I'm not a psychic--I'm a psycho!

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Ah yes, the first day of deer hunting season, and a big two-day sale. Lots of spendy, surly, sewer-mouthed SCs and their mothers. But I digress....

I got the following outside call from somebody today:

Me: Hello, furniture department, how can I help you?
C: Yeah, my son and his wife had a rain check on some kitchen chairs and I need to know if they came in.
Me: Do you have the rain check?
C: No. They do.
Me: I'm sorry, but I won't be able to tell you if their chairs are in unless you have the raincheck there and can give me the numbers off of it.
C: They're kitchen chairs!
Me: We have six different kinds of kitchen chairs. I can't tell you if they are in unless I know which ones they are.
C: Well, they're oak, and they have slats in the back...
Me: (Way to narrow it down lady. We have four different kitchen chairs with slats in the back and in an oak finish) That doesn't tell me enough, sorry.
C: You're not being very helpful!
Me: I apologize, but as I said, if you do not have the raincheck there and can't give me the numbers on it, I can't tell you if the chairs came in because we have several different styles. If your son has the raincheck, perhaps you could have him give us a call.
C: I think I'll do that. AND I HOPE HE DOESN'T GET YOU!
Me: Okay, Buh-bye (flips off phone) *click

[Zoe1975]

I like "DO YOU HAVE THAT THINGY THAT DOES THIS? then they make a noise or a hand signal!!!!!!

[theredbaron47]

People like that have but one goal in life: to ruin someone else's day.

[Fungus]

I guess they thought you were kidding......

[smileyeagle1021]

I like "DO YOU HAVE THAT THINGY THAT DOES THIS? then they make a noise or a hand signal!!!!!!

oh, have you seen that lowes commercial... the one where the employee is able to figure out what the person needs based on miming...
and yes, that commercial has made me decide that i will never shop at lowes because they give SCs unreasonable expectations now for all stores.

[Imogene]

oh, have you seen that lowes commercial...

Suncoast did it first. "Do you have that one movie... with that guy... and he was in that other movie?"

Note: At Chesterfield, we had a cell phone kiosk just outside our store, staffed by the most misogynistic bastards ever (well, maybe not ever, that'd be unfair to a handful of serial killers, I'm sure). Any cheerleader type who even came close to the kiosk got the whole schmooze, the staff there would flirt with any cheerleader types who walked by. They would see me coming in for my shift, head down, not even looking their direction, and they'd call out, "Hey, Babe! You got that movie where you go like this *insert hand motions*?"
"I've not been in a movie, so it's impossible for us to have a movie where I do 'this'." Not even slowing down, just keep walking. Just keep walking. Just keep walking, walking, walking.
For a while, they also decided my name was going to be 'chief' for some reason. Every time I walked by, "Hey, Chief."
We as a store leveled complaints against them to mall management, many, many times, but hardly anything got done. A number of times, their store went a whole day unmanned, and we'd realize they were all fired, only to be replaced with new Jackasses within days.

[Jester]

I'm not a psychic--I'm a psycho!

I actually use that line or a variation of it at work all the time!

ME: "What would you like to drink?"
THEM: "What, don't you know what I want?"
ME: "Sir, I'm not psychic...I'm psycho. I understand the confusion though."
THEM:

I like "DO YOU HAVE THAT THINGY THAT DOES THIS? then they make a noise or a hand signal!!!!!!

My friend Frank has a line he always says to me, or to people watching his magic act, based on people doing that exact thing: "Hey, do you know that one trick, with the card and the guy and the thing?"

And yes, kids we DO get people asking things like that. No, we can't do that trick, because we have no idea what they're talking about either!

[Boozy]

Oh, I hate customers like that.

"Its a red wine. I think with a blue label. Maybe a yellow label. Definitely blue or yellow. Actually, it might be a white wine. Anyway, do you have it?"

[Dreamstalker]

I like "DO YOU HAVE THAT THINGY THAT DOES THIS? then they make a noise or a hand signal!!!!!!

I got that for a game once (it was really quite amusing; the guy was looking for a Cthulhu game--scarily, I was able to peg it right away). He, however, was making fun of the Lowe's ad and we both knew it.

I have yet to get the dreaded book variation though..."it has an alien on the cover"

[RammsteinGirl]

oh, have you seen that lowes commercial... the one where the employee is able to figure out what the person needs based on miming...
and yes, that commercial has made me decide that i will never shop at lowes because they give SCs unreasonable expectations now for all stores.

Oh god, I HATE this commercial with a passion!! Maybe the FIRST time a person did that to me, I'd find it humorous and laugh and cheerfully help them out. But the customer in the commercial does it like 5 or 6 freakin' times! And of course, the perfect Lowes employee isn't annoyed at all, she just keeps happily assisting the idiotic woman who isn't even able to verbally describe what she wants. Gahhh!!! If that was me, I'd flip the frick out, I swear!

[Dreamstalker]

We saw that commercial last night.

Mom: "I'd stuff her (customer) in a giant snowglobe."

[myswtghst]

We often get calls to create part requests on the weekend/after hours, when parts ID and tech support are no longer available to help us figure out the part number. If all you can give me is power supply, I'm going to (politely) tell you to go pound sand. If you can't give me the unit it's powering, the MHz output range and the wattage, I can't find it. And even then, it's going to take some work and you damn well better be appreciative!

[Sliceanddice]

uggggggggggg there need to be a test to own a phone a slightly harder one to have kids, a slightly harder one to have a checking account, a slightly harder one to have a debit card, a slightly harder one to have cable, aslightly harder one to have internet and slightly harder one to have a credit card, and slightly harder one to be able to purchase anything that advertises RISK FREE. oh and these test are hard than the driving test we have to take to drive.
Why do i say this?
Because while i made 80 dollars on top of my base pay i earned today i had idiots galor to day and i want to kill. oh and i post here because half my calls today where-
"i just want to know the price"
when i need info
to ask questions
and to figure out what offer/model is best for you
cause yeah ill quote you a AND YOU REALLY REALLY NEED B!!

[Geek King]

I got that for a game once (it was really quite amusing; the guy was looking for a Cthulhu game--scarily, I was able to peg it right away). He, however, was making fun of the Lowe's ad and we both knew it.

I have yet to get the dreaded book variation though..."it has an alien on the cover"

Well, that one's easy. The mime is to hold the back of your hand to your chin and wiggle your fingers.

<<Geek King goes home for a quick fhtagn before his game tonight>>

[LifeCarnie]

Me: Hello, furniture department, how can I help you?
C: Yeah, my son and his wife had a rain check on some kitchen chairs and I need to know if they came in.
Me: Do you have the rain check?
C: No. They do.
Me: I'm sorry, but I won't be able to tell you if their chairs are in unless you have the raincheck there and can give me the numbers off of it.
C: They're kitchen chairs!
Me: We have six different kinds of kitchen chairs. I can't tell you if they are in unless I know which ones they are.
C: Well, they're oak, and they have slats in the back...
Me: (Way to narrow it down lady. We have four different kitchen chairs with slats in the back and in an oak finish) That doesn't tell me enough, sorry.
C: You're not being very helpful!
Me: I apologize, but as I said, if you do not have the raincheck there and can't give me the numbers on it, I can't tell you if the chairs came in because we have several different styles. If your son has the raincheck, perhaps you could have him give us a call.
C: I think I'll do that. AND I HOPE HE DOESN'T GET YOU!
Me: Okay, Buh-bye (flips off phone) *click

Because that particular customer is the only customer with whom your store does any business, don't you know that?

I feel your pain. This happens in B2B all of the time.

Although, in a B2B environment, usually the person realizes that the amount of work that they have avoided by being prepared is ususally tripled by their unpreparedness, which means the information that you need to process they're request suddenly appears. It's almost like they lifted an ass cheek and removed the information from where it was stored, along with their head.