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This week we're doing On the Job Training. So far, it's been quite the experience. The world is very different inside the secured perimeter of a prison. I have dealt with General Population inmates (those who can have jobs, go to lunch and gym, or just mill about in the dayroom of their cellhouse), as well as our Segregation inmates (those who don't play well with others or received Capital punishment and stay in their cells 23 hours a day). Here are some highlights thus far:
I/M = Inmate
CW = Coworker (another officer)
SGT = Staff Sergeant (the "Sup" of any given cellhouse)
ME = I am the law
Welcome Wagon
I was doing a Security Check in a Segregation cellhouse. Basically, we just walk by all the cells, peek in their window, and make sure no one is hanging from the ceiling. As I passed one cell, I got my first smartass inmate...
I/M: Hey, you new here?
ME: Yep.
I/M: You like it?
ME: Yeah, I do.
I/M: Hehe, you say that now, but just wait until your first strip search.
ME: We'll see.
I/M: Yeah, you'll like that.
ME: *shrug*
I/M: Hey Sarge!
SGT: Yeah?
I/M: The new girl says she wants to do a strip search. So come on, strip me out!
SGT: Nah, I already promised her she could do a cavity search on you.
ME:
I/M: WHOO! YEAH, LET'S GO THEN!
I think he was trying to make me uncomfortable. I thought it was pretty funny, myself. So far, I haven't done a strip search. They're not too bad. The inmate is taken to the shower, then removes his clothes and turns around completely so we can see they don't have anything on them, then they are dressed and taken out to Yard. In Seg, there's kind of a big kennel behind the cellhouse divided into separate pens. They get to go out there for an hour a day if they want.
It would seem the state no longer lets us refer to them as "pens" or "cages." They are now politically-correct "Exercise Enclosures."
Security Check 2
I/M: STOP LOOKING AT ME!
I instinctively did what anyone else would do. Turned around and walked by the cell, this time stopping to look inside more closely.
I/M: DON'T LOOK AT ME!
This guy was near the end of the run, so I checked the last couple cells, then turned around and made sure to take a nice, leisurely stroll by him again on the way back.
I/M: STOP IIIIIT!
Have I mentioned how much fun this job is?
Foot in Mouth Disease
While in a General Population unit, the SGT had me and one of the other trainees go with him to Shake Down an inmate's cell. They had found notes in another inmate's cell that this guy and his cellmate were selling Hooch, which is basically alcohol brewed with common kitchen ingredients. On our way to the cell in question, another inmate stopped us.
I/M: Sarge, I already know what you're going to talk to me about.
SGT: Not now, I'm busy.
I/M: See, it's like this, alright? I've been straight all my life. I'm being honest, I've always been straight. See, what happened was... It's like this, okay? I was climbing up to my bunk, and I fell and landed on him. So, I put my hand on his shoulder to pick myself up, and that's when she walked by and shined her flashlight. That's all. Honestly. I've always been straight.
SGT: She said she saw you lying on top of him and you were holding hands.
I/M: No, see, I bet that's what it looked like, but...
SGT: Come talk to me later. I've got something else to do right now.
I found this particularly amusing, because the Sergeant didn't give a damn about this guy at that time and wasn't going to say a single word to him until they could talk a little more discreetly. As opposed to, say, in the dayroom with 40 inmates standing around, playing cards, or whatever.
Another Half-Assed Attempt to "Get to Me"
Walking down hall to leave the cellhouse and go to the gym to do Pat Downs as inmates leave the cafeteria. Several inmates were waiting by the door for the security officer to open the door for them, and I walked past them.
I/M: Hey, baby, that uniform is a little loose. You need to go down and tell them to get you one that's a little tighter.
ME: I'll keep that in mind.
I was pretty disappointed. I mean, I expected to be taunted, teased, or harassed by these guys since I'm new and they have to test me and see if they can press my buttons. But they're barely trying.
Pat Downs
I swear, for convicted criminals, these guys are the biggest damn bunch of whining, bitching, griping, children I've ever seen. A line of about 10 officers will stand in the gym and as the inmates walk by we ask them to step over to us and we pat them down. They do it 3 times a day, they know it's going to happen, but so many of them complain. "Awww, come on!" "Again? They already patted me down on my way in!" "But I just diiiid!"
Then you have the guys who keep walking as if they just didn't hear you call them over, then act surprised when one of the Special Security Team (the guys who get called in when someone needs the shit kicked out of them) tells them to get their asses back over there and get searched.
Then there are the guys who are more than happy to come right over and be searched. By female officers. Of course, then one of the male officers will trade places with us and do the search.
Full Asshat Jacket
I inspected an inmate's jacket during a Pat Down and it had large holes in the lining. This is unacceptable, since inmates will hide things inside their jackets. He didn't have anything in it, but he could if he wanted to, so I took it over to the Sergeant.
ME: He's got some pretty big holes in the lining.
SGT: Anything in it?
ME: No. I mean, it's just wear and tear, but...
SGT: Yeah, it's not intentional. Since it's so cold out, let him take it with him, but tell him to get a new one.
ME: Alright.
I/M: What's wrong with my jacket?
ME: You've got some holes here and-
I/M: So what?
ME: You just need to submit a Laundry request for a new one.
I/M: Why do I got to do that?
SGT: Because that jacket is unauthorized in that condition.
I/M: What do you mean unauthorized?
SGT: You can't have holes or rips in the lining, you know that.
I/M: I didn't do nothin' to it!
SGT: I know that. That's why I'm letting you take it back to your cell first. If I thought you did it yourself, I would confiscate it right now.
I/M: THERE AIN'T NOTHIN' WRONG WITH MY JACKET!
SGT (takes "ready" stance): This jacket is not authorized with the holes. Go back to your cell. File a Laundry request for a new one. Today.
I/M: WHAT DO YOU MEAN NOT AUTHORIZED? THAT'S HOW IT WAS WHEN I GOT IT FROM LAUNDRY! THEY AUTHORIZED IT TO ME BY GIVING IT TO ME LIKE THAT!
SGT: Again, all I'm asking you to do is-
I/M (Throws jacket): Keep the damn thing! I don't care about that jacket anyway!
You know, I always thought in all my years of customer service and retail that I had seen it all when it came to people flipping out over trivial crap. But these guys do it a lot. For example:
It's Not That Complicated...
After doing a Shake Down, I had confiscated a bunch of stuff, and the inmate followed me back to the Officers' station, bitching the whole time about "Why'd you take that? Why'd you take those? Aw, not that!" It was all little stuff he wasn't supposed to have, like condiment packets from the cafeteria, "click pens" (they aren't allowed to have them because the spring mechanism can be rigged to fire a 9mm bullet from the pen), erasers he had likely swiped from his instructor's desk in one of his classes, and so on. One thing that turned out to be a big problem was his alarm clock.
Once inmates reach a certain incentive level for being good, they can buy electronics. Fans, alarm clocks, TV's (they can get basic cable), stuff like that. When they buy them from the Property team, their inmate ID # gets etched into it and a sticker is put on all of the seams, so we can tell if it's been tampered with. The only thing wrong with the alarm clock was that it didn't have any seals.
I/M: Why'd you take my alarm clock?
ME: It's missing the seals.
I/M: It was like that when I got it.
ME: You can have it back, but you need to take it to Property and get it sealed.
I/M: But, they gave it to me like that.
ME: I know. I checked it out, it hasn't been tampered with. It's fine, and you can have it back. But you need to get it sealed. If not, it might get confiscated again by someone who isn't as nice as me and you'd have to buy a new one.
I/M: Sigh, but it never had no seal to begin with.
ME: That's fine. Get it sealed. By tomorrow.
I/M: Fine.
Was that really so difficult? Like I said, they just piss and moan about every little thing. Probably just because there's not much else to do.
That's about it for this week so far. The rest of the week, we're only doing cell searches, so I'm sure I'll have more over the next few days.
I/M = Inmate
CW = Coworker (another officer)
SGT = Staff Sergeant (the "Sup" of any given cellhouse)
ME = I am the law
Welcome Wagon
I was doing a Security Check in a Segregation cellhouse. Basically, we just walk by all the cells, peek in their window, and make sure no one is hanging from the ceiling. As I passed one cell, I got my first smartass inmate...
I/M: Hey, you new here?
ME: Yep.
I/M: You like it?
ME: Yeah, I do.
I/M: Hehe, you say that now, but just wait until your first strip search.
ME: We'll see.
I/M: Yeah, you'll like that.
ME: *shrug*
I/M: Hey Sarge!
SGT: Yeah?
I/M: The new girl says she wants to do a strip search. So come on, strip me out!
SGT: Nah, I already promised her she could do a cavity search on you.
ME:
I/M: WHOO! YEAH, LET'S GO THEN!
I think he was trying to make me uncomfortable. I thought it was pretty funny, myself. So far, I haven't done a strip search. They're not too bad. The inmate is taken to the shower, then removes his clothes and turns around completely so we can see they don't have anything on them, then they are dressed and taken out to Yard. In Seg, there's kind of a big kennel behind the cellhouse divided into separate pens. They get to go out there for an hour a day if they want.
It would seem the state no longer lets us refer to them as "pens" or "cages." They are now politically-correct "Exercise Enclosures."
Security Check 2
I/M: STOP LOOKING AT ME!
I instinctively did what anyone else would do. Turned around and walked by the cell, this time stopping to look inside more closely.
I/M: DON'T LOOK AT ME!
This guy was near the end of the run, so I checked the last couple cells, then turned around and made sure to take a nice, leisurely stroll by him again on the way back.
I/M: STOP IIIIIT!
Have I mentioned how much fun this job is?
Foot in Mouth Disease
While in a General Population unit, the SGT had me and one of the other trainees go with him to Shake Down an inmate's cell. They had found notes in another inmate's cell that this guy and his cellmate were selling Hooch, which is basically alcohol brewed with common kitchen ingredients. On our way to the cell in question, another inmate stopped us.
I/M: Sarge, I already know what you're going to talk to me about.
SGT: Not now, I'm busy.
I/M: See, it's like this, alright? I've been straight all my life. I'm being honest, I've always been straight. See, what happened was... It's like this, okay? I was climbing up to my bunk, and I fell and landed on him. So, I put my hand on his shoulder to pick myself up, and that's when she walked by and shined her flashlight. That's all. Honestly. I've always been straight.
SGT: She said she saw you lying on top of him and you were holding hands.
I/M: No, see, I bet that's what it looked like, but...
SGT: Come talk to me later. I've got something else to do right now.
I found this particularly amusing, because the Sergeant didn't give a damn about this guy at that time and wasn't going to say a single word to him until they could talk a little more discreetly. As opposed to, say, in the dayroom with 40 inmates standing around, playing cards, or whatever.
Another Half-Assed Attempt to "Get to Me"
Walking down hall to leave the cellhouse and go to the gym to do Pat Downs as inmates leave the cafeteria. Several inmates were waiting by the door for the security officer to open the door for them, and I walked past them.
I/M: Hey, baby, that uniform is a little loose. You need to go down and tell them to get you one that's a little tighter.
ME: I'll keep that in mind.
I was pretty disappointed. I mean, I expected to be taunted, teased, or harassed by these guys since I'm new and they have to test me and see if they can press my buttons. But they're barely trying.
Pat Downs
I swear, for convicted criminals, these guys are the biggest damn bunch of whining, bitching, griping, children I've ever seen. A line of about 10 officers will stand in the gym and as the inmates walk by we ask them to step over to us and we pat them down. They do it 3 times a day, they know it's going to happen, but so many of them complain. "Awww, come on!" "Again? They already patted me down on my way in!" "But I just diiiid!"
Then you have the guys who keep walking as if they just didn't hear you call them over, then act surprised when one of the Special Security Team (the guys who get called in when someone needs the shit kicked out of them) tells them to get their asses back over there and get searched.
Then there are the guys who are more than happy to come right over and be searched. By female officers. Of course, then one of the male officers will trade places with us and do the search.
Full Asshat Jacket
I inspected an inmate's jacket during a Pat Down and it had large holes in the lining. This is unacceptable, since inmates will hide things inside their jackets. He didn't have anything in it, but he could if he wanted to, so I took it over to the Sergeant.
ME: He's got some pretty big holes in the lining.
SGT: Anything in it?
ME: No. I mean, it's just wear and tear, but...
SGT: Yeah, it's not intentional. Since it's so cold out, let him take it with him, but tell him to get a new one.
ME: Alright.
I/M: What's wrong with my jacket?
ME: You've got some holes here and-
I/M: So what?
ME: You just need to submit a Laundry request for a new one.
I/M: Why do I got to do that?
SGT: Because that jacket is unauthorized in that condition.
I/M: What do you mean unauthorized?
SGT: You can't have holes or rips in the lining, you know that.
I/M: I didn't do nothin' to it!
SGT: I know that. That's why I'm letting you take it back to your cell first. If I thought you did it yourself, I would confiscate it right now.
I/M: THERE AIN'T NOTHIN' WRONG WITH MY JACKET!
SGT (takes "ready" stance): This jacket is not authorized with the holes. Go back to your cell. File a Laundry request for a new one. Today.
I/M: WHAT DO YOU MEAN NOT AUTHORIZED? THAT'S HOW IT WAS WHEN I GOT IT FROM LAUNDRY! THEY AUTHORIZED IT TO ME BY GIVING IT TO ME LIKE THAT!
SGT: Again, all I'm asking you to do is-
I/M (Throws jacket): Keep the damn thing! I don't care about that jacket anyway!
You know, I always thought in all my years of customer service and retail that I had seen it all when it came to people flipping out over trivial crap. But these guys do it a lot. For example:
It's Not That Complicated...
After doing a Shake Down, I had confiscated a bunch of stuff, and the inmate followed me back to the Officers' station, bitching the whole time about "Why'd you take that? Why'd you take those? Aw, not that!" It was all little stuff he wasn't supposed to have, like condiment packets from the cafeteria, "click pens" (they aren't allowed to have them because the spring mechanism can be rigged to fire a 9mm bullet from the pen), erasers he had likely swiped from his instructor's desk in one of his classes, and so on. One thing that turned out to be a big problem was his alarm clock.
Once inmates reach a certain incentive level for being good, they can buy electronics. Fans, alarm clocks, TV's (they can get basic cable), stuff like that. When they buy them from the Property team, their inmate ID # gets etched into it and a sticker is put on all of the seams, so we can tell if it's been tampered with. The only thing wrong with the alarm clock was that it didn't have any seals.
I/M: Why'd you take my alarm clock?
ME: It's missing the seals.
I/M: It was like that when I got it.
ME: You can have it back, but you need to take it to Property and get it sealed.
I/M: But, they gave it to me like that.
ME: I know. I checked it out, it hasn't been tampered with. It's fine, and you can have it back. But you need to get it sealed. If not, it might get confiscated again by someone who isn't as nice as me and you'd have to buy a new one.
I/M: Sigh, but it never had no seal to begin with.
ME: That's fine. Get it sealed. By tomorrow.
I/M: Fine.
Was that really so difficult? Like I said, they just piss and moan about every little thing. Probably just because there's not much else to do.
That's about it for this week so far. The rest of the week, we're only doing cell searches, so I'm sure I'll have more over the next few days.
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