Easter Sunday Story – Parts 1 & 2

[Scotlers]

This is from my days as a Bookseller at Barnes and Noble.

My Barnes and Noble was/is located in a mall, and as such, we had a mall entrance on the second floor, and an outside entrance on the ground floor.

As we opened, this particular morning, I was stationed on register by the upper mall entrance; I was actually on the register nearest the gate/entrance.

The mall, being as it was Easter Sunday, was not open. I had a SC come up to me and we had this exchange. This SC was not rude, just completely clueless.

Me: Bookseller extraordinaire
SC: Gentleman who clearly left his brain at home this day.
M: My Uber-cool Manager

Me: Good Morning, Sir. May I help you this morning.
SC: Can you open your gate, I want to look around the mall.
Me: I’m sorry Sir, the mall is not open today, as it’s Easter Sunday, so we cannot open the gate.
SC: I just want to look around.
Me: Again, I am sorry Sir, the mall is not open. There is no one in the mall. And mall management asked us specifically to not open our gate today.
SC: I just want to window shop, could you just open the gate.
Me: (Realizing that this guy is just a bit looney, but still trying to be nice) Sir, again, I cannot open the gate, as the mall is not open today. There is no security in the mall today, all the exterior doors are locked. There is no one else in the mall. As you can see, all the lights are off and the escalators are not running. The mall is closed today.
SC: (Blinks, looking at me like I suddenly started speaking Swahili) Well, I just want to window shop, I don’t understand why you can’t open the gate for me.
Me: (Trying desperately to figure out how to further simplify what I just said) Um, Sir, the mall is closed, I cannot open the gate.
SC: But I just want to window shop.
Me: (Just totally flabbergasted and really don’t know what to do) Sir, even if I wanted to open gate, I couldn’t, as only management has the key to the locks. Would you like me to call a Manager over?
SC: No, that’s OK. (He wanders away.)
M: Um, Scotlers, what was that all about?
Me: He wanted to go out in the mall and widow shop, but apparently he thought I was kidding that the mall was closed. I was about the tell him that if he could fit through one of the little grates in the gate, he was free to roam around the mall as he saw fit, but thought he might try to actually do it.
M: Well, let’s hope the rest of the nuts stay home today.

Well, as it turns out, not so much. (See Easter Sunday --– Part 2.)

[Scotlers]

Part 2 or When Scotlers Snapped

Now this encounter happened on the same day as my earlier post.

Have you even been in a situation where you snapped? Not just like you yelled at a customer, but where you physically felt something snap? This customer actually broke my brain. And I think that I would have slapped this customer if my manager had not been around.

This was later the same day as Easter Sunday – Part 1. I was now downstairs on the information desk, pulling out of date special orders and answering the phone. The SC walks up to my info desk and…

Me: Again, Bookseller Extraordinaire
SC: Hands down, the stupidest person on God's Green Earth.
MG: Magazine Guy, Coworker in charge of Magazines
M: My Uber-cool Manager

Me: Yes sir, how may I help you?
SC: I am looking for the previous issue of this magazine (shows me current copy of random magazine). I didn’t see it up on the racks.
Me: Well, usually when we put up the new issue, we send the old ones back to the distributor. Our magazine guy is in today, let me call him and see if he still has that issue in the store. (Calls to the back of the store, talk to MG) Hey, MG, do you have the previous issue of <random magazine>? I have a customer looking for it.
MG: I just sent those back to the distributor on Friday, so I don’t have it anymore. You could call another B&N and see if they have it or tell the customer to contact the magazine directly, they would be able to get that back issue for him.
Me: OK, MG, thanks. (To customer) I am afraid that he has already sent those back to our distributor, so we don’t have it in the store. Would you like me to call another B&N to see if they have it in stock?
SC: No, that’s OK. Just give me the name and number of your distributor and I will contact them directly.
Me: Sir, I am sorry, but I cannot give that information out to customers. However, if you contact the magazine directly they should be able help out with back issues.
SC: (sighs) No, just give me the name of your distributor and I will get it from them.
Me: (Um, hi did you hear what I just said?) Again, sir, I cannot give that information out, our distributor does not deal directly with individual customers, they only work with companies. Your best bet would be to contact the magazine directly.
SC: (sighs, again, and rolls his eyes, like he’s dealing with a small child) Just give me the name of your distributor and I will deal with them.

Lather, rinse, repeat for 10 minutes.

Me: (Getting flustered and annoyed at this point) Sir, again, your best bet is to contact the magazine directly. Just look at the masthead for the contact information and you should be good to go.
SC: Look, just give me the name and number of your distributor. It’s a simple request, I don’t know why you can’t accommodate it! I don’t know why you’re making this so difficult. Just give me the information that I requested.
Me: Sir, I cannot give that information to you. Just contact the magazine directly. They will be able to help you.
SC: But the magazine is from England!!

* SNAP*

Me: (Officially losing it) SO?! WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?! DO YOU THINK THE MAIL AND PHONE LINES JUST STOP AT THE EAST COAST? DO YOU THINK THEY GET TO THE EDGE OF THE LAND AND JUST LOOK LONGINGLY AT THE OCEAN, WISHING THEY COULD MAKE THE JOURNEY ACROSS?!
SC: … Wha? Huh?
Me: OH. MY. GOD!! SIR, I AM AFRAID THAT I SIMPLY CANNOT HELP YOU FURTHER! I CANNOT GIVE YOU THE INFORMATION YOU REQUESTED AND YOU WON’T TAKE MY SUGGESTIONS TO HELP YOU. I CAN BE OF NO FURTHER ASSISTANCE TO YOU TODAY.
SC: (Still taken aback) I want to see a manager!
M: (Pops in off the floor, before I can say anything) Yes, sir. I’m the manager, and I’m afraid you will have leave.
SC: What?
M: You’ve done nothing but ignore the helpful suggestions from my staff and argue with them for not giving you information that they CANNOT give you. You have utilized all the time from my staff that you deserve. Please leave.
SC:(turns and leaves)
M: Go take a break for a few minutes, you look like you could use one. BTW, You did a great job of keeping your cool. I would have probably slugged that guy myself.

I found out later that one of my other coworkers noticed that I was having issues with this customer and called my manager to come and keep watch, which is why he was able to jump in when he did.

And I am glad he did, because if he hadn’t, I am really sure I would have slapped this guy.

Oddly enough, I did see this SC a few months later, on a day off, whilst I was shopping at Target with my Mom. I saw him before he saw me and pointed him out to my Mom.

When I looked over to him again, he noticed me, recognized me, turned bright red and hightailed it to another part of the store. I guess we both left an impression on each other that Easter Sunday.

[Hello Kitty]

Me: OH. MY. GOD!! SIR, I AM AFRAID THAT I SIMPLY CANNOT HELP YOU FURTHER! I CANNOT GIVE YOU THE INFORMATION YOU REQUESTED AND YOU WON’T TAKE MY SUGGESTIONS TO HELP YOU. I CAN BE OF NO FURTHER ASSISTANCE TO YOU TODAY.

Oh man, I wish I coulda seen that!

[karath]

Oh man, I wish I coulda seen that!

Hell, you could have sold tickets to that!

[Eric the Grey]

* SNAP*

Me: (Officially losing it) SO?! WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?! DO YOU THINK THE MAIL AND PHONE LINES JUST STOP AT THE EAST COAST? DO YOU THINK THEY GET TO THE EDGE OF THE LAND AND JUST LOOK LONGINGLY AT THE OCEAN, WISHING THEY COULD MAKE THE JOURNEY ACROSS?!
SC: … Wha? Huh?
Me: OH. MY. GOD!! SIR, I AM AFRAID THAT I SIMPLY CANNOT HELP YOU FURTHER! I CANNOT GIVE YOU THE INFORMATION YOU REQUESTED AND YOU WON’T TAKE MY SUGGESTIONS TO HELP YOU. I CAN BE OF NO FURTHER ASSISTANCE TO YOU TODAY.
SC: (Still taken aback) I want to see a manager!
M: (Pops in off the floor, before I can say anything) Yes, sir. I’m the manager, and I’m afraid you will have leave.
SC: What?
M: You’ve done nothing but ignore the helpful suggestions from my staff and argue with them for not giving you information that they CANNOT give you. You have utilized all the time from my staff that you deserve. Please leave.
SC:(turns and leaves)

This, for said Manager. He rocks!

And yes, I would have bought a ticket.



Eric the Grey

[iradney]

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand there goes rule #1. That second customer was seriously loopy. He obviously must've thought there was a magic number of times he could ask you for those details before you finally give in and supply them.

What a nob!

[fish3k1]

Wow, I'd have shelled out for front row... and bought popcorn

I have to say though, reading posts like this (and a few others) where Managers have been on-hand/close enough to hear exactly what's going on makes me wish I had some kind of 'Sucky Customer Button' (tm) to press if a customer started being awkward or abusive (basically a CMA button, so the customer can't try and turn it on you)

[Imogene]

He obviously must've thought there was a magic number of times he could ask you for those details before you finally give in and supply them.

Three times...
One...
Two...
Five!
Three sir.
Three!

[iviles]

* SNAP*

Me: (Officially losing it) SO?! WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?! DO YOU THINK THE MAIL AND PHONE LINES JUST STOP AT THE EAST COAST? DO YOU THINK THEY GET TO THE EDGE OF THE LAND AND JUST LOOK LONGINGLY AT THE OCEAN, WISHING THEY COULD MAKE THE JOURNEY ACROSS?!

Outstanding! You are officaly The Supreme Smartass in my eyes. Im surprised you didnt get a round of applause from the other customers!

[Becks]

DO YOU THINK THE MAIL AND PHONE LINES JUST STOP AT THE EAST COAST? DO YOU THINK THEY GET TO THE EDGE OF THE LAND AND JUST LOOK LONGINGLY AT THE OCEAN, WISHING THEY COULD MAKE THE JOURNEY ACROSS?!

Best comeback I've seen for in a while.

[Peppergirl]

Wow - you totally rock!

And your manager is awesome. It's so refreshing to see that there are a few left in retail.

[Andara Bledin]

Me: (Officially losing it) SO?! WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?! DO YOU THINK THE MAIL AND PHONE LINES JUST STOP AT THE EAST COAST? DO YOU THINK THEY GET TO THE EDGE OF THE LAND AND JUST LOOK LONGINGLY AT THE OCEAN, WISHING THEY COULD MAKE THE JOURNEY ACROSS?!

Bwahahahaha!

If I were the sort to break Rule #1, that would have done it for me. Brilliant.

^-.-^

[smileyeagle1021]

Me: (Officially losing it) SO?! WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?! DO YOU THINK THE MAIL AND PHONE LINES JUST STOP AT THE EAST COAST? DO YOU THINK THEY GET TO THE EDGE OF THE LAND AND JUST LOOK LONGINGLY AT THE OCEAN, WISHING THEY COULD MAKE THE JOURNEY ACROSS?!

I'm really glad it's slow at work and no one minds me removing myself from auto-in on my phone... otherwise I'd not be able to keep a straight face when calls came through (thank you ACW button).

[draftermatt]

That was cool.

But I think his concern was he didn't want to call long distance to England (international rates and all that) so he wanted the local distributor.

[theredbaron47]

But I think his concern was he didn't want to call long distance to England (international rates and all that) so he wanted the local distributor.

That would be my guess, too. It takes all kinds of whiny customers.

Bravo on a job well done. :congrats:

As excellent as that was, I'm just waiting for someone to pop off with, "You could have handled that better"