Customer Assistance Buttons

[Knightmare]

HOW I HATE THOSE DAMN THINGS!

Location: Lowe's Paint Department, Central Florida, USA.
Time: Friday afternoon, about 3:30 p.m. EST (Don't ask me to do GMT)
Situation: Me, alone, surrounded by about 15 customers.

--->Side note: I just broke my chair while leaning back! Dammit. <---


The paint desk is octagon shaped. I am in full view of every customer, unless I am ducking down behind one of the machines. When standing, everyone can see me, and I can see everyone nearby, because I am so tall. The customer assistance button (Now known as CAB) is smack dab in the middle of the front counter. Nice and shiny red so it's very noticable.

Anywho, I am mixing up 5 gallons of paint for a customer, and I have about 6 other orders in queue, leaving probably 3 more that I told that I would be with as soon as I could. I know what customers are there.

I finish the 5 gallon job and start the next one. I have to leave the paint desk and retrieve the paint from the aisle, which is directly behind me. It's at the very end of the aisle, so I will be gone for about 30 seconds. Just as I put my hand on the paint bucket, I hear the "Dun DUN! Customer needs assistance at the PAINT DESK. Customer needs assistance at the PAINT DESK."

Me: mumblemumble.. muthfukkers.. I hate you all.. mumblemumble.

I come back up and see a new person standing directly in front of the paint desk. I walk up to the CAB to turn it off, and before I can tell her that I will be with her as soon as I can, she pipes in with "I've been waiting FOREVER! I need you to match this for me." She throws down a very dirty, very old FABRIC sample.

Me: "I'll be with you as soon as I can. I have about 10 other customers in front of you."
SC: "But it will only take a minute! I NEEEEEEED this right now!"
Me: "Sorry, but it will take a few minutes."

I go back to my paint orders. I'm running back and forth between the two paint machines, the sample machine, getting paint, and waiting for the mixers to finish so I can take them out and put more paint in to get shaken.

When I get a 30 second break, I go to the next in line and ask what they need, then run back to put their order next on the line and take out what has finished.

I bend down to take out a shaken gallon and.. "dun DUN! Customer needs assistance at the PAINT DESK. Customer needs assistance at the PAINT DESK." I look up and guess what? There she is, big grin on her face, finger on the button. I walk up the CAB to turn it off, and she says:

SC: "Good. Now that I have your attention, I need paint matched to this fabric." She again throws the fabric sample down, and I just look at it.
Me: "Ma'am, there are (me counting) four customers in front of you. I know what you need, and it will take some time. After I am done with the people that were here before you, I will be *happy* to try to match your sample."

She gets the cat-butt face, and I turn around to finish what I can. I don't get 5 steps away when, yup, you guessed it: "Dun DUN! Customer needs assistance at the PAINT DESK. Customer needs assistance at the PAINT DESK." I turn around and give her the biggest face I can. And she's got that shit-eating grin again.

I turn around again and finish the jobs before me. And I let that CAB keep going. I don't go up there to turn it off. And I can see her pressing that damn button some more! The other customers around me are telling her to "chill out, quit being such a bitch, he's doing fine, he's the only one here" etc.

So I make extra sure that all the paint for the other customers are formulated exactly. I double check the tints, I repeat the other customers needs to them very slowly, and walk slowly back to the paint machine. Meanwhile, her finger seems to have become glued to the CAB. Not that it will do any good; once pressed, pressing it again won't make it go faster or louder or whatever she hoped would happen.

Finally, the rush is over with. All customers but her are taken care of. I walk up to her, finally turning off the damn CAB. You should have seen how many cashiers kept looking over to see what was up.

SC: "You deliberately ignored me! All I needed was for you to match this fabric!"
Me: "Yes, I did. I admit it, I ignored you, AFTER you pressed the CAB for the third time when I was standing not 10 feet away from you, and AFTER I told you that I had to take care of the customers before you."
SC: "But it would have taken a minute or two. You could have done this before you started another customer's order."
Me: "No, it wouldn't. And that wouldn't be fair to the people that were here before you. Now, as for matching that fabric, I can try, but I can't guarantee the right color."
SC: "Why? Don't you know how to do your job?"
Me: (thinking: bitch!) "Yes, I know how to do my job, and I do it extremely well. That fabric sample is very dirty. It's also old, by the looks of it, so the colors are probably faded. I can try to match it, but again, I cannot guarantee the results."
SC: "Fine. Just go ahead and do it."

I take the fabric over the the work table and spray it down with windex. And I mean, I drowned it. Then I rubbed it together on itself, taking my time. Then I got the hair dryer out and dried it, again taking my time. When it was finally dry, I went over to the color match machine. And took my time. I was beginning to enjoy this! The machine, however, couldn't read the sample. It was too worn out. So I go up to her and break the news.

Me: "Well, I tried, but the computer was unable to read it. It's just too worn out and faded to get the color."
SC: "What?! You're kidding me! I must have that color!"
Me: "Sorry, but I tried everything. I re-adjusted the wheelygig, turning it widdershins. I even adjusted the dihydrogen monoxide levels to see if it would take a better reading. You'll probably have to take this and physically match it to this color wheel, or any of those color samples on the wall."
SC: (Cat butt face again) "Fine. I'll just do that!"

And she walks away, not to be seen by me again (at least for that day).


Sorry, again, this was so long. I wish I had shorter SC stories for y'all.

[FastFoodFlunky]

Oh my God. After she did it the third time, I would have gotten the store phone and came over the store intercom:

"Indeed, customer needs assistance at the paint desk. Somebody please get 911 over here, quickly. Please advise the operator to send air rescue."

*Big shit-eating grin from you*

[RecoveringKinkoid]

What a complete clueless little fool.

People came into Kinko's like this all the time. Since their job would only "take a minute", we should let them cut in line.

I've said, so other customers could hear me, "Okay, ma'am. Tell you what. You get permission from all the people in front of you to cut in, and I'll bump your order to the front of the line. As long as they don't have a problem with it, I don't have a problem with it. They might not be as busy as you are." Said as cheefully and helpfully as I could muster, of course.

No one ever took me up on it. Hmmmm. Amazing.

[AFpheonix]

Must be related to all the people that come through my store, and when asked when they'd like to pick up their script, give me a look like I'm a complete moron, and say, "Right now!"
When I give them a more realistic wait time, say, oh, 20 minutes or so, they gasp like I just offered to sacrifice their firstborn, and exclaim, "It's just a tube of cream! All you need to do is put a label on it! Why will it take so long?!"
Oh, well, it may have something to do with the 10 people ahead of you that dropped off their scripts and wanted it right this minute, too. Idjit.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Just be happy you don't work at Target. They are absolutely freakin' nuts with their call buttons. They have about 4 or 5 of them in the electronics department alone.

Plus I heard from friends working there that at one time, they wanted to test out a call button customers could push to summon backup cashiers to the checkouts! Now there's a terrible idea if I ever heard one.

As an added bonus, all their call buttons are hooked up to the corporate or district office, so if a store isn't answering the call buttons in what the suits consider a timely manner, then the suits are on the phone to that store demanding to know what's going on.

Luckily I don't have to worry about anything like that at my store; just the occasional commotion when some kid runs around pushing all the call buttons.

[Mixed Bag]

I admit that on the rare occasions I can't complete a gas transaction at the pump I don't feel I should have to be delayed in giving money/card and getting change or receipt because some people do all their food shopping there; gas transactions really are much faster, as are some other exceptions wourthy of precedence (which escape me now).

But how can anyone think matching a sample will be something quick you can sneak in? Correct me if I'm wrong on how your desk works, but is there some reason for customers not to be under the impression that basically everyone is there to get paint based on some kind of sample or formula?

[ArenaBoy]

I hate people who abuse those kind of things, the only call button I have is the goddamn car horn. Too bad you couldn't say, "KEEP YOUR GODDAMN PATIENCE YOU PSYCHO!!!!!!! YOU ARE NOT A GODDAMN QUEEN AND OTHER CUSTOMERS WERE HERE FIRST!!!!"

[Crow The Robot]

Good God! Has this woman ever known the concept of a line? Or patience? Or manners ? What an f---ing prick, I'm glad you made her wait, while providing good customer service to the cool customers(who defended you) Damn thing was getting on their nerves too, probably.

[kerrisan]

Me: "Sorry, but I tried everything. I re-adjusted the wheelygig, turning it widdershins. I even adjusted the dihydrogen monoxide levels to see if it would take a better reading.

She actually fell for all that? Including the dihydrogen monoxide part? Nice work!

[COMINATCHA]

I've said, so other customers could hear me, "Okay, ma'am. Tell you what. You get permission from all the people in front of you to cut in, and I'll bump your order to the front of the line. As long as they don't have a problem with it, I don't have a problem with it. They might not be as busy as you are." Said as cheefully and helpfully as I could muster, of course.

That's the most perfect thing to say to people who cut in a line!
I'll remember that in case I become employed somewhere eventually, somewhere that has lines

[Becks]

Wow, that woman is indescribable!!!!!!!

Makes me wonder how fast the world would implode if everyone who believed the world revolved around them got together in one area...

[dragonflygrrl]

I hate people like that! I always seem to get people that will bark "I just have a quick question," at me while I'm working with someone else. If I try and answer the quick question it turns into a long, convoluted mess, and then they are furious when I say,"This isn't a quick question. I'll be with you as soon as I'm finished here." Of course, if I tell them I'll help them when I'm finished they are likely to whine and pout, in an obvious attempt to distract me from effectively helping the first customer anyway. Luckily, I've gotten good at ignoring pouty babies. I'll be a great mom one day thanks to all my customer service skills!

I think if we had a "customer assistance," button, though, that it would quickly end up lodged somewhere dark and foul-smelling.

[ShockQueen]

Good GORD Knightmare! You had to have the patience of 3 saints and about a dozen angels to deal with that smelly piece of flesh! You definitely should be awarded the "cool as a cucumber" award for keeping your head and putting in her place the best way possible!

[cpux]

Ah, yes, the customer assistance button: the most evil invention known to retail-kind. I'm surprised there aren't any choking-related deaths as a result of the jerks pressing the button with the fury of a thousand angry bulls.

And IPF, I had no idea they were hooked up to some computer in corporate. It must suck on those days where half the employees are sick and none of the customers are.

[batmoody]

I've said, so other customers could hear me, "Okay, ma'am. Tell you what. You get permission from all the people in front of you to cut in, and I'll bump your order to the front of the line. As long as they don't have a problem with it, I don't have a problem with it. They might not be as busy as you are."

Yeah! I've used that one a time or four. It works really well. No one has ever taken me up on it either. That speech is like a little reality check for them. Yes, there are people in front of you. See? They are the ones being inconvienienced, not me. You will need to ask them. I could care less. I am paid by the hour, and eventually I will have to help you anyways.