Sheep n' Hookers

[ColonelInTheKitchen]

Gravekeeper, you are a personal hero of mine, having read many of your posts... I love the colorful way that you embody the spirit of SCs and the vocabulary you use to describe certain events as they are happening. Are you a writer? By the gods, you should be. Teach us rustic nobodies how to win the Nobel Laureate!

PS - my favorite part was "the Heaven's parted and drained their celestial bladder upon my person like a bloated race horse." That was the best description of rain I have ever read.

[Sliceanddice]

Cookies...?

omg with that sad begging look on your icon that made me laugh so hard...

[Calud]

There are many things I can assist you with: Water leaks, computer problems, hotel reservations, lottery tickets, hiding the bodies…

Ah, I need your number please. I'll send the "lottery tickets" by airmail, if that is all right with you...

[Polenicus]

GK, I think you need to seriously consider gathering together all your posts and publishing them in book format. You've got a young Bastard Operator Form Hell vibe going on here, but you able to create much more vivid (And distrubing, in some cases) imagery.

You could title it: '867'

[Kara]

I'm can't figure out if you're about to tell me to put the lotion in the basket ( or I gets the hose ) or if you're about to offer to guide me into Mordor.

Heh, that's awesome. We both had a Silence of the Lambs reference on the same day (I hit it in ThePhoneGoddess's post).

Me: "Alright, your confirmation number is M as in Mary."
SC: "9?"

Maybe he thought you said... No. Perhaps.... no. Ah screw it. He's retard of the year material alright.

They're always in the closet. ( Because thats where the panties are. )

I've never encountered this before. I mean, I can really only speak for myself and my SO, but the panties generally go in the dresser drawer.

[HawaiianShirts]

Little Lamb

Me: "Alright, your confirmation number is M as in Mary."
SC: "9?"

..what? That’s not even a letter. You're not even over here in the alphabet with me, you're over there snorting a line off a hooker's chest with the numerals. There is no correlation between the two. I could understand if maybe you thought I said "N". But 9? 9 as in Mary? Unless your parents seriously read you "9ary has a little lamb" as a child, I suggest you back up, give her back her bra and try again.

Possibly a relative of a customer I had on a credit card application line. She had an accent I couldn't identify and spelled her name this way: "ess toe three sah aiyo nar eye ent." After much repetition, I finally got the real spelling of "Sachi" where at first I was tempted to enter "Sto3saionrint." That call got recorded, and my sup and I had a few good laughs about it.

[Sliceanddice]

Japanese, Hshirts, Sachi is a japanese name. i believe its peaceful love or something.....
i had guy tell me today his name a 'rudberwillnes'.... im sorry what? "rudberwillnes'... uh could you spell that??? *GRUMBLE GRUMBLE* ins.... can you spell that again willens, and whats your last name. that is my last name .... ok whats your first name R-u-d-n-e-t, ok R-U-D-N-E-T, NO ROBERT!!!
Good god man where did you learn to speak...... and of course apparently he cant write or spell or anything else and some woman in the back ground was telling him what to say and he had to get someone else to write for him....

[Ciarrai]

Epic Failure

As I journeyed to the sale mines this evening 3 girls got on my Skytrain at Broadway station. I recall them vividly because one is wearing one of the eye searing fashion crime pink camo shirts we always sell to the 867ers. They chitter like spider monkeys until Stadium Station where they get off. They all stop and begin looking around in total confusion until a Skytrain cop takes pity on them and comes over to ask them if they're lost.

Answer of course is yes.

Cop asks them what station they were trying to get too.

They say, wait for it.....Broadway

Because I am a caring, helpful soul I shall point out how many levels of failure this is:

To get to Broadway station you must walk up Broadway street. You must then pass under a gigantic sign that says Broadway Station. Go up a flight of stairs ( Which say Broadway station at the top ), walk past the giant Skytrain route map ( Which of course points out you are at Broadway station. ) and then stand on the platform, in front of the tracks, which have giant signs that say BROADWAY right above the tracks directly in front of you.

On top of that, while you're on the Skytrain there's another transit map above every door that tells you where Broadway is. Oh, and the Skytrain announces over the PA what every station is as you approach. So it said "Stadium" and they got off thinking it was Broadway.

My head just exploded. I can't even comprehend the stupidity of those girls. Even I can understand the Skytrain, and I'm completely transportationally challenged.

[BookstoreEscapee]

I really want to stop reading them, but I just can't help myself

No, you don't. Not really.

omg with that sad begging look on your icon that made me laugh so hard...

Don't know if you can really see it but he's already got a cookie (well, Milkbone) in his mouth

[ChikenKannon]

Me: "Alright, your confirmation number is M as in Mary."

/me creeps his hand up in fear of being eaten by his own possible stupidity.

M is a confirmation number?

[Sliceanddice]

/me creeps his hand up in fear of being eaten by his own possible stupidity.

M is a confirmation number?

yeah they ran out of real numbers stupid people understood

[GyroKat]

That is storming the beaches, evading the mortar fire of logic, scaling the cliffs of reading comprehension, brutally repelling the forces of reason, marching on the capital of Common Sense and planting the flag of "Durrr" in front of the tourist information booth.

This made me laugh out loud. Honestly Gravekeeper, one of these days my neighbours are gonna call those nice people in the white clothes, and they'll come and take me away in a nice sweater with long sleeves...

[JustADude]

Note To Self: Ensure excess hydration reserve is purged before reading all future GK posts. Containment failure has been avoided by far too narrow a margin on numerous occasions.


Aka, you've yet again made me laugh so hard I nearly lost it. Damn you, GK! May your fan-girls finally get ahold of you!

[Sliceanddice]

gk i had some one use numbers as letters today as well... it was ... wrong..

[Becks]

May your fan-girls finally get ahold of you!

:looking around: We're working on it. Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Don't tell anyone!!!