Rules for calling me for Free Tech Support

[Mango]

1) You have to be a friend of mine, and I have to know you well enough that I can ask you a favour sometime in return. If I have no clue who you are or I've never met you before, I will not help you. I do this work either as a favour to close friends or because it's a job. If neither of these apply, then I stay home. I don't care who you know, and I don't care that they said I would help. They should have checked with me first.

1a) If you are a close friend as described above and you ask me over for help with something and it turns out to be your friend who I've never met before (also as above) with his laptop, I may fix the problem, but I will be angry about it. If you have to leave in the middle, I will be VERY angry about it. If you have to leave in the middle and your friend is an arrogant asshole, I will be INCREDIBLY angry, with you, about it.

2) I have to have your undivided attention. If YOU put ME on hold while I am performing Free Tech Support, I will hang up, and I will not answer when you call back. If you put me on hold, it must not have been that important.

3) I don't care what you think the problem is, and I will not perform what you think the solution is without first checking it out myself. When I fix a problem, I don't ever want to have to fix the same problem again, so I will fix it so it doesn't break again. I will not work with a makeshift solution, even if you're in a hurry. I am not in a hurry.

4) No means no. If every week when I see you, you ask me to fix the SAME THING, and I have said no before, I will say no again. This city has a population of about 2 million people, and there are PLENTY of computer technicians within that. If you tell me that nobody else has been able to fix it, I know that you are lying. What you really mean is that nobody else wants to fix it for free, and for some reason, you seem to think I do.

5) I have a regular, full-time, day job. Tech support is a component of this. I support eight computers, three printers, a mailing machine, and a risograph. That's it. If you call me between the hours of 10AM and 5PM, you sure had better be calling about one of these things.

6) If I have provided you with Free Tech Support, I will feel that we obviously know each other well enough for me to ask you a favour in return. Keep in mind the odds of you never receiving Free Tech Support again are directly proportionate with the odds of you giving me an invoice for said favour. I don't care if the favour I asked is what you do for a living. I do tech support for a living.

7) When I am performing Free Tech Support, I am here as a favour to you, and whatever I say is what happens. For instance, if you ask me to eat dinner with your family and I decline, DO NOT ASK ME FIVE MORE TIMES. I want to get the problem solved and get out of here.

8) You have to show at least SOME effort to learn what I am doing. If as soon as I sit down you take off to watch TV, this is Not a Good Thing. The only reason why I do Free Tech Support is a faint hope that people will actually learn from me and will be able to do it themselves next time.

9) If I come over there for Free Tech Support and it's something really dumb, like the machine not being turned on, I will laugh with you, or at least fake-laugh the first time. If I come over any subsequent times for the same problem, ESPECIALLY if I ask "Is the [machine] turned on this time?" and you say yes, I will not even fake-laugh.

10) If you ask to pay me, and you're a friend, I will decline, because I don't like taking money from friends. I WILL tell you my hourly rate and suggest a local charity. Now, it's totally at your option whether you make a donation or not. But if you say you will, especially if you say this on more than one occasion, then do it. Don't think I won't check, because I do. [Edit: Nobody has EVER followed through with this. EVER.]

11) If I ever move to a new city where nobody knows me, I am going to tell everyone I work as a full-time cart-getter in a grocery store.

[One-Fang]

One-Fang's rules for calling me for Free Tech Support:

1. Don't.

[Mark Healey]

I moved to Linux years ago (even then it was from OS/2). One of the benefits I didn't anticipate when I left the Windows world is that I can now say "sorry, I don't do windows".

[Brighid45]

Why do people expect to get free tech support from friends? That's like expecting a lawyer or doctor to give you free services. Just asking is in bad taste. Expecting is way beyond that.

[Qwakkeddup]

1) You have to be a friend of mine, and I have to know you well enough that I can ask you a favour sometime in return. If I have no clue who you are or I've never met you before, I will not help you. I do this work either as a favour to close friends or because it's a job. If neither of these apply, then I stay home. I don't care who you know, and I don't care that they said I would help. They should have checked with me first.

Tech Support, Auto Mechanic, Plumber, Heating and Air Conditioning Tech. My sister has been one of the worst. I have finally gotten to the point where I can say NO! Then the rest of the family joins the bandwagon, to support her in her quest for free help. She has gotten better. A little. At least now when I tell her she needs $XXX.xx to fix her car, ac, plumbing, ect. She starts looking at those other family members for the money. She Literally expected me to put out @ $300.00 to fix her junk heap for her, and was offended when I asked when I would get paid back. "But, you're my brother, you should do this just because you love me!" She being a single woman who should know how to handle her money, Me being married with three children. and just about Christmas time. One other qualifier, if she had put down $50.00 in August when I told her to, It would have been fixed and done with. At least my Father supports me. He loves her too, but will admit she is an Idiot sometimes.

[MadMike]

I have done computer work for my friends and family, and I'm happy to say none of them act like jerks. And while I never asked for anything in return, I always got something. Sometimes they'd feed me, other times they provide me with beer. And a couple times, I even got paid in cash. I tried to decline, but they insisted, and eventually broke me down by reminding me that if they paid a professional, they would have been paying a lot more.

[pcmacman]

Why do people expect to get free tech support from friends? That's like expecting a lawyer or doctor to give you free services. Just asking is in bad taste. Expecting is way beyond that.

I work in the IT department in a hospital. Whenever some medical professional starts asking me about problems they're having with their home computer, I ask them if they would like if I started to ask them about my medical issues. That usually keeps them quiet.

[phillippbo]

It's not just free support from friends (which I haven't minded giving yet - though, none of my friends or family are demanding about it, if they were, that'd be a different story), it's from our customers expect us to fix anything on their computer for them. (As a side note, I'm tech support for the cable company I work for.) The thought process seems to go like this:

1. Computer has an issue.
2. I don't want to pay for support.
3. Since this issue is stopping the computer from working, it's also keeping me from getting online.
3. Since I can't get online, I'll call my ISP for free support. I'm so smart.
4. Argue and threaten when they say they can't fix it for me.

I get these every day. Computer won't boot? Call my ISP! Printer won't print? Call my ISP! Mouse doesn't move? Call my ISP! Cupholder broke? (Yes, Virginia, that one has happened to me at least twice.) Call my ISP! They get all upset when I explain that these issues are computer maintenance problems and nothing to do with the connection. After all, we can't be expected to maintain the computer for them.

I've actually had to break it down like this for a few of the more belligerent customers: Your car is an expensive piece of machinery that must be maintained. If you do not maintain it, the car will eventually break down. When this happens and your car won't go, do you call up the Department of Transportation and demand that they fix your car because you can't use the highways? I didn't think so...

[toolbert]

One-Fang's rules for calling me for Free Tech Support:

1. Don't.

That's my rule too

[ThinMick]

I've got two friends whose mothers just can't seem to understand that tech support is a paid form of employment, that I'm good, but I'm not a professional, and that these two things combined mean that I'll do it, but it'll take two days, and I want a pizza out of the deal. I don't think I'm asking much, here, for things that usually turn out to either be the kind of virii that disable the virus scanner or things that turn out in the end to have been hardware problems -- like windows says the drive is working properly but won't read it, and when you finally open the case there's a black scald through the label on it.

One of these two got pissed off last week that I wouldn't fix her computer until I finished my homework. I'm working on my master's. Shit no I'm not doing free tech when I could be doing something worthwhile. Then she yelled at my friend for not bringing the computer over anyway, "just in case he has some spare time." Lady, you're abusive and unreasonable to your own family, you're not going to inflict it on mine.

The other one's most famous moment of SC-dom was when she called me up at 3am on a school night because her computer wouldn't connect to the internet... and kept me on the phone -- my cel phone, with the limited amount of minutes -- for close to two hours. I never did get paid back for the extra $30 I ended up owing the phone company. And on top of that? Her problem was that her land line had been shut off because she wasn't paying for it.

I totally throw my hands up. At least my mother is nice enough to try to learn what I'm doing, and to make sure that she gives me dinner when she thinks I've been working too long.

[Jester]

My roommates are computer techs, and I often have people asking, "Can Roomies look at my computer? Can they fix it? Blah blah blah." My stock answer: "You would have to ask them. I know zippity doo dah about computers, and have no idea what it would cost." I make sure I get that last line in so people who just happen to know them don't automatically think they are going to get something for free. Yes, my Roomies will do some free stuff, but that is at their discretion, for people they think are friends. They have once or twice done something for my friends, but I rarely ask them, and then only if they have the time.

As for asking for free stuff...I often say that being a magician is like being a doctor. People ask for free samples. Typical conversation goes something likee this.

THEM: "So, Jester, what do you do for a living?"
ME: "I am a magician."
THEM: "Seriously? Hey, show me something."

Usually no please, no could you...just a demand. If they ask, I don't mind, and even when they demand as above, I usually don't mind, as they generally are genuinely surprised, and I take that into account in regards to their reaction. That being said, I may or may not perform more than one or two things if I am in the mood, but oftentimes, people get pissy and say "Show me something else" or "You have to tell me how you did that!" [My stock answer: "Actually...no, I don't.]

The most extreme example of this was a few months ago. There were some guys from elsewhere who actually wanted me to come perform at a corporate function of theirs in their town, after seeing me down here while on vacation. So, I get on the phone with one of them, and I start talking about my fee. "Fee? What fee?" Um, I do this for a living. I get paid for doing this. "Oh, we figured we would just take care of your hotel and expenses, and we would all have a fun time." Okay, sure, I liked hanging out with the guys, but I am supposed to take several days off from my other jobs and fly up to perform at a corporate function without any compensation? Just for the "fun" of it? Um, no. Not happening. And no, they ended up not hiring me. Big shock there.

I have often said that magic is one of the only jobs, along with medicine, where complete strangers expect free samples. (I will include comp tech in this after reading this thread.) I mean, if you meet a guy, and he tells you he is a carpenter, you don't say "Build an A-frame for me!", do you?

Okay, enough of that. Now I need to go practice on my new trick...making SC's disappear. Permanently.

[trunks2k]

My primary rule for free computer support I may choose to provide is:

You will gladly take any verbal and/or physical abuse I may hurl at you. When I smack you upside the head for downloading yet another .exe file from an e-mail that has an unknown e-mail address after I warned you many times before; the appropriate response is not "Ouch, don't hit me." it's "Thank you sir, may I have another?"

[Tigress]

Why do people expect to get free tech support from friends? That's like expecting a lawyer or doctor to give you free services. Just asking is in bad taste. Expecting is way beyond that.

Lawyers and doctors are asked for free service all the time. I wish I had a dollar for every story my clients (lawyers) gave me about some dipwad that tried to call them and ask for advice on how to beat a speeding ticket, sue a spouse for damages, etc. They think that trying to get the advice over the phone and then doing the footwork themselves will save them some cash. If they even get the advice they want, they usually end up screwing it up and needing a lawyer to sort it out anyway.*

Some lawyers and doctors have a "no phone advice" policy because it gets so annoying. They went through 8 - 10 years of schooling to get the knowledge you want for free. If you want medical or legal advice that bad, you should have to pay for it.

On a personal note: While I was in college, I was the computer bitch for my entire family. My parents, 13 sets of aunts and uncles (6 on one side, 7 on the other), all of them mostly computer illiterate. I would come home at night and, before my bookbag hit the floor, would get a call to fix a computer. It usually was a cheap, outdated POS that they bought from work or a friend. I would take a look at it and usually was able to fix it. Then they would ask me 100 questions about what I did. I just wanted to go home and study.

If I couldn't fix it, I would try to be helpful, tell them what they needed, and where they could get the best deal. That was always a fun exchange.

"Your X is dead. You can get another one at Y for $Z. Let me know when you have it, and I'll set it up for you."
"You mean I have to spend MONEY on this?! You can't just fix it?!"
"There's nothing to fix. Your X is FRIED. You need a new one."
"Well, you obviously don't know what you're talking about then, Ms. College. You're just wasting your time over there if you can't fix my computer! Hmph!"

Never a word of thanks or compensation for the time I took out of studying to fix their crap out of familial loyalty. I'm glad I live at least an hour away from all of them.

_________________________________

* I write title insurance policies and we occasionally get people that try to do the title search themselves and then get us to insure over it. Not only is this against state law, it's frickin' stupid. Why would you try to do something, on your own, that could affect your credit for a very, very long time? Plunking down $300 to save myself a $300,000 headache in the future seems like a very good investment to me.

[Dips]

I have often said that magic is one of the only jobs, along with medicine, where complete strangers expect free samples. (I will include comp tech in this after reading this thread.) I mean, if you meet a guy, and he tells you he is a carpenter, you don't say "Build an A-frame for me!", do you?

Lawyers and doctors are asked for free service all the time. I wish I had a dollar for every story my clients (lawyers) gave me about some dipwad that tried to call them and ask for advice

<snip>

* I write title insurance policies and we occasionally get people that try to do the title search themselves and then get us to insure over it.

May I add another to that list? My husband is a numismatist. He collects coins as a hobby AND works in a coin shop.

People hear that and expect him to go through buckets of gross old coins they found in grandma's basement all the time and see if they are "worth anything."

So my husband goes through them one by one and taken hours of his precious spare time to find out that their coins are worth face value plus about 5%. He goes back and they are pissed off because they were counting on the $150 in assorted change to be worth thousands not $153. And no coin shop is going to pay $153 for merchandise they are going to resell for $153.

After being burned a few times the conversation now goes like this:

"Hey. I found this jar of old coins in Grandpa's desk. Can you tell me if they are worth anything?"

"Coins are always worth something. A penny is worth at least one cent. A quarter is always worth at least 25 cents..."

"No. No. I want to know if they are worth more than that."

"Oh. Well, if you want to sell them, bring them by the shop."

"No. I just want to know what they're WORTH."

"Ah. Well. My usual fee for appraisals is $20 per hour. I can reduce that to $10 per hour for you, because you're a friend, OR you can let me cherry pick the good pieces in lieu of a fee. Don't worry, I won't take more than what my fee would have been."

"Oh. Um. I didn't know you would charge me..."

[My husband employs the Hanging Silence here. He just blandly smiles while they try to guilt him.]

"Um. Never mind. When is your shop open?"

The worst case happened when my husband was in charge of splitting his grandfather's coin collection between himself, his brother and his step-brother. He did all the work, no charge, found that the collection was worth $210 and split it evenly. His stepbrother wanted to sell his share, so my husband bought it from him for $70, the full value, which is twice what the kid would have gotten from coin shop. The kid's mother, my husband's stepmother, accused my husband of "tricking" her son out of his "inheritance." Fun times.

[lordlundar]

One-Fang's rules for calling me for Free Tech Support:

1. Don't.

Mine is "Unless I live in the same house/appartment as you, don't ask for free." (A friend of my sister who I did do free tech support for blamed me for a screw up she did after I fixed her sound card problem)