You'd think even sucky customer would take a $500 discount...

[Mango]

Attention Customers!

If your cell phone bill is unexpectedly more than ten times what it was last month, we sympathize. Really, we do. In fact, we have a policy that specifically deals with situations like this.

We are authorized to cut the bill in half, with one condition. You have to pay it now. With cash, credit, or debit. No cheques. No, you can't think about it and come back tomorrow. No, you can't speak to a supervisor. Once you step away from my till, the deal's off.

I highly recommend taking that deal, because that is not only the best, that is the only deal you'll get. Remember, this isn't in any way our fault. You spent a month in Tokyo and claimed to have no knowledge of roaming charges, despite the paper that we have a copy of with your signature on it agreeing to said charges.

Let me do the math for you. Your bill is over a thousand dollars. Cutting it in half is a savings of over five hundred dollars. Keep in mind that we're doing this just to be nice. According to the contract you signed, you owe us for the entire amount.

Did I mention that I highly recommend taking that deal?

If you want me to page a supervisor for you, I can definitely do that. I just have to remind you that if I do that for you, you're declining a five hundred dollar discount on your cell phone bill.

If you come back to my till and tell me that the supervisor authorized the discount of the full amount, I will seriously doubt that. But I'll call her and double check anyway. If you complain that I don't trust you, well...you're right. I don't. Except I'm not allowed to say that part out loud.

If I call my supervisor and ask if she authorized a thousand dollar discount for no reason, her answer will be, in its entirety, "What the !?" The good thing about this is there will likely be no need for me to say anything to you, because the store's quiet enough that you probably heard her, even with my phone right up to my ear.

If you ask for the five hundred dollar deal, I will take great pleasure in informing you that, as I mentioned four times, since you stepped away from my till to talk to the super, the deal is now off, and you owe us the full amount.

If you ask me, in a polite tone of voice what will happen if you don't pay, I may mention the various payment plans we have available. They allow you to pay a portion of the amount, each month, plus interest of course.

If you ask me, in an SC tone, what will happen if you don't pay, I will inform you that we will forward your social insurance number, name, and contact information to our collection agency. This will mean a hit on your credit record, and you will be hounded by some people that make you look about as intimidating as a springer spaniel.

If you threaten to sue our company, then I am no longer allowed to speak to you. It's now Friday at...aww, 5:08. Please call our legal department when it opens on Tuesday after the long weekend.

As you turn away from my till, I will not forget my required closing. Thank you and have a pleasant day.

[IT Grunt]

I can't believe how brazen some people are in thinking they can convince you that they truly didn't know. "I didn't know that using my phone in Timbuktu would cost me X a minute!!" Suuuure. If you're that thick, then I would like to mention that I have a bridge in San Francisco I'd like to sell you. Cheap.

What you've described here is more than generous. The fact remains that they used your service, they used your network, they occupied space on that network, therefore they owe you. Every last cent. Cutting them a break like that is more than fair. I also agree with the One Time Offer. You walk away, you just tossed your option into File 13, never to be seen again.

Some people just never learn.

[Aldous]

That's really generous to cut it by 50%. I'd rather pay that upfront, than deal with anything else. What I don't get is why anyone would attempt to lower it anymore. Unless they can blackmail you guys, I'd figure that's as low as possible. I feel bad for you guys for the customer that walks away and comes back the next day, and blows up on you. That's a great policy, but the SCs are probably hellish beasts out for your soul. Or money, either or.

[Becks]

We are authorized to cut the bill in half, with one condition. You have to pay it now. With cash, credit, or debit. No cheques.

Wow. That's a damn good deal. I'd take it!!!!!

[disneyfav4ever]

I think that 50% is a great deal too. I'm amazed that some people would argue with that. There are just some people that expect way to much.

[draggar]

50% off a bill is unheard of here, that's amazing.

But, people never think about roaming charges and the worst part is that we have plans that include free DOMESTIC roaming.

OK, DOMESTIC roaming. Everyone should understand that, but for the morons who don't, our sales reps tell the customers that the free roaming is only in the USA. I can see people getting confused with Canada, sometimes you can cross the border without knowing it and parts of Canada does look like the US, but if you see signs in French, you're not in the US.

I'm in an area with a lot of immigrants, Cubans, Dominicans, Haitians, Jamacans (uh-oh, I put those last two together!), etc.. Don't cry like a baby because you went to those countries and got billed several hundred dollars in roaming, we see you've done it a dozen times in the past few years, so you know the rules. Also, don't come crying to us because you flashed it with a local company's PRL there and now your phone does not have service. Yes, we can re-flash the PRL for you, but you will be reported for fraud and we'll also report you to the other carrier for picking up free service.

[AFpheonix]

Maybe my phone's just that cool, but whenever I'm in a roaming area and consider making a call, my phone alerts me that I'll probably be paying out the butt for it.

[Dips]

Attention Customers!

I highly recommend taking that deal, because that is not only the best, that is the only deal you'll get.

We did something like that with a guy who was trying to return software one year after he purchased it. We didn't HAVE to offer him anything, but made a very generous offer to extend his free update period by another year. On his license that was worth $700.

It was a test. A normal rational customer who legitimately had a bad experience would recognize a good will gesture extended as a courtesy for his trouble.

A greedy bastard who simply didn't want to pay for the things he used would think he could hold out for a better offer.

Even though it didn't quite work out well for us (due to a reseller who fell over himself giving the greedy bastard his undeserved refund and then guilted us into partially reimubursing him ), I still think it was a good way to find out what kind of person we were dealing with.

[OfficeSlug]

I would love to know just WHAT THE HECK THEY THINK THEY ARE GOING TO "SUE" YOU FOR!!!!?!? WTH??

*confounded*