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  • #1

    Email Funnies

    I swear I thought I posted this...if I did, I apologize for the repost. Anyway, here are some weird quotes from emails I've gotten recently in my new position.

    Customer: I was watching a movie…that “Failure to Launch” movie & it FAILED TO LAUNCH!!

    *********************

    Customer: Either give me a better discount or I’m going to cancel my digital phone and the digital part of my phone.

    *********************

    Customer: I am tired of paying for your "services of messes."

    *********************

    Customer: I’m looking for something inside the affordable range.

    *********************

    Customer: Watching the NBA finals without high definition was torture!!!!

    *********************

    Customer: I’m confused. I’m trying to get this laptop & desktop computer to share the Internet & they refuse to share!

    *********************

    EMAIL Customer: I am CALLING to find out what the problems is. (you're not calling me, genius)

    *********************

    Customer: I will not tolerate your pathetic excuses for tv reception. Inform me of your corrective plan & fix it. Signed: Just waiting to become a former customer

    *********************

    Customer: I have a huge TV. It’s 27”!!
    Last edited by Phone Jockey; 08-19-2006, 06:24 PM.
    The universe is mostly empty space, and so is your job. ~Dilbert
    Tags: None
  • #2
    Quoth Phone Jockey View Post
    Customer: I’m looking for something inside the affordable range.
    I quite like this one. Almost sounds too intelligent for your customer base, though, PhoneJockey.
    Not all who wander are lost.

    Comment

    • #3
      Quoth Phone Jockey View Post
      Customer: I will not tolerate your pathetic excuses for tv reception. Inform me of your corrective plan & fix it. Signed: Just waiting to become a former customer
      Oh man, that is just precious.

      I once had a customer tell me his son dropped his plastic model and it broke. He asked, "What are you going to do about it?"

      I told him he could possibly buy a new one.

      He screamed "You should have a plan to correct this for me!"

      Comment

      • #4
        Quoth Spark Dino View Post
        He screamed "You should have a plan to correct this for me!"
        *SparkDino pulls out a realistic-looking squirt gun and shoots the SC in the nuts. "Corrective plan implemented, sir."*

        **end dream sequence**

        Yes, yes, I KNOW - no violence. It was a squirt gun, after all.
        Not all who wander are lost.

        Comment

        • #5
          Quoth Phone Jockey View Post
          Customer: Either give me a better discount of I’m going to cancel my digital phone and the digital part of my phone.

          *********************

          Customer: Watching the NBA finals without high definition was torture!!!!

          *********************

          Customer: I’m confused. I’m trying to get this laptop & desktop computer to share the Internet & they refuse to share!

          *********************

          Customer: I have a huge TV. It’s 27”!!
          1. I can just see him trying to remove the call display from his phone using a butter knife.

          2. I would have stopped after "Watching the NBA finals"

          3. Well, obviously we can blame this problem on a lack of proper socializing at a young age. A sense of connection is so important amongst techology these days.

          4. Do you think he lies about the "hugeness" of other things as well?

          As always PJ, your posts are a delight and wonder to read, and a horror to contemplate having to live through.
          Last edited by Broomjockey; 08-18-2006, 09:58 PM. Reason: missed something
          Ba'al: I'm a god. Gods are all-knowing.

          http://unrelatedcaptions.com/45147

          Comment

          • #6
            Quoth Spark Dino View Post
            He screamed "You should have a plan to correct this for me!"
            M: *rummage around in conveniently-placed counter drawer for a while*
            "What the hell are you doing?
            M: *attempt to stick face in drawer* "Looking."
            "For?"
            M: *pull out tube of super glue* "I don't have any duct-tape... but, if you put your toy up here... I can try to fix it..." *proceed to slather the toy in glue, push it back at kid without touching it, evil grin*
            Last edited by Ree; 08-19-2006, 08:34 PM. Reason: Excessive quoting
            "I call murder on that!"

            Comment

            • #7
              Quoth Phone Jockey View Post
              Customer: I will not tolerate your pathetic excuses for tv reception. Inform me of your corrective plan & fix it. Signed: Just waiting to become a former customer

              "No need to wait any longer. Our corrective plan is this: your service is canceled. Try our competitor. Bye bye. "
              Unseen but seeing
              oh dear, now they're masquerading as sane-KiaKat
              There isn't enough interpretive dance in the workplace these days-Irv
              3rd shift needs love, too
              RIP, mo bhrionglóid

              Comment

              • #8
                Quoth Phone Jockey View Post

                Customer: Either give me a better discount of I’m going to cancel my digital phone and the digital part of my phone.
                "Discounts" and "deals"... right up there with "compensation" as my least favorite words a caller can say.
                I was neat, clean, shaved and sober, and I didn't care who knew it. -- Raymond Chandler

                Comment

                • #9
                  Quoth BeckySunshine View Post
                  "No need to wait any longer. Our corrective plan is this: your service is canceled. Try our competitor. Bye bye."
                  Becky...I was THIS close to telling him that. I think I ended up telling him I'd send a tech out & just left it at that. These ppl are so petty.

                  Quoth TNT View Post
                  "Discounts" and "deals"... right up there with "compensation" as my least favorite words a caller can say.
                  Indeed. I get so tired of ppl yelling & screaming & expecting to get discounts. Shut your fat mouth & you might get a freebie. Otherwise, NO WAY JOSE.
                  Last edited by Phone Jockey; 08-19-2006, 06:12 PM. Reason: adding more commentary
                  The universe is mostly empty space, and so is your job. ~Dilbert

                  Comment

                  • #10
                    Quoth Phone Jockey View Post
                    *********************

                    Customer: I’m confused. I’m trying to get this laptop & desktop computer to share the Internet & they refuse to share!

                    *********************
                    I find that when my computer doesn't want to share the internet with anyone, that by giving it a swift kick in the bum will make him act right. Of course, this solution doesn't work all the time
                    Movie, Music, Anime and many more reviews...coming soon!

                    Comment

                    • #11
                      Quoth Phone Jockey View Post
                      *********************
                      Customer: I’m confused. I’m trying to get this laptop & desktop computer to share the Internet & they refuse to share!
                      That customer must not have raised their compters right. At least I raised mine to share when needed.
                      Human Resources - the adult version of "I'm telling Mom." - Agent Anthony "Tony" DiNozzo (NCIS)

                      Comment

                      • #12
                        Quoth DGoddess View Post
                        That customer must not have raised their compters right.
                        That's what I'm saying. Suddenly this customer's bad parenting skills became my problem. Such is Sucky Customer-dom.
                        The universe is mostly empty space, and so is your job. ~Dilbert

                        Comment

                        • #13
                          Quoth Phone Jockey View Post
                          Customer: I have a huge TV. It’s 27”!!
                          Actually, before you laugh too much, at this guy, for most of my life, I grew up watching a 19" TV that my parent bought when they were married (Hint: that was in 1973) Then a couple of years ago, they got rid of that, and bought a fantastic Hitachi 27" TV. I seriously hugged it when I first saw it.
                          I pray for the strength to change what I can, the inability to change what I can't, and the incapacity to tell the difference -Calvin, Calvin & Hobbes

                          Being a pessimist and cynical wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't right so often!

                          Comment

                          • #14
                            Quoth Spiffy McMoron View Post
                            Actually, before you laugh too much, at this guy, for most of my life, I grew up watching a 19" TV that my parent bought when they were married (Hint: that was in 1973) Then a couple of years ago, they got rid of that, and bought a fantastic Hitachi 27" TV. I seriously hugged it when I first saw it.
                            Heh. I had a 19 inch as well, then went to a 13 inch "stovepipe". First large screen I had was a 27 inch Toshiba w/built in VCR back in the early 90's.

                            Now that looked like a theatre screen in my small bedroom. I currently have another Toshiba - a 24 inch flatscreen. Believe me, it looks huge compared to a 13 inch.

                            Yet my 27 inch Magnovox I currently have in the office looks small - maybe it's because my office is a little bigger than the bedroom.
                            Human Resources - the adult version of "I'm telling Mom." - Agent Anthony "Tony" DiNozzo (NCIS)

                            Comment

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