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New shift today. Yay, I guess. At least I can sleep in a little more now. Except my new desk faces a window so I have the harsh light of the daystar in my view at all times, and least until night. It burns us. We hates it.
Also, I saw a dead armadillo on the highway on my way to work. I didn’t know we had armadillos in Kansas, I’ve never seen one before. Apparently because the state is fatal to them.
SW = Sucky Woman
SM = Sucky Man
CSR = General Customer Service Rep
ME = Hissss!
Where the party at?
SW: Yeah, my friend said you guys are having a party and I want to go but I don’t know where you are.
ME: Um… I’m sorry?
SW: I want to know where it is.
ME: I, uh, think you have the wrong number.
SW: Who is this?
ME: This is Kara, with (COMPANY). Your wireless phone provider.
SW: So, can you tell me where the party is?
There is no party here. Trust me, you don’t want to be here, among the customer service folk. The sum of our hatred radiates throughout our call center like a miasma of death. If you set foot in here, you would know what true madness is, moments before your eyes melted in their sockets and your body turned inside-out and burst into flames. On our way out the door, we would tread upon the ashes and crunch the few remaining fragments of bone under our heels and grin in sinister delight. On second thought, let me give you the address. Do you have a pen?
WHAT?!
CSR: I have Mr. (CUSTOMER) on the line wishing to cancel because he no longer needs the phone.
ME: Okay, bring him on through.
CSR: Okay, honey, just a moment. MMMM-AH! Bye.
It’s bad enough being hit on by customers, now CSR’s too? You’re lucky you work in a different call center, or I’d have been there in 2 seconds to stomp your head in. Maybe I should change my greeting to “Hi, this is Kara, how can I help you with my lesbian super powers today?”
Point A to Point B in a circle
ME: So your account is canceled as of today. Your final bill will be $XXX and will be due on XX/XX.
SW: Wait. This isn’t making sense. You're talking in circles.
I’m sorry, I should have anticipated you getting lost and drawn you a map. I have some yellow notebook paper. It’s ugly as hell, but that’s the only kind of notepad they supply us with. I have a pink highlighter. But by the time I could mail it to you, you’d probably wander off and get devoured by wild geese. Maybe you should try MapQuest or hire an Indian guide (no, that’s not very PC. I grew up watching John Wayne with my daddy, so Native Americans will alwas be Indians and drunk, gunslinging bigots will always be cowboys).
Thanks for playing
ME: Hi this is Kara, how can I help you today (with lesbian super powers!)?
SW: Um… Can we start?
That would be the implication from my greeting, yes. I suppose we wouldn’t be required to. If you’d like to just stand there eating Jello pudding pops and watching Jerry Springer while I play gameboy, that’s fine. Just turn it up when the cross-dressing midget pimp’s ex-girlfriend comes in and starts yelling and punching his neo-nazi ballerina trailer trash fiancée so I can hear it.
On grammar
ME: So you want to cancel the second line?
SM: Yes. But not this one I’m talking on. I just want to cancelize the other one.
ME: *coughgiggle* Okay, ahem, we can cancel that line only. Is there any particular reason you want to cancel it?
SM: Yeah, because I just activated it the other day and my parents won’t let me have a second line.
I should point out that this man is 27 years old. Between that fact and use of the word “cancelize” there’s really nothing more I can add to make this any more pathetic or humorous.
Also, I saw a dead armadillo on the highway on my way to work. I didn’t know we had armadillos in Kansas, I’ve never seen one before. Apparently because the state is fatal to them.
SW = Sucky Woman
SM = Sucky Man
CSR = General Customer Service Rep
ME = Hissss!
Where the party at?
SW: Yeah, my friend said you guys are having a party and I want to go but I don’t know where you are.
ME: Um… I’m sorry?
SW: I want to know where it is.
ME: I, uh, think you have the wrong number.
SW: Who is this?
ME: This is Kara, with (COMPANY). Your wireless phone provider.
SW: So, can you tell me where the party is?
There is no party here. Trust me, you don’t want to be here, among the customer service folk. The sum of our hatred radiates throughout our call center like a miasma of death. If you set foot in here, you would know what true madness is, moments before your eyes melted in their sockets and your body turned inside-out and burst into flames. On our way out the door, we would tread upon the ashes and crunch the few remaining fragments of bone under our heels and grin in sinister delight. On second thought, let me give you the address. Do you have a pen?
WHAT?!
CSR: I have Mr. (CUSTOMER) on the line wishing to cancel because he no longer needs the phone.
ME: Okay, bring him on through.
CSR: Okay, honey, just a moment. MMMM-AH! Bye.
It’s bad enough being hit on by customers, now CSR’s too? You’re lucky you work in a different call center, or I’d have been there in 2 seconds to stomp your head in. Maybe I should change my greeting to “Hi, this is Kara, how can I help you with my lesbian super powers today?”
Point A to Point B in a circle
ME: So your account is canceled as of today. Your final bill will be $XXX and will be due on XX/XX.
SW: Wait. This isn’t making sense. You're talking in circles.
I’m sorry, I should have anticipated you getting lost and drawn you a map. I have some yellow notebook paper. It’s ugly as hell, but that’s the only kind of notepad they supply us with. I have a pink highlighter. But by the time I could mail it to you, you’d probably wander off and get devoured by wild geese. Maybe you should try MapQuest or hire an Indian guide (no, that’s not very PC. I grew up watching John Wayne with my daddy, so Native Americans will alwas be Indians and drunk, gunslinging bigots will always be cowboys).
Thanks for playing
ME: Hi this is Kara, how can I help you today (with lesbian super powers!)?
SW: Um… Can we start?
That would be the implication from my greeting, yes. I suppose we wouldn’t be required to. If you’d like to just stand there eating Jello pudding pops and watching Jerry Springer while I play gameboy, that’s fine. Just turn it up when the cross-dressing midget pimp’s ex-girlfriend comes in and starts yelling and punching his neo-nazi ballerina trailer trash fiancée so I can hear it.
On grammar
ME: So you want to cancel the second line?
SM: Yes. But not this one I’m talking on. I just want to cancelize the other one.
ME: *coughgiggle* Okay, ahem, we can cancel that line only. Is there any particular reason you want to cancel it?
SM: Yeah, because I just activated it the other day and my parents won’t let me have a second line.
I should point out that this man is 27 years old. Between that fact and use of the word “cancelize” there’s really nothing more I can add to make this any more pathetic or humorous.
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