Hi Again

[customersruinmylife]

For some reason my Internet company hates me, so I'm having another flying visit. Hopefully I should be back permanently sometime next week.

Well, first good news, my friend who went to prison appealed and has had his sentence cut. He'll be out in about in a few months, so I've been a lot more chipper recently!

So, stories!!

No, YOU'RE pathetic

A really young looking girl came up to the bar. A co-worker, who had just learned her dad was seriously ill in hospital served her.

CW: What can I get you?
SC: Lager love.
CW: Can I see some I.D first please?
SC: For fucks sake! *shoves I.D at her, it shows she has only just turned 18*
CW: OK, thank you, lager was it?
SC: Yes! *gets her phone out and starts talking* LISA....LISA! WHEN YOU COME OUT TONIGHT MAKE SURE YOU BRING YOUR I.D. THIS PATHETIC BITCH OF A BAR MAID JUST ASKED ME FOR I.D!

Co-worker lost it.

CW: PATHETIC?? PATHETIC?? DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO ME IF I SERVE SOMEONE WHO IS UNDERAGE??
SC: But I am NOT underage.
CW: BUT IF YOU WERE, DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS? I LOSE MY JOB AND GET A £5000 FINE!
SC: Well thats your problem.
CW: I CAN TELL BY THE WAY YOUR DRESSED YOU CAN AFFORD A £5000 FINE!
SC: Wha?
CW: AND YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY NOT FAMILIAR WITH SARCASM! GET OUT!

I do want to go home you know

This has happened to me before. Shift was about to end, and I am serving my last customer. He hands me his credit card.

SC: I'd like to start a tab.
Me: I'm afraid we don't do tabs here sir. We just do pay as you go.
SC: Go on, please. Look, here's my card, you can be responsible for it. Only me and you will know.
Me: My shift is over sir, I am just about to go home.
SC: What?
Me: I'm going home, I can't keep your card and I can't ask a co-worker to do it, it is not their responsibility.
SC: Don't you look after your customers?
Me: Yes I do, but I am no longer on shift, so I don't have any customers anymore.
SC: You are so selfish.

Amonia Man

We have a guy that comes into our bar every day like clockwork. He used to stay all day and all night until one day he got so drunk he...well, I can't think of any other way to put it, he shit and pissed himself. After that he was barred because the manager said there was no way he was asking any employees to look after him ever again.

So, night off, and me and six co-workers go out for a drink to our local pub. Guess who is there?

That's right, Amonia Man. He recognises us, and decides to join us, smelling of piss and about ready to pass out.

All we could make out was:

AM: Please...let me in the bar again...please...
AM: Can I have your numbers...please...please...
AM: You guys are all I've got...

He passed out, and we fled the pub as quickly as possible.

You knew it was going to be like that...

A girl comes up to the bar, a student.

SC: Hi, I ordered the chicken and bacon sandwich...
Me: Yeah...
SC: And I was told before I ordered it that you had run out of bacon, and I said that was OK...at first...
Me: OK, so you want me to cancel it?
SC: No, no, I've already eaten it.
Me: OK, so what can I do for you?
SC: Well, it wasn't any good without the bacon. I'd like my money back.
Me: But you know that before you paid for it.
SC: That's right.
Me: And you ate it all?
SC: That's right.
Me: So you want me to refund a meal that you knew was going to be incomplete, that you knew wasn't going to be good enough for you, that you have already eaten?
SC: Yes.
Me: Just checking. I don't think I can do that for you.
SC: Whyyyyy?
Me: Well you just gave me every reason not to. If you hadn't eaten it or there was something wrong with the way it was prepared, then you might have had a case.
SC: So you're not giving me the money back?
Me: That's right.

We saw you, and so did the cameras

We have several boards up on the bar advertising the prices of our drinks. They are the kind where the price is like a digital watch, and you have to colour out the right bars with a black marker.

I look down the bar, and I see a bunch of students messing with one of the boards. One of them happened to have a marker. I told the manager, who went to check it out on the cameras. I went to serve them.

Me: What can I get you?
SC: Bottle of stella please.
Me: OK, £1.99.
SC: Nooooooooooo.
Me: I'm sorry?
SC: *turns board around to face me* £1.49!!
Me: That is not the correct price.
SC: Yes it is! Yes it is!
Me: I saw you with the marker pen! I know what you did!
SC: CONSUMER RIGHTS! I HAVE CONSUMER RIGHTS!

I walked to get the manager. He informs me that the cameras have him quite clearly altering the prices on the board. I am pleased.

Me: We know what you did, we have you on camera.
SC: Look! I saw this at this price, and my friends will back me up! I have consumer rights you know!
Me: Yes, and pretty soon a police officer will be reading you your rights if you don't shut up and pay the right price.
SC: Gasp!
Me: So, what's it going to be?

He paid.

Me: You must have an awful lot of time on your hands if you spend it thinking of ways to save 50p on a drink.

Silent Night

Our manager was enraged at this.

Students are known for not being very nice towards us. They are known as Rarrs. They are Oxford and Cambraige rejects who believe they are going to be supreme rulers of the Earth and we are the "little people. A large group came in on one of their theme nights. The theme was this:

DO NOT TALK TO THE BAR STAFF

They were chatting away with each other, but when we went up to them they went silent and stared at us blankly. They would point at the menu and shove it in our faces, point at random bottles and wave their arms in the air when they wanted serving. A few of my nicer co-workers did their best to serve them, but when the students started laughing at them, I saw red.

I went into the back room and explained the situation to the manager. He stormed out and yelled down the bar to the staff:

Manager: DO NOT SERVE ANY OF THOSE IGNORANT FUCKERS UNTIL THEY TALK TO YOU AND ARE POLITE!

A student yelled back.

Student: Excuse me! There is no need to be rude!
Manager: I thought you weren't allowed to talk!

Seriously though. When I was at university, we had loads of theme nights, and they were good fun, but to go for a theme called do not talk to the bar staff is quite disgusting.

Strange woman

I am rushing about, trying to get meals out as quickly as I can. I am stood in the kitchen. Imagine my surprise when I turn round and there is a customer standing right behind me!

Me: Oh my God! What are you doing here?
Strange Woman: This isn't the bathroom?
Me: No! Please get out!
Strange Woman: Then where am I?
Me: You are in the kitchen!
Strange Woman: Am I?
Me: Yes! Please get out!
Strange Woman: Are you sure I'm in the kitchen?

I see an arm reaching through the door. It's the womans husband.

Husband: For fucks sake you're in the kitchen!

The arm drags her away.

Some part of me thought this woman might have been blind or drunk, but she wasn't. They stayed in the bar all night, she ordered meals, drinks and was reading a book. How she could mistake a kitchen for the bathroom is anyones guess.

Scrooge

A customer comes up to me.

SC: Hi, I'd like to book some tables for Christmas day.
Me: I'm really sorry, but we're not going to be open on Christmas day.
SC: What? Why?
Me: The management want to spend it with their families, and they all live out of town.
SC: But it's too late to book anywhere else! Where am I going to go?
Me: I'm really sorry sir.
SC: Can't you just...be open?
Me: I'm afraid not.
SC: I'm going to have a horrible Christmas now! And I hope you do too!

Very strange man. The thing is, we had NOTHING advertising Christmas meals or anything.

Anyway, I have more stories, but I'll put them on later, gotta run!

[bainsidhe]

SC: Yes! *gets her phone out and starts talking* LISA....LISA! WHEN YOU COME OUT TONIGHT MAKE SURE YOU BRING YOUR I.D. THIS PATHETIC BITCH OF A BAR MAID JUST ASKED ME FOR I.D!

Me: So you want me to refund a meal that you knew was going to be incomplete, that you knew wasn't going to be good enough for you, that you have already eaten?
SC: Yes.
Me: Just checking. I don't think I can do that for you.

So the legal drinking age is 18 where you are? I wish they would just pass a law that said EVERYONE had to show ID in order to buy alcohol. It would make my life so much easier because I could just say it was the law instead of having to make a judgement call on how old they were. Seriously, I've seen 40 year-olds who look 17 and 23 year-olds who look in their late 40s. Not sure if your coworker handled herself the best (I understand she has a lot going on with her family, though), but she shouldn't have to put up with that snottiness.

As for the "free meal" the girl wanted. I cashier in a grocery/department store and people can get away with this crap, which angers me to no end. You don't eat half a bag of something and, when reaching the register, say you changed your mind because something was "stale" or the package wouldn't close properly and was defective, etc. In my opinion, until you pay for it, you are stealing. But hey, what do I know. I'm just a peon.

[Brentos]

I do want to go home you know

This has happened to me before. Shift was about to end, and I am serving my last customer. He hands me his credit card.

SC: I'd like to start a tab.
Me: I'm afraid we don't do tabs here sir. We just do pay as you go.
SC: Go on, please. Look, here's my card, you can be responsible for it. Only me and you will know.
Me: My shift is over sir, I am just about to go home.
SC: What?
Me: I'm going home, I can't keep your card and I can't ask a co-worker to do it, it is not their responsibility.
SC: Don't you look after your customers?
Me: Yes I do, but I am no longer on shift, so I don't have any customers anymore.
SC: You are so selfish.

You'd be surprised how many people actually act like that. It's as if they don't understand. Towards the end of my previous career I was starting to lose it, and somebody actually had a similar attitude towards me having to go, while I can't quite remember exactly what happened, I do recall retaliating in the form of something like "Well then, if I were to come down to your work at the end of your shift and ask you to do something that is outside of your job responsibility, how would you feel if I called you selfish after you declined?"
Of course, when I do things like that people generally don't have responses.

[Slow-Jo]

Scrooge

A customer comes up to me.

SC: Hi, I'd like to book some tables for Christmas day.
Me: I'm really sorry, but we're not going to be open on Christmas day.
SC: What? Why?
Me: The management want to spend it with their families, and they all live out of town.
SC: But it's too late to book anywhere else! Where am I going to go?
Me: I'm really sorry sir.
SC: Can't you just...be open?
Me: I'm afraid not.
SC: I'm going to have a horrible Christmas now! And I hope you do too!

we have a reg. at KFC that gets 2pc meal with a rib and a leg, and a small fry. and every year she asks us why we cant stay open on Christmas for her chicken. and every year we tell her why and she gets pissy and storms off. out of 365 days in the year and we are closed only 2 of those days, if you cant live without KFC those 2 days, you need meds.

[chops]

we have a reg. at KFC that gets 2pc meal with a rib and a leg, and a small fry. and every year she asks us why we cant stay open on Christmas for her chicken. and every year we tell her why and she gets pissy and storms off. out of 365 days in the year and we are closed only 2 of those days, if you cant live without KFC those 2 days, you need meds.

Ask her, "would YOU want to sacrifice YOUR Christmas for the few people who want KFC?"

Wait...that wouldn't work. SCs would automatically say, "Of course I would!" because they know that they would never actually be in that situation themselves.

[rerant]

I always love your stories.
I also love that your bar appears to have a no-bullshit policy when it comes to sucky customer antics.
Oh what I would give to be able to shout, "GET OUT!" to a customer and have my managers back me up on it.

And when it came down to those college twerps if it were me behind the bar they wouldn't have gotten a damn thing until they opened their mouths.
I would even go so far as to treat them like infants and say, "If you don't use your words like a big girl/boy then you'll have to sit at the kids table and drink chocolate milk all night. Now what the fuck do you want, smart ass?"
And something tells me that at your bar and with your awesome managers I'd get away with it, too. haha

[customersruinmylife]

I always love your stories.
I also love that your bar appears to have a no-bullshit policy when it comes to sucky customer antics.
Oh what I would give to be able to shout, "GET OUT!" to a customer and have my managers back me up on it.

Thats the thing, we do have an absolute sero bullshit policy. If a customer has a genuine complaint, then we will deal with it properly and professionally. If the customer is just being an idiot, the manager will not stand for it. He says manners don't cost a thing, and if someone is unwilling to be polite towards us, then he will be inpolite back.

At our bar, if a customer is friendly and polite towards us, they will get BRILLIANT service. I know that sounds incredibly big headed, but they will. Our staff are great (apart from one or two morons) and they will look after customers that look after them. We actually have a notice board in our back room full of letters from people saying what a great time they had from us, then we also have the one or two ones from SC's

I dont know if you remember, but I told you about a woman that my manager got really annoyed with and called her an anal probe. Well, we have a letter from her on our wall. She wrote to the bar complaining about the manager! What she hoped to gain from writing that letter I'll never know, she addressed it to the very person she was complaining about.

[Fungus]

we have a reg. at KFC that gets 2pc meal with a rib and a leg, and a small fry. and every year she asks us why we cant stay open on Christmas for her chicken. and every year we tell her why and she gets pissy and storms off. out of 365 days in the year and we are closed only 2 of those days, if you cant live without KFC those 2 days, you need meds.

Good lord lady! Buy some KFC and reheat it later!!!!

[Marxfan]

No, YOU'RE pathetic

A really young looking girl came up to the bar. A co-worker, who had just learned her dad was seriously ill in hospital served her.

CW: What can I get you?
SC: Lager love.
CW: Can I see some I.D first please?
SC: For fucks sake! *shoves I.D at her, it shows she has only just turned 18*
CW: OK, thank you, lager was it?
SC: Yes! *gets her phone out and starts talking* LISA....LISA! WHEN YOU COME OUT TONIGHT MAKE SURE YOU BRING YOUR I.D. THIS PATHETIC BITCH OF A BAR MAID JUST ASKED ME FOR I.D!

Co-worker lost it.

CW: PATHETIC?? PATHETIC?? DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO ME IF I SERVE SOMEONE WHO IS UNDERAGE??
SC: But I am NOT underage.
CW: BUT IF YOU WERE, DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS? I LOSE MY JOB AND GET A £5000 FINE!
SC: Well thats your problem.
CW: I CAN TELL BY THE WAY YOUR DRESSED YOU CAN AFFORD A £5000 FINE!
SC: Wha?
CW: AND YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY NOT FAMILIAR WITH SARCASM! GET OUT!

How's your CW's dad doing? Better, I hope. That little whore deserved to get yelled at, and I hope she went home feeling lousy.

[cinema guy]

Well, first good news, my friend who went to prison appealed and has had his sentence cut. He'll be out in about in a few months, so I've been a lot more chipper recently!

It is good you are feeling better.

So, stories!!...

Entertaining as always.

[customersruinmylife]

How's your CW's dad doing? Better, I hope. That little whore deserved to get yelled at, and I hope she went home feeling lousy.

I dont know how hes doing to be honest. I've not been at work for the past few days, hopefully will find out soon. She got a lot more cheerful towards the end of her shift though.

[rerant]

I dont know if you remember, but I told you about a woman that my manager got really annoyed with and called her an anal probe. Well, we have a letter from her on our wall. She wrote to the bar complaining about the manager! What she hoped to gain from writing that letter I'll never know, she addressed it to the very person she was complaining about.

That right there is idiocy at its finest.

[Brentos]

Ask her, "would YOU want to sacrifice YOUR Christmas for the few people who want KFC?"

Wait...that wouldn't work. SCs would automatically say, "Of course I would!" because they know that they would never actually be in that situation themselves.

That's why I'd ask "So I take it you're working Christmas day?" considering even Tim Horton's closes that one day a year, chances are, she ain't.

[Fungus]

Aw heck, just tell you are open. It isn't as if anyone will be there when she arrives.

I know, I know, you can't do that, but it is kind of fun to think about!

[Rapscallion]

Ask her, "would YOU want to sacrifice YOUR Christmas for the few people who want KFC?"

Wait...that wouldn't work. SCs would automatically say, "Of course I would!" because they know that they would never actually be in that situation themselves.

Tsk and harrumph, Mr Chops! That's when you hand them an application form from the nearby stack you just happened to have ready!

Rapscallion