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So I finally had my first grocery SC in 6 years at my other job last night. Sleep deprivation is starting to pay off, I suppose.
SM = Sucky Man
SW = Sucky Woman
ME = So...tired....
Part 1 - Grocery
Drunk Idiot
So I got in for my shift just as the store was closing at 12AM. I go in the back and put my stuff in my locker, and clock in as the girls from the front end were clocking out. I went to the back room to see how many pallets we had to deal with and to see if next week's schedule was up. Then I went out to start putting crap on the shelves, and I made note of who else was working with me as I passed each aisle. There's D, hey R, yo B, there's a Guy, it's J..... wait a minute. Was that a customer? At first I'm thinking "Crap, they didn't check the store for customers before closing," but it soon became apparent that the guy was probably puking in the bathroom or something. I circled around down another aisle to tell the guy to get the heck out, but B had gotten to him before I did.
B: I'm sorry, sir, but we're closed.
SM: *alcohol-induced mutterings*
B: Yea, sorry about that dude. You'll have to come back tomorrow.
SM: Yeah, okay, adasjdghasdhbjn....
B unlocked the front door to let the guy out. But once the door was closed and locked, then Mr Drunk-Off-His-Arse decided to get an attitude.
SM: THIS IS F***ING BULLSH*T!
B (laughing): Uh, what?
SM: I'M A ARGABARGAWEPOITYH CUSTOMER!
B: Whatever, man.
Alas, drunk idiot's attempt to procure some Hot Pockets was thwarted by the fact that he hid somewhere in the store until everyone who could check him out had gone home. Don't fret! Wal Mart is open 24 hours and has an equal selection of molten-lava filled dough for your dining pleasure. Too bad they're on the other side of town and you're journeying on foot.
RAGE
D, a coworker, is a gruff but nice gal who works with us on night crew (her and the guys on night crew are like a lovable band of mercenaries). But last night, she about found out how many slashes it takes to sever a spinal cord.
ME, on break, sipping some coffee.
D (opens break room door): Hey, you work at (MY COMPANY), don't you?
ME: Yeah, I do.
D: I'm not too happy with you people.
ME: *Twitch*
D: See, I've been a customer for 7 years...
ME: *Grips box cutter*
D: And I needed to get a new phone. They told me I can't get my free phone until January, and, I mean, I've been with you for so long...
ME: *Extends blade to "KILL" setting*
D: I mean, it's only a couple of weeks, so what's the big deal?
R (enters break room): Hey girls!
ME: *Hesitates, retracts blade*
D: So what do you think?
ME: Sigh. It all depends on your eligibility. It may only be a couple of weeks, but the system doesn't allow for the max discount until a specific point since your last upgrade, and we can't override it. It's also against policy to give any kind of credit towards the discount of a phone. The best thing to do is wait the 2 weeks, then call back. Since you've been with us for so long, you'll get more of a discount than most customers.
D: Oh. Okay.
Saved by another coworker coming in. I don't like to leave witnesses, and I didn't have time to kill both of you before my break ended.
Part 2 - Customer Service
Guilty as Charged
ME: I'm sorry, but you used the service so you will be charged for it.
SW: I DEMAND A CREDIT!
ME: The charges are valid, thus there is no need for me to give you a credit.
SW: I want to talk to your supervisor!
ME: And what would this regarding?
SW: Because you are being very arrogant and I don't appreciate it!
ME *Goes to my lead rep, who, I should mention, was trained by me when he came on the floor after training. The team I was on at the time was missing leadership, so I was like a pseudo-sup for about a month.*
N: What's going on?
ME: This lady wants to talk to you because I'm arrogant.
N: You are.
ME: Yeah, but I wasn't even starting to be arrogant with her.
N: Well, if she doesn't like you, she's going to hate me.
ME: Of course. I taught you well.
I'd like to have been able to stay on the line and listen to how this one played out, but we were too busy for me to get away with it.
Sigh
SW: I want the most expensive phone you have!
ME: That would be the (MODEL), which would be $XXX.XX with a 2 year contract.
SW: No, that's too expensive!
I fault myself. I walked right into that one.
Sleep-Deprived Oopsies
Here's what Friday and Saturday looked like for me last week: Friday 12am-8am Grocery, 1130am - 1030pm customer service, Saturday 12am - 8am grocery, 1130am - 1030pm customer service. Needless to say, by Saturday afternoon I was barely conscious. I found myself typing notes on one customer's account: "Customer called in re dinner." On another call, I caught myself saying "the bunny" to a customer. The best one was when I confused two types of Blackberry phones, the Curve and the Pearl. I told the customer that I could get her a "Blackberry Perv" for $XX.XX and almost died right there on the spot.
FAIL
SW: I'm not very illiterate with this kind of thing.
I can assure you, from where I'm sitting you are probably quite illiterate. Among other impairments.
Double Sigh
SM: I'm trying to call this number, and all I get is this ringing sound!
Now, I know what you're thinking. I was thinking the same thing. There's no possible way he could mean what I think he meant. So I gave Methuselah the benefit of a doubt and called the number he was trying to dial. To my complete lack of surprise, I heard a phone ringing. Just when I think my hatred for humanity can't possibly get any deeper, someone hands me a shovel.
Forget the Shovel, Here's an Excavator
*Customer has been experiencing a service outage for a week. We've offered a $10 courtesy credit, that's not good enough. Then we offered to credit him a full month of service, that's not good enough.*
SM: I should be able to cancel without any termination fee!
ME: As I've already said, the contract states that service is subject to availability and may be unavailable due to outages, coverage limitations, geographic locations, and so forth.
SM: But this has been going on for a week!
ME: And we have apologized many times. While it's not unheard of, outages lasting this long are extremely rare and we have offered you more than fair compensation for this outage.
SM: Not having my service is giving me chest pains!
Really? So, if you have sporadic service and that causes you chest pains, then if you had no service , you'd probably just keel right over, wouldn't you? Uh-oh! I just canceled your service by mistake!
Redemption
SM: Yeah, I just wanted to call back and say that I'm sorry for acting like an ass, and that I'm an idiot.
ME: O...kay.
SM: I didn't really want to cancel, but the girl canceled me before I could apologize. So could you turn my service back on please?
Sure, why the hell not? But don't go thinking you are forgiven. Not a chance. I don't believe in forgiveness.
Phoenix, India
Customer called in wanting to know if we had received a fax he sent in as proof that his employer was transferring him out of the US. I don't know, faxes go directly to the rep you sent it to. Oh wait, she's in my location, let me go hunt her down.
I get the fax from her sup, which shows me that his company is indeed transferring him. They are transferring him to Phoenix, AZ in April 2005. I let him know that this will not suffice, and he said there were supposed to be 2 pages. I gave him my fax info and told him to refax it. A few hours later it comes in.
I noted the account that the guy is bogus and he will be charged his termination fee if he cancels. Because the second page has the company logo on the side, but not the fax stamp on the bottom of the page like the first one. Also, I looked up his company online (yeah, he picked the wrong rep to play games with) and they have changed the logo. Also, the font size and alignment of the text on the page saying he's moving out of the country is completely different than the first page.
Dumbass of the Week
SW: You need to credit all the overage on my bill!
ME: I see you had 864 minutes over last month, what happened?
SW: You changed my plan and didn't tell me it didn't have my 3-Day Weekend anymore!
ME: You haven't changed your plan in 3 years.
SW: Yes, but I had 3 Day Weekends before that!
ME: Right, but then you changed to a plan that doesn't include that feature. That was a limited time promotion.
SW: Well, I didn't know that!
ME: You bills haven't showed you as having 3 Day Weekend since 2004.
SW: Well, they say "Weekends" and to me, that means "3 Day Weekend."
ME: I'm afraid that's not correct.
SW: So it's not my fault I didn't know!
ME: And, when you saw you were over your minutes last month...
SW: I don't check my minutes!
ME: That's unfortunate.
SW: So this is how you treat a longtime customer?
ME: I'm certainly not questioning your tenure as a customer. But I can't credit you for a misunderstanding from a plan you changed to over 3 years ago.
She ranted for awhile, but she lost the fight about 30 seconds into the call.
ARGH!
For this call, my department manager happened to be standing behind me chatting with my boss. She saw me banging my head on my desk and told me that I would give myself a headache. I let her know the customer had already succeeded in that.
She canceled her service. Then she wanted to know about her final bill. I let her know it would be due in January (we bill after the month is over, not a month in advance). The next 10 minutes were spent trying to get her to understand this. Everytime I broke it down to little bite sized pieces of info and made sure she understood, she'd follow up with "But why should I pay for January?" Nothing I can say about this call works as well as the actual memo I left in her account:
Bonus
My coworker just got off a call with a guy who wanted out of his contract because he's out of state. He's currently going through Tennessee, running from police. She told him that won't allow him out of his contract.
SM = Sucky Man
SW = Sucky Woman
ME = So...tired....
Part 1 - Grocery
Drunk Idiot
So I got in for my shift just as the store was closing at 12AM. I go in the back and put my stuff in my locker, and clock in as the girls from the front end were clocking out. I went to the back room to see how many pallets we had to deal with and to see if next week's schedule was up. Then I went out to start putting crap on the shelves, and I made note of who else was working with me as I passed each aisle. There's D, hey R, yo B, there's a Guy, it's J..... wait a minute. Was that a customer? At first I'm thinking "Crap, they didn't check the store for customers before closing," but it soon became apparent that the guy was probably puking in the bathroom or something. I circled around down another aisle to tell the guy to get the heck out, but B had gotten to him before I did.
B: I'm sorry, sir, but we're closed.
SM: *alcohol-induced mutterings*
B: Yea, sorry about that dude. You'll have to come back tomorrow.
SM: Yeah, okay, adasjdghasdhbjn....
B unlocked the front door to let the guy out. But once the door was closed and locked, then Mr Drunk-Off-His-Arse decided to get an attitude.
SM: THIS IS F***ING BULLSH*T!
B (laughing): Uh, what?
SM: I'M A ARGABARGAWEPOITYH CUSTOMER!
B: Whatever, man.
Alas, drunk idiot's attempt to procure some Hot Pockets was thwarted by the fact that he hid somewhere in the store until everyone who could check him out had gone home. Don't fret! Wal Mart is open 24 hours and has an equal selection of molten-lava filled dough for your dining pleasure. Too bad they're on the other side of town and you're journeying on foot.
RAGE
D, a coworker, is a gruff but nice gal who works with us on night crew (her and the guys on night crew are like a lovable band of mercenaries). But last night, she about found out how many slashes it takes to sever a spinal cord.
ME, on break, sipping some coffee.
D (opens break room door): Hey, you work at (MY COMPANY), don't you?
ME: Yeah, I do.
D: I'm not too happy with you people.
ME: *Twitch*
D: See, I've been a customer for 7 years...
ME: *Grips box cutter*
D: And I needed to get a new phone. They told me I can't get my free phone until January, and, I mean, I've been with you for so long...
ME: *Extends blade to "KILL" setting*
D: I mean, it's only a couple of weeks, so what's the big deal?
R (enters break room): Hey girls!
ME: *Hesitates, retracts blade*
D: So what do you think?
ME: Sigh. It all depends on your eligibility. It may only be a couple of weeks, but the system doesn't allow for the max discount until a specific point since your last upgrade, and we can't override it. It's also against policy to give any kind of credit towards the discount of a phone. The best thing to do is wait the 2 weeks, then call back. Since you've been with us for so long, you'll get more of a discount than most customers.
D: Oh. Okay.
Saved by another coworker coming in. I don't like to leave witnesses, and I didn't have time to kill both of you before my break ended.
Part 2 - Customer Service
Guilty as Charged
ME: I'm sorry, but you used the service so you will be charged for it.
SW: I DEMAND A CREDIT!
ME: The charges are valid, thus there is no need for me to give you a credit.
SW: I want to talk to your supervisor!
ME: And what would this regarding?
SW: Because you are being very arrogant and I don't appreciate it!
ME *Goes to my lead rep, who, I should mention, was trained by me when he came on the floor after training. The team I was on at the time was missing leadership, so I was like a pseudo-sup for about a month.*
N: What's going on?
ME: This lady wants to talk to you because I'm arrogant.
N: You are.
ME: Yeah, but I wasn't even starting to be arrogant with her.
N: Well, if she doesn't like you, she's going to hate me.
ME: Of course. I taught you well.
I'd like to have been able to stay on the line and listen to how this one played out, but we were too busy for me to get away with it.
Sigh
SW: I want the most expensive phone you have!
ME: That would be the (MODEL), which would be $XXX.XX with a 2 year contract.
SW: No, that's too expensive!
I fault myself. I walked right into that one.
Sleep-Deprived Oopsies
Here's what Friday and Saturday looked like for me last week: Friday 12am-8am Grocery, 1130am - 1030pm customer service, Saturday 12am - 8am grocery, 1130am - 1030pm customer service. Needless to say, by Saturday afternoon I was barely conscious. I found myself typing notes on one customer's account: "Customer called in re dinner." On another call, I caught myself saying "the bunny" to a customer. The best one was when I confused two types of Blackberry phones, the Curve and the Pearl. I told the customer that I could get her a "Blackberry Perv" for $XX.XX and almost died right there on the spot.
FAIL
SW: I'm not very illiterate with this kind of thing.
I can assure you, from where I'm sitting you are probably quite illiterate. Among other impairments.
Double Sigh
SM: I'm trying to call this number, and all I get is this ringing sound!
Now, I know what you're thinking. I was thinking the same thing. There's no possible way he could mean what I think he meant. So I gave Methuselah the benefit of a doubt and called the number he was trying to dial. To my complete lack of surprise, I heard a phone ringing. Just when I think my hatred for humanity can't possibly get any deeper, someone hands me a shovel.
Forget the Shovel, Here's an Excavator
*Customer has been experiencing a service outage for a week. We've offered a $10 courtesy credit, that's not good enough. Then we offered to credit him a full month of service, that's not good enough.*
SM: I should be able to cancel without any termination fee!
ME: As I've already said, the contract states that service is subject to availability and may be unavailable due to outages, coverage limitations, geographic locations, and so forth.
SM: But this has been going on for a week!
ME: And we have apologized many times. While it's not unheard of, outages lasting this long are extremely rare and we have offered you more than fair compensation for this outage.
SM: Not having my service is giving me chest pains!
Really? So, if you have sporadic service and that causes you chest pains, then if you had no service , you'd probably just keel right over, wouldn't you? Uh-oh! I just canceled your service by mistake!
Redemption
SM: Yeah, I just wanted to call back and say that I'm sorry for acting like an ass, and that I'm an idiot.
ME: O...kay.
SM: I didn't really want to cancel, but the girl canceled me before I could apologize. So could you turn my service back on please?
Sure, why the hell not? But don't go thinking you are forgiven. Not a chance. I don't believe in forgiveness.
Phoenix, India
Customer called in wanting to know if we had received a fax he sent in as proof that his employer was transferring him out of the US. I don't know, faxes go directly to the rep you sent it to. Oh wait, she's in my location, let me go hunt her down.
I get the fax from her sup, which shows me that his company is indeed transferring him. They are transferring him to Phoenix, AZ in April 2005. I let him know that this will not suffice, and he said there were supposed to be 2 pages. I gave him my fax info and told him to refax it. A few hours later it comes in.
I noted the account that the guy is bogus and he will be charged his termination fee if he cancels. Because the second page has the company logo on the side, but not the fax stamp on the bottom of the page like the first one. Also, I looked up his company online (yeah, he picked the wrong rep to play games with) and they have changed the logo. Also, the font size and alignment of the text on the page saying he's moving out of the country is completely different than the first page.
Dumbass of the Week
SW: You need to credit all the overage on my bill!
ME: I see you had 864 minutes over last month, what happened?
SW: You changed my plan and didn't tell me it didn't have my 3-Day Weekend anymore!
ME: You haven't changed your plan in 3 years.
SW: Yes, but I had 3 Day Weekends before that!
ME: Right, but then you changed to a plan that doesn't include that feature. That was a limited time promotion.
SW: Well, I didn't know that!
ME: You bills haven't showed you as having 3 Day Weekend since 2004.
SW: Well, they say "Weekends" and to me, that means "3 Day Weekend."
ME: I'm afraid that's not correct.
SW: So it's not my fault I didn't know!
ME: And, when you saw you were over your minutes last month...
SW: I don't check my minutes!
ME: That's unfortunate.
SW: So this is how you treat a longtime customer?
ME: I'm certainly not questioning your tenure as a customer. But I can't credit you for a misunderstanding from a plan you changed to over 3 years ago.
She ranted for awhile, but she lost the fight about 30 seconds into the call.
ARGH!
For this call, my department manager happened to be standing behind me chatting with my boss. She saw me banging my head on my desk and told me that I would give myself a headache. I let her know the customer had already succeeded in that.
She canceled her service. Then she wanted to know about her final bill. I let her know it would be due in January (we bill after the month is over, not a month in advance). The next 10 minutes were spent trying to get her to understand this. Everytime I broke it down to little bite sized pieces of info and made sure she understood, she'd follow up with "But why should I pay for January?" Nothing I can say about this call works as well as the actual memo I left in her account:
Bonus
My coworker just got off a call with a guy who wanted out of his contract because he's out of state. He's currently going through Tennessee, running from police. She told him that won't allow him out of his contract.
"
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