Sucky Customer caused me to have a panic attack

[Kiwi]

I was at the supermarket today, doing the weekly shopping for the flat I live in. While I was at the deli counter, everyone is standing there quietly and patiently waiting for the two very rushed staff trying to get through us as quickly as possible.

There were two "groups" of customers, neither of which had a distinct line, just people bunched and the two staff were working on one group each. I was just about to be served when this lady from the other group yells (she actually yelled)

"Can you serve people from this line, for gods sake this is taking forever, Ive been waiting longer than everyone else"

The guy on the counter looks shocked and moves towards her and helps her, she tells him how "ridiculous" her wait has been and how crappy the service is here, all while this guy is just trying to get through her order of crappy cheap flour filled junk deli meat. She said "thats enough" quietly, not loudly and then when the guy doesnt hear her, she said it again louder and the server said "ok ok I didnt hear you" (it was said in an apologetic tone) so she doesnt like that and she SCREAMS

WHY DONT YOU FUCKING LISTEN TO THE CUSTOMER I SAID THATS ENOUGH!

Everyone just stood there and my adrenline started pumping, I kept thinking say something say something and I dont know if it was because I hadnt eaten, or that I was alone and she was there with her husband or that I was just a coward, I didnt. I stood by while this guy was attacked. (Im really not proud of that, because I was so angry, I have been screamed at for similar things during my time behind the counter)

As I was served I was really polite to the guy but I could see the anger and shame on this face, he was shaking.

I finished up my shopping and noticed what was in this hags cart, coke, beer and junkfood and I thought no wonder shes so nasty! Each time I passed her I have her a filthy look and she has this puzzled expression like (why is this stranger looking at me this way) But I couldnt stop thinking about it and got myself really worked up, my heart was beating through my chest, I couldnt breath, I couldnt see straight, I started sweating and I was seething mad.

By the time I had made it through the checkout I was scared because by then I couldnt breath at all and had to sit down on the courtesy chairs and take my inhaler and all the while thinking what can I do? So I thought jeez if she complains, he is going to get into more trouble because of this bitch, and so I went to the customer service desk and asked for a compliment form.

I filled it out explaining that I had seen a customer verbally attacking the boy and that he had held up under the attack and had stayed polite and professional and was even friendly to the customers he had served after she had left the counter. That he even managed a smile for me and wished me to have a good day. That this behaviour was exemplory and he should be commended for holding up under such a public dressing down for something that wasnt provoked nor deserved.

I felt so awful for the guy and so ashamed that I said nothing to defend him when he had done nothing wrong! I had to sit in the car for a good 10 minutes before I felt safe enough to drive and even then, I was still shaking and vomited when I got home.

Sucky customers effect more than the employees they attack! If I had been with someone to back me up I know I would have said something but it just makes me MORE grateful that I dont have to put up with this shit anymore!

[Ducky Dew]

Kiwi, I think what you did was excellent and I hope you won't beat yourself up over this. I see your actions as very mature and probably more impressive to management than a confrontation with this wench would have been. A lot of people take the time to complain, we all know that, but it's far and few the ones who take the time to compliment, especially in written format, so when it happens it counts like gold in most places.

You did good, have a cookie and a *hug*.

[BookstoreEscapee]

Well, I probably wouldn't have said anything, either, if it makes you feel any better. I am not good with confrontation. But good for you for letting the store what a good employee he was

[Peppergirl]

If it makes you feel better, there were OTHER people there too, and it wasnt just you that didn;t say anything.

Believe it or not, you did the right thing!

I'm the type that would have started yelling at her and it's happened before. Guess what, it makes the situation 20x worse, because then the store is forced to mediate and try not to take sides.

You TOTALLY did the classy thing by stopping by to compliment him.

You are tops in my book!!!

[Seshat]

If it makes you feel better, there were OTHER people there too, and it wasnt just you that didn;t say anything.

There's actually a name for people not doing anything when in a large group. It's called bystander effect or Genovese syndrome. You (the OP, not Peppergirl) just experienced it, in a setting where noone was actually injured by it. (Google 'Kitty Genovese', and you'll see a circumstance where someone was killed and noone in a large group acted.)

You DID act, which makes you much better than most people. Even better, you acted sensibly, and in a way which will provide a genuine advantage for the person you were worried about. (Getting a written customer compliment will boost his standing with his bosses, and if he is shown it, will boost his ego.)

Feel good about yourself. And if you want, use the fact that you've now experienced bystander effect and know what it is, to improve your general ability to respond in a crisis.

For the curious: bystander effect is why first aid courses teach you to point to someone and say 'You! Call 911!' instead of 'someone call 911!'; and why self-defence courses recommend that you go into an open shop, if possible, rather than staying in the street. Both reduce the distribution of responsibility people feel that's part of bystander effect.

[Can I Help Your A$$?]

Ah, you put it in writing. Companies care about stuff in writing. You probably made his month. Good job.

[Ree]

I think you handled it very well, Kiwi.

I know you feel guilty for not stepping in, but if you had done that, the whole situation might have escalated, and you could have ended up getting hurt.

I think giving a compliment to the employee was a very classy thing to do.

[JustaCashier]

I agree with what's been said so far.

I'm another one that is not good with confrontation.

I do though, have this fantasy, I'm on a beach, by myself, except for a bunch of beautiful women in thong bikinis....

*OOOOPS! Wrong fantasy*

Uh......I'm at my neighborhood grocery store, on the bus, whatever, and some SC is giving the store employee, bus driver, whatever, grief.

I step forward, rip the SC a new one, and go on my merry way. Thing is though, I have yet to witness such a situation. Plus, since I am often in my work uniform while at the grocery store, on the bus whatever and I don't want to embarrass my employer.
And, I know that would be "stooping down to the SC's level" but oh, it would feel sooooo good!

But, Kiwi, you did the right thing. Your screaming at the SC would have felt good, might have caused her to be embarrassed, but likely would not have, and the poor cashier could have risked a write-up, or some other admonition, if the employer was sucky as well, and beleived the SC was right.

But you DOCUMENTED what you witnessed. That's what these corporate suits want, it's all they can understand.

/opinionated tangent.

Anyhoo, you done good!

Mike

[mattm04]

When I was cashiering one day I had one asshole come thru my line and bitch about everything, screaming like a 3 yo. Complied when I would follow policy, etc. I was polite and professional all the time. One of the customers behind me talked to the MOD after he check out and told him about the lady and how professional I was. The second customers filled out a form on the companies website. Comments and complaints from the form go to not only the store but the DM's office. The asshole customer called the 800# to complain how I was rude, etc, etc, but since the other customers had put in a good word her complaint, I mean lie, was ignored.

[Bright_Star]

That lady was wayyyyyyy out of line. whatever happened to patience? Had it been me, I would have put her in her place. I would have told her that yelling at the deli person isn't going to make her get her crap any faster.
Just what the hell is wrong with a lot people these days who feel it's ok to scream at someone cause they percieve them to go slower than they like? Just how self involved do you have to be to think that you need your cold cuts given to you at warp speed?
You want cold cuts that fast then go to the section where they're pre-packaged.

[Kiwi]

Thanks everyone, I talked with my mum about it and she said basically the same thing although she wants me to go back to the doctor for some help with my anxiety. She said I shouldnt be getting that upset over strangers but she doesnt get that I have had to stand there just like him and take unwarrented abuse.
It was like the customer was screaming at me... like some awful flashback!

I feel much calmer now and proud that I found a way to take power away from her while building the guy up.... I still feel awful for him, the look on his face was so heartbraking.

Thanks for everyones support though, it made me feel much happier with my actions.

[JustADude]

I just can't grok these kinds of people. I can deal with them and defuse them, but the very concept of doing that kind of crap is as foreign as trying to pick up a burning log out of the fire with my bare hand. Things will resolve themselves in time if you don't stress. Take the time in line to look over the meats and maybe find a good bargain or something, or just run idle for a few and let your brain cool down.

You did great, Kiwi, and I agree that having a written compliment is probably better than just chewing the bitch out then and there. Me, I would've said something like "Dude! That's NOT cool. Show the guy some respect, would ya?", but I tend to derail situations like that just by being there and sticking my nose in. Sometimes I love being a small mountain.

[Boozy]

Thanks everyone, I talked with my mum about it and she said basically the same thing although she wants me to go back to the doctor for some help with my anxiety. She said I shouldnt be getting that upset over strangers but she doesnt get that I have had to stand there just like him and take unwarrented abuse.

If you find that anxiety is indeed affecting your ability to live your life, then by all means go to a doctor. But if this is just an isolated incident, I wouldn't worry about it.

Confrontation of this sort will bring out a flight or fight reflex in people. Its hardwired. I get the "flight" reaction too in cases like this; my hindbrain says to me "This could get nasty, get away from here now!" Its a very natural reaction.

[Luna]

Kiwi, you acted as a mature person should. By writing a compliment rather than voicing one - this will go on that kids personal record. Now a manager can't forget the compliment. It will also show him that not striking back makes him more mature in the eyes of others, and gives him more self confidence in the future. Hopefully it won't happen, but imagine next time someone screams at him for no reason? I'll bet he will think on your letter - which will help him remain calm and smile more and deal with the annoying SC with class.

I get the same way when I see something outrageous like that. My heart beats out of my chest, the adrenaline starts pumping and you start sweating. It's the effects of the adrenaline gearing up your body into "fight" mode.

I know this is new age and considered by some to be strange - but people that act out in such ways send out what I call "anger shock waves". When someone comes into a room and a fight is progressing - you can feel the anger and bitterness and pain. The fighting people give off those feelings without knowing it. We all pick them up. Some people are more sensitive than others. Some people can ignore it completely. Then your body gears up to make sure it doesn't get drawn into it unprepared.

If things like this really set you off, maybe seeing a doc about anxiety would be good. But do yourself a favor and also check the Internet about ways to shield yourself from negative emotions each time you go out in public. I think it may help you.