double bag your stuff in paper. Extra points if they've already bagged it in plastic and loaded it into your cart.

2. If your card doesn't work, it must be the fault of the store, and let's try running it again. And again, and again, and again . . .

3. Wait until everything has already been rung out, walk halfway away from the register, then go back and question prices.

4. If something came up wrong, stand in the line of the cashier who rung you up, since they must be able to fix it. Get pissed when they send you to the service desk because there isn't a damn thing they can do about it.

5. Leave your cart behind when you leave. It's not like the person behind you needs to get out or anything.

6. Ask for a pack of cigarettes. The cashier will be able to read your mind and know that you wanted the ultra light 100's instead of full flavor shorts.

7. Accuse the cashier of being a witch because of the jewelry they have on. (I'm not saying I have anything against witches, but it took me five minutes to convince this guy that I wasn't one. I thought for sure he was going to start throwing crosses at me or something. And for the record, it was only a replica of the medallion from Curse of the Black Pearl )

8. Call the bagger names like "Skinny" and "Little Blue Eyes", and proceed to laugh at yourself. Get pissed when said bagger does not find it funny.

9. When the announcement comes over that the store is closed and to please go to register 5, loaf around for ten minutes looking at ice cream bars.

10. Hold your screaming child in line so that they are screaming directly into the ear of the next cashier.

I could go on and on

[Shengirl]

11. Always use phrases like these to brighten your cashier's day. No one else has ever thought of them!
"It must be free!"
"I made it this morning!"
"All these [credit card] machines are different."
"You look bored."

12. Don't have the ghost of an idea of how much any of your items cost. Until after the order, when you can claim various sales did not come up.

13. Please, go back and forth from customer service to the scratch-off machine. Never decide on one amount of money to gamble and stop after it's gone. The office person doesn't have anything better to do than redeem your tickets 4 times in a row so you can keep going back to that machine.

14. Never know what the code city of the company you're trying to pay is. There are only a million ones to look through in the Western Union computer.

[SuperB]

15. Complain about something not being a cheap as Food for Less, meanwhile you're standing in a convenience store in the middle of the forest, miles from any civilization.

16. Read the sign explaining the septic system and the fact that the bathroom is for customers only then ask if it applies to you.

17. Imediately after walking in, ask where everything on your list is. Do this without bothering to look left or right.

18. Tell the clerk your coffee is a "refill" and that you got your first cup this morning from the "guy who was here". It'll piss off the girl who's been here since opening who's never laid eyes on you.

19. Assume that because the clerk you see is sitting in front of the computer that that must be all she does day in and day out. Say, "must be nice to have such a cushy job". Most effective on the Monday after a busy holiday weekend where a 12 hour day felt like 24.

20. Hand over a Visa card, say nothing until the transaction is finished and then claim you wanted debit.

21. Call me "sweetie".

[ArenaBoy]

22. Mention your expensive habits when you're told no. *cough* Expensive Dinners *cough*

23. Ask the clerk if they know who you are.

24. Bribe the clerk in order to get into VIP.

25. Scream on about how much you pay for tickets and a spot.

26. Come 30 minutes late and then bitch and moan about lack of parking,

27. Claim you're here for every game.

28. Claim that certain policies have never been in place.

29. Claim you know the owner (The owner I worked for is the richest man in the state.)

30. When you're told of the fee claim that you didn't know that you had to pay to park.

[powerboy]

31) Standing at the register, while talking on a cell phone. Extra points, for having a blue tooth headset on the other ear that the cashier cannot see.

32) Throwing a tantrum, because the product you want, is sold out. Extra points, if that item a hot ticket item, that was on sale

[Shengirl]

33. If the only language you speak is Chinese, please come to me to send money home to China. Always come alone, leaving your English-capable daughter at home. Never have someone help you fill out the form ahead of time. I just love to play charades when I could be helping the five other customers forming a queue behind you.

[napoleana]

"You look bored."

OMG YES. When I work Info Booth, people constantly come up to me and make this observation. Some times, I wonder how they managed not to hear the last person. I've had this said to me while I was conversing with someone else! Excuse me, did you just call this nice woman boring?



34. Tell them the line staff that the other location a half hour away does a better job than then.

35. Watch me make your food, and keep telling me what the next step in the process is, very upset that I'm about to do it wrong (when I'm not), and bitch about how long it's taking to assemble your nachos.

[EclipseDragon986]

34. Cashiers love trying to break hundreds for a pack of gum first thing in the morning.

35. It doesn't matter that the sale was last week. You were out of town and so you deserve the sale price this week.

36. You should get a discount for continuing to consume oxygen.

37. Don't worry about the mess your kids leave. We're paid to clean up after them.

38. Obviously if you walk into a restaurant with your eighteen thousand spawn, its a priveledge to clean up after them. You don't need to tip.

39. You should be able to grab someone on the phone to answer your questions for twenty to thirty minutes because you're obviously too important to come to the store or do your own research. It doesn't matter that he's the only one in the department and fifty customers are stealing him blind while he's busy.

40. If you can touch it, it should be yours.

41. Stealing is funny and everyone enjoys it.

42. Switching price tags is a great way to get a discount. If you're caught, just scream about it. We love that.

43. OBVIOUSLY I should know who you are.

44. People don't check on your purchases, so claim whatever you want. We'll fall all over ourselves breaking rules.

45. The customer is ALWAYS right.

46. If you can take it out, it wasn't important to begin with.

47. Being 'out of stock' just means that the associate is holding out on you because he hates you. Scream loudly enough and someone will find it.

48. If you scream and no one finds it, obviously its false advertising. Especially since everyone knows that you should come for the hot item five days after the sale started.

49. Personal vendettas against a chain are always justified.

50. Coming twenty minutes after close, beating on the door, and screaming like a banshee is an awesome way to get inside and finish your shopping. Once there, round up as many associates as possible, as we love to be your slaves.

[BookstoreEscapee]

7. Accuse the cashier of being a witch because of the jewelry they have on. (I'm not saying I have anything against witches, but it took me five minutes to convince this guy that I wasn't one. I thought for sure he was going to start throwing crosses at me or something. And for the record, it was only a replica of the medallion from Curse of the Black Pearl )

Aarrrr! I be not a witch, I be a pirate!! Now, where'd I put me sword? Oh, well, guess I'll have to use this...

• Assume if we don't have that controversial political tome, it means we are censoring it, not that the publisher only printed a relative handful of copies for the whole country and everyone and their brother came in this morning and bought it before you. Ignore that little story in the paper and the one on the news this morning telling you all about it. And please, yell at the customer service person AND the cashier because they will pull out a notebook and pen and write you a copy right there if you do.
  
• Assume because it was on Oprah I've read it and know everything about it. Also, please call right at 5:00 the day she reveals it and ask if we have it, and complain when we have already put the 3 copies we had on hold. Because no one else will be calling at that time for the same reason. And of course we knew what it was ahead of time and ordered 3792 copies in anticipation.
  
• Assume because I am a girl I know all about romance novels.
  
• Please, I want to know all about why that fringe-quack diet is the best thing ever and why everyone should eat nothing but roots and grubs.

[AriRashkae]

And that, my friends, is why I keep a handful of Get Out of Hell Free cards handy. Have yet to see a cashier or bagger not smile when given one of those puppies.

If only they actually worked.

[ShinyGreenApple]

39. When it's half an hour before close and there is only one cashier in the store, decide you don't want something on your order and make her void it off. After, of course, observing this same behavior from the three asshats who went in front of you and held up the line for the same exact reason.

40. Also decide you don't want something before the cashier has rung it. Stick it in the candy rack or on another register in her plain sight. It's not like she's the one who has to put it all back.

[Canarr]

11. Always use phrases like these to brighten your cashier's day. No one else has ever thought of them!

"All these [credit card] machines are different."

Well - they are. Put the stripe to the left, or to the right. Press "Confirm" first, then enter PIN. Or enter PIN, then press...

Sure, you hear it often, but the customer probably isn't any less annoyed by it.

[unholypet]

- We will watch your kids for you, and teach them to behave! Extra points if you think them being loud and rowdy is our fault to begin with.

- Come in on Sunday, preach about how "the Lord Rest on the Seventh Day," and then buy something which causes us to work. Bonus points if you argue semantics about why that day is for rest.

- Peeing in the urinal/toilet, and then in the hand sink (and stopping the drain) is a perfect way of making us put your food out faster.

- Bringing a dog in a resteraunt is the best way to gain acceptance.

- Using a lot of lipstick, and eyeliner, is the best way to try to seduce another female. Especially when what you ask for is a free special anyway.

- Not answering your door if you are expecting a delivery is a great way to recieve food. Extra points if you wait four hours before calling about it.

- Putting your own obvious hair in your food and then bringing it to the counter is a great way to get free stuff.

- Threatening to talk to the owner is acceptable, when you are the one who peed in the hand sink.

- Grabbing an employee across the arm and attempting to hug them while they hold your food is a good thing.

- If you have children, be sure to give them out-of-store drinks so they can't come back and charge you for those refills.

- Claiming something was different last month, that has not been different for years, is a good way to appeal and get your way.

- Talking to your imaginary friend from shellshock is the best way to get your food fast.

(and my last one)

- Every person you wait on is not worth the food/item you buy, and you must treat them accordingly.

[napoleana]

A few I was reminded of last night:

- Tell the cashier you ordered something way cheaper than you did, not realizing she only asked to be polite and already knows what you ordered seeing as I was standing right next to her when I took your order.

- When you have a huge order and the cashier line is long, be sure to ramble off SLOWLY all the side items you ordered that COME with your meal and DON'T affect the price.

- Don't approach the the to-go counter until the obvious stoner is nearby and then complain about the meal not being done right.

- Walk off with the wrong bag/half your order, then call in upset that your food was completely wrong.

- Demand to speak to the owner even after you are told that he is on VACATION on his BOAT.

[napoleana]

11. Always use phrases like these to brighten your cashier's day. No one else has ever thought of them!
"It must be free!"
"I made it this morning!"
"All these [credit card] machines are different."
"You look bored."

Here's another one I hear EVERY FRICKING DAY:

New Customer walks up to to-go counter, reads over the menu, and asks how the chicken salad is (because it has funky ingredients and is lime green).

I inform New Customer that I am a vegetarian, but I can ask a coworker (or, occasionally, giver him/her a sample).

Nearby Customer pipes up to say "Well, I'm a vegetarian, but their BBQ chicken is so good, I can't resist."

Har har har. You're not allowed to order boneless anymore. It's not that clever, and everyone and their mom has said it.

(Edit: Personally, I don't mind a clever joke or a good discussion about my personal ethics, but it's just stupid, and the attitude with which it's usually said is insulting.)