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I'm lucky. Most days I don't get any SCs. Some days I might get a couple. Today I got six before lunch.
It must be because Mark is out of town and Eugene called in sick. We are shorthanded and I swear the SCs can sense it because they are swarming:
Anyhoo here they are (so far):
SC #1. Teleporting Laptop Man
I tried to help this guy activate, but when I asked for his serial number he stated his computer was "in the office" which was located "clear across town." Could I just tell him what to do?
Sigh.
I told him that I needed a code, which only exists on his computer, in order to help him. He could call back when he had the code and we could proceed.
Suddenly his computer was in his lap and he was reading the code to me.
SC #2. Bargain-Hunting Lady
This lady was ordering a copy of our software, but also was interested in another product (made by somebody else; I'm going to call that software Snowball) which we happen to sell as a convenience for our customers.
She wasn't just a bargain hunter. She was a bargain hunter who didn't want to be inconvenienced. It can best be illustrated by recounting the conversation from when she inquired about Snowball:
Her: Can I buy Snowball from you?
Me: Sure. Snowball is made by Snowstorm Products, but we are resellers for them. Our price is $150.
Her: Oh. I saw it listed for $130.
Me: On our site? OK. If you can tell me where you saw that...
Her: Yes. I started on your site, but I followed the link and it was $130.
Me: I can't find it listed for $130 on our site. Which link did you follow?
Her: It took me to another site and they had it for $130.
Me: Oh. OK. That's a pretty good price. You certainly don't have to buy it from us if you can find a better price elsewhere.
Her: But I'd rather just buy everything from you guys.
Me: That's fine. That will be $600 for [our software], $150 for Snowball and one $9 shipping charge will cover both if they are going to the same address.
Her: But the other site had Snowball for $130.
Me: [Starting to wonder if The Other Site is the internet division of Everyplace Else LTD] Yes. If you decide to buy Snowball from the other site, your price would be $609 for just [our software] including shipping.
Her: So you don't price match?
Me: I'm afraid not. But if you buy Snowball elsewhere it will still work with [our software]. [WTF? Even if we DID price match, which we most assuredly do NOT, we certainly are going to require a bit more solid evidence than "the other site had it for $130."]
Her: That's all right. I'll just buy if from you guys.
And she did. For $150.
SC #3 "It's URGENT" Lady
This was a frantic email from a reseller in Italy. She needed "a code" now, now, NOW. Unfortunately, she failed to provide every single piece of information I need to generate any kind of code, including what kind of code she was looking for.
Needless to say she didn't get it NOW.
SC #4 "It's Not Working" Guy
Another frantic email from a customer in India. He need tech support because he got "an error message." It's urgent that we tell him what to do because he's shut down until we "tell [him] how to fix it."
All I could do was tell him to...perhaps...I mean, if it wouldn't be too inconvenient...GIVE ME A FARKING CLUE and tell me what the error message SAID.
Sheesh.
SC #5 The Arbiter of the Definition of the Verb: To Pay
According to this SC, he qualifies for a another free update because he "paid $0" for the last free update and therefore it should count as a "paid" update.
So we lost another "sale."
SC #6 The Round Hole Company
The caller herself wasn't sucky. She's the IT person at a sucky corporation. At her company [I've nicknamed them Round Hole; it makes sense if you think of square pegs], they have an inflexible, PITA, no-exceptions-are-going-to-be-allowed Software Deployment System (SDS). The only problem is that the installation and activation of our sofware WILL NOT WORK if they try to "deploy" [yes, the word "deploy" was actually used many times] it as the IT person explained it to me.
I told her that the only way to make it work was to install and activate it as it is designed to work, which is the way the whole rest of the world uses it.
She asked if I was sure that was the only way.
Yeah. I was sure. Unfortunately for the IT lady, the corporate motto at the Round Hole Company is, "If it makes sense, it is not allowed."
Damn.
It must be because Mark is out of town and Eugene called in sick. We are shorthanded and I swear the SCs can sense it because they are swarming:
Anyhoo here they are (so far):
SC #1. Teleporting Laptop Man
I tried to help this guy activate, but when I asked for his serial number he stated his computer was "in the office" which was located "clear across town." Could I just tell him what to do?
Sigh.
I told him that I needed a code, which only exists on his computer, in order to help him. He could call back when he had the code and we could proceed.
Suddenly his computer was in his lap and he was reading the code to me.
SC #2. Bargain-Hunting Lady
This lady was ordering a copy of our software, but also was interested in another product (made by somebody else; I'm going to call that software Snowball) which we happen to sell as a convenience for our customers.
She wasn't just a bargain hunter. She was a bargain hunter who didn't want to be inconvenienced. It can best be illustrated by recounting the conversation from when she inquired about Snowball:
Her: Can I buy Snowball from you?
Me: Sure. Snowball is made by Snowstorm Products, but we are resellers for them. Our price is $150.
Her: Oh. I saw it listed for $130.
Me: On our site? OK. If you can tell me where you saw that...
Her: Yes. I started on your site, but I followed the link and it was $130.
Me: I can't find it listed for $130 on our site. Which link did you follow?
Her: It took me to another site and they had it for $130.
Me: Oh. OK. That's a pretty good price. You certainly don't have to buy it from us if you can find a better price elsewhere.
Her: But I'd rather just buy everything from you guys.
Me: That's fine. That will be $600 for [our software], $150 for Snowball and one $9 shipping charge will cover both if they are going to the same address.
Her: But the other site had Snowball for $130.
Me: [Starting to wonder if The Other Site is the internet division of Everyplace Else LTD] Yes. If you decide to buy Snowball from the other site, your price would be $609 for just [our software] including shipping.
Her: So you don't price match?
Me: I'm afraid not. But if you buy Snowball elsewhere it will still work with [our software]. [WTF? Even if we DID price match, which we most assuredly do NOT, we certainly are going to require a bit more solid evidence than "the other site had it for $130."]
Her: That's all right. I'll just buy if from you guys.
And she did. For $150.
SC #3 "It's URGENT" Lady
This was a frantic email from a reseller in Italy. She needed "a code" now, now, NOW. Unfortunately, she failed to provide every single piece of information I need to generate any kind of code, including what kind of code she was looking for.
Needless to say she didn't get it NOW.
SC #4 "It's Not Working" Guy
Another frantic email from a customer in India. He need tech support because he got "an error message." It's urgent that we tell him what to do because he's shut down until we "tell [him] how to fix it."
All I could do was tell him to...perhaps...I mean, if it wouldn't be too inconvenient...GIVE ME A FARKING CLUE and tell me what the error message SAID.
Sheesh.
SC #5 The Arbiter of the Definition of the Verb: To Pay
According to this SC, he qualifies for a another free update because he "paid $0" for the last free update and therefore it should count as a "paid" update.
So we lost another "sale."
SC #6 The Round Hole Company
The caller herself wasn't sucky. She's the IT person at a sucky corporation. At her company [I've nicknamed them Round Hole; it makes sense if you think of square pegs], they have an inflexible, PITA, no-exceptions-are-going-to-be-allowed Software Deployment System (SDS). The only problem is that the installation and activation of our sofware WILL NOT WORK if they try to "deploy" [yes, the word "deploy" was actually used many times] it as the IT person explained it to me.
I told her that the only way to make it work was to install and activate it as it is designed to work, which is the way the whole rest of the world uses it.
She asked if I was sure that was the only way.
Yeah. I was sure. Unfortunately for the IT lady, the corporate motto at the Round Hole Company is, "If it makes sense, it is not allowed."
Damn.