There just aren't words for some customers...

[cassie]

This happened back in 2001 but it's very memorable to me and reminds me just how stupid some people can be. A man had just called me to ask why his plane is stuck in San Juan (a volcano had just erupted). Here is the conversation:

Me: Thank you for calling (airline), how may I help you today?

Customer: I want to know why my plane is delayed. I need to get home today.

( I look up his flight and all that good stuff)

Me: Sir, i'm terribly sorry but all flights out of San Juan are postponed until further notice.

Customer: What the ____ why?!

Me: It seems there has been a problem with ash due to a volcano and they need to wait for it to clear. If you go to the airline desk they'd be happy to comp you a hotel stay.

Customer: I need to get home now though! Who is responsible for this?!

Me: For what sir?

Customer: For the ash! I need to get home tonight!

Me: God sir.

Customer: Who?! What are you talking about?!

Me: God, you know... the man upstairs, the creator of that volcano that erupted...

Customer: Oh. Well, don't be a smartass. Why can't the planes go out?

Me: Because of the ash in the air sir. Can you see through black ashy soot?

Customer: No...

Me: Neither can the pilots. I'm sorry but you'll have to wait until the ash clears enough for the pilots to continue. it's very dangerous to fly now. In the meantime you can talk with the front desk about a free hotel stay.

Customer: I'll just go try another airline. **Click**

[iradney]

Yes, didn't you know? Some airlines have planes with fans attached to the nose, to blow away the ash...
</sarcasm>

[Marxfan]

You should have said,
"It's all the doing of Pyros, the Emperor of Ashes... boogity boogity boo!"

Maybe that would have made him leave you alone.

[tamezin]

Even if he could find someone dumb enough to take him up, it isn't just visibility that is an issue in these situations. Volcano ash is like ground glass, it clogs the engines and when mixed with moisture becomes extremely heavy (imagine concrete building up on the wings of the plane). The plane might make it up, but it wouldn't that way.

[Soulstealer]

Customer: I need to get home now though! Who is responsible for this?!

Me: For what sir?

Customer: For the ash! I need to get home tonight!

Our resident mad scientist, it happens every once in a while.

[Becks]

I wonder how many airlines he contacted.

[solemnwarning]

How many airlines are there in that area?
Probably all the airlines and someone completely unrelated, like a catering service or somthing...

[Geek King]

Good lord. Proof that the stupid people are taking over the world. Where's Charles Darwin and his Chainsaw of Natural Selection when you need him?


Maybe we can settle for the Wood Chipper of Karma?

[solemnwarning]

I say we send all the stupids up in as many planes as possible, at once, during an erruption. You think we can find enough idiot pilots?

[Broomjockey]

I'm sure there's enough that can convince themselves they can fly a plane. Especially if we tell them they're not allowed.

[MadRocketScientist]

Our resident mad scientist, it happens every once in a while.

I did no such thing anywhere near San Juan!

[Metody]

Oh, it's not just clogging that's a hazard. As pointed out, volcano ash is glass. Wisps of light, floaty glass that can sometimes drift in the air in a happy cloud invisible to the human eye.

Plane engines are very hot inside. Especially jet engines. Hot enough to melt glass.

Plane hits invisible cloud. The little flecks of glass get sucked into the engines. Where they melt. Into molten glass that now coats every hot surface exposed to the air. And there's more and more and more of it, too.....

Later, when the recovery teams come, they will find the fragments of the engine, all coated in glass.

[Binky]

LOL this post reminds me of the devil wears Prada

"what do you mean there is a hurricane...it's only drizzling"

but in all seriousness...wtf? does he WANT to die?

[blas]

No he wants to go home NOW! And by God *no pun intended* he shall make it home! Even if he has to drag a pilot out in the hot ash, by God, he is GOING HOME. Because HE wants to, dontchya know!

[Retail Associate]

Hmmmm...when God himself provides lousy customer service, who do SCs complain to then?



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