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So I had quite the oddball today. Those who man the front lines in the War on Stupid are used to screamers, but this lady had me making this face 
This is the Reader's Digest Condensed Version, with some editing to preserve my typing hands and your sanity.
ISW: Insane Screamer Woman
Me: Henchman #21 of the Cable Empire
Me: *opening spiel*
ISW: WHY ARE YOU GUYS SO #^%$!^% STUPID.
*Well hello yourself. We're off to a flying start, aren't we?*
Me: uhhhhhhhh.........can I help you with something?
ISW: *relates how her service has been off since 4pm (it's currently 7pm)*
Me: Well I can certainly see how that can be frustrating, let me see what I can do.
*checks notes and sees that the last rep left a frigging novel, and also that this lady's MO is to call in and scream/swear/cry until she gets her way*
Me: I see you did call in earlier and the person you spoke to did get something set up for us to come out there and check your service.
ISW: WELL ARE THEY GETTING SOMEONE OUT HERE TONIGHT?
*uhh, no. our techs don't work past 7 pm unless it's an emergency*
Me: The date I'm showing on the order is Sunday, but *tries to explain how I can attempt to get an earlier date but get cut off*
ISW: SUNDAY, ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?? I LIVE 200 METERS AWAY FROM THE TOWER!
Me: ???
*a check of the notes reveals her father lived in the house before her and a million years ago he made a deal for us to run our lines as a right of way thru land he owns, he gets discounted service and his loon of a daughter seems to think she gets techs dispatched to her door 24/7*
Me: I understand you're upset, and I can certainly try to get someone out sooner.....
ISW: WHEN? WHEN? WHEN?
Me: Well I need to contact dispatch and see what they can do....
ISW: WILL IT BE TONIGHT?
Me: Well it wouldn't be tonight, but tomorrow's definitely a possibility.........
ISW: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO ME, THE TOWER IS 200 METERS AWAY.
Me: I understand that, but your general proximity to the tower does not have any influence on how soon I can get someone out.
ISW: WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?
*she literally started acting like a 2 year old while still screaming, to the point where the next several attempts of me reasoning with her were met with machine gun "WHY"s until I finally decided to start treating her like the spoiled child she was acting like*
Me: Look, I understand it's upsetting when your service is not working, but screaming at me is not going to make it come back on any sooner. I am making every attempt I can make to try to get your service back on as soon as possible.
ISW: NO YOU AREN'T, YOU CAN GET IT BACK ON, YOU CAN JUST FLIP A SWITCH!
*Oh boy, the magic switch. The icing to this delicious cake of cocktardery.*
Me: There's nothing I can do from here that can restore your service, I wish there was a way I could.........
ISW: OH YES YOU CAN, THEY'VE DONE IT BEFORE WHEN I'VE COMPLAINED, JUST FLIP THAT SWITCH ON YOUR CONTROLS.
Me: I do not have any sort of switch like that.
ISW: YES YOU DO. YES. YOU. DO. *she really did say it like that*
Me. How do you know what controls I have in front of me? *cuts ISW off before she can tantrum again* I can assure you if I did have such a switch I would in fact flip it so you would not have to complain any more. Nothing would make me happier at this moment than getting your service on.
ISW: *realizing she's getting owned* I WANT A SUPERVISOR, I WANT SOMEONE OUT TONIGHT TO GET MY SERVICE RESTORED!
Me: I can certainly get you a supervisor, but they will not be able to get someone out tonight either. Nor can they flip any switches to restore your service.
ISW: YOU GET SOMEONE TO CALL ME BACK IN 20 MINUTES. DO YOU HEAR ME? *in an "or else" tone* TWEN-TY MINUTES!@
........and with that, my adventure was done.
Keep in mind, in the unedited version, she mentioned no less than a dozen times how close the tower was to her as if that mattered one flying frig in terms of solving her problem.
This is the Reader's Digest Condensed Version, with some editing to preserve my typing hands and your sanity.
ISW: Insane Screamer Woman
Me: Henchman #21 of the Cable Empire
Me: *opening spiel*
ISW: WHY ARE YOU GUYS SO #^%$!^% STUPID.
*Well hello yourself. We're off to a flying start, aren't we?*
Me: uhhhhhhhh.........can I help you with something?
ISW: *relates how her service has been off since 4pm (it's currently 7pm)*
Me: Well I can certainly see how that can be frustrating, let me see what I can do.
*checks notes and sees that the last rep left a frigging novel, and also that this lady's MO is to call in and scream/swear/cry until she gets her way*
Me: I see you did call in earlier and the person you spoke to did get something set up for us to come out there and check your service.
ISW: WELL ARE THEY GETTING SOMEONE OUT HERE TONIGHT?
*uhh, no. our techs don't work past 7 pm unless it's an emergency*
Me: The date I'm showing on the order is Sunday, but *tries to explain how I can attempt to get an earlier date but get cut off*
ISW: SUNDAY, ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?? I LIVE 200 METERS AWAY FROM THE TOWER!
Me: ???
*a check of the notes reveals her father lived in the house before her and a million years ago he made a deal for us to run our lines as a right of way thru land he owns, he gets discounted service and his loon of a daughter seems to think she gets techs dispatched to her door 24/7*
Me: I understand you're upset, and I can certainly try to get someone out sooner.....
ISW: WHEN? WHEN? WHEN?
Me: Well I need to contact dispatch and see what they can do....
ISW: WILL IT BE TONIGHT?
Me: Well it wouldn't be tonight, but tomorrow's definitely a possibility.........
ISW: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO ME, THE TOWER IS 200 METERS AWAY.
Me: I understand that, but your general proximity to the tower does not have any influence on how soon I can get someone out.
ISW: WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?
*she literally started acting like a 2 year old while still screaming, to the point where the next several attempts of me reasoning with her were met with machine gun "WHY"s until I finally decided to start treating her like the spoiled child she was acting like*
Me: Look, I understand it's upsetting when your service is not working, but screaming at me is not going to make it come back on any sooner. I am making every attempt I can make to try to get your service back on as soon as possible.
ISW: NO YOU AREN'T, YOU CAN GET IT BACK ON, YOU CAN JUST FLIP A SWITCH!
*Oh boy, the magic switch. The icing to this delicious cake of cocktardery.*
Me: There's nothing I can do from here that can restore your service, I wish there was a way I could.........
ISW: OH YES YOU CAN, THEY'VE DONE IT BEFORE WHEN I'VE COMPLAINED, JUST FLIP THAT SWITCH ON YOUR CONTROLS.
Me: I do not have any sort of switch like that.
ISW: YES YOU DO. YES. YOU. DO. *she really did say it like that*
Me. How do you know what controls I have in front of me? *cuts ISW off before she can tantrum again* I can assure you if I did have such a switch I would in fact flip it so you would not have to complain any more. Nothing would make me happier at this moment than getting your service on.
ISW: *realizing she's getting owned* I WANT A SUPERVISOR, I WANT SOMEONE OUT TONIGHT TO GET MY SERVICE RESTORED!
Me: I can certainly get you a supervisor, but they will not be able to get someone out tonight either. Nor can they flip any switches to restore your service.
ISW: YOU GET SOMEONE TO CALL ME BACK IN 20 MINUTES. DO YOU HEAR ME? *in an "or else" tone* TWEN-TY MINUTES!@
........and with that, my adventure was done.
Keep in mind, in the unedited version, she mentioned no less than a dozen times how close the tower was to her as if that mattered one flying frig in terms of solving her problem.
Sounds like the same crazy lady.
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