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Apparently I need to sign up for ESL classes...

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  • Apparently I need to sign up for ESL classes...

    The other day I was approached by a gentleman with a box of children's shoes in his hand that possessed the thickest foreign accent I've ever heard. So impenetrable, in fact, that my first impression was that he wasn't speaking English at all, but a language like Yoruba or Swahili.

    Now, I work in a pretty diverse city, and it's not at all unusual for me to get customers that are new to the country with limited to nonexistant knowledge of English. It's no big deal for me; I can usually get the gist of what they're saying and if I can't...well, with a bit a humour and a lot of gesturing I'm generally able to help them find what they need.

    However, sometimes I do get the occaisional jerk that's simply unable to bear with me. Our little conversation went as follows:

    SC: Hayiddiz shoofah zebinya hols?

    Me: Pardon, sir?

    SC: Aysay iddiz shoofah zebinya hols?

    Me: I'm sorry, I still didn't quite catch that. Could you please speak a little more slowly, sir?

    SC: IDDIZ SHOOFAH ZEBINYA HOLS!

    Me: *finally gets it* Oh! It's really difficult to say if it would fit a seven-year-old, since there is no standard size for that age. The best thing to do would be to get the child's feet measured.

    My victory was short-lived, because the customer had a few follow-up question that I just couldn't decipher. When I told him as such, he all but bit my head off.

    CS: *nastily*, Watcho stoopid oh suntin? Kanugitmuh sunboddahoo speek inglesh?

    That I was able to get. According to the gentleman, not only was I a young woman of questionable intellect, but also one whose English proficiency was sorely lacking. My brain still bleeds from the irony.

    Anyway, I wanted to reply that I'd left my Asshole-to-English Dictionary at home that day but our manager expects a little more diplomacy out of her employees. So I had to content myself with saying "I'm sorry about my lack of comphrehension, sir, but I assure you that I'm quite proficient in speaking my native language. Now if you would like me to get my coworker who is originally from (Non-English Speaking Country), I'm sure she would be happy to help you."

    Well, that set him off. He prompty went into a frenzy of wildly flailing limbs and heated but unintelligble condemnations. It's probably for the best that I couldn't understand a single word of it. He finally stormed out when he noticed the utterly blank look on my face.

  • #2
    i just LOVE when people with very thick accents which are nonunderstandable to a lot of people get mad when we cant understand them! happens to me once in a blue moon at my job and i'm in maryland

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    • #3
      Quoth Ocelot Girl View Post
      CS: *nastily*, Watcho stoopid oh suntin? Kanugitmuh sunboddahoo speek inglesh?
      New sig, anyone?

      Incomprehensibles in Maryland, Ryu? Must be bureaucrats.
      I second that Frederick Douglass quote--unfortunately, so do a lot of SCs.

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      • #4
        haha, i wish they were the only ones :P

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        • #5
          Quoth Ocelot Girl View Post
          SC: Hayiddiz shoofah zebinya hols?

          Me: Pardon, sir?

          SC: Aysay iddiz shoofah zebinya hols?
          *holds up one finger*

          *pulls out aforementioned Asshole-to-English dictionary*

          *turns pages, finds page, runs finger down page looking for words in Asshole to translate to English*

          "Ahda noda sides ub yo zebinya hols feets, but iffyoo haffer feets mesherd oh bringer inere ta trime own dat wold beata bes wayta getteransa you lokink fo. Habba nizedey."
          You're focusing on the problem. If you focus on the problem, you can't see the solution. Never focus on the problem! --From Patch Adams

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          • #6

            WHAT? HOOKAAY!

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            • #7
              Quoth BrightEyedKitty View Post
              "Ahda noda sides ub yo zebinya hols feets, but iffyoo haffer feets mesherd oh bringer inere ta trime own dat wold beata bes wayta getteransa you lokink fo. Habba nizedey."
              Brilliant! I love it! Now I you use this dictionary for my customers too?
              The universe is mostly empty space, and so is your job. ~Dilbert

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              • #8
                It all sounds like conversations I sometimes have with some coworkers. Oh, the fun. (Sometimes it IS fun, sometimes it's a travesty.)
                Unseen but seeing
                oh dear, now they're masquerading as sane-KiaKat
                There isn't enough interpretive dance in the workplace these days-Irv
                3rd shift needs love, too
                RIP, mo bhrionglóid

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                • #9
                  Reminds me of one day, just to annoy all my co-workers I started speaking in gibberish, and one of the other guys started replying in kind. I asked him to go do something (in gibberish) and he went and did the right thing. Everyone else was amazed he knew what I was saying. I was too, kinda. It's not like we arranged it before hand or anything.
                  Ba'al: I'm a god. Gods are all-knowing.

                  http://unrelatedcaptions.com/45147

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                  • #10
                    Similar thing happened to me once. This guy came in and I honest to God just couldn't understand him. He kept asking me something about a clock. I was going to get someone else to help or something... but he was only there for a minute or so.

                    After my third "huh, excuse me?," he said something about how I was just a mimimum wage worker and that's why I wouldn't help him.
                    Last edited by Coconut; 08-11-2006, 02:39 AM.

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