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Let’s try this again. I was busy yesterday, so I kind of wrote bits and pieces throughout the day. I went to add a pic and photobucket decided it would be fun to crash Firefox. No biggie, I reloaded and my post was still there. Then after previewing my post, I saw that the picture size was too small, so I went to edit in photobucket and it crashed again. The second time, it ate my post. I won’t repeat what I said, since it wasn’t very ladylike, but I was a bit grumpy. So here’s my second attempt, recalled mainly from memory because I threw my sheet of notes in the trash before my post died, and I’m not about to fish it out of there.
Saturday was fun. I knew it would be before I even got to work. I was on my way to the office, minding my own business and singing along to “Radio Ga Ga” by Queen (greatest band ever, by the way), when I saw this other girl in the opposite side of the road pull into the left turn lane. She waited for the car in front of me to pass, then decided not to extend the same courtesy to me and by the time I realized she was going to make the turn I hit the brakes but it was too late. She took out my left turn signal and f’ed up the front of my beloved Mazda. She had been tying to get to Chili’s, turns out she worked there so was probably running late for work. Either way, in her haste to get in to serve up baby back ribs and Salmonella (my SO and I got horribly sick last time we ate there), she neglected to notice me and yield to my right of way. So at least her insurance will be paying for it. And yes, exactly 1 week after my SO’s new car had the back window smashed out by some punk kids, my car gets hit. Oh yeah, and after that little adventure, plus filling out the accident report and filing a claim under her policy (at least we have the same company), I had to go to work.
SW = Sucky Woman
SM = Sucky Man
ME = Moving Target
Mission Accomplished
SM: You are not Customer Service! You are piss me off!
You’re right about one thing. My job title hasn’t included “Customer Service” for 2 years, since I came to the Loyalty department. You’re in Kara’s world now, be-otch.
Not a Convincing Argument
SM: I’ve been loyal to you guys for years! I know why you charge people termination fees, because so many people bounce around from one company to another all the time! But look at my account! I’ve been with you for all 4 years! That loyalty has to be worth something, so I know you can waive the fee.
ME: I’m afraid if you choose to transfer your number to another provider, you will be charged a termination fee because the line is under contract. You agreed to the contract in January and it stated that a fee would be charged if –
SM: Blah, blah, blah! Don’t give me that contract speech! This is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard! I see why you guys lose all your customers!
No, apparently you don’t. That’s not a reason to prove anything, other than the fact that you are a Level 50 Asslord. The fact that I don’t honor how “loyal” you are to us by waiving your termination fee when you decide to run off with another provider is not a reason that anyone cancels. That’s not even why you canceled, it’s just a consequence of your actions. Kind of like when you used to inhale spray paint as a kid and now you’re mentally handicapped.
I Am Evil
SW: I’m not paying any fees.
ME: Well, your lines are under contract, and so by choosing to cancel they will be charged for termination.
SW: You don’t understand! I don’t get signal in my house! I can’t use the phones!
ME: I do see here that you average over 75% of your minutes being used every month. I know it can be inconvenient if you aren’t getting signal at home, but unfortunately we can’t guarantee service availability and that is stated in the contract you agreed to.
SW (sobbing): But that’s not faaaair! You don’t understand at all!
ME: Yes, I do understand. But-
SW (hysterical): THEN HELP ME!
ME: I’m trying to. But if you don’t wish to accept the offers I have and decide to cancel, there will be fees.
SW: Oh, that’s just GREAT! What if you had to get heart surgery and it didn’t work? Would they just be like, “Oh well, too bad?”
ME: I don’t know. I’m not a heart surgeon.
SW: Thank God for that! I can’t believe you treat people like this!
ME: Again, I’m sorry you feel that way, but-
SW: IT’S MY HUSBAND’S BIRTHDAY AND I CAN’T EVEN CALL HIM TO SAY “HAPPY F***ING BIRTHDAY!” *click*
She started crying early on in the call. Crying led to sobbing, then wailing, then hysterics, and by the end I think she had some kind of nervous breakdown or something. So you know what that means. Another tally on my scorecard! Victory is mine! Yes, hearing her mental state deteriorate as she was speaking to me was very amusing and I enjoyed it thoroughly. I wasn’t being mean or antagonizing her, hell, I didn’t even have to do anything at all. She descended into a downward spiral all on her own.
”Useless” Indeed
ME: How are you doing today?
SW: Not good, thank you.
ME: O…kay, how can I help you?
SW: I am getting this bill of high amount!
ME: Well, I do see here that you exceeded your minutes last month by XXX minutes.
SW: But you cannot be charging this ridiculous amount for useless talk. That is too much to be charging.
ME: Did you happen to notice you were over your minutes when you were checking them last month?
SW: But it is all useless talk! How can you be charging me so outrageous amount for just useless talk?
ME: I’m afraid it isn’t my place to determine whether calls are useless or not, but they were made and received from your phone, and the charges are valid.
SW: You can say whatever you want, but I still have my point!
Which is… what, exactly? She sounded like a Russian spy from a James Bond movie, too. So if I vanish, it means the KGB abducted me in the night and dragged me off to a soviet “rehabilitation” camp. There, I’ll learn to love Mother Russia.
Why Don’t You Put Your Mommy on the Phone?
Some background info for this call. Customers who order phones through our 800# for sales have the phones pre-activated before they ship. This is to save the customer time because they don’t have to call in to activate when they get the phones. This account was in this girl’s mother’s name, she couldn’t have been older than 16, but she was trying to act like an adult and failing miserably. She was told her phone would arrive as early as Tuesday last week. On Wednesday, she called and had the line canceled because it didn’t come when she was told. She got the phone on Friday and decided to keep it and called Saturday to have it resumed. However, since the line was pre-activated, we didn’t want anyone to intercept it along the way after she canceled so we deleted the SIM from the network. So we had to file a request to restore the SIM in order to keep her from having to pay for a new one. This process goes to an offline department and takes up to 24 hours to complete. She didn’t like that, so guess who got to talk to her?
SW: I want someone to offer me… some kind of… retribution… or something!
ME: But you did call us to cancel the number while it was still in transit, and we did that for you. We only did what you requested.
SW: No, no no! That’s not what you’re supposed to do! You’re supposed to send someone a phone and then they call you to activate it when they get it. It’s a law of nature!
ME: …Law of nature or not, that is not our policy for activating a line, and I don’t see where any adjustment is necessary.
SW: Then what about my inconvenience?
ME: And what inconvenience is that?
SW: Well, if I’m right, and I always am, then you should give me some kind of credit for screwing everything up.
ME: You ordered a phone. We sent you a phone. You chose to call and cancel it because it didn’t arrive when you thought it would, so we did. Now you want to restore the line, and we are in the process of having that taken care of for you. We have only done what you yourself requested for us to do.
SW: No, you’re supposed to give me a credit!
ME: Okay, how much were you charged for shipping?
SW: I don’t know! Mom! How much was shipping for the phone they screwed up! No, I’m not being rude, they screwed it up! Just tell me how much it was for shipping! No, I’m not! Shut up!
ME: ……..
SW: Okay, they didn’t charge us for shipping.
ME: Then there is nothing for me to credit.
Sorry, Princess, but throwing a tantrum doesn’t work with me. She said she’d call back later so I left a very clear memo for the next rep that has to deal with her: “We can only apply an adjustment for (COMPANY) inconveniencing customer, not customer inconveniencing HERSELF.”
I Made Another Customer Cry
This woman called in crying because she had a high bill. She said her granddaughter stole her phone and ran up the minutes. She can’t pay the bill because she just lost her job, got denied unemployment, got involved in some kind of scam and had $6000 stolen out of her bank account, got diagnosed with breast cancer, and she can’t make her granddaughter pay the charges because she has 8 kids. No, I didn’t buy it for a second, at least, not all of that could possibly be true, but I did give her a credit for half her overage, which resulted in about $90. Now, don’t go getting the wrong idea, my soul is still as black as the darkest night and my heart is encased in ice, but she really was a “good” customer. Long tenure, good payment history, low history of credits to her account. Then she starts crying about how wonderful I am and how grateful she is. I don’t usually get this response from customers, so I wasn’t sure what to do. It made my heart all tingly and warm, and I didn’t like it. So I won’t ever be generous again, that’s for damn sure.
Hehe
This guy was throwing a fit because he wanted a free phone. He used his discount back in February, but has now decided he doesn’t like the phone and feels he shouldn’t have to pay for a new one. His reason? He tells me to check the account history because he called in shortly after he got the phone because of a “billing error” and we refused to help him. I checked the notes, and this is what I saw:
I was every bit as helpful as the rep he talked to in March
Saturday was fun. I knew it would be before I even got to work. I was on my way to the office, minding my own business and singing along to “Radio Ga Ga” by Queen (greatest band ever, by the way), when I saw this other girl in the opposite side of the road pull into the left turn lane. She waited for the car in front of me to pass, then decided not to extend the same courtesy to me and by the time I realized she was going to make the turn I hit the brakes but it was too late. She took out my left turn signal and f’ed up the front of my beloved Mazda. She had been tying to get to Chili’s, turns out she worked there so was probably running late for work. Either way, in her haste to get in to serve up baby back ribs and Salmonella (my SO and I got horribly sick last time we ate there), she neglected to notice me and yield to my right of way. So at least her insurance will be paying for it. And yes, exactly 1 week after my SO’s new car had the back window smashed out by some punk kids, my car gets hit. Oh yeah, and after that little adventure, plus filling out the accident report and filing a claim under her policy (at least we have the same company), I had to go to work.
SW = Sucky Woman
SM = Sucky Man
ME = Moving Target
Mission Accomplished
SM: You are not Customer Service! You are piss me off!
You’re right about one thing. My job title hasn’t included “Customer Service” for 2 years, since I came to the Loyalty department. You’re in Kara’s world now, be-otch.
Not a Convincing Argument
SM: I’ve been loyal to you guys for years! I know why you charge people termination fees, because so many people bounce around from one company to another all the time! But look at my account! I’ve been with you for all 4 years! That loyalty has to be worth something, so I know you can waive the fee.
ME: I’m afraid if you choose to transfer your number to another provider, you will be charged a termination fee because the line is under contract. You agreed to the contract in January and it stated that a fee would be charged if –
SM: Blah, blah, blah! Don’t give me that contract speech! This is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard! I see why you guys lose all your customers!
No, apparently you don’t. That’s not a reason to prove anything, other than the fact that you are a Level 50 Asslord. The fact that I don’t honor how “loyal” you are to us by waiving your termination fee when you decide to run off with another provider is not a reason that anyone cancels. That’s not even why you canceled, it’s just a consequence of your actions. Kind of like when you used to inhale spray paint as a kid and now you’re mentally handicapped.
I Am Evil
SW: I’m not paying any fees.
ME: Well, your lines are under contract, and so by choosing to cancel they will be charged for termination.
SW: You don’t understand! I don’t get signal in my house! I can’t use the phones!
ME: I do see here that you average over 75% of your minutes being used every month. I know it can be inconvenient if you aren’t getting signal at home, but unfortunately we can’t guarantee service availability and that is stated in the contract you agreed to.
SW (sobbing): But that’s not faaaair! You don’t understand at all!
ME: Yes, I do understand. But-
SW (hysterical): THEN HELP ME!
ME: I’m trying to. But if you don’t wish to accept the offers I have and decide to cancel, there will be fees.
SW: Oh, that’s just GREAT! What if you had to get heart surgery and it didn’t work? Would they just be like, “Oh well, too bad?”
ME: I don’t know. I’m not a heart surgeon.
SW: Thank God for that! I can’t believe you treat people like this!
ME: Again, I’m sorry you feel that way, but-
SW: IT’S MY HUSBAND’S BIRTHDAY AND I CAN’T EVEN CALL HIM TO SAY “HAPPY F***ING BIRTHDAY!” *click*
She started crying early on in the call. Crying led to sobbing, then wailing, then hysterics, and by the end I think she had some kind of nervous breakdown or something. So you know what that means. Another tally on my scorecard! Victory is mine! Yes, hearing her mental state deteriorate as she was speaking to me was very amusing and I enjoyed it thoroughly. I wasn’t being mean or antagonizing her, hell, I didn’t even have to do anything at all. She descended into a downward spiral all on her own.
”Useless” Indeed
ME: How are you doing today?
SW: Not good, thank you.
ME: O…kay, how can I help you?
SW: I am getting this bill of high amount!
ME: Well, I do see here that you exceeded your minutes last month by XXX minutes.
SW: But you cannot be charging this ridiculous amount for useless talk. That is too much to be charging.
ME: Did you happen to notice you were over your minutes when you were checking them last month?
SW: But it is all useless talk! How can you be charging me so outrageous amount for just useless talk?
ME: I’m afraid it isn’t my place to determine whether calls are useless or not, but they were made and received from your phone, and the charges are valid.
SW: You can say whatever you want, but I still have my point!
Which is… what, exactly? She sounded like a Russian spy from a James Bond movie, too. So if I vanish, it means the KGB abducted me in the night and dragged me off to a soviet “rehabilitation” camp. There, I’ll learn to love Mother Russia.
Why Don’t You Put Your Mommy on the Phone?
Some background info for this call. Customers who order phones through our 800# for sales have the phones pre-activated before they ship. This is to save the customer time because they don’t have to call in to activate when they get the phones. This account was in this girl’s mother’s name, she couldn’t have been older than 16, but she was trying to act like an adult and failing miserably. She was told her phone would arrive as early as Tuesday last week. On Wednesday, she called and had the line canceled because it didn’t come when she was told. She got the phone on Friday and decided to keep it and called Saturday to have it resumed. However, since the line was pre-activated, we didn’t want anyone to intercept it along the way after she canceled so we deleted the SIM from the network. So we had to file a request to restore the SIM in order to keep her from having to pay for a new one. This process goes to an offline department and takes up to 24 hours to complete. She didn’t like that, so guess who got to talk to her?
SW: I want someone to offer me… some kind of… retribution… or something!
ME: But you did call us to cancel the number while it was still in transit, and we did that for you. We only did what you requested.
SW: No, no no! That’s not what you’re supposed to do! You’re supposed to send someone a phone and then they call you to activate it when they get it. It’s a law of nature!
ME: …Law of nature or not, that is not our policy for activating a line, and I don’t see where any adjustment is necessary.
SW: Then what about my inconvenience?
ME: And what inconvenience is that?
SW: Well, if I’m right, and I always am, then you should give me some kind of credit for screwing everything up.
ME: You ordered a phone. We sent you a phone. You chose to call and cancel it because it didn’t arrive when you thought it would, so we did. Now you want to restore the line, and we are in the process of having that taken care of for you. We have only done what you yourself requested for us to do.
SW: No, you’re supposed to give me a credit!
ME: Okay, how much were you charged for shipping?
SW: I don’t know! Mom! How much was shipping for the phone they screwed up! No, I’m not being rude, they screwed it up! Just tell me how much it was for shipping! No, I’m not! Shut up!
ME: ……..
SW: Okay, they didn’t charge us for shipping.
ME: Then there is nothing for me to credit.
Sorry, Princess, but throwing a tantrum doesn’t work with me. She said she’d call back later so I left a very clear memo for the next rep that has to deal with her: “We can only apply an adjustment for (COMPANY) inconveniencing customer, not customer inconveniencing HERSELF.”
I Made Another Customer Cry
This woman called in crying because she had a high bill. She said her granddaughter stole her phone and ran up the minutes. She can’t pay the bill because she just lost her job, got denied unemployment, got involved in some kind of scam and had $6000 stolen out of her bank account, got diagnosed with breast cancer, and she can’t make her granddaughter pay the charges because she has 8 kids. No, I didn’t buy it for a second, at least, not all of that could possibly be true, but I did give her a credit for half her overage, which resulted in about $90. Now, don’t go getting the wrong idea, my soul is still as black as the darkest night and my heart is encased in ice, but she really was a “good” customer. Long tenure, good payment history, low history of credits to her account. Then she starts crying about how wonderful I am and how grateful she is. I don’t usually get this response from customers, so I wasn’t sure what to do. It made my heart all tingly and warm, and I didn’t like it. So I won’t ever be generous again, that’s for damn sure.
Hehe
This guy was throwing a fit because he wanted a free phone. He used his discount back in February, but has now decided he doesn’t like the phone and feels he shouldn’t have to pay for a new one. His reason? He tells me to check the account history because he called in shortly after he got the phone because of a “billing error” and we refused to help him. I checked the notes, and this is what I saw:
I was every bit as helpful as the rep he talked to in March
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