Memo to Customers: Please Stop Tempting Me So.

[Saydrah]

The blank stare would be the best part.

[XCashier]

The alternative is to ask me where MY whatever is. "Where are your birthday party supplies?" (We don't sell them).

"Where do you keep your clock parts?" (I don't keep any, however they are located on aisle 15 or so in the store)

At least those folks are asking proper questions, instead of just barking random words at you. They get a little credit for speaking complete sentences, even if they're confusing you with the store.

I've got to agree, those who bark words at you deserve a or at least a little sarcastic word-play.

"SOUP!"
"Crackers!"

"DEODORANT!"
"Obviously not!"

Though I doubt the bosses would see the humor in that...

[Listerfiend]

I get on the verge of saying "use your words" when dealing like rude people like that. And especially when people ask something really off-the-wall. I once had this exchange...

SC: Debit cards?
Me: Pardon?
SC: Debit cards!
Me: Yes, I heard you. But what do--
[interrupts me] SC: Jesus--you don't know what DEBIT CARDS ARE?!?
Me: (interrupts her to prevent escalation) Yes, I know what debit cards are! I just have NO IDEA what you're asking me! Tell me--what do you need to know.
SC: Why didn't you say that before?! Do you accept debit cards?
Me: (thinking if it was *really* that hard to use a complete sentence...)

[Sylvia727]

Gold.
Just curious though, would americans actually get that? Does the average US citizen even know what cricket is?

I am a USAn and from my limited understanding, baseball is the bastardization of cricket...which is fine by me, because how many countries can say that their official past-time is a love-child?

[BookstoreEscapee]

"The Three Musketeers!"

I'm sorry, we don't sell candy. You might try the 7-11 just up the street.

I always loved the people who would come to my register to pick up an order, but they wouldn't say what they wanted, they would just give me their name.

-Smith! (cuz there's never more than one Smith...)

-Sorry, never heard of him.

[Lady Heather]

Remember always be helpfull to the customers! And remember to

SC: Fart Machines.
LH: The Original, Self Inflating, Electric, or the Model 2?
(Whopie cushion you blow up, the Self Inflating puffs up on its' own, Electric has a wire less remote, and the Model 2 is "Now louder than ever!")
The look of never gets old.

SC: Bags.
LH: Wristlit, Snap Purse, Hand Bag, Hobo Bag, Over the Shoulder, Tote Bag, Mesenger Bag, or Backpack?
SC: Uhhh...Mesenger Bag.
LH: ECW? Band? Dickies? Our store brand? Movie? Play Boy?
SC: still Uhm...Dickies?
LH: Stripes? Checkered? Poka Dot? Stars? Multi Colored?

If it's not busy I can go for up to 10 min. Best is when the boyfriend needs a purse for the girlfriend. Boys are so easy, and get so confused in a retail enviorment. Can't get in trouble because "I'm making sure the customer gets exactly what they want.

[monolayth]

The other day i had a customer say to me "I have a funny striped shirt."

I looked at him and said "I have a pen".

Really what do you say to that?

Yes I have some problems with customers seeming to forget any manners and forgetting that it would be nice to actually talk to me instead of barking orders at me. I had people cut me off from saying hi to bark orders at me. or try to bark orders at me while I am helping another table.

And what is with them saying I will have the.......? Seriously you are not having anything unless I give it to me so please stop being snooty and be polite. Another thing....wait till I am ready and have asked you what you would like. I hate it when my hands are full and you want me to take your order.

Sorry.......long sunday at work today.........

[Saydrah]

Wait, saying "I will have the...." is rude? I've always ordered like so:

Waitron: "And what would you like to order for dinner?"

Me: "I will have the falafel sandwich and an appetizer of baba ghanouj, please."

[monolayth]

I am a bit odd about how things are phrased to me.

Saying I'll have the....seems rude to me because it is stating what you will do, not what you would like to do.

Saying I would like to have the....seems much nicer.

Granted we are serving you, but we are not your slaves.

Think of it like this. Were your parents much happier and more willing to let you do something when you asked to do something or when you told them you were going to do something?

[Saydrah]

I was raised to answer questions in the most proper way possible, which means in a complete sentence referencing the question I was asked- so that may be why that's my preferred phrasing, since many waitpersons ask me, "What will you be having tonight?" <---- atrocious grammar, but I hear it at least 50% of the time if not more.

I always say please and thank you to people waiting on me, and it seems more correct to say, "I will have... please," than "May I have?" because one is ordering a selection from a menu, not asking if they have it....


But I have LOADS of pet peeves, too, so I'll try the 'may I' phrasing just in case I get a waitperson who has the same one Wouldn't want to be the last straw to someone's bad day, esp. as a grammar nazi myself.

[monolayth]

lol, the response to "I will have..." in my head (and never to the customer) is "oh, will you now?" and usually with some thoughts of refusing to let them have it.

[Bank Lady]

Another thing....wait till I am ready and have asked you what you would like. I hate it when my hands are full and you want me to take your order.

I always get customers just spouting off their account numbers at me. No "hello," no "I would like to make a withdrawal," just "456789." Yes, thank you, I'm having a very nice day.

[Bagga]

You could try using a variation of a game me and friends used to play in pubs, when in the presence of new friends, or nosey strangers. One person says a word, the next person says a word with the most tenuous link to the first word that they can think of. (Shape? colour? Place of origin? any link will do.) the third person says a third word that has a link to the second word, but preferably no link to the first word.

A sort of word non-association game. After a while you will notice that someone nearby is trying to understand they game, and YES, they think they have sussed it out, so they will lean forward and offer a suggestion, at which point everyone looks at them in disgust and say "Naaah that doesn't fit"

Or at least in a retail environment you could imply that it is a game:

"Coffee!"
"Van Dyck! Your go!" (It's brown.)

Or arrack, Turkey, Lapsang Souchong, Sienna, biscuits, elevenses, jam, nuts whatever - any link will do, the important words are the words "Your go!", said with an expectant look. Then wait as they stand there dumbfounded.

[counterjockey]

Old man approaches Help desk. He slams his hands palm down on the desk.

OM: THE WORLD IS FLAT! (the title of a popular Thomas Friedman book)

Me (cool as a cucumber): That's not what I heard.

Of course he flipped out and started screaming that he wanted the BOOK, blah blah blah, but it was worth it to see the other customers laugh.

Anyone so excited by Thomas Friedman that they flip out and start screaming deserves the laughter of the public and the hairy eyeball from the guys with the white coats and stretcher.

I listened to one of his books on tape. It was so boring I fell asleep and crashed my Lexus into an olive tree.

/that joke kills
//at public radio pledge-drive time

[digilight]

Remember always be helpfull to the customers! And remember to

SC: Fart Machines.

Pull my finger!

The other day i had a customer say to me "I have a funny striped shirt."

I looked at him and said "I have a pen".

Really what do you say to that?

Be careful, the Underpants Gnomes may try to steal it while you sleep!

Wait, saying "I will have the...." is rude? I've always ordered like so:

I don't think that is rude (assuming you don't say it with your nose up in the air. No if you said "Gimmie the ..." now that would be rude.

I always get customers just spouting off their account numbers at me. No "hello," no "I would like to make a withdrawal," just "456789." Yes, thank you, I'm having a very nice day.

I would just start singing "867-5309...."