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I probably should not have gone into work today. I was simply not in the right frame of mind to deal with this crap.
AOHell 9.0 (We Don't Have That, Round 1)
Why are AOL discs in such demand all of a sudden? For that matter, why is AOL even still in business?
SC: I need an AOL CD!
Me: We don't have them, sir.
SC: You don't HAVE them?!
Me: Nope. We have EarthLink and PeoplePC discs, but not AOL.
SC: You son of a......*storms out*
That's right dipshit, take it out on me.
That's the second person in the past couple weeks who's taken our lack of AOL discs personally with me.
Not So Easy Rebates
Ok, before reading this, go to http://www.stapleseasyrebates.com/
Click on "Store Purchase" and take a look at the two numbers from the rebate form you need to enter. Then take a look at the little picture illustrating it.
Now, how hard do you think it is to figure out?
Well for this MORON woman who called in, it was hell (more so for me).
First of all, she didn't even have the screen up when she called in. Then she forgot exactly what the problem was, so had to go and try again while I was on the line.
Her first problem was that she simply coudn't comprehend which number was which. She even made up her own terms. "Easy rebate number" for the offer number" and "Offer Number" for the ID number. So she's basically got it backwards. I had to explain which number was which no less than three times.
Then she got hung up on trying to submit mulitple rebates with the same ID number. It's easy, you just click additional rebates and drive on. Yet she could not wrap her thick skull around that concept. Finally, she tells me she's worried that it will reject the rebate because the numbers are the same, despite my assurances to the contrary.
It took about 6 minutes to get her off the phone and out of my life. JUST READ THE BLEEDING INSTRUCTIONS YOU IDIOT
After releasing the call, I mimed a scream into the mike.
We Don't Have That, Round 2
SC: Yeah I need black ink for an Epson R380.
Me: OK. *hands him an Epson 78 black*
SC: This isn't the right cartridge.
Me: You said R380, right? *points to the word R380 on the package*
SC: I need the HIGH CAPACITY. T077120.
Me: Unfortunately I do not have the 77 series. I only have the 78s.
SC: Well why the hell not!? Circuit City has them! That makes YOU the most expensive game in town!
And that has exactly WHAT to do with it, sir? I do NOT have the 77 Black.
Me: Sir, we only just started carrying the 78s. We may well be carrying the 77s in the future, but I do not have them currently. Would you like me to try and order them for you?
SC: No. I need it today!
Well dumbass, you should have thought of that sooner. Buy extra so you don't run out.
SC: *smugly* I guess I'll have to go to Circuit City!
Do you REALLY think a threat like that fazes me? Go ahead sir! And don't let the door hit your ass on the way out!
We Don't Have That, Round 3
Woman wanted a twin pack of HP 26 black ink cartridges.
Me: Sorry, but we don't carry a twin pack for the 26.
SC: Boo hiss! What kind of store is this? *said as if this was some sort of joke*
OMG you're SO funny!.........Get the fuck out..... 
We Don't Have That, Round 4, the Valley Girl Edition
In this story, you have to imagine everything that SC1 said in that hugely annoying stereotypical whiney Valley Girl tone of voice. "Like, oh my God I HAD to have it!" Except the woman was like, at least 40 years old, so the tone was completely out of place. I do not know how she gets on in life with this kind of attitude
SC1: I'm looking for this camera. *points to Canon PowerShot A550 in flyer*
See this thread for the background on this camera.
Me: Unfortunately, I do not have any of those left.
SC1: Are you KIDDING?!?!
Yes, I am kidding. I really have ten of these that I am unwilling to sell at such a low price, I'm just waiting for the price to go back up. OF COURSE I AM NOT KIDDING! If I had the product to sell you, I'd sell it to you you stupid bimbo.
Me: I've been out of these since Tuesday (a lie; I've really been out since Sunday, when I sold the display, but I didn't want this woman to know that). And unfortunately, all of the area stores are out of them, and I am unable to order this particular camera.
SC1: Well can I get a RAIN CHECK!!?!?!?
Me: Sorry, we don't issue rain checks.
SC1: Uh! does *store in town X* have any?
Did you not just hear me tell you that ALL AREA STORES HAVE ZERO?
SC1: Would you CHECK, please!?!!
Me:
Fine
It wasn't so much her words as her general attitude and hugely annoying voice.
Somehow though, purely by the Grace of God, I found one - new in box - at a store 12 miles away. Called them up and spoke to Matt (who used to work at my store and is now a department lead there) and had it set aside.
Me: Do you know how to get to that location.
SC1: No.
Me: OK, it's off exit 8....
SC1: Next to Bob's?
Me: No, that--
SC2 (at the register, totally interrupting me): Yeah it is.
Me: No, that's---
SC1: and AC Moore, right?
SC2: yeah
Me: No, that's not it.
SC2: Yes it is! Right up on *Town* Street.
Me: No no, the TOWN store, not the Town STREET store. This one is off exit 8.
SC2: It's next to Bob's and AC Moore *walks out*
Who the hell do you think you are, anyway? I don't recall asking for your help, lady.
Me: Exit 8. Exit 8 drops you onto a connecting road. Go to the end and take a right onto 101, then go about 3 miles. It's on the right, in the same plaza as Lowe's.
SC1: Oh yeah! I know where Lowe's is. *leaves*
I only work here. Why do people think they know my job better than me?!
I have no idea what I want, do you have it? (We Don't Have That, Round 5)
My last customer of the day....joy....
Me *on phone*: Electronics, this is Dave1982, how can I help you?
SC: Yeah I'm looking for the biggest Brother laser printer you've got.
Me:
The biggest? In size?
SC: Yeah the MFD-CN. Monochrome laser.
Me: Do you have a model number or a SKU?
SC: I told you. MFD-CN
Wash rinse and repeat a few times.
SC: Well if you just go to staples.com and look at the second printer under *blah* on the front page, you see.....
Me: Sir, I don't see the same front page as you do at home. Here I get the front page for the dot com Kiosk. Could you tell me the SKU of the printer you're looking at? It's....
SC: Well, I'm driving right now. I'm on my way in to pick this up.
Oh man, what the fuck.......why in God's name are you waiting until you are ON THE WAY to check with us about the printer you want you DUMBASS!!!!!
SC: If you just look at the front page you'll see it.
Me: Like I said sir, I don't see the same front page as you.
SC: I uinderstand that, but if you just look under.....
No, obviously you DON'T understand.
Me: OK, this is what I have for Brother laser All-In-Ones. *rattles off some model numbers*
SC: It's not any of those.
And around and around we go through the infinite loop. For the next five minutes he keeps asking about what models have what's looking for, which comes down to a single HP and a single Canon model (in store) both of which weren't what he wanted. (monochrome laser, scanner and fax capability, and above all, duplexing.) At one point he "helpfully" described the printer as "looking like a mushroom."
Me: Well, I have *model* and *model* in the store.
SC: No, the one I want is a Brother.
Me: Well, I do not have any Brother laser AIOs that duplex.
GOTO 10
Finally - at his stubborn insistance - I was able to locate what *might* have been the model he actually wanted on staples.com, and of course it's Online Only.
And still he insisted I check to "make sure" that it's really online only.
Just to be sure that I fully convey how frustrating that call was: I was literally jumping up and down and stomping in place towards the end. Startled the hell out of one the FNGs
AOHell 9.0 (We Don't Have That, Round 1)
Why are AOL discs in such demand all of a sudden? For that matter, why is AOL even still in business?
SC: I need an AOL CD!
Me: We don't have them, sir.
SC: You don't HAVE them?!
Me: Nope. We have EarthLink and PeoplePC discs, but not AOL.
SC: You son of a......*storms out*
That's right dipshit, take it out on me.
That's the second person in the past couple weeks who's taken our lack of AOL discs personally with me.
Not So Easy Rebates
Ok, before reading this, go to http://www.stapleseasyrebates.com/
Click on "Store Purchase" and take a look at the two numbers from the rebate form you need to enter. Then take a look at the little picture illustrating it.
Now, how hard do you think it is to figure out?
Well for this MORON woman who called in, it was hell (more so for me).
First of all, she didn't even have the screen up when she called in. Then she forgot exactly what the problem was, so had to go and try again while I was on the line.
Her first problem was that she simply coudn't comprehend which number was which. She even made up her own terms. "Easy rebate number" for the offer number" and "Offer Number" for the ID number. So she's basically got it backwards. I had to explain which number was which no less than three times.
Then she got hung up on trying to submit mulitple rebates with the same ID number. It's easy, you just click additional rebates and drive on. Yet she could not wrap her thick skull around that concept. Finally, she tells me she's worried that it will reject the rebate because the numbers are the same, despite my assurances to the contrary.
It took about 6 minutes to get her off the phone and out of my life. JUST READ THE BLEEDING INSTRUCTIONS YOU IDIOT
After releasing the call, I mimed a scream into the mike.
We Don't Have That, Round 2
SC: Yeah I need black ink for an Epson R380.
Me: OK. *hands him an Epson 78 black*
SC: This isn't the right cartridge.
Me: You said R380, right? *points to the word R380 on the package*
SC: I need the HIGH CAPACITY. T077120.
Me: Unfortunately I do not have the 77 series. I only have the 78s.
SC: Well why the hell not!? Circuit City has them! That makes YOU the most expensive game in town!
And that has exactly WHAT to do with it, sir? I do NOT have the 77 Black.
Me: Sir, we only just started carrying the 78s. We may well be carrying the 77s in the future, but I do not have them currently. Would you like me to try and order them for you?
SC: No. I need it today!
Well dumbass, you should have thought of that sooner. Buy extra so you don't run out.
SC: *smugly* I guess I'll have to go to Circuit City!
Do you REALLY think a threat like that fazes me? Go ahead sir! And don't let the door hit your ass on the way out!
We Don't Have That, Round 3
Woman wanted a twin pack of HP 26 black ink cartridges.
Me: Sorry, but we don't carry a twin pack for the 26.
SC: Boo hiss! What kind of store is this? *said as if this was some sort of joke*
OMG you're SO funny!.........Get the fuck out..... We Don't Have That, Round 4, the Valley Girl Edition
In this story, you have to imagine everything that SC1 said in that hugely annoying stereotypical whiney Valley Girl tone of voice. "Like, oh my God I HAD to have it!" Except the woman was like, at least 40 years old, so the tone was completely out of place. I do not know how she gets on in life with this kind of attitude
SC1: I'm looking for this camera. *points to Canon PowerShot A550 in flyer*
See this thread for the background on this camera.Me: Unfortunately, I do not have any of those left.
SC1: Are you KIDDING?!?!
Yes, I am kidding. I really have ten of these that I am unwilling to sell at such a low price, I'm just waiting for the price to go back up. OF COURSE I AM NOT KIDDING! If I had the product to sell you, I'd sell it to you you stupid bimbo.
Me: I've been out of these since Tuesday (a lie; I've really been out since Sunday, when I sold the display, but I didn't want this woman to know that). And unfortunately, all of the area stores are out of them, and I am unable to order this particular camera.
SC1: Well can I get a RAIN CHECK!!?!?!?
Me: Sorry, we don't issue rain checks.
SC1: Uh! does *store in town X* have any?
Did you not just hear me tell you that ALL AREA STORES HAVE ZERO?
SC1: Would you CHECK, please!?!!
Me:
FineIt wasn't so much her words as her general attitude and hugely annoying voice.
Somehow though, purely by the Grace of God, I found one - new in box - at a store 12 miles away. Called them up and spoke to Matt (who used to work at my store and is now a department lead there) and had it set aside.
Me: Do you know how to get to that location.
SC1: No.
Me: OK, it's off exit 8....
SC1: Next to Bob's?
Me: No, that--
SC2 (at the register, totally interrupting me): Yeah it is.
Me: No, that's---
SC1: and AC Moore, right?
SC2: yeah
Me: No, that's not it.
SC2: Yes it is! Right up on *Town* Street.
Me: No no, the TOWN store, not the Town STREET store. This one is off exit 8.
SC2: It's next to Bob's and AC Moore *walks out*
Who the hell do you think you are, anyway? I don't recall asking for your help, lady.Me: Exit 8. Exit 8 drops you onto a connecting road. Go to the end and take a right onto 101, then go about 3 miles. It's on the right, in the same plaza as Lowe's.
SC1: Oh yeah! I know where Lowe's is. *leaves*
I only work here. Why do people think they know my job better than me?!
I have no idea what I want, do you have it? (We Don't Have That, Round 5)
My last customer of the day....joy....
Me *on phone*: Electronics, this is Dave1982, how can I help you?
SC: Yeah I'm looking for the biggest Brother laser printer you've got.
Me:
The biggest? In size?SC: Yeah the MFD-CN. Monochrome laser.
Me:
Do you have a model number or a SKU?SC: I told you. MFD-CN
Wash rinse and repeat a few times.
SC: Well if you just go to staples.com and look at the second printer under *blah* on the front page, you see.....
Me: Sir, I don't see the same front page as you do at home. Here I get the front page for the dot com Kiosk. Could you tell me the SKU of the printer you're looking at? It's....
SC: Well, I'm driving right now. I'm on my way in to pick this up.
Oh man, what the fuck.......why in God's name are you waiting until you are ON THE WAY to check with us about the printer you want you DUMBASS!!!!!
SC: If you just look at the front page you'll see it.
Me: Like I said sir, I don't see the same front page as you.
SC: I uinderstand that, but if you just look under.....
No, obviously you DON'T understand.
Me: OK, this is what I have for Brother laser All-In-Ones. *rattles off some model numbers*
SC: It's not any of those.
And around and around we go through the infinite loop. For the next five minutes he keeps asking about what models have what's looking for, which comes down to a single HP and a single Canon model (in store) both of which weren't what he wanted. (monochrome laser, scanner and fax capability, and above all, duplexing.) At one point he "helpfully" described the printer as "looking like a mushroom."
Me: Well, I have *model* and *model* in the store.
SC: No, the one I want is a Brother.
Me: Well, I do not have any Brother laser AIOs that duplex.
GOTO 10
Finally - at his stubborn insistance - I was able to locate what *might* have been the model he actually wanted on staples.com, and of course it's Online Only.
And still he insisted I check to "make sure" that it's really online only.
Just to be sure that I fully convey how frustrating that call was: I was literally jumping up and down and stomping in place towards the end. Startled the hell out of one the FNGs
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