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You folks know me as crazedclerk, I forgot my password and got locked out of my account, so I've created an alter ego of sorts. As a reminder I work in a call center doing support for cell phones.
I got my lovely share of suck this week, but one guy today made my list of personal funniest SC stories ever. Read on!
I say tomato, you hear...fried chicken?
M: What can I do for you today?
SC: Well my phone is turned off and my balance is $96, but my spending limit is $125, why's my damn phone off?
M: Well you are correct about the limit, but your phone is turned off because of a past due balance.
SC: Ok...so my balance is $96, my limit is $125 and my phone is turned off. What doesn't add up here??
M: The spending limit typically only applies to the current month of service. If you go past due, even by a few dollars, your phone WILL be shut off.
SC: You F---ing people! Let me go through this again, my limit is $125, it's in my CONTRACT and yet you cut me off for a balance way less than that, WHY???
M: Sir, the spending limit and past due balance are SEPARATE. Even if you had a $10 000 spending limit and were ONE DOLLAR past due, you would be disconnected (sidenote: I've actually seen a service interruption for, get this: a past due of 0.68. Ouch)
SC: You people are ripping me off!! I know I haven't paid the damned bill in a few months, but I am still under 125 and you f--king cut me off! I've been in jail dammit, that's why I haven't paid!!
[i]You? Break the law? I'm shocked since you seem such an intelligent and well-spoken member of society </sarcasm>[i]
M: Sir a past due balance is a past due balance.
SC: You going to f--king help me out or not!
M: One moment sir (as I flag down a team lead)
SC: G*d**n ripoff artists *CLICK*
What part of this is complicated really? If you don't pay your bill on time we shut you off. SIMPLE. Why do I suspect this guy was jailed for robbery?
I made the mistake, but it's your job to FIX IT!
SC: Well I got a laptop connection card a few months ago, and it works great. Thing is, I got a new laptop last week and now the card won't fit in.
M: Ok, so what would like to do about it?
SC: ME? What are YOU going to for me about this?
M: I'm not too sure what I could do.
SC: Well, either let me exchange this card for one that works or let me cancel without a termination fee.
M: We can look into getting you a card that works with your new system, but it's too early on in your contract to give you any kind of rebates, you would have to pay full price for it.
SC: Well, I don't want to do that, I guess I'll have to cancel it then.
M: That's fine sir, there will be a termination fee of $200
SC: Excuse me?
M: If you cancel you will be charged $200
SC: Oh hell no I won't! Listen bud, it's not MY fault that the card I got from you people doesn't work in my laptop! The card I have now is completely useless to me but I do NOT expect to pay a a fee if I want to cancel it. How can you charge me for cancelling something I can't use? You should send me out a new one I can use.
M: Well you can do an exchange within your first 30 days, then you can upgrade at 1 year and again at 2 years. None of these apply to you. I apologize, but there are no deals I can give you.
SC: I will not be PENALIZED for this! It's not MY FAULT your damned card doesn't work in my computer!
M: Well actually sir, it is your fault that when shopping for a new computer, you apparently failed to ensure the model you were purchasing was compatible with our card. We are not responsible for that.
SC: I want to cancel this account and I swear to GOD if you try and charge me even ONE PENNY to cancel, I will have my lawyer on the phone so fast....
M: Very well sir, I'll transfer you to cancellations.
Congratulations, you've already "won"!
SC: I'm trying to call this number and it won't work! <gives number>
M: Ah, I see it's an international number, we'll need to enable that in order for you to make the call.
SC: Aw nuts. I got this notice saying I won a lottery in Britain. $800 000, woo! But it says I have to call this number to claim it!
( For those who may be unaware, this is a very common scam. When you call to claim your "winnings", the scammers inform you of a bunch of fees that have to be paid to get your money to you and you'll never see a dime)
M: It will take a couple of days for this to take effect.
SC: Darn, I got this yesterday, I don't want to waste time, they say I have to call back within a week to get the money. Damn..$800 Gs, what I'm going to do with that...
M: (stifled laughter) It'll be a moment while I set that up for you.
(Now I could have told him he was being scammed, but I'm not obligated to in any shape or form to do so. I figure if you are dumb enough to get taken in by it, you deserve what you get)
M: Ok it's all set up, give it a day or so and then you should be able to call that number.
SC: And get my money.
M: And get your money.
SC: Nice! Hey thanks a lot buddy!
I had a good long laugh with my Supervisor over that call. Oh if this guy only knew what fate awaited him.
You are not right! You are lying
SC: I've been through so many calls and I've been told my mobile to mobile minutes are billing incorrectly, this needs to be fixed NOW.
M: Well let me look into this for a moment..(time passes)...Ah, it looks to me like the mobile to mobile minutes are in fact billing correctly, your last bill is high because of overage minutes.
SC:No, that's wrong. We don't go over our minutes. Look the lady I was just talking to said it was some problem with the mobile to mobile and y'all needed to file a case or something on it.
M: I understand that's what you were told, but the charges are in fact overage minutes, not mobile to mobile.
SC: We DON'T go over minutes! Look why are you wasting my time? I've already been told it was mobile to mobile. Can you please fix this.
M: Ma'am the minutes are NOT mobile to mobile, they are overage.
SC: That's impossible, you must be looking at that thing wrong.
(ok, I know the response, but I will humor her anyway)
M: Just a moment (flag down sup)
Sup: What's up?
M: Tell me, is this bill high because of overage minutes?
Sup: Yep.
M; Thanks!
(go back to customer)
M: Thanks for your patience ma'am, I just reviewed your account with my supervisor and she did confirm the charges are for overage, not mobile to mobile.
SC: They are mobile to mobile, we don't go over minutes! I was told they were mobile to mobile, it has to be mobile to mobile!
M
gritting teeth) Ma'am, once again they are OVERAGE, My supervisor said the same thing.
SC: (in REAL pissed sounding voice) Get me your supervisor
Sup gets on the call, tells lady she doesn't get it, she went over minutes, there will be no credits and off to cancellations we go. After she gets off the call she told me: "Man, that woman is at a whole new level of stupid!". I love my sup
A shocking realization
SC: What are these usage charges on my bill, I didn't use anything!
(This is common with SCs, despite the mountain of charges they are so frequently buried under, they apparently have never actually used anything we've charged them for..hmmm....)
M: Looks like you've been charged for some travel minutes
SC: I didn't travel ANYWHERE. I'm always here.
M: They were for calls made while in Seattle...
SC: Ohhhhhhhhhh, I DID go to Seattle!
(You see, phone companies aren't always trying to screw you, sometimes we do get it right!)
SC: So my balance is $XX.XX?
M: Yes, sir.
SC: Ok, then, that's all for now.
This guy bugged me because he gave me "you screwed something up" tone when he said he didn't use anything and really, if he'd done what normal people do and actually READ THE DAMNED BILL he would have clearly seen the 20 or so calls he made while in Seattle.
Thank god that week is over.
I got my lovely share of suck this week, but one guy today made my list of personal funniest SC stories ever. Read on!
I say tomato, you hear...fried chicken?
M: What can I do for you today?
SC: Well my phone is turned off and my balance is $96, but my spending limit is $125, why's my damn phone off?
M: Well you are correct about the limit, but your phone is turned off because of a past due balance.
SC: Ok...so my balance is $96, my limit is $125 and my phone is turned off. What doesn't add up here??
M: The spending limit typically only applies to the current month of service. If you go past due, even by a few dollars, your phone WILL be shut off.
SC: You F---ing people! Let me go through this again, my limit is $125, it's in my CONTRACT and yet you cut me off for a balance way less than that, WHY???
M: Sir, the spending limit and past due balance are SEPARATE. Even if you had a $10 000 spending limit and were ONE DOLLAR past due, you would be disconnected (sidenote: I've actually seen a service interruption for, get this: a past due of 0.68. Ouch)
SC: You people are ripping me off!! I know I haven't paid the damned bill in a few months, but I am still under 125 and you f--king cut me off! I've been in jail dammit, that's why I haven't paid!!
[i]You? Break the law? I'm shocked since you seem such an intelligent and well-spoken member of society </sarcasm>[i]
M: Sir a past due balance is a past due balance.
SC: You going to f--king help me out or not!
M: One moment sir (as I flag down a team lead)
SC: G*d**n ripoff artists *CLICK*
What part of this is complicated really? If you don't pay your bill on time we shut you off. SIMPLE. Why do I suspect this guy was jailed for robbery?
I made the mistake, but it's your job to FIX IT!
SC: Well I got a laptop connection card a few months ago, and it works great. Thing is, I got a new laptop last week and now the card won't fit in.
M: Ok, so what would like to do about it?
SC: ME? What are YOU going to for me about this?
M: I'm not too sure what I could do.
SC: Well, either let me exchange this card for one that works or let me cancel without a termination fee.
M: We can look into getting you a card that works with your new system, but it's too early on in your contract to give you any kind of rebates, you would have to pay full price for it.
SC: Well, I don't want to do that, I guess I'll have to cancel it then.
M: That's fine sir, there will be a termination fee of $200
SC: Excuse me?
M: If you cancel you will be charged $200
SC: Oh hell no I won't! Listen bud, it's not MY fault that the card I got from you people doesn't work in my laptop! The card I have now is completely useless to me but I do NOT expect to pay a a fee if I want to cancel it. How can you charge me for cancelling something I can't use? You should send me out a new one I can use.
M: Well you can do an exchange within your first 30 days, then you can upgrade at 1 year and again at 2 years. None of these apply to you. I apologize, but there are no deals I can give you.
SC: I will not be PENALIZED for this! It's not MY FAULT your damned card doesn't work in my computer!
M: Well actually sir, it is your fault that when shopping for a new computer, you apparently failed to ensure the model you were purchasing was compatible with our card. We are not responsible for that.
SC: I want to cancel this account and I swear to GOD if you try and charge me even ONE PENNY to cancel, I will have my lawyer on the phone so fast....
M: Very well sir, I'll transfer you to cancellations.
Congratulations, you've already "won"!
SC: I'm trying to call this number and it won't work! <gives number>
M: Ah, I see it's an international number, we'll need to enable that in order for you to make the call.
SC: Aw nuts. I got this notice saying I won a lottery in Britain. $800 000, woo! But it says I have to call this number to claim it!
( For those who may be unaware, this is a very common scam. When you call to claim your "winnings", the scammers inform you of a bunch of fees that have to be paid to get your money to you and you'll never see a dime)
M: It will take a couple of days for this to take effect.
SC: Darn, I got this yesterday, I don't want to waste time, they say I have to call back within a week to get the money. Damn..$800 Gs, what I'm going to do with that...
M: (stifled laughter) It'll be a moment while I set that up for you.
(Now I could have told him he was being scammed, but I'm not obligated to in any shape or form to do so. I figure if you are dumb enough to get taken in by it, you deserve what you get)
M: Ok it's all set up, give it a day or so and then you should be able to call that number.
SC: And get my money.
M: And get your money.
SC: Nice! Hey thanks a lot buddy!
I had a good long laugh with my Supervisor over that call. Oh if this guy only knew what fate awaited him.
You are not right! You are lying
SC: I've been through so many calls and I've been told my mobile to mobile minutes are billing incorrectly, this needs to be fixed NOW.
M: Well let me look into this for a moment..(time passes)...Ah, it looks to me like the mobile to mobile minutes are in fact billing correctly, your last bill is high because of overage minutes.
SC:No, that's wrong. We don't go over our minutes. Look the lady I was just talking to said it was some problem with the mobile to mobile and y'all needed to file a case or something on it.
M: I understand that's what you were told, but the charges are in fact overage minutes, not mobile to mobile.
SC: We DON'T go over minutes! Look why are you wasting my time? I've already been told it was mobile to mobile. Can you please fix this.
M: Ma'am the minutes are NOT mobile to mobile, they are overage.
SC: That's impossible, you must be looking at that thing wrong.
(ok, I know the response, but I will humor her anyway)
M: Just a moment (flag down sup)
Sup: What's up?
M: Tell me, is this bill high because of overage minutes?
Sup: Yep.
M; Thanks!
(go back to customer)
M: Thanks for your patience ma'am, I just reviewed your account with my supervisor and she did confirm the charges are for overage, not mobile to mobile.
SC: They are mobile to mobile, we don't go over minutes! I was told they were mobile to mobile, it has to be mobile to mobile!
M
gritting teeth) Ma'am, once again they are OVERAGE, My supervisor said the same thing.SC: (in REAL pissed sounding voice) Get me your supervisor
Sup gets on the call, tells lady she doesn't get it, she went over minutes, there will be no credits and off to cancellations we go. After she gets off the call she told me: "Man, that woman is at a whole new level of stupid!". I love my sup
A shocking realization
SC: What are these usage charges on my bill, I didn't use anything!
(This is common with SCs, despite the mountain of charges they are so frequently buried under, they apparently have never actually used anything we've charged them for..hmmm....)
M: Looks like you've been charged for some travel minutes
SC: I didn't travel ANYWHERE. I'm always here.
M: They were for calls made while in Seattle...
SC: Ohhhhhhhhhh, I DID go to Seattle!
(You see, phone companies aren't always trying to screw you, sometimes we do get it right!)
SC: So my balance is $XX.XX?
M: Yes, sir.
SC: Ok, then, that's all for now.
This guy bugged me because he gave me "you screwed something up" tone when he said he didn't use anything and really, if he'd done what normal people do and actually READ THE DAMNED BILL he would have clearly seen the 20 or so calls he made while in Seattle.
Thank god that week is over.
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