Now with Magic!

[Kara]

I'm alive. I've just been mad busy lately. I'm about to add sleep deprivation into the mix because I am returning to Kroger as a second job (beacuse bill collectors are about to send their knuckle-breakers after us). There probably won't be a lot of SC stories there, though, since I'm going to be doing night stocking when the store is closed. Then again, they always seem to find me one way or another.

The Other Provider's Gas is Always Greener

SW: I don't ever get service with you people! My friends have (COMPETITOR) and they always have service!
ME: We definitely want to see what we can do for you to get the service you need. I'd be happy to look at-
SW: Hold on, I'm probably going to lose you, because your phone never works here. Call me on my friend's (COMPETITOR) phone!
ME: Okay, it will be just a moment.
*Call friend's number TWICE and it goes straight to voicemail*
ME: Ma'am? I wasn't getting through. Does your friend have their phone with them right now?
SW: Yes they do! They ALWAYS have service! Unlike you people!
ME: Let me try again.
*Same result.*
ME: I'm sorry, but I can't get through. Perhaps they aren't getting service right now for some reason.
SW: Then try my other friend here. She also has (COMPETITOR) and ALWAYS has service!
ME: Okay.
*Dials the other friend's number, first time gets a fast-busy tone and second time got voicemail.*
ME (trying not to laugh): Ma'am? I'm sorry, but it doesn't seem that your friends with (COMPETITOR'S) service are getting service right now.
SW: I'll call back later then!

I don't think there's much more I can say about this one, other than to point out that she was calling me from the phone that never gets service.

Um....

Automated Contract Renewal System: Please enter your 10 digit phone number now.
SM: XXX-XXX-XXX X___________________________________________
ME: ...

For some reason, he was compelled to hold the last key for a disturbingly long amount of time. Like, to the point at which I was wondering if he died and his finger was stuck on the button. Alas, I was not so lucky. After about 30 seconds, he stopped

Paranoia is Fun

SM: I need a copy of my check I mailed for my payment sent back to me.
ME: I'm sorry, we don't keep the checks that are mailed for payment.
SM: You have to keep them somewhere.
ME: After the payment is processed and approved, we destroy them. Were you missing a payment?
SM: No, it went through. But I want a copy of the tendered check.
ME: We don't have any way we can get that for you. You should see the payment on your bank statement.
SM: Yeah, it's there. But I want a copy of the check.
ME: You may be able to obtain a copy from your bank, but we don't have the check anymore.
SM: Why not?
ME: Because once the check clears, there is no need to keep the physical check.
SM: This is the problem with out country! Everyone relies on computers to keep track of things! The stock market crashed because of a computer error you know!

Wait a sec, there, gramps. You loathe and mistrust electronics, yet you are arguing with your wireless phone provider?

Black Magic Woman

SM: I have dropped my phone in de water. Do you have any magic to fix it?

Oh, I have magic. Unfortunately for you, my powers of darkness cannot be used for good. If you'd like your city and/or county erradicated, though, let me know.

Sigh

SW: Can you transfer me to (MY COMPANY) now?

And you know something? I considered transfering her back to the automated system, because technically, I'd be compling with her request.

Oh Really?

*Customer was talking to someone in the background the moment I came on the line*

SW: -then they all talkin to me like I'm stupid or somethin. I ain't stupid!

I'll be the judge of that.

[AnaKhouri]

Was he talking about the stock market crash...of 1929?

Yeah, those damn laptops and PCs were all the rage back then. Damn computers!

[Sylvia727]

Black Magic Woman

SM: I have dropped my phone in de water. Do you have any magic to fix it?

Oh, I have magic. Unfortunately for you, my powers of darkness cannot be used for good. If you'd like your city and/or county erradicated, though, let me know.

I wish I had magic to fix broken electronics...I would never need a warranty again. Of course, I would never use it to help a customer, either, since I'd have to hoard it all for myself.

[BaristaTrav]

Was he talking about the stock market crash...of 1929?

Yeah, those damn laptops and PCs were all the rage back then. Damn computers!

In Geezer McOldfart's defense, he might have been referring to the 1987 crash. But then, that one wasn't cause by a "computer error" either.

[LifeCarnie]

Paranoia is Fun
SM: Yeah, it's there. But I want a copy of the check.
ME: You may be able to obtain a copy from your bank, but we don't have the check anymore.
SM: Why not?
ME: Because once the check clears, there is no need to keep the physical check.
SM: This is the problem with out country! Everyone relies on computers to keep track of things! The stock market crashed because of a computer error you know!
.

1.) Actually he CAN get a copy of the canceled check from the bank, but they charge a fee, something like $15. It's not the creditors job to keep copies of documents like this, the customer just thinks it should be.

2.) Yeah. It was one of those giant, room sized computers that caused the stock market crash. I heard it was because the rat on a treadmill, who powered it, died.

[Geek King]

2.) Yeah. It was one of those giant, room sized computers that caused the stock market crash. I heard it was because the rat on a treadmill, who powered it, died.

That's why we use rendundant hamsters here. Only a .001% chance of failure accross an array of multiple hamster wheels.

[trunks2k]

Well the girl was almost right about the stock market. IIRC, sometime within the past couple years a glitch in the computers on wall street almost did cause a stock market crash. Some glitch started to drive the stock market up an ungodly number of points, which would have triggered a market crash due to over speculation (everyone tries to cash in on the sudden surge, followed by a massive sell off). But they noticed the problem pretty quickly, stopped trading and fixed the problem.

There's also built in safety mechanisms into the market. If the market rises or falls too much in a day, trading ceases so that everyone can come to their senses. This is to prevent massive crashes like the one that started the great depression.

[SpyOne]

Was he talking about the stock market crash...of 1929?

Yeah, those damn laptops and PCs were all the rage back then. Damn computers!

Actually, I believe he was referring to an event less than 10 years ago.

It seems that a whole lot of Mutual Funds and other such investment companies had put computers in charge of deciding what to buy and sell, and when. The problem was, they were all using basicly the same software, so that if the software said "if stock X drops by Y in one hour, sell Z% of our shares in it," they all would start selling it.
So, of course, when stock X dropped by Y in one hour, ALL those systems started selling shares, causing the price to drop even faster, triggering more sales.

Now add in the part where the software says, "if stock X has dropped by N% in the last hour, sell M% of our shares in companies that are in the same line of business as stock X." A simple measure to protect against a major falloff in a whole industry. But it can cause a major falloff in an entire industry, because all the investment companies use the same criteria.

Now, add the part that says, "if stock X drops by F, sell G% of all companies that own stock in stock X."

So, because one particular stock dropped below a critical trigger, automated systems kept dumping more of that stock onto the market, driving the price down enough to trigger other automated sales that led to price drops in other stocks, starting a cascade effect that was flooding the market with stock and causing prices to plummet.

Took the exchange a few hours to figure out what was happening and suspend trading. IIRC, it took them more than a day to get it sorted out and reopen the market.


Not that any of that is really relevant.

[Kara]

Trust me, he was talking about 1929. He emphasized the stock market crash. Probably buries his money in his yard (I had a few relatives raised in the Depression that did this).

[i4wolves]

[QUOTE=Sylvia727;229258] If you had magic why would you be working. You could just pull money out of thin air.

[Gravekeeper]

[/B]?

Black Magic Woman

SM: I have dropped my phone in de water. Do you have any magic to fix it?

Oh, I have magic. Unfortunately for you, my powers of darkness cannot be used for good. If you'd like your city and/or county erradicated, though, let me know.

You know many of my callers *expect* magic but I've never had one just come straight out and ask me up front....

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Paranoia is Fun

SM: I need a copy of my check I mailed for my payment sent back to me.
ME: I'm sorry, we don't keep the checks that are mailed for payment.
SM: You have to keep them somewhere.
ME: After the payment is processed and approved, we destroy them. Were you missing a payment?
SM: No, it went through. But I want a copy of the tendered check.
ME: We don't have any way we can get that for you. You should see the payment on your bank statement.
SM: Yeah, it's there. But I want a copy of the check.
ME: You may be able to obtain a copy from your bank, but we don't have the check anymore.
SM: Why not?
ME: Because once the check clears, there is no need to keep the physical check.
SM: This is the problem with out country! Everyone relies on computers to keep track of things! The stock market crashed because of a computer error you know!

Wait a sec, there, gramps. You loathe and mistrust electronics, yet you are arguing with your wireless phone provider?

His name wasn't Randy, was it?

That sounds just like the kind of logic he would use . . . nevermind the fact that computers didn't exist back in 1929. He'd have come back with that phrase (the one that I can't mention without wanting to hurt someone.)