I think you misunderstood "no longer"

[MystyGlyttyr]

Sadly, this wasn't the most fascinating phone call of the day, but it's the only one I can remember with any degree of coherency.

Me: "Newsroom."
Lady: "I need to speak to J, please."
Me: "J no longer works here, ma'am, can I help you with anything?"
Lady: "He doesn't work there?"
Me: "No ma'am, he's retired."
Lady: ".......ohhhhh. When will he be back?"
Me: ...this isn't wrestling, lady... "He won't be back, ma'am. He retired."
Lady: "So...he isn't coming back?"
Me: "...no ma'am."

(Read this part as fast and as panicky as you can.)

Lady: "But he has my film. I need to get my film back. Can you get me my film? I need my film. Who can I talk to about my film? Do you have my film? J was supposed to watch my film. He was going to write about my film."

(Resume normal reading speed.)

Me: "Ma'am, ma'am! He has your film?"
Lady: "Yes, he was supposed to watch it and write about it and I need it back."
Me: "When did you bring it to him?"
Lady: "Just last week!"
Me: Oh boy. "Um...ma'am, J retired at the beginning of the month, he wasn't here last week."
Lady: *hysterical* "But I brought him my film! I gave him my film, he was going to watch my film and write a story he said he would show it to some of the others and he would do a story and he needs my film, I need my film, it's very important to me, I need to get it back!"
Me: "Ma'am, I don't know anything about it, let me-,"
Lady: "I need to call him at home!!"
Me: "I don't have his home phone number, ma'am..." (A lie, but I'm not allowed to give it out anyway.)
Lady: *suddenly very nasty* "WHAT is your name??"
Me: "Mysty."
Lady: "Bendi??"
Me: Yes, I'm Steve Irwin's nine-year-old. "M-Y-S-T-Y."
Lady: "AND YOU WON'T HELP ME?!"
Me: (Double meaning made obvious.) "Ma'am...I don't think I CAN help you."
Lady: "WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT!!" *slams down phone*

Great. That's just what I needed today, thank you. Time to start sowing the seeds of deception around here again.

For the record, I went through all of J's old stuff. No films of any kind, aside from the usual crud that builds up when someone sits at the same desk for 20+ years...

[South Texan]

Lady: "I need to call him at home!!"
Me: "I don't have his home phone number, ma'am..." (A lie, but I'm not allowed to give it out anyway.)

Could you call J at home and tell him to contact Ms Hysteria? I know she probably left you no information about her, but when she calls back (as you KNOW she will in this situation) for your manager or the company owner, she might give it to you if you tell her you will contact J for her.

I can understand her panic at the notion of losing something irreplacable like a film, but she was behaving very irrationally. I hope she can calm down when she calls back.

[MystyGlyttyr]

Could you call J at home and tell him to contact Ms Hysteria? I know she probably left you no information about her, but when she calls back (as you KNOW she will in this situation) for your manager or the company owner, she might give it to you if you tell her you will contact J for her.

I was going to offer before she started getting all snotty and bitchy at me. After that, you takes your chances. That's the great part about where I work. They snipe an attitude with me, they pay.

[Raieth]

Becoming hysterical and then calm like it never happened is a sign of two things. Improper hormone balance, and/or drug abuse.

I'm just gonna leave it at that.

[lordlundar]

Lady: "AND YOU WON'T HELP ME?!"
Me: (Double meaning made obvious.) "Ma'am...I don't think I CAN help you."

I don't think Sigmund Freud could help her.