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Better grab a drink and/or snack, this is a huge one.
I've was going to post on Friday, but I left my flash drive (containing most of this) at work. Then, between bugs in my rice that night, to some asshole teenagers breaking the back glass out of our new (to us) car at 4am, I didn't feel up for posting yesterday. I only worked the second half of my shift yesterday (had to clean all the damn glass out of the inside of the car and the driveway/yard surrounding it, then put something over the window). I was so tired last night that I bought a Red Bull to keep me conscious long enough to get home. I'd never had it before, but so many people at work swear by it. If you peed in Tropical Punch Kool-Aid, it would taste like Red Bull. But it works. And I've cleaned up the mess and cried my tears. No pity-party is necessary. Oh yeah, and there was only one noteworthy call on Monday, so this is pretty much all of last week for me:
SM = Sucky Man
SW = Sucky Woman
ME = Damn kids...
SUP = Supervisor who isn't mine, but he's awesome anyway
Labor Day Fun
ME: Is there any particular reason you want to cancel?
SM: Because you guys don’t give me free holiday minutes!
ME: No, that is not a service we offer.
SM: Why not? I always had free holiday minutes before!
ME: You’ve had this account for 3 and a half years, and we have never offered free holiday minutes at all during the life of your account.
Many years (like 6), and several mergers ago, one of the companies we absorbed offered this one time. People who never heard of that company and never had service with them and have only had service with us for a short while seem to know about this and assume it’s something that is still offered.
Like Shooting Fish in a Barrel with a Rocket Launcher
SM: What do I think?
ME: I’m sorry?
SM: What do I do?
ME: It’s up to you. You’re doing fine on (PLAN X) but (PLAN Y) is available at the same rate, so whichever you prefer.
SM: Should I change?
ME: If you want to.
SM: What should I do?
Asking me what you should think or do is incredibly unwise. You’ll wind up on the evening news wearing only a diaper filled with cottage cheese, covered head to toe in maple syrup, twirling a baton in the air and singing “Ring of Fire” at the top of your lungs while tap-dancing on the interstate.
Fail
ME: Could I just have your mobile phone number?
SW: I don’t know my account number.
Most people don’t. That’s why I didn’t ask for it.
Let Me Play You a Sad Song on the World’s Smallest Violin…
I was doing floor support for this one, so this is a call I got to take from a customer requesting to speak to a supervisor. He got me instead
ME: This is Kara, I understand you wanted to speak to a supervisor?
SM: Yes.
ME: And I understand that you want to be let out of your contract?
SM: That’s right. Now, I’m not looking to cancel or anything, I’m going to stay loyal to you, but I lost my job and I need this contract taken off.
ME: (COWORKER) had explained that to me, and I’m definitely sorry to hear about your job. I see you’re on our highest plan, we can move you to a lower plan to save money until things improve for you.
SM: No, I just don’t want the contract.
ME: We can also suspend your service for a small fee instead of your regular monthly charges. Hopefully, your situation will change and you can restore the service.
SM: Look, I’m not looking to cancel or change anything. But I don’t want to be under the contract.
ME: I understand that. But the contract you agreed to is legally binding.
SM: I had a life-changing event!
ME: But alas, that does not allow for a release from your contract.
SM: You’re not trying to help me!
ME: Sure I am. I offered you a lower plan, I advised you we can suspend the service, which would you prefer?
SM: I don’t want a contract anymore!
ME: Why not?
SM: Because I lost my job and I can’t afford the termination fee!
ME: But you said you’re not going to cancel, so why worry about it?
SM: Because…………. I don’t want it the contract!
ME: I’m sorry, but the contract is valid.
SM: When did I renew my contract?
ME: In March of this year.
SM: I don’t remember signing anything.
ME: You didn’t. It was a verbal contract.
SM: Then you can’t prove I agreed to it!
ME: I certainly can. I have record in my system where you agreed to the contract with our automated acceptance tool and it updated the contract to your account. I can also see the phone that you were offered with that contract has been in use on your account since that time.
SM: Then send me proof.
ME: I can’t do that.
SM: Because you don’t have any!
ME: No, because I don’t have an outbound email or fax. You received confirmation of the contract by mail after you renewed.
SM: I don’t remember that. You can’t prove it.
ME: Yes I can. It’s noted in the system.
SM: But you can’t send me anything!
ME: Nor am I obligated to.
SM: Then you’ll be hearing from my attorney.
ME: Great. I can guarantee you our legal team will have everything they need to show your attorney that you agreed to a valid contract.
Sometimes I wish I could do this all the time. I could easily apply to be a supervisor. But that would mean getting promoted, which would be a pay cut for me since I’d lose out on some awesome bonuses I get. Nah, it’s not worth it. Besides, I like to write, draw, play gameboy, and send out sarcastic emails to my coworkers when I’m not on a call. If I got promoted, I’d be busy non-stop.
Violation
Long story short, he was upset because he didn’t get service at his workplace. He was told we were expecting to put new towers in that area by March. The service didn’t improve, so he decided to get a contract and new phone, and didn’t notice any improvement. Rather than sending the phone back and having his contract waived under the “buyer’s remorse” policy, he decided to wait 6 months to cancel.
SM: Why should I pay for service I can’t use?
ME: I see here you used almost all of your minutes last month.
SM: But I work 8 – 5. Those are hours I can’t use my phone, why should I pay for them?
Gee, I work 1130 to 1030, which are hours I'm not watching TV, using my phone, or using my internet. Why should I pay for that? Oh, yeah, because I'm not an asshat. Anyway, then he wanted to talk to my supervisor. Mine wasn't available, but another one was, who is known for being one of the sups you go to when you just want to screw with people (who really deserve it). Thus, the following happened:
SUP: I understand you wanted to speak to a supervisor?
SM: Yes. The last girl wouldn't help me at all and tried to keep me tied down to some contract. I feel like she violated me.
ME:
SUP: Well, Kara explained the situation to me. I know you want to be let out of your contract since you don't get service at work, but the contract you agreed to stated that we don't guarantee coverage at all times.
SM: But they said the service would get better.
SUP: Enhancements were made in the area. If you didn't get any improvement at your workplace, then why did you agree to a contract knowing it didn't work for you there?
SM: It's like this. Say you buy a baseball bat that has a hole in it. You couldn't be expected to hit a ball with it, so why would you be expected to keep it? You'd take it back.
SUP: Right, but you bought the bat knowing it had a hole in it, tried to use it against your common sense, and were surprised it didn't work. If you bought it knowing it had a hole and then waited until after the return period to take it back, I wouldn't expect the store to accept it, and I won't either.
I couldn't have said it better myself
I Can Be Such a Bitch Sometimes
SW: I need to have one of my phones suspended.
ME: I'd be happy to help you with that. Could I have your account password?
SW: I don't remember.
ME: I'm sorry, but I need your account password before I can verify your account.
SW: I already said I don't remember it. So you'll just have to ask me something else.
ME: I can only get access to your account if you verify the password. If you don't remember it, you can show photo ID at a store and they can call in for you. Then we can change the password.
SW: No! I'm not going to sit here while you refuse to let me in my own account. I pay the bills! Ask me anything! Go ahead! Anything at all!
ME: Ok. Could I have the password please?
SW: What about my phone number? Account number? Check number for the last payment? Address? Home phone number? Come on, you have to let me use something else.
ME: None of that will allow me to access the account. You-
SW: I DON'T REMEMBER!
ME: You requested that we use a password to access your account. You specified the password to use. I cannot access the account by any other means unless a store rep calls in and confirms they've checked your photo ID.
SW: Then give me a hint!
ME: I can't do that.
SW: Why not?
ME: Because I don't know who's on the other end of the line. I can't give hints that could enable an unauthorized person to make changes to your account.
SW: YOU HAVE TO GIVE ME A HINT IF I ASK FOR IT! IT'S MY ACCOUNT! GIVE ME A HINT! TELL ME THE PASSWORD!
ME: I'm afraid I can't do that, as I've already explained. Would you like me to locate the nearest store for you?
SW: This is ridiculous! I can't believe you don't give people hints for their passwords! Your company needs to review its policy before you lose all your customers. I'm so mad right now I could just cancel my account.
ME: I'm sorry to hear that. I could assist you in canceling your account, but I'd need your password first (yeah, I'm the devil).
SW: People forget! Okay? People forget things! This is the real world here, missy!
Yes, it is. And there are some very nasty people out there who would do very nasty things if they got into your account. That's why we set up a password if you request it. Frothing, snarling, half-witted, queen of the ass-people though you may be, I will protect you from yourself if necessary.
Oh, then she requested to speak to my sup. She wouldn't let her access the account either.
Representin' the (Far) East Side, Yo
SW: We are good customer! My son go back to country. That is why you must discount.
ME: I'm sorry, but the line is in your name with the other lines, not in his. I can't waive the contract termination fee if you cancel. I also can't discount your current plan, but I'd be happy to find a lower plan for you.
SW: I no want you give me new plan. Discount! Discount! If you no discount, then why need I is there to cancel?
ME: Ma'am-
SW: You lose all your customer! Then you be sorry. All you do is tell me you do nothing! You think it is so funny to you.
ME: I don't think this is funny at all. /LIE
SW: I don't want your company anymore! Contract, you talk about contract, you no help people. People pay you money and you big laugh. You lose all customer! You no appreciate existing customer, only new customer.
ME: Ma'am, I only take calls from existing customers. Trust me, I-
SW: If customer cancel line, then you should discount. That how I feel. I kick it that way!
Whoa, stop right there! Back up the oriental express a minute. Did you just say you "kick it that way?" Now I know how Hispanic people must feel when some American says "Yo Quiero Taco Bell" to them. Oh, and no, you don't get a discount, Busta Rhymes. You can change your plan, or you can keep what you have. Either way, your kid's line is under contract and you'll pay the fee if you cancel it.
My Hatred of Humanity Grows...
SW: What colors do you have?
ME: I have that phone available in two colors.
SW: Oh, okay.
ME: Would you like that phone in red or blue?
SW: Black.
Annnnnnd, you FAIL. Tell you what, I'll put instructions on the order to have the UPS guy set it on fire when he drops it off. That'll turn it black for you. Oh, and speaking of UPS...
UP(S) Yours
SW: I had ordered a phone and it was supposed to be delivered today.
ME: Okay, let me check that for you. I see here it was originally going to be delivered, but the UPS website shows they rescheduled the delivery for the 12th.
SW: The 12? That's next week!
ME: Yes, I'm sorry about that. I'd be happy to credit your shipping fee since it didn't come when it was originally supposed to.
SW: I want my package!
ME: I'm sorry, I can't do anything about that. If you'd like, I can call UPS and see if I can find out why it was rescheduled.
SW: NO! I'm not talking to UPS, I'm talking to (MY COMPANY)! Now what the hell are you doing letting them just change people's dates whenever the hell they want to? That's not customer service!
ME: Ma'am, we place the order, then UPS comes to our warehouse and ships the phones. Once it leaves on the truck, there's nothing we can do. Once again, if you'd like more information, I can contact UPS-
SW: I want a manager!
ME: Regarding?
SW: Regarding this delivery that was rescheduled!
ME: My supervisor can't change the delivery date, or control if and when UPS delivers it. I'd have to ask that you contact UPS to-
SW: GIVE ME A DAMN MANAGER RIGHT NOW!
ME (once again finds the take-no-crap-from-nobody sup): This customer wants to talk to you.
SUP: Another one? Damn, girl, you want me to just take all your calls?
ME: That would be lovely, actually. No, you're going to love this.
SUP: I bet.
ME: Okay, customer ordered a phone. It was going to be delivered today. Then UPS rescheduled the delivery for the 12th. Now she wants to talk to a sup.
SUP: I'm not UPS.
ME: Nor am I. And as much as I tried to tell her that, she only wants to yell at us about it.
SUP: Sigh. Fine.
ME: Oh, I did offer to credit her shipping.
SUP: Yeah, well, she can just forget about that now.
ME: You're the best.
SUP calls me and I conference him in the call. I stay on mute because I want to know how this turns out.
SUP: Yes ma'am, I understand you wanted to speak to a supervisor about your delivery?
SW: You bet I do!
SUP: Well, I'm not UPS, and I can't-
SW: No you don't! Don't give me no damn excuses! You goin explain to me how y'all gonna just let UPS change the date whenever the hell they feel like it.
SUP(muted): Kara!
ME (muted): What?
SUP gestures me to disconnect.
ME: *pouty lip*
SUP(muted): Do it. I can't let anyone hear what's about to happen.
I disconnected. He came over to my desk a few minutes later and asked if I still had her account information up. I had closed her account, but then I saw that I still had her order form pulled up on the screen. He wrote down her account number.
SUP: Good. She hung up. That's what I wanted her to do. Now I'm going to see what she says when she calls back.
For the record, he wouldn't tell me what he said to her. But I guarantee it didn't involve anything about how awesome we are.
Why Bother?
ME: Could I have your name please?
SM: *muttering something to someone else* (NAME)
ME: Thank you. And how are you doing today?
SM: *muttering something to someone else* Fine.
ME: Great. How can I help you?
SM: *muttering something to someone else* Okay, I want to-
He did this the whole call. Why? If you don't know, just let me talk to the other guy! I don't know if he's an oracle, a guru, or just some homeless guy who saw the Virgin Mary at the bottom of a bottle of whiskey, at least he seems to know what your issue is.
I've was going to post on Friday, but I left my flash drive (containing most of this) at work. Then, between bugs in my rice that night, to some asshole teenagers breaking the back glass out of our new (to us) car at 4am, I didn't feel up for posting yesterday. I only worked the second half of my shift yesterday (had to clean all the damn glass out of the inside of the car and the driveway/yard surrounding it, then put something over the window). I was so tired last night that I bought a Red Bull to keep me conscious long enough to get home. I'd never had it before, but so many people at work swear by it. If you peed in Tropical Punch Kool-Aid, it would taste like Red Bull. But it works. And I've cleaned up the mess and cried my tears. No pity-party is necessary. Oh yeah, and there was only one noteworthy call on Monday, so this is pretty much all of last week for me:
SM = Sucky Man
SW = Sucky Woman
ME = Damn kids...
SUP = Supervisor who isn't mine, but he's awesome anyway
Labor Day Fun
ME: Is there any particular reason you want to cancel?
SM: Because you guys don’t give me free holiday minutes!
ME: No, that is not a service we offer.
SM: Why not? I always had free holiday minutes before!
ME: You’ve had this account for 3 and a half years, and we have never offered free holiday minutes at all during the life of your account.
Many years (like 6), and several mergers ago, one of the companies we absorbed offered this one time. People who never heard of that company and never had service with them and have only had service with us for a short while seem to know about this and assume it’s something that is still offered.
Like Shooting Fish in a Barrel with a Rocket Launcher
SM: What do I think?
ME: I’m sorry?
SM: What do I do?
ME: It’s up to you. You’re doing fine on (PLAN X) but (PLAN Y) is available at the same rate, so whichever you prefer.
SM: Should I change?
ME: If you want to.
SM: What should I do?
Asking me what you should think or do is incredibly unwise. You’ll wind up on the evening news wearing only a diaper filled with cottage cheese, covered head to toe in maple syrup, twirling a baton in the air and singing “Ring of Fire” at the top of your lungs while tap-dancing on the interstate.
Fail
ME: Could I just have your mobile phone number?
SW: I don’t know my account number.
Most people don’t. That’s why I didn’t ask for it.
Let Me Play You a Sad Song on the World’s Smallest Violin…
I was doing floor support for this one, so this is a call I got to take from a customer requesting to speak to a supervisor. He got me instead
ME: This is Kara, I understand you wanted to speak to a supervisor?
SM: Yes.
ME: And I understand that you want to be let out of your contract?
SM: That’s right. Now, I’m not looking to cancel or anything, I’m going to stay loyal to you, but I lost my job and I need this contract taken off.
ME: (COWORKER) had explained that to me, and I’m definitely sorry to hear about your job. I see you’re on our highest plan, we can move you to a lower plan to save money until things improve for you.
SM: No, I just don’t want the contract.
ME: We can also suspend your service for a small fee instead of your regular monthly charges. Hopefully, your situation will change and you can restore the service.
SM: Look, I’m not looking to cancel or change anything. But I don’t want to be under the contract.
ME: I understand that. But the contract you agreed to is legally binding.
SM: I had a life-changing event!
ME: But alas, that does not allow for a release from your contract.
SM: You’re not trying to help me!
ME: Sure I am. I offered you a lower plan, I advised you we can suspend the service, which would you prefer?
SM: I don’t want a contract anymore!
ME: Why not?
SM: Because I lost my job and I can’t afford the termination fee!
ME: But you said you’re not going to cancel, so why worry about it?
SM: Because…………. I don’t want it the contract!
ME: I’m sorry, but the contract is valid.
SM: When did I renew my contract?
ME: In March of this year.
SM: I don’t remember signing anything.
ME: You didn’t. It was a verbal contract.
SM: Then you can’t prove I agreed to it!
ME: I certainly can. I have record in my system where you agreed to the contract with our automated acceptance tool and it updated the contract to your account. I can also see the phone that you were offered with that contract has been in use on your account since that time.
SM: Then send me proof.
ME: I can’t do that.
SM: Because you don’t have any!
ME: No, because I don’t have an outbound email or fax. You received confirmation of the contract by mail after you renewed.
SM: I don’t remember that. You can’t prove it.
ME: Yes I can. It’s noted in the system.
SM: But you can’t send me anything!
ME: Nor am I obligated to.
SM: Then you’ll be hearing from my attorney.
ME: Great. I can guarantee you our legal team will have everything they need to show your attorney that you agreed to a valid contract.
Sometimes I wish I could do this all the time. I could easily apply to be a supervisor. But that would mean getting promoted, which would be a pay cut for me since I’d lose out on some awesome bonuses I get. Nah, it’s not worth it. Besides, I like to write, draw, play gameboy, and send out sarcastic emails to my coworkers when I’m not on a call. If I got promoted, I’d be busy non-stop.
Violation
Long story short, he was upset because he didn’t get service at his workplace. He was told we were expecting to put new towers in that area by March. The service didn’t improve, so he decided to get a contract and new phone, and didn’t notice any improvement. Rather than sending the phone back and having his contract waived under the “buyer’s remorse” policy, he decided to wait 6 months to cancel.
SM: Why should I pay for service I can’t use?
ME: I see here you used almost all of your minutes last month.
SM: But I work 8 – 5. Those are hours I can’t use my phone, why should I pay for them?
Gee, I work 1130 to 1030, which are hours I'm not watching TV, using my phone, or using my internet. Why should I pay for that? Oh, yeah, because I'm not an asshat. Anyway, then he wanted to talk to my supervisor. Mine wasn't available, but another one was, who is known for being one of the sups you go to when you just want to screw with people (who really deserve it). Thus, the following happened:
SUP: I understand you wanted to speak to a supervisor?
SM: Yes. The last girl wouldn't help me at all and tried to keep me tied down to some contract. I feel like she violated me.
ME:
SUP: Well, Kara explained the situation to me. I know you want to be let out of your contract since you don't get service at work, but the contract you agreed to stated that we don't guarantee coverage at all times.
SM: But they said the service would get better.
SUP: Enhancements were made in the area. If you didn't get any improvement at your workplace, then why did you agree to a contract knowing it didn't work for you there?
SM: It's like this. Say you buy a baseball bat that has a hole in it. You couldn't be expected to hit a ball with it, so why would you be expected to keep it? You'd take it back.
SUP: Right, but you bought the bat knowing it had a hole in it, tried to use it against your common sense, and were surprised it didn't work. If you bought it knowing it had a hole and then waited until after the return period to take it back, I wouldn't expect the store to accept it, and I won't either.
I couldn't have said it better myself
I Can Be Such a Bitch Sometimes
SW: I need to have one of my phones suspended.
ME: I'd be happy to help you with that. Could I have your account password?
SW: I don't remember.
ME: I'm sorry, but I need your account password before I can verify your account.
SW: I already said I don't remember it. So you'll just have to ask me something else.
ME: I can only get access to your account if you verify the password. If you don't remember it, you can show photo ID at a store and they can call in for you. Then we can change the password.
SW: No! I'm not going to sit here while you refuse to let me in my own account. I pay the bills! Ask me anything! Go ahead! Anything at all!
ME: Ok. Could I have the password please?
SW: What about my phone number? Account number? Check number for the last payment? Address? Home phone number? Come on, you have to let me use something else.
ME: None of that will allow me to access the account. You-
SW: I DON'T REMEMBER!
ME: You requested that we use a password to access your account. You specified the password to use. I cannot access the account by any other means unless a store rep calls in and confirms they've checked your photo ID.
SW: Then give me a hint!
ME: I can't do that.
SW: Why not?
ME: Because I don't know who's on the other end of the line. I can't give hints that could enable an unauthorized person to make changes to your account.
SW: YOU HAVE TO GIVE ME A HINT IF I ASK FOR IT! IT'S MY ACCOUNT! GIVE ME A HINT! TELL ME THE PASSWORD!
ME: I'm afraid I can't do that, as I've already explained. Would you like me to locate the nearest store for you?
SW: This is ridiculous! I can't believe you don't give people hints for their passwords! Your company needs to review its policy before you lose all your customers. I'm so mad right now I could just cancel my account.
ME: I'm sorry to hear that. I could assist you in canceling your account, but I'd need your password first (yeah, I'm the devil).
SW: People forget! Okay? People forget things! This is the real world here, missy!
Yes, it is. And there are some very nasty people out there who would do very nasty things if they got into your account. That's why we set up a password if you request it. Frothing, snarling, half-witted, queen of the ass-people though you may be, I will protect you from yourself if necessary.
Oh, then she requested to speak to my sup. She wouldn't let her access the account either.
Representin' the (Far) East Side, Yo
SW: We are good customer! My son go back to country. That is why you must discount.
ME: I'm sorry, but the line is in your name with the other lines, not in his. I can't waive the contract termination fee if you cancel. I also can't discount your current plan, but I'd be happy to find a lower plan for you.
SW: I no want you give me new plan. Discount! Discount! If you no discount, then why need I is there to cancel?
ME: Ma'am-
SW: You lose all your customer! Then you be sorry. All you do is tell me you do nothing! You think it is so funny to you.
ME: I don't think this is funny at all. /LIE
SW: I don't want your company anymore! Contract, you talk about contract, you no help people. People pay you money and you big laugh. You lose all customer! You no appreciate existing customer, only new customer.
ME: Ma'am, I only take calls from existing customers. Trust me, I-
SW: If customer cancel line, then you should discount. That how I feel. I kick it that way!
Whoa, stop right there! Back up the oriental express a minute. Did you just say you "kick it that way?" Now I know how Hispanic people must feel when some American says "Yo Quiero Taco Bell" to them. Oh, and no, you don't get a discount, Busta Rhymes. You can change your plan, or you can keep what you have. Either way, your kid's line is under contract and you'll pay the fee if you cancel it.
My Hatred of Humanity Grows...
SW: What colors do you have?
ME: I have that phone available in two colors.
SW: Oh, okay.
ME: Would you like that phone in red or blue?
SW: Black.
Annnnnnd, you FAIL. Tell you what, I'll put instructions on the order to have the UPS guy set it on fire when he drops it off. That'll turn it black for you. Oh, and speaking of UPS...
UP(S) Yours
SW: I had ordered a phone and it was supposed to be delivered today.
ME: Okay, let me check that for you. I see here it was originally going to be delivered, but the UPS website shows they rescheduled the delivery for the 12th.
SW: The 12? That's next week!
ME: Yes, I'm sorry about that. I'd be happy to credit your shipping fee since it didn't come when it was originally supposed to.
SW: I want my package!
ME: I'm sorry, I can't do anything about that. If you'd like, I can call UPS and see if I can find out why it was rescheduled.
SW: NO! I'm not talking to UPS, I'm talking to (MY COMPANY)! Now what the hell are you doing letting them just change people's dates whenever the hell they want to? That's not customer service!
ME: Ma'am, we place the order, then UPS comes to our warehouse and ships the phones. Once it leaves on the truck, there's nothing we can do. Once again, if you'd like more information, I can contact UPS-
SW: I want a manager!
ME: Regarding?
SW: Regarding this delivery that was rescheduled!
ME: My supervisor can't change the delivery date, or control if and when UPS delivers it. I'd have to ask that you contact UPS to-
SW: GIVE ME A DAMN MANAGER RIGHT NOW!
ME (once again finds the take-no-crap-from-nobody sup): This customer wants to talk to you.
SUP: Another one? Damn, girl, you want me to just take all your calls?
ME: That would be lovely, actually. No, you're going to love this.
SUP: I bet.
ME: Okay, customer ordered a phone. It was going to be delivered today. Then UPS rescheduled the delivery for the 12th. Now she wants to talk to a sup.
SUP: I'm not UPS.
ME: Nor am I. And as much as I tried to tell her that, she only wants to yell at us about it.
SUP: Sigh. Fine.
ME: Oh, I did offer to credit her shipping.
SUP: Yeah, well, she can just forget about that now.
ME: You're the best.
SUP calls me and I conference him in the call. I stay on mute because I want to know how this turns out.
SUP: Yes ma'am, I understand you wanted to speak to a supervisor about your delivery?
SW: You bet I do!
SUP: Well, I'm not UPS, and I can't-
SW: No you don't! Don't give me no damn excuses! You goin explain to me how y'all gonna just let UPS change the date whenever the hell they feel like it.
SUP(muted): Kara!
ME (muted): What?
SUP gestures me to disconnect.
ME: *pouty lip*
SUP(muted): Do it. I can't let anyone hear what's about to happen.
I disconnected. He came over to my desk a few minutes later and asked if I still had her account information up. I had closed her account, but then I saw that I still had her order form pulled up on the screen. He wrote down her account number.
SUP: Good. She hung up. That's what I wanted her to do. Now I'm going to see what she says when she calls back.
For the record, he wouldn't tell me what he said to her. But I guarantee it didn't involve anything about how awesome we are.
Why Bother?
ME: Could I have your name please?
SM: *muttering something to someone else* (NAME)
ME: Thank you. And how are you doing today?
SM: *muttering something to someone else* Fine.
ME: Great. How can I help you?
SM: *muttering something to someone else* Okay, I want to-
He did this the whole call. Why? If you don't know, just let me talk to the other guy! I don't know if he's an oracle, a guru, or just some homeless guy who saw the Virgin Mary at the bottom of a bottle of whiskey, at least he seems to know what your issue is.
Uh, very interesting to hear that slang come at the end of what seemed a fairly stereotypical Asian-y accent. Only thing better would have been "That's the way I roll." 
Some people pay good money for that. 
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