One step away from Sexual Harassment....

[Hon'ya-chan]

This bordered on super creepy/sexual harassment. So this guy comes in, and sheepishly asks where we keep the sex books. Finding his age to be "appropriate", I lead him to the books. He then grabs one of Kama Sutra books and asks if i've ever done some of the positions in the book. My response was loud and clear.

Me: What I do privately is none of your fucking business. Is there anything else you want me to help you with?

Guy turns his head into the book, and I leave. I tell one of my male Co-Workers to stay nearby just in case the guy decides to ask me anymore "personal' questions, and LP keeps watch over the guy.

[PepperElf]

definately creepy.

that's not something you're suppose to casually ask a stranger. kinda thing you'd associate more with stalkers etc. or someone who doesn't have an understanding of what's appropriate.

[marty]

I wonder if you measured how far he crossed the line with measuring tape, if it would go all the way around the world.

[marasbaras]

Very, very creepy. Either the guy is REALLY bold or just clueless (guess which one I'm presuming?).

I'm at a loss, tho, he's not a co-worker, boss, etc. ... how would it be sexual harrassment?

[crazylegs]

I don't think he stepped over the line, the line is a tiny dot in the distance he ran over whilst waving his arms in the air shouting WOOOO!

I mean really, who thinks thats an appropriate thing to ask a complete stranger, oh, there I go again, damn common sense.

[Raieth]

I'm at a loss, tho, he's not a co-worker, boss, etc. ... how would it be sexual harrassment?

Sexual harassment is sexual harassment. It doesn't matter what relationship you have to the perpetrator.

[marasbaras]

Sexual harassment is sexual harassment. It doesn't matter what relationship you have to the perpetrator.

Sorry, but, yes, it does. Using it as the OP does and apparently the way you do is incorrect.

Sexual harrassment refers to work-related issues and is often actionable.

What the guy did to the original poster, while really digusting and deserving of a good old-fashioned slap, is not.

[Tutorgal]

Companies can absolutely be liable for the sexual harassment of their employees by customers. There have been a few court rulings that state a company has to attempt to prevent and rectify instances of sexual harassment of its employees by people not employed by the company.

In this case it would be sexual harassment, although the company would not be liable until it did not take steps to rectify it for the future (ie, if management made Hon'ya-chan help the customer again, or if the guy kept following her making comments and management didn't make him leave).

Unfortunately I had to do a lot of research on the subject when I kept getting written up by a manager at a large chain restaurant for insubordination. Insubordination = telling a bunch of drunk guys to stop slapping my butt and trying to pinch my chest, refusing to wait on them despite being ordered to after complaining about it, and few other instances where I tried to switch tables with a male server because the guys were harassing me really severely and the manager ordered me to wait on them and I refused. He pulled that with a few of the other waitresses too.

I was heading back to school so I was going to quit anyway. After I called HR and made a few references to legal decisions they wiped my record clean of writeups and fired the manager. I thought it was a fair resolution.

[marasbaras]

Tutorgal,

What you describe is a pattern of behavior by the company. And, I would agree that if the OP was required to continue to help this guy that this would create a hostile work environment and would constitute sexual harrassment.

I guess I just have a hot button about this ... so many people toss out sexual harrassment, racism, terroristic threats like they're candy.

Sorry, a SINGLE incident by a majorly sucky customer is not sexual harrassment. I do not argue that it's creepy and disgusting. It is. The guy needs to go seek professional help.

A pattern of the company supporting such customers is.

BTW, glad to hear that your ex-corp finally backed you up. Allowing customers to abuse the staff like that is way past the line.

[d962831]

you should've told him to get out or you'd call the cops. That's just wrong to wask someone that kind of question.

[Meadhands]

Aw, come on. Does no one feel bad for the guy? Just the way you describe him makes him sound like some poor, pathetic soul. Sure, not the brightest star in the sky, but he was probably horribly embarrassed and thinking to himself, "Oh my god, what a tremendously stupid thing of my to say!"

That being said, that is indeed a very creepy thing to ask someone. *shiver*

[Chanlin]

Granted none of us were there so I really can't say what the circumstances were so I can't say what level of creepiness/suckiness/innocence or whatever other words you might like to ascribe to this situation that the customer displayed.

What I can say, based solely on the description alone, while I agree that it was an open mouth insert foot moment on the part of the customer and a completely inappropriate question I also have to say I think Hon'ya-chan overreacted a little bit.

A simple: "That is not your business and I don't appreciate being asked such a private question" would have worked just as well as her original response. I realize a question like that can take people by surprise, but unless there was a vibe that he meant the question to be creepy/perverted then I don't think the original response was very fair.

On the flip side I'm pretty sure whatever he meant he at least would not try it again with Hon'ya-chan.

[Meadhands]

... Unfortunately I had to do a lot of research on the subject when I kept getting written up by a manager at a large chain restaurant for insubordination. Insubordination = telling a bunch of drunk guys to stop slapping my butt and trying to pinch my chest, refusing to wait on them despite being ordered to after complaining about it, and few other instances where I tried to switch tables with a male server because the guys were harassing me really severely and the manager ordered me to wait on them and I refused. He pulled that with a few of the other waitresses too. ...

I don't know how it works where you live, but here in Illinois, unwanted physical contact, whether violent or, in your case, sexual, falls under the umbrella of "battery." As in "assault and battery." As in "see your ass in court sir, and have a nice day."

I dunno. Worth looking up in ye olde law books of your state.

[bainsidhe]

I agree with another poster that sexual harassment is sexual harassment. Doesn't matter where it is or who it came from. Gotta love Wikipedia:

Varied circumstances
Sexual harassment can occur in a variety of circumstances:

-The harasser can be anyone, such as a supervisor, a client, a co-worker, a teacher or professor, a student, a friend, or a stranger.
-The victim does not have to be the person directly harassed but can be anyone who finds the behavior offensive and is affected by it.
-While adverse effects on the victim are common, this does not have to be the case for the behavior to be unlawful.
-The victim can be male or female. The harasser can be male or female.
-The harasser does not have to be of the opposite sex.
-The harasser may be completely unaware that his or her behavior is offensive or constitutes sexual harassment or may be completely unaware that his or her actions could be unlawful.
(Adapted from the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission)[3]

[XCashier]

He then grabs one of Kama Sutra books and asks if i've ever done some of the positions in the book. My response was loud and clear.

Me: What I do privately is none of your fucking business. Is there anything else you want me to help you with?

Apart from the profanity (and in the heat of the moment, it's difficult to censor yourself), I think you handled it well. That jerk will think twice before saying such a thing again.

You might want to let a manager know what happened, so if he is stupid enough to try it again, you can get him booted from the store.