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Don’t put the call on hold after you dial the phone number and before the customer service representative answers. I have better things to do than listen to your hold music and will immediately hang up.
If you’re that busy, hang up and call back when you can complete the call properly.
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-If you are calling on a speaker phone and you don’t have some physical handicap that requires its use, YOU ARE RETARDED.
-If you are calling on a speaker phone and the mic for the phone is right next to your keyboard as you type, YOU ARE DOUBLEY RETARDED. The bang-echo sound from your keyboard drowns out any other sound.
The only thing more annoying than speaker phones themselves, are people who call on a speaker phone and than complain that they can’t hear you.
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-Have some form of writing utensil and paper readily available. I don't know what you're thinking about when you call for a encylopedias worth of information and you don't have a pen, pencil, or crayon handy.
-Also don't let me answer the entire question and than say "Hold on let write this down!". It's easier if I know a head of time that you aren't prepared, rather than repeating my entire spiel twice.
***********
-It is not my job to compensate for your laziness.
***********
-This is supposed to be a professional phone call, I am not your homie, use a formal language, any one, I’m not picky. Eubonics, Pig Latin, and Slang are not formal languages.
***********
-Chew with your mouth shut, it’s not hard, my 6 month old has already mastered the art.
***********
-Be organized when you call, you are not the only person on the face of the earth, and my time is valuable. I don’t have time to hang out on the phone with you just because you called without actually determining why you called at all.
***********
-This is not 800-google.com, if we don’t manufacture a product, I can’t comment or recommend another manufactures product to you. Call Ford and ask about Chevy, see how far you get.
-This is not 800-google.com, if you don’t know who manufacturers something, but you definitely know it is not my company; don’t call my company to ask who does.
***********
-When you call regarding disposal of medical waste, don’t debate federal regulations with me. I’m just answering the question, not enforcing the law. I’m not the government and I don’t care if you get fined or not.
***********
-Don’t call with recommendations for product improvements, we didn’t ask.
***********
-When you call with some ambiguous question, be prepared to answer follow up questions, if you can’t even give me a half-way decent description of what it is either by description or usage, if you don’t know, neither do I.
“I don’t know you’re supposed to tell me.” Is not an appropriate response, I’m a CSR not a mind reader.
************
-Your on the phone jackass, please resist the urge to strike up a conversation with someone else sitting in the room with you, while we’re in the middle of conversation, without excusing yourself. I can’t tell if you’re talking to me or them.
************
-We have dollar minimums on some of our smaller accounts for a reason. We are primarily a manufacturer, if you can’t meet your dollar minimum than order through a distributor or retailer. Just like you would with Ford, Chevy, Dodge, Microsoft, etc. The only reason we even allow you to order directly is as a courtesy. Your primary contact should be a distributor, not the manufacturer.
- If your account has a dollar minimum, it is because you routinely order is such small quantities that your normal order isn’t worth the time or expense of my company directly handling your order. We’re trying to get you to order through a middle man, that’s why your small volume account has a minimum, spare me the whining about how much you spend with us, because if you did spend a good deal of money, you wouldn’t have a minimum order requirement and/or that minimum order amount wouldn’t be a concern since your orders would never be anywhere near the dollar minimum. We set them to a bare minimum.
-If your account has a dollar minimum, it is a fixed amount. I am a customer service rep, not the host of lets make a deal. If you can’t meet your dollar minimum, either order through the distributor that you should be ordering from, pay the minimum order charge, or go without. Negotiating to place an order for less than your dollar minimum is not going to get you anywhere.
**************
-To the elderly, we are a medical device manufacturer; please refrain from calling and describing your medical condition and/or recent surgery in graphic detail. I’ve almost I’m sorry in either circumstance, but this really has little to nothing to do with my company, you’re just freaking people out.
***************
-When you call looking for information and I ask you a question, do not ignore my question and continue with some long-winded, convoluted story. I asked the question because I’m pretty sure of what the answer is, but I want to verify that I am correctly meeting your needs before I answer. I don’t need a novel when the cliff notes will do.
****************
-There are 80,000 employees working for my company. I’m sorry I don’t know who “Joe (no known last name, no known department)” would be.
****************
-This is a professional work environment, do not stop in the middle of a professional call to answer your personal cell phone and start another conversation with your SO or friend, especially without muting your mic or putting me on hold. I don’t subscribe to springer by phone.
****************
-To a select few of my co-workers/peers who seek my advice as a lead, do your damn job! It’s bad enough to deal with SC’s, never mind lazy, stupid, or paranoid co-workers. (I like most of co-workers, but if I had the power to fire people, I know of few people who need to go.)
*****************
-Just because we manufactured something at one time, that doesn’t mean we are going to manufacture it forever.
*****************
-YES, we withhold the right to discontinue manufacturing products that don’t sell well, they’re not profitable to the company, and it’s not a personal slight against you.
*****************
-To the people calling regarding Medicare reimbursement codes, that is Medicare’s responsibility to maintain that program. The fact that Medicare really sucks at maintaining anything isn’t my company’s problem, don’t call us to complain, call congress.
*****************
-To the 110th caller of the day, I’m sorry you can’t hear me, but none of the other 109 people that I have spoken with prior to you had that issue. When I apologize and tell you we must have a bad connection, which can happen, that is not said as a means of starting a debate about who is at fault, me or you.
******************
-To other type of caller who complains you can’t hear me. Turn DOWN YOUR RADIO. And, don’t argue with me when I tell you to do so. If you radio is loud enough that I can hear it well enough, through a phone, to sing along, than the volume is too high.
******************
-Dear Scammers looking for to get something for nothing. Don’t lie about the amount of time you’ve waited in the phone que before your call was answered. I have that information readily available to me and can tell you exactly how long you have been on the 800 line down to the 10th of a second.
*******************
-To the surgeons who are using our product for the first time. Don’t wait until you have a bleeding, dying patient on the operating table to call with technical questions. We can’t always provide an immediate answer to the more complicated issues.
*******************
-Your procrastination does not constitute an emergency on my part.
*******************
-To the people who insist on calling multiple times to verify the same information. If you get me and either my answer differs from you’ve previously been told, there may be a simple reason for that. We sometimes make mistakes.
*******************
-To the distributors who insist on using NDC numbers to stock all of their products. You people are fucking idiots! NDC stands for National Drug Code, the only thing it refers to is the active ingredient with in a pharmaceutical, and they are not even manufacturer specific. Meaning that all of the Ibuprofen manufactured in the US is all going to have the same NDC, no matter who manufacturers the Ibuprofen.
The reason is NDC numbers were design to be used as a means of making pharmacy orders uniform throughout the country. Don’t call and bitch that our plain cotton guaze sponges don’t have an NDC. There is a very simple reason for that, NDC numbers are not SKU numbers, despite your attempts to use them as such, and guaze contains no pharmaceutical properties, so an NDC number would not apply.
*******************
-To the customers who insist on using non-FDA approved Veterinary catheters on human patients. Don’t call asking for advice where to obtain information on where to purchase these catheters. It is illegal for me to comment on anything you are attempting to do to circumvent the FDA.
*******************
-To the lawyers, who call without identifying themselves in order to do research for a pending medical lawsuit. You’re not the slick; your phone call sticks out like a red herring. And, it’s a highly unethical practice, not to mention any information that you obtain by this means is inadmissible in court, since you failed to identify yourself.
********************
-No we don't ship our ground orders the same day they are placed, like most other businsesses in the world, we ship the following business day.
This is a common practice in any industry and we pay the freight on the ground orders, so stop whining
********************
-To my peers in customer service, who work for a distributor-
*Do not put me on a conference call with your customer without obtaining my permission first. I can’t tell you how many reps I’ve embarrassed, because the question that their customer asked me once you placed me on the conference line was something so basic and easy there was no way to make you look like anything, but an idiot.
*You’re being paid to do a job, try a little effort.
*I’m sorry that your company sucks and provides you with little to no training, but I am not your teacher. Learn the same way I did, on the job.
*Your company’s lack of internal communication does not constitute a reason for us to make special exceptions for you. Before you call to complain that you never received a delivery, call your receiving department, because the order has been sitting on your loading dock for three weeks.
*************
-And Finally, with the rise of fuel prices, the prices of air freight have risen drastically. I don't work for the freight company, I get no compensation or joy out of what they charge you. So don't bitch about the freight charges, if you want it shipped overnight, than except the consequences of a hearty freight charge.
************************************************** **************
My company is one of the largest manufacturers of Sharps-Disposal Needle Boxes in the world. These are the red containers that hang on the walls of most doctor’s offices and hospitals used to dispose of used syringes. Our containers are actually used on a few TV shows, including ER, Scrubs, and House. These stupid containers deserve a thread all their own. Maybe someday I’ll write it. There are just so many calls regarding these stupid containers, that I could go on for awhile.
If you’re that busy, hang up and call back when you can complete the call properly.
************
-If you are calling on a speaker phone and you don’t have some physical handicap that requires its use, YOU ARE RETARDED.
-If you are calling on a speaker phone and the mic for the phone is right next to your keyboard as you type, YOU ARE DOUBLEY RETARDED. The bang-echo sound from your keyboard drowns out any other sound.
The only thing more annoying than speaker phones themselves, are people who call on a speaker phone and than complain that they can’t hear you.
***********
-Have some form of writing utensil and paper readily available. I don't know what you're thinking about when you call for a encylopedias worth of information and you don't have a pen, pencil, or crayon handy.
-Also don't let me answer the entire question and than say "Hold on let write this down!". It's easier if I know a head of time that you aren't prepared, rather than repeating my entire spiel twice.
***********
-It is not my job to compensate for your laziness.
***********
-This is supposed to be a professional phone call, I am not your homie, use a formal language, any one, I’m not picky. Eubonics, Pig Latin, and Slang are not formal languages.
***********
-Chew with your mouth shut, it’s not hard, my 6 month old has already mastered the art.
***********
-Be organized when you call, you are not the only person on the face of the earth, and my time is valuable. I don’t have time to hang out on the phone with you just because you called without actually determining why you called at all.
***********
-This is not 800-google.com, if we don’t manufacture a product, I can’t comment or recommend another manufactures product to you. Call Ford and ask about Chevy, see how far you get.
-This is not 800-google.com, if you don’t know who manufacturers something, but you definitely know it is not my company; don’t call my company to ask who does.
***********
-When you call regarding disposal of medical waste, don’t debate federal regulations with me. I’m just answering the question, not enforcing the law. I’m not the government and I don’t care if you get fined or not.
***********
-Don’t call with recommendations for product improvements, we didn’t ask.
***********
-When you call with some ambiguous question, be prepared to answer follow up questions, if you can’t even give me a half-way decent description of what it is either by description or usage, if you don’t know, neither do I.
“I don’t know you’re supposed to tell me.” Is not an appropriate response, I’m a CSR not a mind reader.
************
-Your on the phone jackass, please resist the urge to strike up a conversation with someone else sitting in the room with you, while we’re in the middle of conversation, without excusing yourself. I can’t tell if you’re talking to me or them.
************
-We have dollar minimums on some of our smaller accounts for a reason. We are primarily a manufacturer, if you can’t meet your dollar minimum than order through a distributor or retailer. Just like you would with Ford, Chevy, Dodge, Microsoft, etc. The only reason we even allow you to order directly is as a courtesy. Your primary contact should be a distributor, not the manufacturer.
- If your account has a dollar minimum, it is because you routinely order is such small quantities that your normal order isn’t worth the time or expense of my company directly handling your order. We’re trying to get you to order through a middle man, that’s why your small volume account has a minimum, spare me the whining about how much you spend with us, because if you did spend a good deal of money, you wouldn’t have a minimum order requirement and/or that minimum order amount wouldn’t be a concern since your orders would never be anywhere near the dollar minimum. We set them to a bare minimum.
-If your account has a dollar minimum, it is a fixed amount. I am a customer service rep, not the host of lets make a deal. If you can’t meet your dollar minimum, either order through the distributor that you should be ordering from, pay the minimum order charge, or go without. Negotiating to place an order for less than your dollar minimum is not going to get you anywhere.
**************
-To the elderly, we are a medical device manufacturer; please refrain from calling and describing your medical condition and/or recent surgery in graphic detail. I’ve almost I’m sorry in either circumstance, but this really has little to nothing to do with my company, you’re just freaking people out.
***************
-When you call looking for information and I ask you a question, do not ignore my question and continue with some long-winded, convoluted story. I asked the question because I’m pretty sure of what the answer is, but I want to verify that I am correctly meeting your needs before I answer. I don’t need a novel when the cliff notes will do.
****************
-There are 80,000 employees working for my company. I’m sorry I don’t know who “Joe (no known last name, no known department)” would be.
****************
-This is a professional work environment, do not stop in the middle of a professional call to answer your personal cell phone and start another conversation with your SO or friend, especially without muting your mic or putting me on hold. I don’t subscribe to springer by phone.
****************
-To a select few of my co-workers/peers who seek my advice as a lead, do your damn job! It’s bad enough to deal with SC’s, never mind lazy, stupid, or paranoid co-workers. (I like most of co-workers, but if I had the power to fire people, I know of few people who need to go.)
*****************
-Just because we manufactured something at one time, that doesn’t mean we are going to manufacture it forever.
*****************
-YES, we withhold the right to discontinue manufacturing products that don’t sell well, they’re not profitable to the company, and it’s not a personal slight against you.
*****************
-To the people calling regarding Medicare reimbursement codes, that is Medicare’s responsibility to maintain that program. The fact that Medicare really sucks at maintaining anything isn’t my company’s problem, don’t call us to complain, call congress.
*****************
-To the 110th caller of the day, I’m sorry you can’t hear me, but none of the other 109 people that I have spoken with prior to you had that issue. When I apologize and tell you we must have a bad connection, which can happen, that is not said as a means of starting a debate about who is at fault, me or you.
******************
-To other type of caller who complains you can’t hear me. Turn DOWN YOUR RADIO. And, don’t argue with me when I tell you to do so. If you radio is loud enough that I can hear it well enough, through a phone, to sing along, than the volume is too high.
******************
-Dear Scammers looking for to get something for nothing. Don’t lie about the amount of time you’ve waited in the phone que before your call was answered. I have that information readily available to me and can tell you exactly how long you have been on the 800 line down to the 10th of a second.
*******************
-To the surgeons who are using our product for the first time. Don’t wait until you have a bleeding, dying patient on the operating table to call with technical questions. We can’t always provide an immediate answer to the more complicated issues.
*******************
-Your procrastination does not constitute an emergency on my part.
*******************
-To the people who insist on calling multiple times to verify the same information. If you get me and either my answer differs from you’ve previously been told, there may be a simple reason for that. We sometimes make mistakes.
*******************
-To the distributors who insist on using NDC numbers to stock all of their products. You people are fucking idiots! NDC stands for National Drug Code, the only thing it refers to is the active ingredient with in a pharmaceutical, and they are not even manufacturer specific. Meaning that all of the Ibuprofen manufactured in the US is all going to have the same NDC, no matter who manufacturers the Ibuprofen.
The reason is NDC numbers were design to be used as a means of making pharmacy orders uniform throughout the country. Don’t call and bitch that our plain cotton guaze sponges don’t have an NDC. There is a very simple reason for that, NDC numbers are not SKU numbers, despite your attempts to use them as such, and guaze contains no pharmaceutical properties, so an NDC number would not apply.
*******************
-To the customers who insist on using non-FDA approved Veterinary catheters on human patients. Don’t call asking for advice where to obtain information on where to purchase these catheters. It is illegal for me to comment on anything you are attempting to do to circumvent the FDA.
*******************
-To the lawyers, who call without identifying themselves in order to do research for a pending medical lawsuit. You’re not the slick; your phone call sticks out like a red herring. And, it’s a highly unethical practice, not to mention any information that you obtain by this means is inadmissible in court, since you failed to identify yourself.
********************
-No we don't ship our ground orders the same day they are placed, like most other businsesses in the world, we ship the following business day.
This is a common practice in any industry and we pay the freight on the ground orders, so stop whining
********************
-To my peers in customer service, who work for a distributor-
*Do not put me on a conference call with your customer without obtaining my permission first. I can’t tell you how many reps I’ve embarrassed, because the question that their customer asked me once you placed me on the conference line was something so basic and easy there was no way to make you look like anything, but an idiot.
*You’re being paid to do a job, try a little effort.
*I’m sorry that your company sucks and provides you with little to no training, but I am not your teacher. Learn the same way I did, on the job.
*Your company’s lack of internal communication does not constitute a reason for us to make special exceptions for you. Before you call to complain that you never received a delivery, call your receiving department, because the order has been sitting on your loading dock for three weeks.
*************
-And Finally, with the rise of fuel prices, the prices of air freight have risen drastically. I don't work for the freight company, I get no compensation or joy out of what they charge you. So don't bitch about the freight charges, if you want it shipped overnight, than except the consequences of a hearty freight charge.
************************************************** **************
My company is one of the largest manufacturers of Sharps-Disposal Needle Boxes in the world. These are the red containers that hang on the walls of most doctor’s offices and hospitals used to dispose of used syringes. Our containers are actually used on a few TV shows, including ER, Scrubs, and House. These stupid containers deserve a thread all their own. Maybe someday I’ll write it. There are just so many calls regarding these stupid containers, that I could go on for awhile.
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