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We publish an ultimately pointless and somewhat propagandic collection of magazines every now and then that serve little purpose other than to make our loyalty card holders feel good and give out phone numbers to nitpickers and morons. Since a magazine came out like three days ago, we've had a fair few calls and most were good, honest queries or complaints that I could simply pass on to the correct department...then some deity somewhere decided to load up his moron launcher and shot my arse right out of the sky
ring ring
normal greeting crap
SC: yes, hello, I need to know what region I'm in so I can contact the appropriate membership department
me: Ok, can I have the first part of your post code?
Sc: XXXX
Me: ok, looking at our list, you're definitely not covered by our region, do you have any idea where you might be based?
SC: Well, I thought I was part of Central region
Me: Then its probably best to ring them
SC: I did already, but the number is wrong, it says that it doesn't recognise the number
me: Well it may be a printer error, either that or they're having phone trouble, if you like I can check the number since I have it here
Sc: ok
me: ok, their number is XXXX
SC: no its not..here the number is XXXX
me:right...but you told me that that number is wrong
SC: but it says here that its XXXX
me: Ok, maybe the publisher got it wrong
SC: but it says!
me: I know ma'am, I know that's what it says, but the number I have here is different, so would you like to try calling this number?
SC: ok ok...there, will they be able to help me?
me: Help you with what?
SC: my problem
must...reist...smartarse...reflex
me: it depends ma'am, what's your problem?
SC: well, I've been a card holder now for years, but I have never recieved anything from you through the post
me: right, with anything regarding the post list we have or cashback cheques, you'd need to ring the national membership department, not the regional one.
SC: ah...will the number be in the back of this magazine?
me: I'm not sure, we haven't recieved copies, if it is, it will be labelled "national membership department" or, if you prefer, I can just tell you the number now
SC: hang on, hang on...is it XXXX?
me: no ma'am, that's my freephone number...that's the number you rang to reach me
SC: ok...is it XXXX>
me: no ma'am that's the office number of our regional department, same as the freephone but its not free to ring, look can I just give you the number?
SC: ah, is it XXXX?
amazingly, she's got it
me: Yes, that's the national membership department
SC:...the regional membership for the central region?
me: no, the national department
SC: but it says regional
Me: ma'am that isn't the regional department
SC: and the number under it is XXXX
me: ma'am you are looking at the wrong number now, the last one you told me was correct
SC: the wrong number?
me: Yes, look at the one you mentioned before, XXXX, that's the number you need
SC: So I'm looking at the wrong number?
me: yes
SC: are any of the numbers listed here accurate? I mean the central region one was wrong and now you're telling me I'm looking at wrong numbers.
I wanted to just curl up into a ball and cry.
ring ring
normal greeting crap
SC: yes, hello, I need to know what region I'm in so I can contact the appropriate membership department
me: Ok, can I have the first part of your post code?
Sc: XXXX
Me: ok, looking at our list, you're definitely not covered by our region, do you have any idea where you might be based?
SC: Well, I thought I was part of Central region
Me: Then its probably best to ring them
SC: I did already, but the number is wrong, it says that it doesn't recognise the number
me: Well it may be a printer error, either that or they're having phone trouble, if you like I can check the number since I have it here
Sc: ok
me: ok, their number is XXXX
SC: no its not..here the number is XXXX
me:right...but you told me that that number is wrong
SC: but it says here that its XXXX
me: Ok, maybe the publisher got it wrong
SC: but it says!
me: I know ma'am, I know that's what it says, but the number I have here is different, so would you like to try calling this number?
SC: ok ok...there, will they be able to help me?
me: Help you with what?
SC: my problem
must...reist...smartarse...reflex
me: it depends ma'am, what's your problem?
SC: well, I've been a card holder now for years, but I have never recieved anything from you through the post
me: right, with anything regarding the post list we have or cashback cheques, you'd need to ring the national membership department, not the regional one.
SC: ah...will the number be in the back of this magazine?
me: I'm not sure, we haven't recieved copies, if it is, it will be labelled "national membership department" or, if you prefer, I can just tell you the number now
SC: hang on, hang on...is it XXXX?
me: no ma'am, that's my freephone number...that's the number you rang to reach me
SC: ok...is it XXXX>
me: no ma'am that's the office number of our regional department, same as the freephone but its not free to ring, look can I just give you the number?
SC: ah, is it XXXX?
amazingly, she's got it
me: Yes, that's the national membership department
SC:...the regional membership for the central region?
me: no, the national department
SC: but it says regional
Me: ma'am that isn't the regional department
SC: and the number under it is XXXX
me: ma'am you are looking at the wrong number now, the last one you told me was correct
SC: the wrong number?
me: Yes, look at the one you mentioned before, XXXX, that's the number you need
SC: So I'm looking at the wrong number?
me: yes
SC: are any of the numbers listed here accurate? I mean the central region one was wrong and now you're telling me I'm looking at wrong numbers.
I wanted to just curl up into a ball and cry.