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Last night, my roomie and I were both having a bad day and did not want to go home and deal with certain problems, so we went to the mall and walked around browsing our favorite stores. Killing time, harmlessly minding our own business, right? Should be SC free since we're behaving ourselves politely and not behind any of the counters, right?
I should be so lucky. Sigh.
We're walking down the main hall of the mall and some guy in a kiosk calls at me.
I hate those phone kiosks. With the fury of a thousand suns. They always employ cheezy grin-toothed young men, who inevitably shout things at me, hawking their wares, when I'm doing my level best to walk past without resorting to violence on their persons. If I wanted this kind of attention I'd go to the Marrakesh night market, not the local shopping center.
So we're walking past one of said cellular-monkey huts and this dweeb in a tie holds up a phone, looks at me like I'm a golden retriever begging for treats and says, "Hey, Catch!"
I try to keep walking.
"Hey, you ready? You ready, here it comes, catch okay?"
Now, I say these things to my dog when I have a bacon strip and she wants to do a trick for it. I personally do not regard phones on the same level as I regard bacon. I love bacon. If he had been holding up a genuine strip of bacon I might have even been willing to sit up perkily and wave my widdle paws for it. But no. No bacon, just a phone. So I'm trying to pretend I didn't hear.
He then Lobs the Phone At Me.
Now, two things you must know:
One- I have the spatial coordination of a one eyed orangutan. I can punch a moving target just fine, but expect me to catch anything and you'd better pray my reflexes do it for me because they're much better at it than I am.
Two- I am a slightly paranoid and defensive person. If you throw anything at me I perceive it as an attack and halt dead in my tracks to prepare to fight and further assess your threat to my person.
Which I did, watching the phone sail a graceful arc through the air and clatter on the tile.
He flips, in the worst acting I've seen since I used to have daytime cable. "Oh no! Oh gosh, you...You broke it!"
Now hold on, panhandler genius, this is my fault now??
"You broke a three hundred dollar piece of equipment..."
Honestly, if it had cost that much he wouldna been chucking it. It looks fine to me, and he trails off as I pick it up and deliberately approach the counter, slapping the little thing down on the glass and looking him in the eye. This unsettles him. Good.
"If I wanted to be hawked at, I'd go to a bazaar."
I turn and walk away, very annoyed, as he tries to come up with a crushing replay and manages, " Uh, well that'd be.. really.. Bizarre..."
Very good, hutchmonkey, now go about your evening, never knowing what violence has just passed over you like death's angel. Gyah!!
I should be so lucky. Sigh.
We're walking down the main hall of the mall and some guy in a kiosk calls at me.
I hate those phone kiosks. With the fury of a thousand suns. They always employ cheezy grin-toothed young men, who inevitably shout things at me, hawking their wares, when I'm doing my level best to walk past without resorting to violence on their persons. If I wanted this kind of attention I'd go to the Marrakesh night market, not the local shopping center.
So we're walking past one of said cellular-monkey huts and this dweeb in a tie holds up a phone, looks at me like I'm a golden retriever begging for treats and says, "Hey, Catch!"
I try to keep walking.
"Hey, you ready? You ready, here it comes, catch okay?"
Now, I say these things to my dog when I have a bacon strip and she wants to do a trick for it. I personally do not regard phones on the same level as I regard bacon. I love bacon. If he had been holding up a genuine strip of bacon I might have even been willing to sit up perkily and wave my widdle paws for it. But no. No bacon, just a phone. So I'm trying to pretend I didn't hear.
He then Lobs the Phone At Me.
Now, two things you must know:
One- I have the spatial coordination of a one eyed orangutan. I can punch a moving target just fine, but expect me to catch anything and you'd better pray my reflexes do it for me because they're much better at it than I am.
Two- I am a slightly paranoid and defensive person. If you throw anything at me I perceive it as an attack and halt dead in my tracks to prepare to fight and further assess your threat to my person.
Which I did, watching the phone sail a graceful arc through the air and clatter on the tile.
He flips, in the worst acting I've seen since I used to have daytime cable. "Oh no! Oh gosh, you...You broke it!"
Now hold on, panhandler genius, this is my fault now??
"You broke a three hundred dollar piece of equipment..."
Honestly, if it had cost that much he wouldna been chucking it. It looks fine to me, and he trails off as I pick it up and deliberately approach the counter, slapping the little thing down on the glass and looking him in the eye. This unsettles him. Good.
"If I wanted to be hawked at, I'd go to a bazaar."
I turn and walk away, very annoyed, as he tries to come up with a crushing replay and manages, " Uh, well that'd be.. really.. Bizarre..."
Very good, hutchmonkey, now go about your evening, never knowing what violence has just passed over you like death's angel. Gyah!!
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