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It has been a long day. Up at the ungodly ass-crack of dawn, called into work for a nine-hour shift with no break, and my foot feeling like someone slammed it with a hammer, making walking difficult. Thus, in several of these instances, I was probably about as much a jackass as the customers.
You want ME to pay for it?!
Scruffy looking guy comes up with a candy bar, soda, and wants a pack of smokes. Total is around $7.87. He pushes thirty cents my way. The following ensued:
Him: "Okay, this is all I got right now..."
Me *only half paying attention*: "Okay... thirty cents, just need seven fifty-seven and you're all set."
Him: "I just told you, that's all I got."
Me: "..."
Him: "..."
*I start taking the food behind the counter, put the smokes away*
Him: "Hey! What're you doing?"
Me *jabbing the void key irritably*: "You just said you didn't have the money, I'm voiding the transaction."
Him: "No, man! Can't you just front me the money? I can pay you back later today."
Me: "...you're kidding, right? I'm not losing my job over this."
Him *getting pissed*: "Man, don't give me that 'lose your job' bullshit!"
Me *looking him right in the eye*: "Then don't give me your sob story bullshit. Next."
He came back less than five minutes later, pissed that all he could afford was the soda and some snacks. I was sorely tempted to hand him an application.
RE-SPECT MAH AU-THOR-I-TY!
This one involved my coworker. We'll call him LJ because, well, that's what he goes by. LJ's standing by the punch clock, reading a note the manager left for him. Two girls come up, with a couple other customers behind them.
LJ and I have that kind of work relation where nothing can be simply asked for, we threaten each other with bodily harm in order to get what we want. For instance, "Hey, can you check the milk?" becomes "Get your ass in the cooler and do the milk before I put you through the wall." This arrangement works well for us, and with the type of customers we get, they enjoy the show. Not these two girls, however:
(Note, being Halloween, everyone's been in costume, them included.)
Me: "LJ, need you on the register."
LJ *reading his note*: "Mm hm..."
Me *turning to face him*: "LJ, get your butt on the register before I drop kick it over there, we got a line forming."
Ditz One: "Ohmigawd, that's like so disrespectful!"
Ditz Two: "Yeah, you should show more respect for your coworker!"
Me *turning to give them a WTF look*: "Excuse me?"
Ditz One *digging through her purse*: "You shouldn't disrespect your coworker like that! I was going to pay with a five, but here, here's a bunch of change instead!" *dumps change on the counter and stands there smirking*
Ditz Two: "Yeah, you're being an asshole, you should ask him nicely!"
Me *smirking at this point*: "You two are fine ones to be talking."
Ditz One & Two: "EXCUSE ME?!"
Me *shrugging while counting the change*: "Please, you're dressed like two-dollar hookers, sound like fucking morons, and are trying to cop a Paris attitude on me. Who's the one with no respect for others?"
LJ *trying to keep a straight face*: "Burn ladies. Big-time burn."
Yeah, probably over the top for me, but their colossal attitudes pissed me off. They stormed out without their change, so I made nearly a dollar off their "respect".
Get out before I destroy you.
Guy comes in, wanting to refund one of those annoying pay-as-you-go cell phones. In my district, refunds can only be done by the manager or asst. manager. NO EXCEPTIONS. Yes, even on trivial crap.
Farkwit: "I wanna refun' dis!" *throws it on the counter, knocking the money I was counting for a safe drop on the floor.*
Me *scowling*: "Well, I can't do anything about that, unfortunately, but the manager can exchange or refund it for you tomorrow morning when she's in.
Farkwit: "Naw, man, I wan' mah money back now, I gotta use it next door!" *next door being the liquor store*
Me: "Can't do it, only the manager can."
Farkwit: "Man, dis is bullshit! You just jackin' me 'round so's you don' gotta work! I knows you can do the fuckin' refun'! I oughta get back there an' show you how!"
Me *making sure the box cutter is very visible in my hand at this point, as I don't trust this dick*: "I would offer you an application, but your lack of enunciation and general idiocy prohibits you from working here. We try to at least hire people who can speak properly. I suggest you leave before I call the cops for being threatened."
Farkwit stormed out, swearing he would be back later. I left a note, just in case.
I'm so in trouble for this one
Welfare Leech: "Hey, man, lemme use my EBT to get a pack of smokes, please?"
Me: "Okay, but only if I can beat your head against this counter for using MY tax money to fund your cancer habit."
*sighs* It'll be a miracle if I don't get written up for any of this. Then again, Monday's my last day, so it's not like it matters at this point.
You want ME to pay for it?!
Scruffy looking guy comes up with a candy bar, soda, and wants a pack of smokes. Total is around $7.87. He pushes thirty cents my way. The following ensued:
Him: "Okay, this is all I got right now..."
Me *only half paying attention*: "Okay... thirty cents, just need seven fifty-seven and you're all set."
Him: "I just told you, that's all I got."
Me: "..."
Him: "..."
*I start taking the food behind the counter, put the smokes away*
Him: "Hey! What're you doing?"
Me *jabbing the void key irritably*: "You just said you didn't have the money, I'm voiding the transaction."
Him: "No, man! Can't you just front me the money? I can pay you back later today."
Me: "...you're kidding, right? I'm not losing my job over this."
Him *getting pissed*: "Man, don't give me that 'lose your job' bullshit!"
Me *looking him right in the eye*: "Then don't give me your sob story bullshit. Next."
He came back less than five minutes later, pissed that all he could afford was the soda and some snacks. I was sorely tempted to hand him an application.
RE-SPECT MAH AU-THOR-I-TY!
This one involved my coworker. We'll call him LJ because, well, that's what he goes by. LJ's standing by the punch clock, reading a note the manager left for him. Two girls come up, with a couple other customers behind them.
LJ and I have that kind of work relation where nothing can be simply asked for, we threaten each other with bodily harm in order to get what we want. For instance, "Hey, can you check the milk?" becomes "Get your ass in the cooler and do the milk before I put you through the wall." This arrangement works well for us, and with the type of customers we get, they enjoy the show. Not these two girls, however:
(Note, being Halloween, everyone's been in costume, them included.)
Me: "LJ, need you on the register."
LJ *reading his note*: "Mm hm..."
Me *turning to face him*: "LJ, get your butt on the register before I drop kick it over there, we got a line forming."
Ditz One: "Ohmigawd, that's like so disrespectful!"
Ditz Two: "Yeah, you should show more respect for your coworker!"
Me *turning to give them a WTF look*: "Excuse me?"
Ditz One *digging through her purse*: "You shouldn't disrespect your coworker like that! I was going to pay with a five, but here, here's a bunch of change instead!" *dumps change on the counter and stands there smirking*
Ditz Two: "Yeah, you're being an asshole, you should ask him nicely!"
Me *smirking at this point*: "You two are fine ones to be talking."
Ditz One & Two: "EXCUSE ME?!"
Me *shrugging while counting the change*: "Please, you're dressed like two-dollar hookers, sound like fucking morons, and are trying to cop a Paris attitude on me. Who's the one with no respect for others?"
LJ *trying to keep a straight face*: "Burn ladies. Big-time burn."
Yeah, probably over the top for me, but their colossal attitudes pissed me off. They stormed out without their change, so I made nearly a dollar off their "respect".
Get out before I destroy you.
Guy comes in, wanting to refund one of those annoying pay-as-you-go cell phones. In my district, refunds can only be done by the manager or asst. manager. NO EXCEPTIONS. Yes, even on trivial crap.
Farkwit: "I wanna refun' dis!" *throws it on the counter, knocking the money I was counting for a safe drop on the floor.*
Me *scowling*: "Well, I can't do anything about that, unfortunately, but the manager can exchange or refund it for you tomorrow morning when she's in.
Farkwit: "Naw, man, I wan' mah money back now, I gotta use it next door!" *next door being the liquor store*
Me: "Can't do it, only the manager can."
Farkwit: "Man, dis is bullshit! You just jackin' me 'round so's you don' gotta work! I knows you can do the fuckin' refun'! I oughta get back there an' show you how!"
Me *making sure the box cutter is very visible in my hand at this point, as I don't trust this dick*: "I would offer you an application, but your lack of enunciation and general idiocy prohibits you from working here. We try to at least hire people who can speak properly. I suggest you leave before I call the cops for being threatened."
Farkwit stormed out, swearing he would be back later. I left a note, just in case.
I'm so in trouble for this one
Welfare Leech: "Hey, man, lemme use my EBT to get a pack of smokes, please?"
Me: "Okay, but only if I can beat your head against this counter for using MY tax money to fund your cancer habit."
*sighs* It'll be a miracle if I don't get written up for any of this. Then again, Monday's my last day, so it's not like it matters at this point.
Brilliant! I've wanted to say that myself...
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