I have encountered plenty of people in my time at the porn shop which give me more and more faith to start a petition for licenses to breed. Here is a gem.
For a little bit of explanation, I made it a point to inform people on how to properly use different types of contraception before they purchase it. Usually started with "Have you used this before?" if they said yes I left them alone of course.
A girl, literally "just" 18 walks into my shop and comes up to the counter with a handful of flavored condoms.
Me: I just wanted to let you know not to use these for actual intercourse, since they are flavored, they have a little more glycerin than normal condoms and are a bit thinner.
*The girl looks at me, cocks her head and giggles*
Girl: It's okay, I don't usually get pregnant.
......................
I'm still pondering the meaning of that statement to this day.
At our particular store we battery tested anything that required batteries before it went out the door, this was mainly because we had a "no return" policy, but secondly, it was a way for us to show someone how something worked, and if it was a particularly cheap toy we could use this as leverage to up-sell.
Me: Make sure you give this a good washing with some antibacterial soap or toy cleaner before you use it.
Dumb customer: Why?
You know, I may be biased, but sticking something into your body right out of the package that you have no way of knowing the cleanliness of it is a little unnerving. There are very few things that are packaged by machine even in this age of technology, it's a good thing to show caution. If not out of fear of strange hand germies going near your nether regions, but at least the chemicals with which the item was processed.
Random Comments
Re: Plug in vibrators.
These are a relic of the past, they really are, somehow people don't get that introducing an item that is plugged into a wall socket into a wet area is a bad idea.
Vibrators shaped like little people.
These are actually a historical relic, in the 19th century it wasn't acceptable(particularly in Asia) for a woman to have a "sex" toy, so dildo's were made in the shape of dolls, and disguised by dressing them up with doll clothes. For some freaking reason this idea has carried on to present day toys, and things are STILL produced that resemble people and have "faces" soooo creepy.
People that want toys made in the USA
GL with that, unless your ordered custom bondage gear, or go with an extremely crappy brand, your not going to find "Made in the USA" on a toy package.
Men that really really want a blow up doll, but are only willing to spend 20 bucks.
Your going to end up with a pool floatie with a hole to screw. Seamed plastic isn't so comfy.
For some depraved reason at our store we had to call people if their rental movies hadn't returned within a month. We were not allowed to give the name of the business or speak to anyone but the name on the account. Often what happened was we would get the girlfriend, who had no flipping idea their man was renting porn.
Me: Hello, may I speak with x?
Angry Girlfriend: He ain't here right now? Who is this?
Me: I'm sorry, I'll call back at another time.
*click*
The phone inevitably rings and this is what transpires.
Me: *Porn store* How may I help you?
Angry girlfriend: Who the fuck is this? Who the fuck is x? Stay the fuck away from my man or I'll cut you.
Me: I'm sorry Ma'am It appears you have the wrong number.
Angry Girlfriend: Fuck you bitch, why are you fucking with my man? What did he tell you? You better stay away from him or I'll fucking kill you.
Me: I'm sorry ma'am I can't help you.
*click*
We would usually let it ring a few times before we answered again.
"You can't get germs from eating a girls pussy"
Just an FYI, dental dam's if your partners questionable, please, do the world a favor.
"You just gotta pull out and your girl wont get pregnant"
Let's just not mention pre-ejaculatory fluid at all k?
"Just spread some *x brand lube* on her asshole and go to town"
This particular brand had lidocaine in it (A topical numbing agent)
You ever chew on your cheek after you've had your mouth numbed at the dentist? Hurts like HELL afterwards doesn't it? Same applies to other parts of your body.
For a little bit of explanation, I made it a point to inform people on how to properly use different types of contraception before they purchase it. Usually started with "Have you used this before?" if they said yes I left them alone of course.
A girl, literally "just" 18 walks into my shop and comes up to the counter with a handful of flavored condoms.
Me: I just wanted to let you know not to use these for actual intercourse, since they are flavored, they have a little more glycerin than normal condoms and are a bit thinner.
*The girl looks at me, cocks her head and giggles*
Girl: It's okay, I don't usually get pregnant.
......................
I'm still pondering the meaning of that statement to this day.
At our particular store we battery tested anything that required batteries before it went out the door, this was mainly because we had a "no return" policy, but secondly, it was a way for us to show someone how something worked, and if it was a particularly cheap toy we could use this as leverage to up-sell.
Me: Make sure you give this a good washing with some antibacterial soap or toy cleaner before you use it.
Dumb customer: Why?
You know, I may be biased, but sticking something into your body right out of the package that you have no way of knowing the cleanliness of it is a little unnerving. There are very few things that are packaged by machine even in this age of technology, it's a good thing to show caution. If not out of fear of strange hand germies going near your nether regions, but at least the chemicals with which the item was processed.
Random Comments
Re: Plug in vibrators.
These are a relic of the past, they really are, somehow people don't get that introducing an item that is plugged into a wall socket into a wet area is a bad idea.
Vibrators shaped like little people.
These are actually a historical relic, in the 19th century it wasn't acceptable(particularly in Asia) for a woman to have a "sex" toy, so dildo's were made in the shape of dolls, and disguised by dressing them up with doll clothes. For some freaking reason this idea has carried on to present day toys, and things are STILL produced that resemble people and have "faces" soooo creepy.
People that want toys made in the USA
GL with that, unless your ordered custom bondage gear, or go with an extremely crappy brand, your not going to find "Made in the USA" on a toy package.
Men that really really want a blow up doll, but are only willing to spend 20 bucks.
Your going to end up with a pool floatie with a hole to screw. Seamed plastic isn't so comfy.
For some depraved reason at our store we had to call people if their rental movies hadn't returned within a month. We were not allowed to give the name of the business or speak to anyone but the name on the account. Often what happened was we would get the girlfriend, who had no flipping idea their man was renting porn.
Me: Hello, may I speak with x?
Angry Girlfriend: He ain't here right now? Who is this?
Me: I'm sorry, I'll call back at another time.
*click*
The phone inevitably rings and this is what transpires.
Me: *Porn store* How may I help you?
Angry girlfriend: Who the fuck is this? Who the fuck is x? Stay the fuck away from my man or I'll cut you.
Me: I'm sorry Ma'am It appears you have the wrong number.
Angry Girlfriend: Fuck you bitch, why are you fucking with my man? What did he tell you? You better stay away from him or I'll fucking kill you.
Me: I'm sorry ma'am I can't help you.
*click*
We would usually let it ring a few times before we answered again.
"You can't get germs from eating a girls pussy"
Just an FYI, dental dam's if your partners questionable, please, do the world a favor.
"You just gotta pull out and your girl wont get pregnant"
Let's just not mention pre-ejaculatory fluid at all k?
"Just spread some *x brand lube* on her asshole and go to town"
This particular brand had lidocaine in it (A topical numbing agent)
You ever chew on your cheek after you've had your mouth numbed at the dentist? Hurts like HELL afterwards doesn't it? Same applies to other parts of your body.
Comment