The Paper Fondler

[RecoveringKinkoid]

I have to tell this story. Every time I see the “I don’t believe you” thread, it reminds me of this guy.

Guy comes in, wants to look at the paper sample book. No problem. He slides his hand under the plastic sheet (I dislike that, but whatever. Sometimes it helps to feel the weight and texture to make a decision. I just don’t like that my paper samples get grubby pretty quickly because of people’s dirty fingers.) and starts fondling away.

PF: I like this. What’s the weight of this?
Me: Not sure, but I think it’s around 60lbs.
PF: Can you check?
Me: Sure, hold on. (go into back, find unopened ream, check weight. 60lbs. Go back.)
Me: Sir, it’s indeed 60lbs.
PF: Are you sure?
Me: 100 pecent. Just read it off the package.
PF: How about this one?
Me: That one would be the same weight.
PF: Are you sure?
Me: Yes, sir, the only difference between that paper and the one I just checked is the color. It’s the same weight.
PF: It feels different.
Me: (yeah, it’s probably worn thin from all the fondling.) I assure you it’s not.
PF: (choosing different type) How about this one?
Me: That one is 40 pounds.
PF: Can you check?
Me: Sir, what weight paper are you looking for?
PF: I don’t know.



Let that sink in, Constant Reader. What the hell is all this fondling and dickering over if this asshole doesn’t even know what he wants?

PF: Can I see an actual sheet of this?
Me: Sir, that IS an actual sheet of this. That is the exact same paper that we stock and use. It’s from the paper company.
PF: Well, I’d like to see it anyway.
Me: Okay. Hold on. (go in back, open ream, get new sheet, bring it out to Mr. Monk.)
PF: This paper feels different.
Me: Sir, that is the exact same paper we run jobs on. I do not stock one paper to show you and another to run your job on. It’s the SAME PAPER.
PF: I don’t believe you!



At that point, I just went and got a bunch of paper samples together, dumped them on the counter in front of him, and told him to let me know when he reached a decision. Then I went on to the next customer.

I don’t know what ever became of the guy. Maybe he fondled himself to death, I dunno. In any case, I didn’t have to deal with him again. !

[Boozy]

Me: Sir, what weight paper are you looking for?
PF: I don’t know.

See, this is the point at which MY patience would have run out. I can't believe you managed to hold on to your cool for as long as you did.

[Neo_Classic]

These are the same people who want you to open the jewelry counter and let them "see" that expensive watch or bracelet. Um...no!

[digilight]

The oddest thing is that most people outside of the print/copy/graphic design industry have no clue what the different paperweights mean. They have no idea that a 60# offset is going to be different from a 60# book, or that a 110# index is still not as heavy or thick as a 80# cover.

[SongsOfDragons]

These are the same people who want you to open the jewelry counter and let them "see" that expensive watch or bracelet. Um...no!

Um...yes.

Unfortunately.

Anyone can walk into our jewellers at least, and ask to have a nose at the most expensive piece-of-shit diamond we have on display, and even though I have to get a senior member of staff, we have to let them have their nose. We do have security precautions though, thank goodness, and we don't sell expensive watches like Breitlings.

[BookstoreEscapee]

The oddest thing is that most people outside of the print/copy/graphic design industry have no clue what the different paperweights mean.

I thought paperweights were like painted rocks and glass domes with flowers inside and stuff like that...

[Imogene]

Oh my Gods! That man is molesting my Sunday comics! I'll show him good! *grabs shotgun, aims at guy*
How dare you sully my poor girl with your unclean hands! Now git orfa' mah property afore I fill ya full o' lead!