evening ruined by brats

[napoleana]

Not really sure where to post this, so I understand if it's moved, it's semi-sighting, semi-seeking advice, semi-what would you do if you were the waiter/host?

Background: My "sister" is a lesbian. She's a lesbian who is currently enrolled in her Senior year at a private school that is "Christian" (please no religious debate, I like discussing it, but this is not the place) in a way that means you can be kicked out for getting knocked up or being gay or even having parents that are gay. Her sophomore year, she had a girlfriend there, and a friend ratted her out to peers, so everyone knows and treats her like dirt, including some teachers. The school sent her to a psychiatrist and agreed not to tell her parents what the problem was (they're currently in denial), but now there is a new principal who is constantly looking for a reason to boot her even though in a few months she'll finally be out of that hell.

Anyway, this all has to do with something. I haven't seen her in forever, so we decided to go out last night and have dinner at T.G.I.Friday's. I was only half way through my pasta when a group of loud mouthed girls came in (we were close to the door). They recognized my sister (Veronica) and promptly make their way over to us. "Hey, Veronica! Guys, it's Veronica! Hey, you're not wearing your uniform! Don't you like us Veronica?" Head girl turns right to the waiter and says "We'll sit here!" and plops herself right down at the big table next to us.

Now right before "We'll sit here," Veronica all but shouts at them, "Shut up and leave me alone!" Now, I'd think that if I were the waiter, I'd have taken a damn clue and said, "I'm sorry, that table's unavailable," and put them somewhere else. I mean for all he knew, the two of us versus her table could ahve busted out in a catfight at any minute.

I really wanted to grab the waiter and say, "Excuse me, but my sister and I are visiting for the first time and months and just want to have a nice quiet dinner, and these girls have clearly stated their intent to ruin that. Would you please mind moving them?" But the girls were so loud and obnoxious, that all he did was put everything on the table, try his best to get their attention long enough to make them sit down, and then he ran off.

I was forced to wolf down my pasta and pay as fast as possible to get them to stop hounding my sister, who was finding it very difficult to ignore them as they were about two feet from her and had bullhorn voices.

Do you think I could have taken a better action? What would you have done if you were the waiter/host who seated them?

[ditchdj]

I've always said that the best thing about moving far away from my hometown is that I never have to worry about running into any of my ex's when I go out. No more "Red Plague" (I call her that because she's a red-head and that's what Al Bundy once called Peggy) when I go to the store, Jamie the "Buck-toothed Bitch" when I go to Taco Bell (with an attitude like her's it's no wonder her own mother disowned her) and well......you get the point!

Seriously, I can relate in this sense.

[Emrld]

I would have asked to be moved to another section immediatly and if necessary involve the manager.
You were at a resturant with the expectation of enjoying a meal . . .a group comes in making it clear they want to ruin your experience. That does not fly with me as someone who is paying to be able to eat. Can't enjoy the meal if it has been made clear someone has full intenet on ruining it.

[monolayth]

As an adult we have the ability to make teens do what we say. if we look stern enough. I would have told these girls under no uncertian terms to go away.

[scruff]

I'd be tempted to say to the waiter, as he was sitting these thugettes, that they were only wanting to sit there to give you both hassle, based on their past behaviour. And that if he sat them nearby, you both would be leaving. Now. And not buying dessert or tipping him.

The waiter sounds like he's not equipped to deal with them either.

They sound like bullies to me. Leaving and saying loudly that you're going to a classier place is probably the best opbion.

[napoleana]

ditchdj: I know. The really aweful thing is it probably wouldn't have happened if I had planned better. I had totally intended to take her to this swanky Japanese restaurant, but only remembered at the last minute that she gets sick when she eats Chinese food for some reason, so we went across the street to the ever popular Friday's. (We thought it be nice though because it was hardly busy at all due to be only 4pm.)

Emrid: Yeah, I think I learn more lessons through retrospect than through thinking it out at the time. Strangely, I'm more angry about it now than I was at the time; I think I just wanted to help my sis.

monolayth: I'm 21 and look 15 and used to go to the same school and be treated similarly. These girls were not the least bit afraid of me. I did consider throwing profanity at them as I could no longer get in trouble at that school, but a) then I'd be in the wrong with the restaurant, b) that would keep me from scarfing the food and escaping, and c) I doubt they'd've shut up long enough to hear me.

scruff: Veronica had already finished, I was half finished, and we'd already gotten our check. (Though we had wanted to stay longer to talk as it was not busy.) If the man who seated them had been our waiter, I'd've tipped crap, if at all, but he wasn't. I don't think refusing payment/further patronage (?) would have worked as they couldn't help what the girls were doing (except sitting them elsewhere), we'd already accepted the check, and they were the bigger group. (Although, somehow I doubt the rich brats understood the concept of tipping.)

[Sliceanddice]

yeah i would have asked to be moved right then and there because the waiter refused to do anything, becuase its my evening and i want to enjoy it, i would have also gotten the manager and informed him of the issue.
If they continued to bother me i would have gone to the manager.
If nothing was done then i would have complained. very nastly (not swearing but in the "Im sorry, but not only are we paying customers who where in here first but we have tried everything in our power to resolve this by MOVING even when we where here first. Again these girls are harrassing us, not us harrassing them. All I am asking is that you take action in your own store before i have to take action myself in someway . And i dont know if that action is going to be calling corpurate, or your bosses, leaving right now and telling everyone i meet about the care you give your customers here or by calling the cops and filing charges not only against those girls but possibly you for standing by and ALLOWING them to harrass them. Now please do something, anything, if only move them as far as way as possible do something.)

[napoleana]

Hm, I don't think some of that would have been appropriate given the situation (for example, I don't think cops could do anything as they weren't throwing out slurs or insults or whatever, it was basically the "you'll like us if I say you like us" fake sweetness and being loud and persistent), but I'll keep in mind as there's not a lot of nice places to go in our area except the popular overcrowded business area where Friday's was and the restaurant where she works. (And maybe me soon! Yay!)

Perhaps it would help if cried, too...

[Sliceanddice]

well concidering stalker laws you can get just about anyone arrest in your everyday life for acting like that

[Fungus]

The waiter should not have been tipped for not moving the girls away or at least telling them that this behavior will not be tolerated towards other guests. I also would have probably finished up my meal and intentionally stayed there to annoy those other girls. You know, wait until they got their food and start loudly talking about some personal issue, maybe something like big zits on my back oozing pus while they were eating.

[napoleana]

I don't know. If we have a worse incident another time, I guess I'd use that.

Although, I was just thinking, the Conchair of the con I work for has a penchant for writing letters to managers when he is treated bad at an establishment (twice in the past year two different Hard Rocks; I disapprove of his motivation to possibly get something out of it but he always has legitimate complaints).

Do you think I should get him to help me write the restaurant about what happened, or - since we didn't talk to the waiters or the manager, we just left, and we don't have anyone's names - should I just learn from the experience in case it happens again?

[Seshat]

It never helps if you cry.

What does help is demonstrating that you're mature and adult, and they can't hurt you. I recommend practicing the 'Mummy doesn't like that' look. It can really help against ANY bullying, not just teenage or child bullying.

A 'Mummy' look is especially effective when you can back it up by knowing, deep inside yourself, that you will not tolerate bullshit, and that you perceive such people as being toddlers who've never grown up.

Fear of bullies shows itself in lots of little ways - pheromones, subtle expression hints, subtle posture hints. But disgust at their immaturity shows in those exact same ways, and they pick up on it without knowing why.

If you find yourself telling a bully 'Go to your room and don't come out until you're willing to behave like a civilised human being', you've got the attitude that will silence them.

It might take a few tries - like children, bullies will keep pushing for a while to try to test your boundaries. But if you stay firm and keep to your boundaries, they'll give up.

A note: get police help and advice if you are troubled by bullies who are both capable of violence and have the opportunity to apply violence.

[gunsage]

Given the circumstances, I would have complained to the manager. Was it the manager's fault that the girl's sat down there? No, of course not. However, the waiter obviously didn't care about WHERE the girls sat as much as just getting them out of his hair. That indicates a lack of customer service and also it completely ruined the atmosphere, your experience at the restaurant, your sister's experience at the restaurant, and the little time you had together with her.

Now, the following is a man statement. Yes, that was a disclaimer.

YOU SHOULD HAVE PICKED UP THE TABLE AND THROWN IT AT THE LOT OF THEM. REALLY, THE GALL OF YOUTH TODAY. AND CLEARLY, THEY COULD SEE SHE WAS VISITING WITH SOMEONE AND DIDN'T GIVE A RAT'S ASS. SO YOU MAKE THEM GIVE A RAT'S ASS!

*ahem*

Anyway, the waiter was in the wrong for not THINKING. Period.

Ye olde group o bitches were in the wrong for not acknowledging that you were visiting. It doesn't matter WHO it is, that's out and out bastardy.

I commend you for NOT doing anything, as I'm sure that was rather hard. But really, I woulda gotten violent.

[napoleana]

Seshat: Lol, I meant cry at the manager for sympathy if I had talked to him. I'd've never cried in front of those brats, and trust me, I'd've given them plenty of 'tude if I hadn't been caught off guard and was much more concerned about how Ronnie was handling it. If, unfortunately, there is a next time, I will handle it much better.

gunsage: I learned a long time ago that violence never teaches "victims" their lessons and only makes those who could've helped you turn against you. It feels helpless not to be able to use it, but it's even worse after you have. That's the only reason why I've gotten good at walking away, but this and some other incidents as of late have made me begin to think that just walking away might not be exactly the right thing either...

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Well, I think you should have immediately called over the manager and let them know you were being threatened and harrassed in his establishment.

If he failed to take action, perhaps a call to the police to let them know you were being threatened by a gang of people who seemed bent on committing a hate crime might be in order.

I'd also ask the manager the name of his lawyer so you could send it to yours.

I take that shit seriously.