Snappy Come backs (quickies)

[repsac]

Ok, this is my last post tonight. I'd like to list a quickie. Just a short one paragraph or less story that brings a smile. Feel free to share your own. This theme is the "Snappy Come backs."

I rememeber years ago, this one lady who was angry that I had returned a layaway of hers that she'd not paid on. She went on and on, yelling and cussing me before finally ending her triade by asking "Well, do you have anything to say?" Looking her dead in the eye, I said with a smile "Have you considered Jesus Christ as your own personal Savior?"

[Great Unknown]

I've had a bunch of snappish smokers come in my store, bark at me from about 10 feet away (sometimes practically as soon as they came in the door, or while they were leisurely messing up the clean counters):

MARLBOROLIGHTSINABOX

Ok. That's a pleasant-as-hell greeting there.

But there's more annoyance when you politely (and genuinely) want to know how they're doing, how was work, et cetera and they ignore that you're a person:

Me: So how was your day, Mr Davisson?
Him: Marlborolightsinabox
Me: Right.

Better yet:

Me: So how was your day, Mr Davisson?
Him: Marlbororedonehundredsinabox
Me: And how's the family?
Him: Camelfiltershardpack

So sometimes I'll chirp right back at them (*name of mixed drink or entree that sounds good from nearby grill*)

Throws 'em for a loop sometimes, but often they don't even seem to notice.
Look Ma, I'm a Non-Player Character!

[AFpheonix]

Heh....
People that run up (especially the ones that start in and don't wait to make sure that you're either not on the phone or dealing with someone else) and yell whatever it is they can't find, instead of asking nicely where they can find it:

Idjit: "BANDAIDS?"
Me: "No, my name is Phe. Can I help you?"

[Sir Spaniard the 12th]

I've always wanted to do this to people like that:

Me: Hi, How are you today?
Cust: Malboro Reds.
Me: Yes. (Stands there)

Just stand there and wait until they actually ask FOR it.

[Greenday]

I remember some guy at the racetrack was asking me the difference between the hot dogs on the top heating rack and the bottom heating rack. Without even thinking about what I was saying, I responded, "Well, these hot dogs are on the top rack and these hot dogs are on the bottom rack. That's about it." Guy seemed to get pissed and said that it would reflect on my tip, which I doubted we were going to get anyway. Guy tipped us two bucks, which is a lot for a concession stand.

[JustADude]

While I was working at Blockbuster, right after PotC came out on DVD:

SC: I want a clean, wholesome movie that I can watch with my wife.
Me: *runs through massive list of personal favorite 'clean' movies."
SC: *complains about each of them for various reasons."
Me: How about Passion of the Christ then? It's pretty much a religious drama about the origin Easter.
SC: Finally something appropriate. Why didn't you just start with that one?

And, oddly enough, I never heard word one of complaint out of them.

[South Texan]

For a grocery store:

SC: MILK!
Employee: Cookies!
SC: <deer in headlight confused stare>
Employee: Oh, give me another one! I love word association games!

[Imogene]

I rememeber years ago, this one lady who was angry that I had returned a layaway of hers that she'd not paid on. She went on and on, yelling and cussing me before finally ending her triade by asking "Well, do you have anything to say?" Looking her dead in the eye, I said with a smile "Have you considered Jesus Christ as your own personal Savior?"

I love doing stuff like that to people, particularly teachers.
"Does anyone have any questions?"
M: "Ooh! Ooh! Why is Tarzan always portrayed as clean-shaven?" or "If Batman gets pulled over for speeding, does he pull out his Bruce Wayne ID, or does he have one that says 'Man, Bat'?"

In re: your Jesus as personal Savior:
"I'm lost."
M: "Have you tried Hari Krishna?"

[Dips]

The one time which stands out happened when I was working at McDonalds. We had this one customer, a horrible old man, who would always get in MY line, find something to complain about, then demand a manager and complain to her about me. Then he would storm out and vow never to return. The next day he would be back in MY line and the whole thing would start over.

One day I'd had it. When he vowed never to return, I blurted out "Do you mean it this time, or are you just trying to get my hopes up?"

The poor manager almost lost it. Of course, she had to have a "talk" with me, but it was very hard to take it seriously because both of us were trying not to giggle.

He did stay away for a few days after that. But then he came back; once again in MY line. Grrrrrr...

[NightAngel]

I have one CSR who just loves this conversation:

Customer: "How much was it?"
Her: "$4.27"
Customer to companion: "You got any change?"
CSR: "You expect him/her to have any cents (said as: sense)?"

Customer drops something- especially good when it's loud and people look:
Me: "Our gravity tester has just determined that it still works on this side of the store. Thanks!"

[PuckishOne]

Customer drops something- especially good when it's loud and people look:
Me: "Our gravity tester has just determined that it still works on this side of the store. Thanks!"

For "customer" substitute "co-worker," and I said:

"Gravity! It's not just a good idea, it's the law!" (shamelessly plagiarized from a t-shirt I saw ages ago).

[friendofjimmyk]

This isn't really so sucky, just kind of silly.

Some people don't know what kind of cars they drive when they call in. We get all sorts of mistakes

We ask for the make and the model and have gotten some weird combinations:

Chevrolet Sebrings (Chrysler car)
Toyota Nissan (Two different manufacturers)
Oldsmobile Chevrolet (again, two different manuf.)
Ford Mercury (Same manufacturer - different lines)
Pontiac Sunflower (supposed to be Sunfire)

Drivers have also showed up on location and the veh is COMPLETELY different then what the person has said...

[Tria]

Look Ma, I'm a Non-Player Character!

So you're sending me on a "simple errand" only to show off as an evil wizard I have to kill once I bring you your "family heirloom"?

Sorry, long term RPer....

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

While waiting in line...

stupid person: (stepping into line behind me) Is this the back of the line?
Me: No, it's the front of the line. We're all facing backwards.

[Ryu]

know whats sad? i've heard the phrase toyota nissan so often when i saw that i was like whats wrong with that?