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Ten little asshats went out to dine; One choked his little self and then there were nine.
Co-worker D saw a guy put an open box of graham crackers onto a shelf containing soups. Co-worker looks inside the box and sees that it's two-thirds empty. She asks the guy if he ate the missing crackers. Guy then grabs the box from D's hands, reaches for a few crackers, and shoves them in his mouth. About twenty seconds later, he's gagging because he ate the crackers too fast. He's alright, but was told he had to pay for the crackers or the police would be called. He payed for the crackers while grumbling that he didn't do anything wrong.
Nine little asshats sat up very late; One overslept himself and then there were eight.
Someone spilled some apple juice all over the floor and I was told to clean it up. So, I go to get the cleaning supplies, and I see this lady on the ground, next to the mop, snoring away. And I do mean she was snoring. She wakes up when I came near. I asked if she was okay and she said she was fine. She just felt tired and decided to rest for a bit. Next to a mop. Yeah, I don't know how that makes sense either.
Eight little asshats traveling to Devon; One said he'd stay there and then there were seven.
Guy came in about fifteen minutes before we were about to close. Five minutes later, we gave our ten minute warning. Then our five minute warning. Finally, it's closing time. We're checking out some last minute customers and rounding up all the others. This guy is found in the dairy aisle with a cart and he says he's not done yet. Mind you, he's holding a long (and I do mean long) list. We tell him we have to close now. He asks if he can stay here and continue shopping. We tell him no. He has to check out now. He gets angry and demands we let him stay. Not working, fella. When he saw he wasn't going to get his way, he shoves his cart down the aisle, where it rams into a freezer. Then he runs away before employees could stop him and floors it out of the parking lot.
Seven little asshats chopping up sticks; One chopped his own self in halves and then there were six.
Guy storms up demanding a manager. We ask what's the problem and he says he'll sue because he accidently tripped over his shoelaces and cut his arm on some glass that was on the floor. Manager comes up to him and asks if he needs an ambulance. Guy keeps swearing, shouting he's going to sue unless we make amends. We ask him where the glass is. We get mixed answers. First it's in the bread aisle, then it's in the cereal aisle, then it was next to a shelf of mayo. We searched and every aisle very carefully. Every shelf, every floor, every cart, and we did not see any glass. Manager looks at the security tapes and doesn't see this guy tripping on anything. The guy's 4 or 5 year old son asks his dad why he's screaming so much. Dad says it's because these mean grocery people cut his arm with their dangerous store. Kid then goes, "But Daddy, you got that cut last week when you accidently cut yourself with a knife. Remember Daddy? You were chopping up steak and you cut yourself." Dad goes silent. We look at him and he looks at us back. He then takes his son's hand and quietly walks out of the store.
Six little asshats playing with a hive; A bumblebee stung one and then there were five.
A woman stomps up to the manager. She yells at him for allowing dangerous animals in this store. Apparantly, her seven-year-old daughter was stung be a bee. The manager asks if the girl is allergic. No she's not, but that's not the point! We allowed a dangerous animal to terrorize her daughter! The kid looked okay to us. She wasn't crying, whimpering, her face didn't look like it was streaked with tears. She was just standing near the cart rocking side to side in boredom. Then the lady demands that we give her groceries for free as compensation. Manager flat out refused. But he did let the girl have a free piece of candy as compensation for her being attacked by a wild animal with a harpoon on his ass. The girl was happy, but the woman wasn't. Luckily, she didn't make anymore fuss after that.
Five little asshats going in for law; One got into Chancery and then there were four.
A guy is in my lane and I'm ringing up his groceries. I scan his eggs and notice that they were coming up as the wrong price. I call for a price check, and sure enough, the price is actually higher than what the scanner was saying. The guy told me to just charge him for the lower price. I told him I couldn't. I have to charge the higher price. He gets mad and goes, "Maybe you didn't hear me correctly." I told him I heard him perfectly clear, I was still charging him the higher price. He then tells me I have to charge him the lower price because it's the law. He knows it's the law too, because he's a judge. If he truly is a judge, then I feel sorry for those who enter his courtroom. He finally left after relunctantly paying the higher price for the eggs.
Four little asshats going out to sea; A red herring swallowed one and then there were three.
Guy asks me if I would help him in the seafood department. He wants some fish, I forget what kind, but he wants it at a cheaper price. He asks if he could buy some expired fish at a discounted price. I told him no. And we don't have any expired fish anyways. He asks if we could just give him some "employee's fish" because he knows that the employees are keeping the good stuff to ourselves without paying for it. I told him no we don't and unless he has a coupon, he's going to have to pay for the fish at regular price. He asks if we would do him a favor just this once and drop the price for him. Again, I told him no. He finally left.
Three little asshats walking in the zoo; A big bear hugged one and then there were two.
Guy comes up asking if we sold any bear meat. Umm, no. He asks if we sell any bullets for hunting rifles. Again, no. He then asks for some camouflage pants. Help.
Two little asshats were out in the sun; One got all frizzled up and then there was one.
A very sunburned woman marches right up to me saying that I sold her a bad bottle of sunscreen. The sunscreen didn't work while she was vacationing at the beach. She stayed out on the beach for six hours straight wearing this sunscreen and instead of protecting her, it did absolutely nothing. Oh, and did she mention that her skin burns easily. I look at the bottle, and the label says "Tanning Oil." Oopsies.
One little asshat left all alone; He went and hanged himself and then there were none.
A guy buys his groceries and all goes well. I then see him go outside to his motorcycle, loads up his cartload of groceries into a little red wagon that was tied to his motorcycle with a very flimsy looking piece of rope and some duct tape. He then puts on his helmet and drives off. This cannot be legal nor safe.
Co-worker D saw a guy put an open box of graham crackers onto a shelf containing soups. Co-worker looks inside the box and sees that it's two-thirds empty. She asks the guy if he ate the missing crackers. Guy then grabs the box from D's hands, reaches for a few crackers, and shoves them in his mouth. About twenty seconds later, he's gagging because he ate the crackers too fast. He's alright, but was told he had to pay for the crackers or the police would be called. He payed for the crackers while grumbling that he didn't do anything wrong.
Nine little asshats sat up very late; One overslept himself and then there were eight.
Someone spilled some apple juice all over the floor and I was told to clean it up. So, I go to get the cleaning supplies, and I see this lady on the ground, next to the mop, snoring away. And I do mean she was snoring. She wakes up when I came near. I asked if she was okay and she said she was fine. She just felt tired and decided to rest for a bit. Next to a mop. Yeah, I don't know how that makes sense either.
Eight little asshats traveling to Devon; One said he'd stay there and then there were seven.
Guy came in about fifteen minutes before we were about to close. Five minutes later, we gave our ten minute warning. Then our five minute warning. Finally, it's closing time. We're checking out some last minute customers and rounding up all the others. This guy is found in the dairy aisle with a cart and he says he's not done yet. Mind you, he's holding a long (and I do mean long) list. We tell him we have to close now. He asks if he can stay here and continue shopping. We tell him no. He has to check out now. He gets angry and demands we let him stay. Not working, fella. When he saw he wasn't going to get his way, he shoves his cart down the aisle, where it rams into a freezer. Then he runs away before employees could stop him and floors it out of the parking lot.
Seven little asshats chopping up sticks; One chopped his own self in halves and then there were six.
Guy storms up demanding a manager. We ask what's the problem and he says he'll sue because he accidently tripped over his shoelaces and cut his arm on some glass that was on the floor. Manager comes up to him and asks if he needs an ambulance. Guy keeps swearing, shouting he's going to sue unless we make amends. We ask him where the glass is. We get mixed answers. First it's in the bread aisle, then it's in the cereal aisle, then it was next to a shelf of mayo. We searched and every aisle very carefully. Every shelf, every floor, every cart, and we did not see any glass. Manager looks at the security tapes and doesn't see this guy tripping on anything. The guy's 4 or 5 year old son asks his dad why he's screaming so much. Dad says it's because these mean grocery people cut his arm with their dangerous store. Kid then goes, "But Daddy, you got that cut last week when you accidently cut yourself with a knife. Remember Daddy? You were chopping up steak and you cut yourself." Dad goes silent. We look at him and he looks at us back. He then takes his son's hand and quietly walks out of the store.
Six little asshats playing with a hive; A bumblebee stung one and then there were five.
A woman stomps up to the manager. She yells at him for allowing dangerous animals in this store. Apparantly, her seven-year-old daughter was stung be a bee. The manager asks if the girl is allergic. No she's not, but that's not the point! We allowed a dangerous animal to terrorize her daughter! The kid looked okay to us. She wasn't crying, whimpering, her face didn't look like it was streaked with tears. She was just standing near the cart rocking side to side in boredom. Then the lady demands that we give her groceries for free as compensation. Manager flat out refused. But he did let the girl have a free piece of candy as compensation for her being attacked by a wild animal with a harpoon on his ass. The girl was happy, but the woman wasn't. Luckily, she didn't make anymore fuss after that.
Five little asshats going in for law; One got into Chancery and then there were four.
A guy is in my lane and I'm ringing up his groceries. I scan his eggs and notice that they were coming up as the wrong price. I call for a price check, and sure enough, the price is actually higher than what the scanner was saying. The guy told me to just charge him for the lower price. I told him I couldn't. I have to charge the higher price. He gets mad and goes, "Maybe you didn't hear me correctly." I told him I heard him perfectly clear, I was still charging him the higher price. He then tells me I have to charge him the lower price because it's the law. He knows it's the law too, because he's a judge. If he truly is a judge, then I feel sorry for those who enter his courtroom. He finally left after relunctantly paying the higher price for the eggs.
Four little asshats going out to sea; A red herring swallowed one and then there were three.
Guy asks me if I would help him in the seafood department. He wants some fish, I forget what kind, but he wants it at a cheaper price. He asks if he could buy some expired fish at a discounted price. I told him no. And we don't have any expired fish anyways. He asks if we could just give him some "employee's fish" because he knows that the employees are keeping the good stuff to ourselves without paying for it. I told him no we don't and unless he has a coupon, he's going to have to pay for the fish at regular price. He asks if we would do him a favor just this once and drop the price for him. Again, I told him no. He finally left.
Three little asshats walking in the zoo; A big bear hugged one and then there were two.
Guy comes up asking if we sold any bear meat. Umm, no. He asks if we sell any bullets for hunting rifles. Again, no. He then asks for some camouflage pants. Help.
Two little asshats were out in the sun; One got all frizzled up and then there was one.
A very sunburned woman marches right up to me saying that I sold her a bad bottle of sunscreen. The sunscreen didn't work while she was vacationing at the beach. She stayed out on the beach for six hours straight wearing this sunscreen and instead of protecting her, it did absolutely nothing. Oh, and did she mention that her skin burns easily. I look at the bottle, and the label says "Tanning Oil." Oopsies.
One little asshat left all alone; He went and hanged himself and then there were none.
A guy buys his groceries and all goes well. I then see him go outside to his motorcycle, loads up his cartload of groceries into a little red wagon that was tied to his motorcycle with a very flimsy looking piece of rope and some duct tape. He then puts on his helmet and drives off. This cannot be legal nor safe.
I AM the evil bastard!
Great little rhyme! 
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