my brain hurts.....
I'll give her a......
Coworker: (to a table full of men in their early 20's) Stop giving cloudiko a hard time, she's trying to help you guys out.
Dumb guy: *mumbles to all his buddies*
Me: *brings them their drinks, heads toward the till*
Dumb guy: (loudly) I'd give her a 20 minute hard time!!
Me: (mumbles to self, rather loudly) Nice try, but you try it again and I'll give you a hard kick!
Coworker: *laughs at the guy's dumbfounded look*
Wow, that's jumping the gun a little...
Me: Hi, how many to -
Lady: I'm fine thanks.
Me: ...
Let's talk about boobs!!
New coworker: (to the coworker who is training her) So, do you have any kids?
Coworker B: Um...yeah. (note: B is 55 and her kids are grown adults...)
NC: Did you breastfeed your kids when they were babies?
B: *looks puzzled* Not that it's any of your business, but no.
NC: *judgemental sigh* Ooooohhh. That's a shame. Did you know that breastmilk helps your babies fight off viruses? (I'm not a mom, so I don't really keep track of all the breastfeeding information...)
B: I've heard that, but my kids are fine.
NC: Oh, really? How old are they? Why didn't you breastfeed them?
B: My son is 30 and my daughter is 25. I formula fed them and they're both fine. And I didn't breastfeed them because I had to go back to work. Sometimes you have to do that to survive.
NC: *shuts up*
Let's talk about boobs! (Again!)
New coworker: You just had a baby? That's soooooooooooo cute!
Coworker Z: Yeah, he's three months old.
NC: Are you breastfeeding him?
Me: (walking by, did a doubletake. Wasn't this just the same conversation from the day before....?)
Coworker Z: Of course. I can't afford formula right now, plus it makes sense.
NC: *sigh of relief* Oh, thank goodness. I can't believe how many people here don't breastfeed their babies. What are they thinking? Did you hear that there's going to be a new breastfeeding law going into effect next year?
Coworker Z: Isn't that great? That means I get to go home for 20 minutes and feed my baby and come back.
NC: I know...I love my son so much! (Insert random insight into NC's personal life that nobody wanted to know)
Me: Shouldn't you be working right now?
Another coworker who was passing by with plates: Yeah, I mean - stop talking about boobs and do something useful.
Me: *air high five*
But wait...it's not over yet
NC: My goodness, am I going to get off at 9 tonight?
Me: Maybe. It depends on how busy we get.
NC: Oh my goodness, I hope I get off because I only pumped one bottle for my baby.
Me: *trying to not bang my head against the nearest wall* It will be okay. I'm sure your baby will be okay going an extra 20 minutes without his bottle.
NC: You wouldn't understand, my baby is hungry!
Me: I don't understand, but I do understand that you need to plan better next time. The times on the schedule aren't always accurate. Manager told you that the first day you showed up for the job.
NC: Oh....but my baby is going to be hungry!
Me: *sighs*
NC: It doesn't help that my boobs always hurt anyway when I can't feed my baby.
Me: *walks away*
What? You're shouting!
Me: Hi, thanks for calling the Resturant of Placeville ho -
Caller: KJDFJKHAFLKEPIOAIHFOEIRNUIGJHETEER!!!
Me: Um, I'm sorry?
Caller: THEOIRERHBOEIHUGIHETHIOEHFOEIHRIOEHROIH!!!!
Me: Can you repeat that again sir? I couldn't quite make out what you are saying.
Caller: AKFJEIFJEIFHEOIHFOEIWHOAIHSIASODAPODJASIHFIHTHIEHF HE!!!!!!! MANAGER!!!!
Me: What? Do you want to speak to our manager?
Caller: FJEOIFHEOIHWIHFEEOWIHFOIWEHFEIOWHFOIWEHFOIHWEOIFHW EIOHFOIWEHFOIHWOIHFEO!!!!!
*click*
Me: *hold phone, looking very confused* Wow. Just wow.
You say potato, I say damnit.
Caller: KFJEIHFOEIHFIHAIOHSFIHOAIHFIHFOAIH!!!
Me: (thinking: didn't you just hang up on me?) Did you want to speak to our manager?
Caller: YES!
Me: (internally cheering: I finally got a word I understood out of him!) Ok, give me just a second.
Caller: THEORIHEOIHFIHWIHFWIEHFIOEHWFIOEHW!
*I put him on hold, get Manager, who talks to him at legnth*
Me: How did you understand a word of what that guy was saying?
Manager: He said something about his baked potatoes being hard. I told him to stick them in a microwave, but he said that wasn't good enough.
Me: Meaning he wants to get more free potatoes?
Manager: Exactly. He wants 5 baked potatoes, and don't do anything to them.
Me: Meaning I can't throw them at him?
Manager: Yes. Just put them in a bag and walk away.
Me: Is he going to be mean?
Manager: Possibly. Just give him the potatoes and let him leave. If he wants to complain again, I will be in the back.
Me: Oh great.
I am so thankful I have tomorrow off. Being in the presence of New Coworker made me lose about ten brain cells per second. My brain can't take much more of that!!
I'll give her a......
Coworker: (to a table full of men in their early 20's) Stop giving cloudiko a hard time, she's trying to help you guys out.
Dumb guy: *mumbles to all his buddies*
Me: *brings them their drinks, heads toward the till*
Dumb guy: (loudly) I'd give her a 20 minute hard time!!
Me: (mumbles to self, rather loudly) Nice try, but you try it again and I'll give you a hard kick!
Coworker: *laughs at the guy's dumbfounded look*
Wow, that's jumping the gun a little...
Me: Hi, how many to -
Lady: I'm fine thanks.
Me: ...
Let's talk about boobs!!
New coworker: (to the coworker who is training her) So, do you have any kids?
Coworker B: Um...yeah. (note: B is 55 and her kids are grown adults...)
NC: Did you breastfeed your kids when they were babies?
B: *looks puzzled* Not that it's any of your business, but no.
NC: *judgemental sigh* Ooooohhh. That's a shame. Did you know that breastmilk helps your babies fight off viruses? (I'm not a mom, so I don't really keep track of all the breastfeeding information...)
B: I've heard that, but my kids are fine.
NC: Oh, really? How old are they? Why didn't you breastfeed them?
B: My son is 30 and my daughter is 25. I formula fed them and they're both fine. And I didn't breastfeed them because I had to go back to work. Sometimes you have to do that to survive.
NC: *shuts up*
Let's talk about boobs! (Again!)
New coworker: You just had a baby? That's soooooooooooo cute!
Coworker Z: Yeah, he's three months old.
NC: Are you breastfeeding him?
Me: (walking by, did a doubletake. Wasn't this just the same conversation from the day before....?)
Coworker Z: Of course. I can't afford formula right now, plus it makes sense.
NC: *sigh of relief* Oh, thank goodness. I can't believe how many people here don't breastfeed their babies. What are they thinking? Did you hear that there's going to be a new breastfeeding law going into effect next year?
Coworker Z: Isn't that great? That means I get to go home for 20 minutes and feed my baby and come back.
NC: I know...I love my son so much! (Insert random insight into NC's personal life that nobody wanted to know)
Me: Shouldn't you be working right now?
Another coworker who was passing by with plates: Yeah, I mean - stop talking about boobs and do something useful.
Me: *air high five*
But wait...it's not over yet
NC: My goodness, am I going to get off at 9 tonight?
Me: Maybe. It depends on how busy we get.
NC: Oh my goodness, I hope I get off because I only pumped one bottle for my baby.
Me: *trying to not bang my head against the nearest wall* It will be okay. I'm sure your baby will be okay going an extra 20 minutes without his bottle.
NC: You wouldn't understand, my baby is hungry!
Me: I don't understand, but I do understand that you need to plan better next time. The times on the schedule aren't always accurate. Manager told you that the first day you showed up for the job.
NC: Oh....but my baby is going to be hungry!
Me: *sighs*
NC: It doesn't help that my boobs always hurt anyway when I can't feed my baby.
Me: *walks away*
What? You're shouting!
Me: Hi, thanks for calling the Resturant of Placeville ho -
Caller: KJDFJKHAFLKEPIOAIHFOEIRNUIGJHETEER!!!
Me: Um, I'm sorry?
Caller: THEOIRERHBOEIHUGIHETHIOEHFOEIHRIOEHROIH!!!!
Me: Can you repeat that again sir? I couldn't quite make out what you are saying.
Caller: AKFJEIFJEIFHEOIHFOEIWHOAIHSIASODAPODJASIHFIHTHIEHF HE!!!!!!! MANAGER!!!!
Me: What? Do you want to speak to our manager?
Caller: FJEOIFHEOIHWIHFEEOWIHFOIWEHFEIOWHFOIWEHFOIHWEOIFHW EIOHFOIWEHFOIHWOIHFEO!!!!!
*click*
Me: *hold phone, looking very confused* Wow. Just wow.
You say potato, I say damnit.
Caller: KFJEIHFOEIHFIHAIOHSFIHOAIHFIHFOAIH!!!
Me: (thinking: didn't you just hang up on me?) Did you want to speak to our manager?
Caller: YES!
Me: (internally cheering: I finally got a word I understood out of him!) Ok, give me just a second.
Caller: THEORIHEOIHFIHWIHFWIEHFIOEHWFIOEHW!
*I put him on hold, get Manager, who talks to him at legnth*
Me: How did you understand a word of what that guy was saying?
Manager: He said something about his baked potatoes being hard. I told him to stick them in a microwave, but he said that wasn't good enough.
Me: Meaning he wants to get more free potatoes?
Manager: Exactly. He wants 5 baked potatoes, and don't do anything to them.
Me: Meaning I can't throw them at him?
Manager: Yes. Just put them in a bag and walk away.
Me: Is he going to be mean?
Manager: Possibly. Just give him the potatoes and let him leave. If he wants to complain again, I will be in the back.
Me: Oh great.

I am so thankful I have tomorrow off. Being in the presence of New Coworker made me lose about ten brain cells per second. My brain can't take much more of that!!
Comment