I should of said no...

[PorkChop]

Hi all. I hope you all are having a good Christmas. I don't post often here but I do enjoy reading your posts.

Anyways, I requested Christmas Eve and Christmas Day off six months in advance. I got it, yea! BTW, I work at a crappy convenience store, which never closes, unless their is a robbery... or a murder. I should tell you about that one sometime.

Christmas has been depressing for me for the past five years. I lost my daughter on Christmas Eve. She was 2 months old. Crib death. I haven't been able to bear another child since then.

I came into the store this afternoon for energy drinks for me and a starbucks coffee for my husband. My assistant manager, H, asked me if I would like to work a few hours tonight. I was doing okay considering the circumstances. S, another co-worker had an issue with her eyes and had a doctor's excuse. So H was working by himself and it was busy.
After an hour of being at work, I was changing the creamers at the coffee bar when this guy walked up.

Me: Seriously depressed
Guy: Should of kept his mouth shut.

Guy: Aw, for me. (just joking about the large bag of nasty creamer)
Me: *just being silent, I did not want to talk to anyone*
Guy: Maybe not. Aww, are you having a bad day!
Me: Look, just leave me alone okay. Christmas is depressing for me.
Guy: Me too! My mother died. (He sounded so enthusiastic)
Me: My daughter died from crib death. She was 2 months old!
Guy: I have three daughters
Me: Be grateful that they are alive and healthy. Be grateful for what you have and thank God everyday. Get your coffee and just go.

I ran away. I told H that I can't do work. I thought I could work, I just couldn't. H understood since he knows my story. He appreciated for the chores that I did around the store. I clocked out, threw the smock into the backroom and ran home.

This guy should of left me alone. Pore his coffee and go away. I wish I didn't blow up like that. I am very emotional, especially when I comes to my daughter. Maybe he will think about asking a random stranger if they are having a bad day. I would never ask a store employee if they are not in a talkative mood. I hate when people ask me why I don't smile. I have my reasons.
I have been doing a lot of crying this evening. Earlier this morning, I did three hours at the gym, trying to run away from my feelings.
Hubby and I will be going to midnight mass and I hope I won't cry there. I wrote my mom a long email how disgusted I am about how Christmas is so commercialized. But, that is another post for another day.

Merry Christmas

[Slow-Jo]

oh hun! <3 i wish you the best during this hard time in your life. sadly, people seem to have some kind of "im a completely self centered asshat" bubble and dont even try to understand others.

[wagegoth]

Oh, hon, I'm so sorry. I lost my first husband three days before Christmas. It made for a bad holiday for the next few years. I probably still wouldn't really get into it, for many reasons besides that one, but I have children now, one of whom refuses to give up his belief in Santa.

I wish you the best. You will heal. It will take a while, probably years. I found for myself, and other people I've talked to, that it seems to take about three years to really heal. Each month gets a little easier, although I still miss him, and still cry for him once in a while, even though it's been 17 years. But I remarried, I have my children, and a whole new, different life. And I know he wished me to have the best future and not grieve for him forever.

Don't put yourself on someone else's timetable, but don't dwell. Move forward, because your daughter would not want to hold you back. It sounds like you need to say good-bye. A funeral is too soon to really say farewell. Write her a letter, pour out your heart. Leave the letter in a special place, or attach it to a balloon and let it fly, or pack it away to keep. This doesn't mean you can't keep talking to her or thinking about her or remembering her. She'll always be there.

[XCashier]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Wish I could say more.

That jerk was way out of line. Too bad more people don't practice the fine art of Minding One's Own Business.

[tropicsgoddess]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Four years ago today (on Christmas Day) my maternal aunt passed away from cancer (she was in her early 40's). I know it's hard,especially during the holidays, but you gotta keep your head up. After the rain, comes sunshine. That jerk off was out of line and should've kept his mouth shut.

[chainedbarista]

damn, what lodged in his ass that day? why is it that people like that always have to say something, regardless of how stupid/foolish/insensitive it is, just because they 'must' make conversation? oh yes, the love of the sound of their own voices.

sorry you got one of those and for your pain.

[IT Grunt]

I know how you're feeling. That guy was way out of line, and should have respected your right to go about your business in peace. My wife and I have lost two children to miscarriages, the last one just this last Christmas, leaving us still childless, so I know exactly what you are going through. The first was due to be born on Christmas, so I fully understand how Christmas can be a reminder of what was. Kudos to your manager for understanding how you feel and letting you take the time. There are many who don't truly understand how you feel unless they've been through it, but at least they understand it's painful and respect that. Asshats like that guy need some training in sensitivity.

[Hemily]

i might be an ass...

but i don't see how he was that terrible, odd perhaps...

1. Customers, just like workers, are not psychic, they can't read your mind, just like you can't read theirs, he wouldn't know about your daughter.

2. from the encounter, it could almost, ....almost, sound like he was trying to feel with you, at the mention of his mother, the daughters however sounded more like rubbing it in.

he was odd, but not really that terrible from what i can see.

[Misanthropical]

It sounded to me like the ass was rubbing the fact that he has daughters in her face and that is just not right.

I had a stillborn son 13 years ago and every year on what would have been his birthday, I am a mess and not really fit to do anything.

I try not to bring up why I'm upset, since I know people will and do say the stupidest shit.

I'm so sorry for your loss, PorkChop.

[Broomjockey]

i might be an ass...

but i don't see how he was that terrible, odd perhaps...

I'm going with socially inept. Being cheerful over mentioning your mother died (regardless of relationship with said parental unit) is in bad taste when the other person is saying how they're depressed.

Tack on the "My daughter died" response of having three, when really it should have been "I'm sorry for your loss." just spells someone who doesn't interact with people on a social level often/properly.

PorkChop, add me to the list of condolences.

[BookstoreEscapee]

Just wanted to send you a .

I think sometimes people just need to remember that the holidays aren't the same for everyone. Don't let him get to you; it's not worth it.

[BaristaGirl]

All the support from me. I'm in a similar situation and it really really sucks during the holidays, to have that reminder looming... All the best to you and your family, and Good energy to you. It's a good thing you left when you did, you know?

[Hemily]

I'm going with socially inept. Being cheerful over mentioning your mother died (regardless of relationship with said parental unit) is in bad taste when the other person is saying how they're depressed.

Tack on the "My daughter died" response of having three, when really it should have been "I'm sorry for your loss." just spells someone who doesn't interact with people on a social level often/properly.

PorkChop, add me to the list of condolences.

yeah, the cheerfulness seems a bit creepy, but it might be a rather failed attempt at hinting to that he understood her pain

but eh, i weren't there, it's easyer to pick up the signals the person send, while actually there

he might have been a psycopath who stabbed his mom in the face with a baseball bat for what i know

and as the rest of the posters, i'm sorry about your loss, it's never easy, even more so after the child is born, my mother went through losing the child before it was born twice, before she got me.

[digilight]

The reason I see why that guy was inappropriate was simple. She was depressed, most people telegraph their feelings and emotions at least to a reasonable level. She even told him the reason for her depression at the time and he chose to comment on the fact that he had 3 daughters.

I freaken hate people who make comments like "oh you just need to smile" or "damn, someones got a case of the mondays". People need to learn to STFU, not everyone appreciates your attempts at humor. And someday they may make the wrong comment to the wrong person.

My philosophy is simple. Walk into a store and great the clerk with a simple howyadoing, or a Howdy (yup live in Southern California - born and raised, you figure that one out). You don't need to comment on someone being grumpy, the weather, traffic, or the fucktard in line before you are all fair game though.

[Record Store Tough Guy]

Yeah, I don't think he started out sucky, as I might have said something similar at the very beginning, but he quickly spiraled into the suck shortly thereafter. Of course, if I got stony silence in reply to an initial attempt at being jovial, I wouldn't react by being condescending. I'd either move on, or show some kind of concern. If I got a story like the OP's, there would be a definite "I'm sorry for your loss; hopefully it'll hurt less in time." Certainly not an "Awesome! My mom died too!" That's just in poor taste.