Phone sex and pantless old ladies

[ThePhoneGoddess]

Today’s call has been brought to you by the letter L. For LOSER!


Me: Thank you for calling Bugaboo cell phones, my name is TPG, can I have your mobile number please?
SC: Uh…I bought some minutes with my debit card…I guess I need to confirm the order…or something.
Me: Can I have your mobile number please?
SC: Well…it’s not my phone.
Me: Well can I have the mobile number please?
SC: Numb…?
Me: The cell number you’re trying to add minutes to.
SC: It’s not mine.
Me: I understand that, sir, but I still need the cell number. Can I have it please?
SC: Why?
Me: Good Gawd! So I can find the order that you placed. I have a whole list of orders in front of me and I need to pick your order out and open it up so you can get your minutes.
SC: Well why didn’t you say that in the first place?!


I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works. I hope it's not in the water supply.




You've been breeding without a license again, haven't you, Ma'am?


SC: Why is it taking so long to get mah minutes?
Me: I need to complete a security verification, sir.
SC: Wha…?
Me: I need to complete a security verification sir.
SC: Securiteeee verif…
Me: I need to verify your identity as the authorized signer for the credit card.
SC: Oh…Wha…?
Me: *sigh* Is this your credit card sir?
SC: Nah it’s my gramma’s.
Me: Is she available?
SC Yeah hang on---HEY AUNT DEBORAH! THEY WANNA TALK TO YOU!



You have just confirmed what I suspected all along---you are in fact, inbred. Very much so.




Phone sex, white trash style

Woman: It’s my significant other’s credit card.
Me: All right, may I speak with him?
Woman: Yeah, all right. Hey John! They wanna talk to you.
Man: Y’hello?
Me: Hello, I am showing an order for $25 using a credit card that ends in #1234. Is that your card?
Man: yes it is.
Me: All right, to complete your order I need to verify your identity as the authorized signer for the card. I just need to call the bank and have them verify a couple pieces of information with you, all right?
*man gives phone back to woman and they commence arguing near the receiver*
Woman: What?!
Man; I don’t wanna do this! It’s only $25, fer Christ’s sake!
Woman: They hafta do it to make sure I’m not fraudin’ ya!
Man: Well it’s taking too damn long, I’m tired of this bullsh$@#$.
Woman: Oh shut up and take the phone. I’ll suck your dick while yer doin’ it.
Man: Oh, all right. Fine.


They hung up while holding for the bank. Perhaps they got distracted?



Pantless, clueless, or both?

Me: Is there a customer service number on the back of your credit card I could call?
Really old lady: Oh, I don’t know. Hang on, let me get my pants on.


Brain bleach! I need brain bleach!

[Kara]

Me: *sigh* Is this your credit card sir?
SC: Nah it’s my gramma’s.
Me: Is she available?
SC Yeah hang on---HEY AUNT DEBORAH! THEY WANNA TALK TO YOU!

Reminds me of the old song "I'm my own grandpa."

Woman: Oh shut up and take the phone. I’ll suck your dick while yer doin’ it.
Man: Oh, all right. Fine.

I don't know what's worse. The fact that she said that, or the fact that his response was more along the lines of what one would expect for her telling him they were having possum instead of spam for dinner.

Really old lady: Oh, I don’t know. Hang on, let me get my pants on.

And while you're doing that, if you listen carefully, you can hear the sizzle as that image gets permanently burned into my mind, sure to haunt my darkest nightmares for the rest of my days.

[CrazedClerk]

Gods man, that phone sex one is scary!

Thankfully I've never had a call like that, but I did once have one with Barry White music playing in the background.

[bigjimaz]

Sounds like the only thing lower than their IQ is the amount of teeth they possess.

[hecubus]

Phone sex and pantless old ladies

And thanks for putting that image in my head.

[bendertiger]

At least her giving him oral sex doesn't directly lead to reproduction!

[napoleana]

SC: Nah it’s my gramma’s.
Me: Is she available?
SC Yeah hang on---HEY AUNT DEBORAH! THEY WANNA TALK TO YOU!

My guess is that "Aunt" Deborah is yet another woman who's ego is to huge to let her grandkids actually call her "grandmother." I've met a couple of grandmothers who went by "aunt" because all the other alternatives were too cutesy and "grandma" made them "sound old."

Um, not in this day it doesn't. And no matter how much surgery you get, people can tell if you're old anyway. *shrugs* But to each their own, I guess...

[Becks]

Really old lady: Oh, I don’t know. Hang on, let me get my pants on.

To quote Homer Simpson:

[Runs with a towel around his waist toward the phone]
Just a minute! Don't hang up!
Y'ello? You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel.