He's not here. Really.

[TryNotToBeThatOne]

This wouldn't be sucky if it weren't the 5th friggin' call like this in the past 3 days (the office was closed Monday & Tuesday).
M: Moi, naturellement
PP: Phone person

M: Good afternoon, this is XYZ, TNTBTO speaking. How may I help you?
PP: May I speak to JT?
M: I'm sorry, JT no longer works here. Do you need to speak to him specifically, or do you need to speak to the person who fills his position?
PP: I want to speak to JT*tone indicating incomprehension*
M: No, you don't. You want to speak to TN. You're the Nth call I've had in the past 3 months *note JT has been gone since about March* He's not here. If you want to speak to him, I can give you the name of the company that he works for now. Or do you want to speak to the person who fills his old position?
PP: Oh, I need to speak to the person in his position.


If they would just ask for the position, instead of pretending that they know him & want to speak to JL, it would also be nicer.

[theredbaron47]

Sometimes people are told to speak with Q, and that Q is the person who can help them. Meaning, they don't know what position Q holds, but they know they need to speak with Q.

The nimrods in your OP are just cases of plain ol' not listening / paying attention, I would say. Selective hearing, to sugar-coat it somewhat?

Now this is how MY version of those calls would go:

Me: Thank you for calling XYZ, RB speaking, how can I help you?
Phone Person: I'd like to speak with JT.
Me: I'm sorry, but JT no longer works for this company. Would you like to speak with the person who replaced JT?
PP: *tone of voice indicating incomprehension* I want to speak with JT.
Me: *ZAP* (hits button that sends painful electric shock over the phone)
PP: AAAAUGGHHH!!
Me: That was the wrong answer. Try again.
PP: *click*
Me: !

[amphrite]

"Dave's not here!"

Cookies for the reference

[dizzy_starshine]

"Dave's not here!"

Cookies for the reference

league of gentlemen?

[Chanlin]

Daves not here man.... classic cheech and chong

[BookstoreEscapee]

I think I'd go with the simple approach:

"I'm sorry, JT no longer works for us; let me transfer you TN, who is now in that position. Please hold." <hold>

Of course, that means TN has to deal with "But I need to speak to JT!"

But you don't, and that's the important thing, right?

[allniter]

Dear God, why would you even think of offering this guy the company name of where JT works??? You've lost your mind.

If I ever left a company, no matter how much I liked it, I wouldn't want the work I did there to track me down in order to deal with something I no longer have control of.

[Dave1982]

"Dave's not here!"

Cookies for the reference

NO, man, I'M Dave!!!!!! Hey come on, man!

[TryNotToBeThatOne]

Dear God, why would you even think of offering this guy the company name of where JT works??? You've lost your mind.

If I ever left a company, no matter how much I liked it, I wouldn't want the work I did there to track me down in order to deal with something I no longer have control of.

Because he went to fill the exact same position at his new company. Literally, the exact same position. He's even called me a couple times since he left to get info (like a copy of the sales reports that I did for him on a daily basis - without any info, he just wanted the layout, etc).

It's possible (remote, but possible) that someone wants to talk to him but has old contact information. Heck, it might be a headhunter looking for him. Although, I'd think that a headhunter would have more up to date info.

Although, what's worse is the people looking for SU. Not only did he leave the company even earlier than JT, he's now deceased. I've had to spring that on a couple people. Ick.

[Imogene]

"Dave's not here!"

Cookies for the reference

"Simpsons did it!"
</Butters>